The Enneagram and Your Self-Care Plan

This coming weekend, myself and two dear friends are hosting a workshop all about self-care.  
 
Be honest, what do you think about when you hear the term “self-care?”
 
 Spa treatments? Retail therapy? A long bath? A wine night with the girls?
 
Whereas all of these things sound fun, I’m not sure they are actually self-care.  Pampering? Sure. Indulging? Absolutely.  Ally, Koula, and myself are convinced we can do better for ourselves.  
 
Oh, and what if self-care is not in fact, selfish.  I hear that a lot in my work with clients.  It’s a real blocker. 
 
What if self-care is easier (and cheaper) than you think?  What if you could actually save tons of money in therapy by practicing a plan that would connect you to your truest self each week? Hell, you may even put me out of a job! :)
 
There is a time and a place for therapy, however, I believe if we feel empowered to practice the things that bring about positive change and care in our daily experience, we are able to create a life that truly breathes hope and vibrancy.  
 
As an Enneagram coach and therapist, I love equipping people to step out of the limiting box they’ve been in and better understand the true story about who they are.  There is simply no better tool in bringing about self-awareness and transformation than the Enneagram.  
 
This weekend, we will go beyond information and do a deep dive into how this wisdom makes a tangible difference as we apply it to our lives through self-care.  Ally, a bestselling author and writing coach will help us infuse writing practices into this transformation process.   Koula, a brilliant communicator and my favorite yoga teacher on the planet, will show us how movement and mindfulness are scientifically proven to improve our overall health and well-being.  
 
Most importantly, we will all leave with a plan.  That’s why we struggle with follow-through, right?  We lack a plan and ongoing support.  We’ve got that covered.  
 
I know, many of you won’t be able to make it.  That’s okay.  You’ll have other opportunities to dig into the work of self-care in the future.  This is just the beginning of the heartfelt journey we’re on to discover how to truly care for ourselves in a way that promotes connection and empowerment.  
 
If you’re still on the fence and can make it, do yourself a huge favor and register today.  Investing in yourself this weekend will not only greatly benefit you, but the ones you love as well.  It’s like getting six months of therapy in a solid weekend.  (There I go again, putting myself out of a job. ;)  

Let me leave you with a journal prompt. Take a moment to ask yourself, "What does self-care mean to you?"​​
 
I hope to see you this weekend!  


Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. There's still time to join me, Kuola, and Ally at our Self-Care Workshop on February 8-9 in Nashville. Sign-up today!

Better is Best: Say Goodbye to Perfectionism

Raise your hand if you’ve ever struggled with perfectionism. Though I can’t see you right now, I have a hunch that most of you have your hands up, either literally or figuratively in your heart where no one else can see you. Perhaps you’re wondering if there are bigger problems than perfectionism at stake. Oh, I’ve got your number, I’m a recovering perfectionist.

Perfection is so illusive, yet so tempting, especially for all you creative, high-achievers out there. It’s a vain and futile attempt to attain the unattainable. 

And guess what?

It’s impossible. Perfectionism is an overt, egoic striving to fill a covert, bleeding insecurity. If we’re really honest, perfection is just a scared man’s game.

I write these words with emboldened authority only because I’ve had a lifelong, toxic relationship with perfectionism. I don’t know the magic potion I sipped on so early in life to fuel the flame, but boy was it potent. I’ve been incredibly judgy and hard on myself from day one. 

As a complex and sensitive kid (read: dramatic), being understood and well-received always took precedence. Acceptance, personal significance, and value were—and still are— my drug.  I know, classic Enneagram four move!  

The temptation is always: “I’m doing pretty good, but something’s missing.” This kind of thinking has kept me double bound in the fetal position of literal and figurative dark corners in life many times. 

Anne Lamott is spot on when she says, “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.”

For creatives especially, this phenomenon is mass genocide. I believe this is because ideas and concepts are birthed in our thinking mind, which can be an absolutely lovely place to be. We have a brilliant idea for a lyric, a new workflow, a painting, a proposal, and we run with it, executing it immediately and seamlessly, right? Bam…so easy.

Wrong. My experience as a writer and working with other creatives is this: that brilliant little idea gets locked up in the thinking mind, stewing and marinating in all kinds of saucy possibilities and grandeur, so much so that it never even sees the light of day. 

