What actually *is* self-care?

Dear %FIRSTNAME%,

We're told practically everything is self-care. How do you know what's legit?

It seems like everything can be termed ‘self-care’ these days.

Going through a bad breakup? Go buy yourself a new pair of jeans because it’s self-care.

Had a rough week at work? Spa day! It’s self-care.

In a fight with your spouse or your parents? Two bottles of wine with your friends. It’s self-care!

We’ve all been there. But the truth is, those “quick fixes” aren’t the answer to personal growth. In fact, they have the opposite effect. They help you tune out and ignore what’s actually going on.

Yes, they’re helpful for a few hours or even a whole day. But then you wake up a few days later still anxious about that same thing.

It would be amazing if those things worked long-term. Sadly, they just don’t.

Here’s the reality: if we want to work through things that are hard and not just work around them, we need to develop the right skills. Not only that, but we also need to have the right routine that will help us process things in a healthy way and truly exhibit self-growth.

It’s precisely why I'm co-hosting the Self Care Weekend Workshop with two amazing women, Allison and Koula. In a day and a half, we'll teach you the tools you need to develop a healthy, sustainable self-care practice. You’ll also leave with your personalized self-care plan that will help you achieve positive growth in your life.

You have everything you need to practice healthy self-care. At this first-ever, all-female workshop, you’ll learn how to tap into those things.

Things like...

• A basic yoga and meditation practice to help you connect with your body and move stuck energy

• Writing tools that will help you understand what’s keeping you stuck

• A tool called the Enneagram to help you understand why you behave the way you do

When you combine these tools into a self-care routine that you can practice with consistency, your life will transform.

If you're in a season of needing transformation and positive growth, join me at the first-ever Self-Care Weekend Workshop. It’s just $499 for a day and a half of real, clinically-based self-care. Register today and I'll see you soon!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

How to (really) know your Enneagram type

Do you go back and forth between Enneagram types?  Perhaps you’ve taken a few online tests and they’ve given you different results.   The first one pegged you a seven.  But it was neck and neck with type two.  You waited a couple months and took another one only to learn you’re now a nine?  Wha?  You’re confused and little pissed off because you had to pay for that last version. 

HELP!?

First off, don’t be discouraged! This is totally normal and you’re not alone! 

The human personality is not static.  It’s constantly vacillating between healthy, average, and unhealthy levels (hopefully not too unhealthy the more self-aware we are!) throughout our days, weeks, and months.

Online assessments can’t measure how tired, stressed, or emotionally aware you are.  They also can’t determine mood or how many cups of coffee (or glasses of wine) you’ve downed before taking them. 

Sure, they’re a helpful jumping off point.  (Some more than others!)  Yet fully knowing and Understanding your Enneagram type requires a bit more digging.  In fact, I believe it’s part of its effectiveness. 

There are dozens of personality tests out there:  MBTI, StrengthsFinder, DISC, to name a few.  I love them all, too!  However, the Enneagram is unique in that it goes deeper than surface, personality-driven behavior.  Sure, that’s part of it, but the Enneagram also helps us understand the “why,” or story, behind our thoughts, feelings, and resulting behaviors.   

Online tests simply can’t explain the sacred nuance of your story. 

However, doing the deeper self-study required to fully know your Enneagram type can. 

After all, we make choices, big and small, based on the story we’re living out of.  If we’re suffering, we must change more than surface tactics or behaviors.   In order to heal and transform, we’ve got to get to the root of the problem—we’ve got to understand our story. 

Self-discovery is a winding journey, not a mere moment in time.  It’s about deepening knowledge and understanding.  In fact, it’s really about self-befriending. 

If you’re on the fence about your type, good!  I believe it’s an invitation (and excuse) to deepen this beautiful self-friendship you’ve already started.  

So how?

You’re already further along than you think!

I’ve got a helpful next step for you.  Scheduling a typing interview is incredibly helpful in fully unpacking your story and discovering your type. It’s some of my favorite work to do with clients. Basically, it’s a detailed inquiry process steeped in the Narrative Enneagram tradition that provides your top 2-3 probable types.  This allows some direction and margin for clients to then read up on those possibilities and live with them a bit before making a hard decision.  

