The Back to School Edit

Calling all Enneagram enthusiasts! I’ve been waiting to share this incredible news with you for a while now! It’s Back to School time and a chance for you to officially nerd out.  Next month, I’m partnering with my friends, mentors, and Enneagram legends, Beatrice Chestnut and Uranio Paes, to bring you a front row seat to their upcoming virtual workshop called Master the 27 Enneagram Subtypes! 

So many of you have requested a deeper dive into Enneagram subtypes.  I figured what better way to learn them than directly from Bea, the world’s leading expert in subtypes?  In her classic book, The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-knowledge, she gives us a sturdy look at not just nine basic enneagram types, but the three unique instinctual subtypes within each of the nine types.  

Let’s have a quick refresh:

The Enneagram can be broken down into three centers of intelligence: the head, the heart, and the body.  Within each center, or triad, there are nine interconnected personality types.  This we know.  If we peel back the next layer, we discover each of the nine types is actually a triad in itself containing three more definitive subtypes within the type.  So, we know there are actually 27 types as opposed to nine.  The three subtypes within each of the nine types are connected to these three driving animal instincts: self-preservation, social, or sexual (or one-to-one). 

So why are subtypes so important?

I’m glad you asked ;) 

1. Subtypes help clarify type.  Discovering type is often a difficult process.  This is partly because there are only nine types and billions of us so it can feel downright limiting and often reductive to identify our dominant type as there is such variance within type.  If you struggle to identify your dominant type, try on the subtypes within  the types you feel closest describe you.  You may discover a perfect match.

2. Subtypes are more helpful as a growth tool than wings.  Wings are talked about much more than subtypes.  I learned this is because there hasn’t been clear, compelling content written about subtypes readily available.  Also, there is great confusion as The Wisdom of the Enneagram, the Riso/Hudson classic, calls them instinctual variants.   Also, wings tend to be easier to identify.  They are physically on either side of your dominant type.  However,  Beatrice explained that wings are more of a flavoring of type that can shift throughout life.  Subtypes can be used in a deeper way to grow beyond limiting, unconscious behavior.

3. Instinct +  Passion = Subtype.  It’s so important to note the nuance of subtypes within each type.  Like I said earlier, no two subtypes are alike even though there are the same three choices for each type. Instead, they can be explained by a person's predominant driving instinct (self-preservation, social, or sexual) fused with the specific passion, or emotional motivator, of a person’s type.  This creates a distinct character type within each of the nine to really sink your teeth into.  For me, this looks like the self-preservation instinct, as it is my dominant, mixed with envy, the passion of a type four.  

To wrap it up and put a bow on it, I love working with subtypes because quite simply, they help us develop more balance where there is imbalance within our personality.  Join me in this Enneagram learning experience of a lifetime that starts in just a few weeks!  

Will I see you there???

An Enneagram Event You Don't Want to Miss

It’s that time of year again… back to school!  And why should our kids have all the fun?  I’ll take an excuse to fill my learning tank any day.  If you’re like me, today’s your lucky day.  I’ve got an incredible (FREE) learning opportunity for you!  

My friend and partner in Enneagram crime, Tyler Zach, is producing his annual EnneaSummit, right around the corner.  I am thrilled to be a main speaker at this upcoming Virtual Summit on The Enneagram & Mental Health, scheduled for August 13-16, 2024. The theme is “Discover Self-Compassion and Empathy by Understanding Your Mental Health Through the Enneagram.” 

 I’ll be joined by some of my favorite voices in the enneagram/mental health space, Dr. Dan Siegel, Dr. Curt Thompson, Dr. Jerome Lubbe, and many more.  

The Enneagram has quickly gone from catchy to clinical, as I’ve seen more and more therapists integrate it into their work.  I couldn’t be happier about this.  As someone who knew the enneagram years before working as a therapist, it’s always been the lens I look through when relating to and holding space for my clients, each beautifully unique in their own type.  

Therapy is not one-size fits all.  Nor should your journey of healing and self-development be.  I hope you will take this incredible opportunity and run with it.  Whether you are a client, clinician, or curious student ready to go deeper into enneagram exploration, this event is for you.  

One of my very favorite things about the Enneagram is that it’s not a static tool.  It’s wildly dynamic and applicable.  It’s meant to be used in your lives and relationships to develop greater understanding for self and others, in order to develop greater compassion and empathy both intra- and interpersonally.  Like Thic Nhat Hahn said, “The beginning of love is understanding.”  

If you are ready to take your relationship with self and others to a new level, I hope you will sign up for this free event.  Oh, did I mention it’s free? ;)

I had the privilege of teaching about each Enneagram type’s core fear and how they can drive our lives, albeit unconsciously.  It’s wild how much fear wields our behavior and decisions in life.  What if we could wake up to these drivers and right-size them by naming them and learning a new narrative?  I wholeheartedly believe our lives and relationships would flourish.

I can’t wait to learn from the expertise of my friends and colleagues in just a few days.  Will you join me???  Click here for your free pass. 

A permission slip to change your mind

Do you ever get stymied into thinking it has to be a certain way?  

Pigeon-hole yourself into one rigid way or outcome?  I know I do.  It’s like we become so attached to our role—our identity, in the story we’re living, we’re held prisoner by its familiar plot line.  Interestingly, we often don’t even know we’re behind bars, just like Willie says.    