Our minds are meant to be the sacred birthplace of ideas. Our minds were not meant to indefinitely house them, ultimately squeezing the life and breath out with quenching fumes of perfectionism. Social media doesn’t make this pursuit any easier as we get caught up in comparison games with people we don’t even know posting highlight reels from their otherwise normal life.  

This can lead to such worthlessness and defeat, we either want to numb out somehow (drugs, booze, sex, shopping, busyness, work, what have you) or we abandon our creative calling altogether. This is around the time therapy sounds like a promising option.

David Foster Wallace said it this way, “Perfectionism is very dangerous. Because of course if your fidelity to perfectionism is too high, you never do anything.”

I suspect you want to do great things: to be seen, known, and truly loved.  I do too. The only problem is, this requires tons of courage…and vulnerability.  Perfectionism doesn’t leave much room for them. 

What if we could aim for better instead of perfect?  To slowly build on the baby steps of gradual improvement...choosing the next best thing? This type of growth mindset leaves room for the successes, the failures, and the stalls.  Best of all, you hold the keys to your life, not some illusive, phony version of you.  

This week, what would it look like to choose better over perfect?  


Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. There's still time to join me, Kuola, and Ally at our Self-Care Workshop on February 8-9 in Nashville. Sign-up today!

Say Yes to the Scale (not what you think)

I’m not a huge fan of the scale in my bathroom.  In fact, I bought a new scale for the first time in ages when I found out I was pregnant last February.  For the first time, I found it a bit thrilling (if not bizarre) to experience my body changing and growing as it housed my now four-month-old son, Tucker.  I mean, when else do we as women feel totally empowered to see that number increase?

Today, I’m not talking about numbers or that kind of scale.  This is not about how to lose unwanted weight you may have picked up over the holidays.  No, this is not that blog. 

There’s another scale I believe to be far more impactful to your health and interestingly enough, has better metrics than the one in your bathroom.  In fact, it won’t only help you feel better physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.  

Oh, and one more thing, it’s totally free and portable.

Backstory:

I’ve spent my whole adult life in the pursuit of wholeness—integration, looking to find the solution to my own brokenness and ongoing battle with depression/anxiety.  That was my story for a long time.  I let the pain of sadness and victimhood define me while concurrently searching for something “out there” that would solve the problems “in here.” 

Perhaps you identify with my journey.

When I didn’t find what I was looking for (queue U2 “Still haven’t found what I’m looking for”), I decided I needed a different approach.  This quest proved to me that happiness is, indeed, an inside job, one that is more spiritual than circumstantial.   By spiritual, I mean the capacity inside each one of us to be receptive and open to something greater than us...something really good. 

After all, numbers on a weight scale constantly fluctuate and even when they give you a sliver of relief, that relief is only temporary and can crumble with life’s inevitable challenges just hours later at lunchtime.

What is this transformational work that can heal us from the inside-out?

It’s thought work, specifically, our thought scale.  And yep, you’ve already got one, you may not be aware of it though.

It’s been proven that we have the power to change our lives and circumstance just by changing our thoughts.  Why? Because every single thought you think creates an emotion in your body which results in corresponding behavior.  These behaviors, over time, build out your life.

If I entertain self-defeating thoughts all day long, those thoughts produce low-frequency emotions such as fear, hurt, victimization, and on the lowest end of that scale, apathy.  As a result, my actions that follow correspond with those emotions.  When I’m consciously aware of my thoughts, and choosing ones that are life-giving as opposed to limiting, the domino effect that creates in my physical experience is tangibly better than when I’m stuck in a pity party.  

Don’t worry, this is not about getting it perfect, it’s about becoming aware of your thoughts and practicing a higher quality within them. 

For example, it’s moving up the thought scale from, “There’s never enough time to do what I need to do” to “I’m giving myself grace to do my best right now.” (One I am constantly coming back to as I transition into motherhood!)

We don’t have control over all of our circumstances in life. We do, however, have control of how we think about our circumstances.  This matters big time. 

This week, I want you to play around with (a) becoming aware of your thoughts as you have them, and (b) practicing tiny shifts up the thought scale in order to help you feel better emotionally and physically.   It’s subtle, so don’t go looking for a quick fix here.   