We do this in a creative, collaborative way with clear next steps mapped out.   Best part? It’s really fun!  

Spoiler alert: you are not a pure type.  No one is!  You lead with a primary type, yet you have a bit of all nine in you.  We are complex and glorious creatures, remember?  The Enneagram has the dynamic infrastructure to meet and guide this complexity into greater understanding and opportunity.

I’m convinced your story is far too stunning to be put in a box.  Perhaps it’s time to take it out?

Curious about an Enneagram typing interview?   Sweet! Let’s talk. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

The Fall Edit...7 Ways To Up Your Wellness Game

Fall is undoubtedly my favorite season. I feel a bit like Mr. Fitzgerald in that life seems to offer a second, and equally romantic, Spring, or new beginning when early October rolls around. Yet I’m also well acquainted with the struggles and temptations that come along with the changing seasons. The days get shorter, schedules mount up, self-care tends to wane, and I often feel a dank, subtle chill of loneliness sneak in.

Have you struggled much with seasonal depression?

I have…big time. That said, I’ve learned the hard way how vital it is to intentionally manage expectations and routines in order to stay connected to daily hope and healing. In light of this, I like to send out a Fall Edition of sorts—full of new ideas and opportunities to stay on top of our self-care game as we head into the coming months. If you follow fashion, it’s a bit like that thick, fresh, September Vogue edition boasting fall’s most delicious offerings. Pure magic.

This year, I’m more excited than ever to explore some new ways of connecting to yourself and your community in life-giving ways.

Too often we’re tempted into autopilot—that sleepy trance of contained chaos—and end up just going through the motions. I don’t know about you, but I want to feel alive and awake in my experience this fall, savoring each moment like a gift—or that inaugural pumpkin spice latte.

Here are a few ideas to support you in this pursuit. I think you’ll find something you can enjoy despite the hectic demands of the season.

Are you looking for ways to deepen your knowledge of the Enneagram, build new relationships, and do powerful therapeutic work in a safe environment? If so, the Bloom Group is for you. This monthly group is a blend of experiential group therapy and an Enneagram deep dive. Not only is it completely confidential and intimate (10 people per group), we use the construct of the Enneagram to understand our unique stories and write a hopeful, compelling next chapter. Loneliness is an epidemic in our culture and seems to show up at every corner, especially in fall and winter months. Bloom Group is a grounding opportunity to get ahead of that ache. For more info or to sign up, click here.

Neuroscience and brain-based therapies have become a huge passion of mine throughout the past several years. I’ve learned that oftentimes when we feel stuck in the past or a painful emotional experience, we can’t merely talk our way out of it in therapy. We need something deeper—more effective and transformative—to compliment the process.

This fall, I’m beyond thrilled to partner with NeurofeedbackNashville and offer you an opportunity to heal in a deeper way without working so hard in therapy. Neurofeedback is a totally passive, restful experience that provides the following results (to name a few):

• Increased self-awareness as your brain witnesses itself and its patterns in real-time

• When the brain gains that self-awareness it can mindfully choose its preferred optimal responses to life rather than defaulting to the same old feedback loops

• As you continue training, this resilience—rather than reactivity—becomes a new unconscious skill

• You feel calmer (or more focused, joyful, or whatever it is that your unique brain knows you need) without having to work so hard in talk therapy

I’ve been using Neurofeedback now for the last several months during my pregnancy and continue to be amazed by the results. More and more, I see my best self emerge and feel increased clarity and calmness. Curious? Check out this animated video and use code (HALFOFFTRAIN) when scheduling to enjoy 50% off your first session.

Much like Nashville’s very own Central Park, Radnor Lake is a picturesque pocket of nature with several serene trails to choose from if you’re looking for an excuse to get outside and behold the stunning leaves and light. It’s been something of a sanctuary for me throughout the 24 years I’ve lived in Nashville. The wildlife is rocking as well! Don’t be surprised to encounter plenty of deer and turkeys on the trail. Exercise and nature are two highly grounding components in life. Radnor allows you to fully experience the benefits of both.

This Holiday season starting in November, I’m inviting you into an eight-week meditation challenge. You’ll receive a (free!) meditation each week with a specific grounding focus. For example, gratitude, self-compassion, presence, creativity, expectations, rest, etc. Meditation is an incredible way to deepen self-awareness, foster a sense of calm, as well as build out resilience in the midst of chaos. Plus, there will be a fun surprise give-a-way at the end of the year you WON’T want to miss!! Stay tuned for more on this.

We don’t often realize it, but we wear our emotions on our face. As skin is our biggest organ and we lead with our lovely faces, it’s been fun to explore ways of taking care of mine, especially the older I get. With acne-prone, sensitive skin, I’ve struggled to find a good fit that won’t break the bank. Recently I learned of a holistic esthetician, Kari Zwickel, aka The Nourishing Skin Coach. She uses a completely different holistic approach to the skin, working with what’s already happening as opposed to forcing harsh, targeted treatments as a bandaid. She’s a wizard and a true teacher. Each time I’ve gone to see her, I feel like I’ve had a transformational mind-body-spirit experience. I also see my hormonal skin settling down and radiance start to emerge. For an intro into her method, don’t miss her fall skincare workshop. Coming up on Sept. 17th!

Do you struggle to know (for sure) what your Enneagram type is? If so, you’re not alone. Oftentimes, it can take months if not years to land on your true type. Let’s face it, there’s no such thing as a pure type. We’ve got a bit of every type tucked away inside. Some feel larger than others and yes, there is one that actually leads. One of my favorite ways of helping clients move deeper into the transformational work of the Enneagram is to support them in identifying their type using a unique typing inquiry process. We experience suffering when we make up limiting stories about our pain. I believe knowing and living from the true story about who we are is absolutely vital. Understanding our Enneagram type gets us one step closer to that truth. Interested? I’d love to chat.

I heard Richard Rohr once say, “If I’m not practicing constant gratitude, I become totally resentful.” Can I get an “Amen?” Unrealistic expectations, comparison with others, and lack of boundaries can leave us hardened, closed off to the joy of each moment. Keeping a gratitude journal is the perfect antidote to said temptations. You can use a journal from Target or buy a more structured one on Amazon. My favorite? The 5-minute journal. I believe gratitude is the ultimate pivotal powerplay. It can shift our focus from lack to abundance in a split second. It provides an opening—or way out—from the stuck, thin spaces we find ourselves in.

That’s a wrap! I can’t wait to hear how you’re taking care of you this fall…and maybe I’ll even see you soon at Radnor (with a stroller in tow)! :)

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

You're Invited to an Intimate Enneagram Gathering

A year ago this month, I took some time off work and headed out to the charming community of Menlo Park, California just outside San Francisco to train as an Enneagram teacher and coach in the Narrative Tradition. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made south of marrying my husband and becoming a (very soon-to-be) mother.

If this sounds dramatic, let me explain.

I discovered the Enneagram before I was a psychotherapist. In many ways, it gave me language and insight as to how to relate to myself and others out of compassion as opposed to insecurity and fear. Let me just say, there was plenty of insecurity and fear.

Since stumbling upon it thirteen years ago, I can easily say the Enneagram is the most dynamic, life-giving tool I’ve come across and use in every aspect of my life.

As a therapist and coach, the Enneagram is integral in my work with individuals and groups and, to my utter delight, has been life-changing for countless men and women I get to serve.

My desire is to help others take their existing Enneagram insight to a deeper, more transformational level—one that has immediate application in their everyday lives.

Why? Because if all this personality and type business stays a mere talking point at coffee shops and cocktail parties, we’ve really missed an incredible opportunity to thrive!

The Enneagram has caught on like wildfire, especially in our burgeoning town of Nashville, which is beyond exciting to me. Much of what I learned at the Narrative training is just how powerful this tool is when we experience it not only cognitively, but somatically and spiritually as well.

Throughout the past year, I’ve felt a deep calling to support others in implementing this tool. Several of you have asked about group possibilities as well. So today, I’m thrilled to roll out the first of many Enneagram opportunities in the coming months.

You’re invited to a brand-new therapy group expressly crafted for those of you who want to dive deeper into your story and rediscover your truest self, using this gift, the Enneagram. It will be experiential, meaning we will literally experience the group process through creative techniques and exercises like meditation, role play, art, storytelling, and mindfulness practices. Sure, there will be some teaching and sharing, but I truly believe we transform and grow together through doing, not just talking.

Another thing, these groups are closed (meaning the same people attend each time) and completely confidential in order to create the safety necessary to delve into our stories and practice vulnerability within the group. Space is limited to ten people per group and we will meet monthly starting in November and ending in May.

If this sounds remotely intriguing to you or perhaps might be to someone you know, click here for more information.

• Perhaps you’ve done therapy but are looking for something different and interactive?

• Or you’re terrified of therapy and this seems like a painless entry?

• Or maybe you just flat out love the Enneagram and are ready to take it to the next level.

Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum, I’d love to share this special experience with you!

I have a feeling space will fill up fast, so don’t delay!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie  

3 Tips for Loving Detachment

At the heart of co-dependency, or any addictive behavior, is the need to control.  In fact, co-dependency and control go together like peanut butter and jelly, turkey and dressing, or cake and ice cream.  (Pregnant? Who me??)

Last week we touched on this idea of detachment, or letting go of our need to control people, in order to enhance our relationships. 

At first glance, detachment sounds negative—uncaring.  After all, we talk in circles here on the blog about how vital connection and community are.  Isn’t detachment a slap in the face to such wholehearted pursuits? 

Well, no. Quite the contrary.  Detachment is actually incredibly loving, especially if you’re a recovering co-dependent like me.  I think of loving detachment in relationships as an integral way to set healthy boundaries and remain open to something greater than myself and my control.  To keep things simple, I’ve got three tips for you that may help you deepen your meaningful relationships and let go of the ones that feel chaotic—toxic even. 

1)    Fools Rush In

We’re all guilty of making hasty decisions, especially in relationships.  However, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as of late is to let my yes be a hell yes.  In other words, we don’t have to have an immediate answer to another’s question or need right away.  Novel idea, right?  Have you ever found yourself habitually agreeing to take on responsibilities for another out of the goodness of your heart, yet became resentful towards them because you actually didn’t want to do it deep down inside?  Even though we want to blame them for the extra load, that’s on us! 

A good reminder here: give yourself plenty of time to respond to someone’s ask.  There’s no rule requiring us to respond right away.  “Let me think about it,” or “I’ll get back to you on that," are perfectly good options. 

2) Bring me a Higher Love

I love flying, and not just because I love travel.  I actually love the luxurious perspective we gain by getting 30,000 feet up.  Above the traffic, speed limits, and sleepy stretches of driving, we gain generous insight only distance can lend.  You know where you came from and where you’re going.  There’s a skilled pilot in the cockpit doing all the heavy lifting, navigating, and planning.  He’s even going to land that plane.  You’re the traveler. He’s the guide. 

One of the flimsy narratives we buy into when operating in co-dependent behavior in relationships is, “If I don’t intervene, or fix the situation, it will crash and burn.  I might be abandoned, rejected, or both.”  In doing so, we play God.  Detaching in love not only allows our Higher Power to be in control, it creates an opportunity for you and I to practice receptivity as opposed to manipulation.  Essentially, we are only able to truly receive with open hands—not clinched fists. 

3) Fix You 

Compassion doesn’t mean fixing.  In fact, fixing others is fear-based and flimsy. It doesn’t stick.  Instead, loving detachment allows us to see the truth of the situation and live in reality knowing each of us is responsible to and for ourselves.  Sure, we can ask for help with that which becomes too heavy yet trying to fix another person or their problems is essentially taking away their opportunity for personal empowerment and growth.  Some say people don’t change.  I heartily disagree.  I believe people do change, however, not without burning desire.  If I’m trying to fix you, how does your desire ever take flight?  It’s weighted down by my agenda.  Detachment, letting go of the controlling death grip on others, gives our relationships a chance to bleed desire and grow in the petri dish of honesty and reality.

What do you need in order to practice more loving detachment in relationships? Pray tell…

Love & Gratitude,

Katie