In my early 30’s, I was pivoting from a career in music to a career as a psychotherapist and coach.  The hardest part wasn’t grad school (I’d gladly be a professional student if you’ll pay ;)  It wasn’t building a private practice.  It wasn’t the actual work.  Though wobbly at first, that part came pretty naturally. I’d been in enough personal therapy to know the ropes. 

The hardest part was loosening my death grip on an identity as a singer/songwriter.  My ego was far too cozy on a stage or in a writing room.  That story had served me in many ways, but wasn’t ultimately what I felt called to do. I remember having coffee with my pal and colleague, Reb Buxton many years ago when I was terrified—deep in the pivot.  He asked me, “What if you could just let go of music?” I stared back like he had eight heads.  The Spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak.  

I recently heard someone very smart talk about discipline in a curious way.  The root word of discipline is “disciple.” I think most of us agree that discipline is a good thing, yes? But what if the thing we are governed by stops serving us?  He then posed the question, “Do you ever ask yourself what you are a disciple of?” Are we consciously choosing to follow that which serves us and is in integrity with our value system and desires?  Or are we blindly chained to an old ego story—a prison? 

Oof.  I know…a real head-scratcher. 

Mo Willems has a profound saying.  “If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, LEAVE.” 

Sometimes, it’s as if we need a permission slip to change our minds and leave an expired story.  Maybe that’s a job, a relationship, a church, a limiting belief system, a lifestyle, a hairstyle, (no really… losing all my hair during chemo was beyond freeing!)  Whatever it is for you, you have a get out of jail free card to leave.  

I suppose the real question is, “What story do you WANT to be in?”  

Join me in my Enneagram Mastermind group starting August 21st and let’s find out…

When was the last time you felt really seen?

When was the last time you really felt seen? Heard? When do you get to be squishy and vulnerable and feel the support of a loving, like-minded group?  Where do you feel a deep sense of belonging?

If you had a shaky response to any of the above, consider this your invitation for more.

I became a therapist because I’ve been a client my whole life. I wanted to meet people in the sacred and liminal spaces I’d been met by countless brilliiant teachers (aka therapists.)  About 5 years ago, I decided to go beyond the one-on-one work and offer this healing space to a group of women who loved the Enneagram as much as I did.  It’s not group therapy.  And it’s not just lunch.  It’s the Enneagram Mastermind and here’s a bit of what we explore:

• the basics of the Enneagram, a powerful personality typing system

• your unique type and subtype

• the why behind how you think, feel, and act

• the story you’ve been living out of—and—is it really working?

• the beauty and safety of sharing our stories

• a deeper connection to self and others

• a lot of laughter and fun

• a delicious lunch :)

Also, you will develop some incredible, lasting friendships.  Here’s a testimonial from Courtney, one of my OG Mastermind members.  

Are you ready to take your Enneagram experience to the next level?  Are you ready to feel the power of connection in community?  Okay then…here’s your personal invitation.  Join me this August 21 for our kickoff in Nashville, TN.

I can’t wait to know you better real soon ;) 

Self-Sabotage Much?

Have you ever felt like you’re your own worst enemy?  If you could only get out of your own way, life might be a lot easier?  

Me too.  I often feel I wrote the book on self-sabotage.  

I’ll never forget sitting in my old therapist’s office about 10 years ago and hearing the strangest homework assignment I’d ever gotten to date.  Here’s what he said,

“Katie, I want you to spend the whole week simply being a student of you and your experience.”  

“Huh?”  I thought to myself as I quizzically stared back at him like he had eight heads.  This would be interesting…

Not sure if I understood the assignment, it seemed nearly impossible at the time because I’d become so accustomed to ruthlessly judging myself without even noticing.  To merely “observe” or “witness” my daily experience would require me to slow down that automatic self-criticism.  It would require me to be a neutral audience.  This in turn, would require me to be a bit….Kind?

It was perhaps the most profound assignment I’d ever been given.  I felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my weary frame.  I remember feeling curious, even intrigued by myself and my behaviors.  Miraculously, I’ve never done drugs before, but this little experiment felt as close as I’d gotten up until that point.  It was out-of-body.   

Part of my lifelong work has been learning to grow that neutral observer, or inner witness, inside that allows for self-awareness and compassion to take root and grow over time. The more curious we can get about anything, the less time we spend in rigid judgment.  As a result, we move from a fixed mindset to a growth one.  Otherwise, we live in reaction mode, constantly being triggered and judging ourselves and others.  Not a good look.  

Here’s two things I’ve learned about human nature:

1. 99.999999% of us have a pretty nasty inner critic at some point along the way.  Human beings, by nature, have a negative bias.  As the saying goes, “we are our own worst critic.”

2. It’s much easier to react out of emotion than respond out of self-awareness. 

I also believe you are your absolute greatest ally in this life.  However, In order to be MVP on your own team, you may need to clean out the dank and dust attic of your thoughts, like I constantly do.  

So try this…

Assume the role of a neutral observer, a student if you will.  Pretend like you’re doing research for a project and any and every bit of information is fair game.  It’s okay if you bounce back into the judgment seat.  That’s good information too!  Record your findings with this journaling prompt:  What do I notice about myself and my experience?  How can I be more curious and less critical throughout the day? 

If you get discouraged along the way, take heart.  In a science experiment, everything is good information, even failure.  And remember, you are the ultimate expert at you.