Are you ready to shed the weight of your nagging inner critic. She’s heavy.  What thoughts promote willingness and curiosity in your life today?

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. There's still time to join me, Kuola, and Ally at our Self-Care Workshop on February 8-9 in Nashville. Sign-up today!

Generosity with a Twist...A Meditation

How are you?  I mean, really? 

Have you made a point this season to slow down, take a few breaths, and give back to you?  I truly hope so.  After all, at the centerpiece of this “most wonderful time of year” is generosity—namely—gift-giving. 

That being said, I want to bring our awareness to this beautiful practice from a slightly different angle.  It might be due to the fact that I’ve yet to buy a single gift.  Or, it might be the fact that I’m terrified to take my three-month-old to the mall (I know, gotta bite the bullet one of these days.)  But then there’s always Amazon.  I digress.

My point is, I believe generosity is a practice we miss out on because we largely identify it with material things like stuff, money, and time.  We also tend to focus generosity outward—toward someone else.  Oh, but there’s so much more!  I believe the most exquisite brand of generosity underlies all of those things and must begin with ourselves.  It’s a spirit of generosity…a posture we take…rather than checking off the wish list. 

Being generous with ourselves and others means something much deeper than gift-giving.  It means giving the invaluable gift of availability—openness.  It means being curious in each moment as we experience life’s precious minutes, smiles, unknowns, joys, disappointments, and possibilities. 

As with anything, we must always dress-rehearse these practices with ourselves.   As you offer yourself an open mind and heart, cultivating a sense of curiosity and non-judgment, it becomes a natural overflow into your relationships with others.  

Have you ever given someone something special like a big block of time or a meaningful token and you felt it went under-appreciated? I know I have.  I end up feeling pretty resentful on the inside, making the sentiment of generosity more about me than the recipient.  When this happens, I’m pretty certain I’m looking for something from that person I need to be giving myself—value and appreciation. 

This week, we’ll spend some time practicing generosity of spirit towards ourselves in order to bypass that resentment.  When we intentionally give to ourselves out of genuine appreciation, we fill a void that we tend to look to others to meet. 

I want to give to others from an authentic, loving space this season.  How about you?  Let’s start by getting grounded in generosity and becoming available and nurturing to the places inside us that feel tired and needy.  My hunch is, all the other “stuff” will be the glaze on your sticky toffee pudding.  Not only that, but those gifts under the tree will take on a much deeper meaning. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

What actually *is* self-care?

Dear %FIRSTNAME%,

We're told practically everything is self-care. How do you know what's legit?

It seems like everything can be termed ‘self-care’ these days.

Going through a bad breakup? Go buy yourself a new pair of jeans because it’s self-care.

Had a rough week at work? Spa day! It’s self-care.

In a fight with your spouse or your parents? Two bottles of wine with your friends. It’s self-care!

We’ve all been there. But the truth is, those “quick fixes” aren’t the answer to personal growth. In fact, they have the opposite effect. They help you tune out and ignore what’s actually going on.

Yes, they’re helpful for a few hours or even a whole day. But then you wake up a few days later still anxious about that same thing.

It would be amazing if those things worked long-term. Sadly, they just don’t.

Here’s the reality: if we want to work through things that are hard and not just work around them, we need to develop the right skills. Not only that, but we also need to have the right routine that will help us process things in a healthy way and truly exhibit self-growth.

It’s precisely why I'm co-hosting the Self Care Weekend Workshop with two amazing women, Allison and Koula. In a day and a half, we'll teach you the tools you need to develop a healthy, sustainable self-care practice. You’ll also leave with your personalized self-care plan that will help you achieve positive growth in your life.

You have everything you need to practice healthy self-care. At this first-ever, all-female workshop, you’ll learn how to tap into those things.

Things like...

• A basic yoga and meditation practice to help you connect with your body and move stuck energy

• Writing tools that will help you understand what’s keeping you stuck

• A tool called the Enneagram to help you understand why you behave the way you do

When you combine these tools into a self-care routine that you can practice with consistency, your life will transform.

If you're in a season of needing transformation and positive growth, join me at the first-ever Self-Care Weekend Workshop. It’s just $499 for a day and a half of real, clinically-based self-care. Register today and I'll see you soon!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie