How to Practice Self-Compassion…A Meditation

One of my greatest struggles in life has been my relationship with food.  This took the shape of an eating disorder in high school that continued well into my twenties.  At the core of this crippling bondage was shame.  It was dark. 

I remember the Holidays always being so tough for me because there was indulgent food at every corner—my parents house, work, holiday parties, you name it.  Anorexia doubles down and pulls out all the stops this time of year.  It has to in order to survive.  I, on the other hand, was slowly dying.  

As I began recovery, the most difficult thing in the world was to find even a tablespoon of self-love.  It was too far a jump to make from the deep, toxic shame to a shiny self-acceptance.  It felt flimsy and fake.  If I had known about the practice of self-compassion back then, I believe it would have softened the edges of that rigid relationship with Katie a ton. 

Yet our process is always right on time and I discovered this thing called self-compassion reading two great books in my mid-thirties.  Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, Ph.D., and Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.  They both completely changed my life and informed my work.  (nudge, nudge…)

In essence, self-compassion is a practice of befriending yourself, as you would another person, flaws and all.  There’s no hustle to cover up or change the broken parts and shadows.   It’s a beautiful movement towards those things as opposed to a race to escape them.  I can honestly say it has opened up a stunning new path for me and improved my relationship with virtually everything and everyone.  After decades of harsh self-loathing and dissociation, I’ve begun to integrate all the parts of me. And guess what???  I like her…a lot.

This week, as you come off of Thanksgiving and ride full steam ahead into the vortex of the Holidays, I hope you will join me in the practice of self-compassion with this new meditation.  As you run every which way, I pray you’ll carve out some space for you, even if just 5 minutes, to breath and reconnect to the most important teammate you’ve got—you.  She needs you right now more than ever…and most of all, she deeply loves you.  After all, she knows you inside and out and might even offer up some wisdom as you navigate these last days of 2019. 

Try it on for size.  If you’re interested in going deeper into this practice, I’ve got some exciting opportunities this winter.  
Click here for more info on that.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

Your Most Powerful Tool...A Gratitude Meditation

Happy Thanksgiving week!  This is by far my favorite Thursday of the year as well as one of my absolute favorite holidays.  I savor the vibrant smells and tastes of seasonal comfort foods, the cozy roaring fire that cracks and burns in the fireplace, and I adore the fact that in this beautiful country of ours, we’ve managed to preserve the fourth Thursday of every November to remember, cherish, and give thanks over a meal.

Speaking of, many of you will sit down around a dinner table of some kind with loved ones and enter into a food coma at its finest in just a couple of days. Perhaps you’ve started the party early.  I sincerely hope you enjoy every bite and minute of your day. 

And some of you are in places of lonely transition. The holiday looks much different than you’d hoped and that Norman Rockwell ideal has once again vaporized into a wishful mist.  My heart knows the pain of similar loneliness and I pray you will find some light in the cracks of that thin space this week.

Wherever you are on your journey, I want to give you something to take with you, whatever your situation may be.  It’s a guided gratitude meditation you can practice beyond today and throughout this Holiday week and season.  I believe gratitude is one of the most powerful forces, turning the darkest skies a paler grey and shifting toxic, negative thoughts into grounded presence.  It’s always available to us and it’s totally free.  

As you navigate the coming days and weeks, I hope you’ll join me in practicing not only meditation but gratitude at every turn.  I’ve found that when I lose sight of gratitude, I start comparing my experience to others and become quite resentful. 

In an instant, gratitude shifts our focus from scarcity and fear to the wide-open spaces of graceful possibility.  Your inner dialog softens and your tired bones relax.  Just by saying, “thank you,” your heart may start to open.  We talked last week about how important openness and curiosity are if we are to receive good things in our lives.  In step with this, gratitude is like pouring rocket fuel on the process, accelerating this manifestation.

I’ll start us off right here and now with my deep and stirring gratitude that bubbles up in my heart daily:  I am grateful for you.  I’m grateful for your courage on the journey that’s brought you, in all of your beautiful brokenness, exactly where you sit today.   I’m inspired by your uniqueness and blown away that you show up and meet the world’s deep need for gifts and talents that only you can bring.  Thank you for being you, day after day.  Thank you, thank you thank you…

Here is a small token—a gratitude meditation practice. 

Love,

Katie     

New Holiday Meditation! How to Find Acceptance

The whole notion of acceptance can be tricky.  After all, if we accept something in our lives, doesn’t that mean we then subscribe to it, caving to its longterm effects?

If I’m feeling anxious or lonely this time of year, doesn’t accepting that make me weak or irresponsible? 

Quite the contrary. 

In order to experience change on any level, we must become aware of what we want to see change and accept that it is indeed there!  We won’t gain anything by resisting and pretending it doesn’t exist!  

By resisting uncomfortable emotions and realities in our lives, we only prolong what we resist.  As a result, we also create tension in our bodies that creates all kinds of long-term negative outcomes down the road.  Instead, we must learn to be on our own team, lovingly accepting our experience, rather than constantly judging from a place of shame. 

If we want to do better for ourselves and those around us, we must soften, opening up to “what is.”  It is through this soft and receptive acceptance we can consciously choose something better. 

Today’s meditation is a practice that will guide you through the process of acceptance.  I use the word practice very intentionally!  Why?  Because whatever we practice we become better at.  My hope this holiday season is not that we will chase an unrealistic expectation of constant merry and bright (though there may be more of that than normal).  My hope is that no matter what your experience, you will practice allowing and accepting it.  From that place of acceptance, we can collectively create something new and meaningful. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

New! Holiday Meditation Series...starts today!

This week kicks off an 8-week series on the blog called “Holiday Mindfulness.”

Time is short and stress-high around the holiday season. My hope is to collectively dial that back this year using the simple, game-changing practice of meditation. Today, I want to help simplify this practice for you as it tends to feel a bit esoteric and out of reach for most of us.

Every Tuesday through the month of December, I’ll deliver a new five-minute meditation directly to your inbox. Yes, even five minutes can completely transform your day. The meditation will have a theme that meets the demands of the season. I’d love to hear your feedback each week.

• How did you like it? (It’s totally okay if you hate it…it was an acquired taste for me!)

• What did you notice in your body as you practiced?

• What emotions and memories came up for you?

• How often were you able to practice?

• Did you notice any shifts in perspective or mood?

Basically, there is no way to mess this thing up. All that’s required is to show up as often as possible. Once you’re there, I’ll guide you every step of the way.

Today’s meditation is called “Building Awareness.” It’s an invitation to come home to the open and loving presence of your true self. She is waiting to meet you with wide eyes and open arms. She is curious and safe. She doesn’t know the language of fear, so we can leave that nagging voice aside for a bit.

Grab your smartphone or laptop, find a comfortable, quiet place, and let’s get started!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

Why Meditation Matters...and you should be doing it

Meditation is a game-changer.  There are volumes of scientific research boasting all the reasons.  I’m sure they are quite thorough and convincing, too. 

However, today, I want to share from my heart and experience how meditation has and continues to change my life for the better.

This post is for all you fellow perfectionists, control freaks, planners, cardio-lovers, results-oriented, make-it-happen folks who feel 20 minutes of meditation sounds like a large helping of time-suck. 

Oh, I know you…

About five years ago, I began noticing an overarching intense physical discomfort out of nowhere (or so I thought.) My throat and jaw locked up.  My mid-back twisted in a knot.  It became difficult to sing and speak, even in sessions with clients.  Sleep became a distant wish. 

As a health-conscious, avid exerciser who’d done her fair share of work in therapy throughout the years, I felt discouraged—and powerless. 

After seeking out every alternative healing modality I could find, I noticed a subtle common theme emerge from acupuncturist, chiropractor, voice coach, energy healer, and therapist alike.  Quite simply, their sage voices all harmonized in a singular chord.  It was in the key of: RELAX.

I wasn’t depressed or anything.  In fact, I was quite content.  Yet I’d been running so hard on a treadmill of survival mode that had become my norm.  My body, brain, and emotions formed a strike, actively rebelling against the grueling pace I’d had them on for decades. 

Meditation has been my vehicle into this new world of rest, yet interestingly enough, it has also opened up my life in a new way, allowing for increased willingness and opportunities.  Funny how that works. 

Here are the three big reasons I think we should all be meditating:

1)     We build more self-awareness and self-acceptance.   Self-awareness is the biggest indicator of success in life, relationships, and work.  However, we’re so busy (and often stressed) we don’t carve out the time to practice the stillness required to grow that necessary muscle of self-awareness.   In my experience, I’d over-developed the muscle of self-criticism and judgment instead.  Practicing meditation or other mindfulness exercises allows space to unlearn that harsh inner critic and grow the safe, neutral observer needed to bake in healthy self-awareness, compassion, and positive sustained change.

2)    We release tension and toxins in our bodies that create long-term negative health effects. It was a lightbulb moment the day I made the connection between disease in our minds and bodies with literal “dis-ease” and tension we hold tightly within.  This stress, or contraction, will eventually exacerbate, causing much bigger health concerns down the road unless we learn how to release it.  Practicing meditation trains our bodies and minds to slow down and release that arthritic grip we unconsciously develop over time.  Added bonuses include better sleep, mood, energy, and creativity that crop up as a result. 

3)    We begin to connect to our essence, or true self, as we become aware of unconscious habits.  As we move from the false self (ego) to the true self (essence), we experience deep spiritual transformation.  It’s letting go of fear in order to embrace openness to something greater than ourselves.  We simply can’t do that if we are living out of our blind spots on autopilot.  Over time, as we commit to a meditation practice, a natural byproduct becomes this relaxation of old programming and an exploration of the love and curiosity that’s been there from day one.  We were born loving, open beings.  We learned fear to help us survive.  Yet, lasting positive change is rarely built on fear.  We must create the precious space in our days to excavate that little person inside that desperately longs to be seen and known.  She’s honest and wise beyond her years, too.  Some people swear practicing meditation over time slows down aging.  I can’t speak to that; however, I do believe connecting to the most loving and true parts of us inevitably lends a softer lens to whatever we may be facing in life.  In this sense, we do recover that childlike part of us that sees more beauty in everything. 

 This fall, I can’t wait to embark on an 8-week meditation journey with you!  Stay tuned for more on that and a deeper dive into the life-giving world of mindfulness. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie