Transforming Your Client's Story

People often ask me, “What is your process when working with clients?” 

To which I typically reply, “We co-author a new story.”

As it relates to transformation, the Enneagram invites us into the powerful and creative work of rewriting our stories. 

After all, many of us have been living out of a story that was written somewhere back in early childhood and we wait until some type of crisis or loss to identify that story, hold it up to the light, and ask ourselves if it’s still working for us.

Children are brilliant storytellers.  However, they are crappy interpreters!  

When little people start to connect the dots of life, somewhere around five or six, they create little stories about themselves and the world around them.  Typically, these stories are very black and white, i.e. I didn’t get picked to play with on the playground.  There must be something wrong with me.  

Over time, we keep connecting the dots of life and tell ourselves stories that somehow keep us safe and secure along the way.  These stories create certainty—yet they lack context—and aren’t necessarily true.  

So, what do we do as we grow up? We use these stories, or overgrown personalities, to help us show up in the world and be liked, helpful, and successful.  So do our clients.

In my experience, most of my clients want to understand why they do the things they do.  This is yet another reason the Enneagram delivers.  It unpacks the motivation behind the survival strategy, also known as the childhood wound, for each of the nine Enneagram types.

In adulthood, our world looks much different and yet we are still living, albeit unconsciously, out of a story that was written so long ago.  Therein lies the rub—we’ve forgotten who that little person is underneath the conditioned self.  In fact, we become so identified by the workings of our personality, or ego as it’s often called, we bump up against challenges and discord in our relationships, career, and emotional landscape.

When using the enneagram with clients, we help them identify their dominant enneagram type which unlocks the unique personality story they’ve been living out of a very long time.  We help them identify those stories  in order to ask, “how’s that working for you?”  Most of the time, it’s not.  In fact, it’s often working against them.  

To foster healing…we must dig deep.  We help our clients “sit with the ouchie” as Enneagram teacher Russ Hudson quips.  That defining wound from early childhood, in order to uncover the stories of their personality —the “why” behind how they think, feel, and act—we hold it up to the light with compassion and kindness, and we start the editing process.   

The Enneagram gives us a vocabulary to do so.  

Let me show you how.  Join me on March 8, 2024 at 9:00 am CT for an inside look at how to use the Enneagram with your clients.  Learn more here. 

The Fall Edit: 2022

Fall is undoubtedly my favorite season. I feel a bit like Mr. Fitzgerald in that life seems to offer a second, and equally romantic, Spring, or new beginning when early October rolls around. Yet I’m also well acquainted with the struggles and temptations that come along with the changing seasons. The days get shorter, schedules mount up, self-care tends to wane, and I often feel a dank, subtle chill of loneliness sneak in.

Have you struggled much with seasonal depression?

I have…big time. That said, I’ve learned the hard way how vital it is to intentionally manage expectations and routines in order to stay connected to daily hope and healing. In light of this, I like to send out a Fall Edition of sorts—full of new ideas and opportunities to stay on top of our self-care game as we head into the coming months. If you follow fashion, it’s a bit like that thick, bounding, September Vogue edition boasting fall’s most delicious offerings. Pure magic.

This year, I’m more excited than ever to explore some new opportunities to connect to yourself and your community in life-giving ways.

All too often we’re tempted into autopilot—that sleepy trance of contained chaos—and end up just going through the motions. I don’t know about you, but I want to feel alive and awake in my experience this fall, savoring each moment like a gift—or that inaugural pumpkin spice latte.

Here are a few ideas to support you in this pursuit. I think you’ll find something you can enjoy despite the hectic demands of the season.

1. Virtual Group Enneagram Coaching: I’m thrilled to get back into the classroom, so to speak, this fall as I am now offering Group Enneagram Coaching from the comfort of your own laptop. The Practice is a self-development toolkit that combines practical ways to use the Enneagram, mindfulness, writing, and yoga in your daily experience in order to truly thrive and create the optimal life and relationships you desire. I created this self-care tool kit for clients who needed an extra nudge in their work outside of therapy. The constant drone I’d hear in my work with clients is simple: I need tools! So I developed the Practice to serve as a therapeutic tool kit combining meditation, writing, yoga, and of course, the enneagram, to support you in your ongoing self-development work. Sign up today and be a part of this powerful enneagram community.

2. Infrared Sauna: Need a detoxification boost? I sure did after going through chemotherapy last year for breast cancer. I decided to do everything in my power in order to support the highest immunity possible. I joined Pure Sweat Sauna Studio. Pure Sweat Sauna Studio is a space for wellness, rooted in community and connection, offering state-of-the-art, full spectrum, infrared saunas.

Acclaimed by the world’s leading health experts, elite athletes, and people just like you, Infrared Saunas deliver an abundance of clinically tested and research-based health and healing benefits, including detoxification, pain relief, weight loss, reduced inflammation, and deep, mental + physical relaxation.

3. Self-Care Workshop: When it comes to self care, you need a plan.
This weekend workshop will help you create a self care plan that gets you where you want to be. Join Ally Fallon, Koula Callahan, and myself, FEBRUARY 25, 2023 in Nashville, TN for a restorative and inspiring day you won’t forget!

Do you feel like you’re just ‘winging it’ when it comes to self care? Honestly — I get it. It’s hard to know what to spend your time on and what will actually contribute to your personal growth.

But self care doesn’t have to be complicated. You don’t have to guess anymore.

The Self-Care Workshop will help you create a simple self-care plan you can use daily to create lasting, positive change in your life. With a daily self-care routine you can practice on your own, you’ll gain clarity in your life and pave the path towards growth.

It’s simpler (and cheaper!) than you think.

Deepen your self-awareness with the EnneagramUnderstand why you think, feel and act the way you doDevelop healthier relationships with yourself and othersReduce anxiety and improve your mood

Don’t leave your self care up to chance. Come learn how to nurture yourself in a way that creates positive change in your life. Stay tuned for registration details coming soon!

You deserve this.

4. Breathwork: Breathwork is an active meditation technique that facilitates powerful emotional+energetic release. It can change emotional default settings, lifetime patterns of depression, anxiety and addiction, connect you to your intuition, and open your heart to increased gratitude and self-love. It is an efficient and effective way to emotionally detox. We receive 90% of our daily energy from breath alone and 70% of our bodily toxins are meant to be discharged through breath. What are the benefits? Release tension and everyday stress that makes you feel anxious, burned out, and overwhelmed.

• Creates a renewed sense of vitality

• Supports healing on all levels—physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual

• Brings balance to your life, allowing you to tap into your inner peace and joy

• As the energetic blockages are cleared, you are able to manifest what you want in your life effortlessly

• Leaves you with a deeply relaxed and calm state of being

Breathwork engages the nervous system to release tension and distress that negative thoughts and traumas cause in the body. Over time, healthier new neural pathways are developed and the nervous system is re-calibrated to bring optimal well-being.
For more info or to book a Breathwork session, contact the lovely Sarah Richey and take your wellness journey to a whole new realm.

5. Holiday Meditation Challenge: This Holiday season starting in November, I’m inviting you into an eight-week meditation challenge. You’ll receive a (free!) meditation each week with a specific grounding focus. For example, gratitude, self-compassion, presence, creativity, expectations, rest, etc. Meditation is an incredible way to deepen self-awareness, foster a sense of calm, as well as build out resilience in the midst of chaos. Plus, there will be a fun surprise give-a-way at the end of the year you WON’T want to miss!! Follow me on Instagram at @katiegustafson.co to join the party. :)

That’s a wrap! I can’t wait to hear how you’re taking care of you this fall…and hopefully see you at the Practice or in early 2023 for the Self-Care Workshop!

How to get out of your own way

Have you ever felt like you are your own worst enemy?  If you could only get out of your own way, life might be a lot easier?  

Me too.  I often feel I wrote the book on self-sabotage.  

I’ll never forget sitting in my old therapists office about eight years ago and hearing the strangest homework assignment I’d ever gotten to date.  Here’s what he said,

“Katie, I want you to spend the whole week simply being a student of you and your experience.”  

“Excuse me?”  I thought to myself as I quizzically stared back at him like he had eight heads.  This would be interesting…

This seemed nearly impossible at the time because I’d become so accustomed to ruthlessly judging myself without even noticing.  To merely “observe” or “witness” my daily experience would require me to slow down that automatic self-criticism.  It would require me to be a neutral audience.  This in turn, would require me to be a bit…kind?

It was perhaps the most profound assignment I’d ever been given.  I felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my weary frame.  I remember feeling curious, even intrigued by myself and my behaviors.  Miraculously, I’ve never done drugs before, but this little experiment felt as close as I’d gotten up until that point.  It was out-of-body.   

Part of my lifelong work has been learning to grow that neutral observer, or inner witness, inside that allows for self-awareness and compassion to take root and grow over time.  The more curious we can get about anything, the less time we spend in rigid judgment.  As a result, we move from a fixed mindset to a growth one.  Otherwise, we live in reaction mode, constantly being triggered and judging ourselves and others.  Not a good look.  

Here’s two things I’ve learned about human nature:

1. 99.999999% of us have a pretty nasty inner critic at some point along the way.  Human beings, by nature, have a negative bias.  As the saying goes, “we are our own worst critic.” 

2. It’s much easier to react out of emotion than respond out of self-awareness. 

I also believe you are your absolute greatest asset in this life.  However, in order to be MVP on your own team, you may need to clean out the dank and dusty attic of your thoughts, like I constantly do.  

So try this…

Assume the role of a neutral observer, a student if you will.  Pretend like you’re doing research for a project and any and every bit of information is fair game.  It’s okay if you bounce back into  the judgment seat.  That’s good information too!  Record your findings with this journaling prompt:  

What do I noticing about myself and my experience?  How can I be more curious throughout the day?  

If you get discouraged along the way, take heart.  In a science experiment, everything is good information, even failure.  And remember, you are the ultimate expert at you. 

My one year anniversary

May 26, 2022 was my bilateral mastectomy one-year anniversary.  So naturally, I threw a party.  It felt necessary, not frivolous.  Ever since coming through my battle with breast cancer and getting way too close to life’s fragile edges, I’m reflecting on the importance of celebration.  

And not just from a fun, put on your party dress and dance mindset.  I’m all for fun, yet I believe deep down that celebration is good for the soul and the mind.  

Life is hard.  We’ve all learned this in living color throughout the last two years.  What doesn’t really help the matter is that human beings tend to be “velcro for the negative and teflon for the positive” as I once heard it described.  We come by this dynamic honestly.  We as humans are wired for survival.  Primal man was set on high alert, scanning for danger and foraging food to score the daily meal.  Therefore we have a negative bias.

The fight-flight-or-freeze fear mechanism allowed our species to not only survive, but evolve throughout generations.  

Today, our realities are much different.  Hopefully we know where our next meal is coming from and aren’t running from a drooling beast rocking a big appetite and sharp teeth.  

And yet we haven’t necessarily outgrown this negative bias that’s carried us through into the modern world.  We tend to hope for the best and count on the worst in order to protect us from the vulnerability of joy made manifest in possible disappointment.  Again, humans are wired for safety, not a risky celebration.  I call this the Other Shoe Syndrome.  What if you get your hopes up and then the other shoe drops? Brené Brown calls it foreboding joy. Instead of basking in joyful moments, we self-protect and beat vulnerability to the punch.  This scarcity is part of our human biology and design.  

Now, that’s NOT to say that we can’t work to soften this prickly edge.  Neuroplasticity, or the brain’s ability to rewire, form and reorganize synaptic connections—basically to create new realities despite conditioning and genetics—proves we can change.   

Do you know how we do this?  

You guessed it…we celebrate.  When we make it a point to consciously celebrate little victories, progress, togetherness, and people in our lives, we retrain our brains to override our brain’s natural negative bias.  When we celebrate, we fire and wire new neuropathways that eventually help us create a more joyful, abundant life.  

I don’t know about you, but I am here for abundance.  I am here for deep and meaningful relationships.  I am here for the joy that longs to be chosen as we bow down to gratitude over resentment.  I’m here for the party.

This week, intently look for one or two small things to celebrate.  And do it like you mean it.  You never know, you might just start finding more where that came from. 

What's all the fuss with Enneagram subtypes?

Are you familiar with Enneagram subtypes?  

In my opinion, they are kind of a big deal.   

This month in The Practice, my self-care & Enneagram subscription program, we did a deep dive into the subtypes.  Every month, I interview an expert in their field.  So, it was fitting that we got to hear from expert Enneagram teacher and the “Grande Damme of Subtypes,” Beatrice Chestnut.  

Beatrice is an author of two books, The Complete Enneagram: 27 paths to greater self-knowledge and The 9 Types of Leadership: Mastering the Art of People in the 21st Century Workplace.

Both are must reads.  The Complete Enneagram is my absolute favorite comprehensive book on the Enneagram, hands down.  Not only is it a deep dive into subtypes, it’s an academic overview of the Enneagram and it’s history.  

Beatrice is also a psychotherapist and coach, training practitioners and leaders to take their  Enneagram knowledge to a deeper understanding and application both in work and life.  

This is my passion as well: helping people harness the transformational power of the Enneagram in their own healing, relationships, and work.  

To sign up for the Practice and get a front row seat to this interview, click here.  In the meantime, I want to parse out the major takeaways of our conversation.  Subtypes are, after all, a bit complex in nature, and can be easily misunderstood or glossed over.  

Let me tee this up by giving a quick overview of this system:

The Enneagram can be broken down into three centers of intelligence: the head, the heart, and the body.  Within each center, or triad, there are nine interconnected personality types.  This we know.  If we peel back the next layer, we discover each of the nine types is actually a triad in itself containing three more definitive subtypes within the type.  So, we know there are actually 27 types as opposed to nine.  The three subtypes within each of the nine types is connected to these three driving animal instincts: self-preservation, social, or sexual (or one-to-one). 

Here are the three biggest takeaways from our discussion:

1. Subtypes help clarify type. Discovering type is often a difficult process. This is partly because there are only nine types and billions of us so it can feel downright limiting and often reductive to identify our dominant type as there is such variance within type. If you struggle to identify your dominant type, try on the subtypes within the types you feel closest describe you. You may discover a perfect match.
   

2. Subtypes are more helpful as a growth tool than wings. Wings are talked about much more than subtypes. I learned this is because there hasn’t been clear, compelling content written about subtypes readily available. Also, there is great confusion as The Wisdom of the Enneagram, the Riso/Hudson classic, calls them instinctual variants. Also, wings tend to be easier to identify. They are physically on either side of your dominant type. However, Beatrice explained that wings are more of a flavoring of type that can shift throughout life. Subtypes can be used in a deeper way to grow beyond limiting, unconscious behavior.
   

3. Instinct + Passion = Subtype. It’s so important to note the nuance of subtypes within each type. Like I said earlier, no two subtypes are alike even though there are the same three choices for each type. Instead, they can be explained by a person's predominant driving instinct (self-preservation, social, or sexual) fused with the specific passion, or emotional motivator, of a person’s type. This creates a distinct character type within each of the nine to really sink your teeth into. For me, this looks like the self-preservation instinct, as it is my dominant, mixed with envy, the passion of a type four.

To wrap it up and put a bow on it, I love working with subtypes because quite simply, they help us develop more balance where there is imbalance within our personality.  I hope you will join me moving forward in the Practice as we go deeper in our Enneagram wisdom and application!