The Enneagram and Your Self-Care Plan

This coming weekend, myself and two dear friends are hosting a workshop all about self-care.  
 
Be honest, what do you think about when you hear the term “self-care?”
 
 Spa treatments? Retail therapy? A long bath? A wine night with the girls?
 
Whereas all of these things sound fun, I’m not sure they are actually self-care.  Pampering? Sure. Indulging? Absolutely.  Ally, Koula, and myself are convinced we can do better for ourselves.  
 
Oh, and what if self-care is not in fact, selfish.  I hear that a lot in my work with clients.  It’s a real blocker. 
 
What if self-care is easier (and cheaper) than you think?  What if you could actually save tons of money in therapy by practicing a plan that would connect you to your truest self each week? Hell, you may even put me out of a job! :)
 
There is a time and a place for therapy, however, I believe if we feel empowered to practice the things that bring about positive change and care in our daily experience, we are able to create a life that truly breathes hope and vibrancy.  
 
As an Enneagram coach and therapist, I love equipping people to step out of the limiting box they’ve been in and better understand the true story about who they are.  There is simply no better tool in bringing about self-awareness and transformation than the Enneagram.  
 
This weekend, we will go beyond information and do a deep dive into how this wisdom makes a tangible difference as we apply it to our lives through self-care.  Ally, a bestselling author and writing coach will help us infuse writing practices into this transformation process.   Koula, a brilliant communicator and my favorite yoga teacher on the planet, will show us how movement and mindfulness are scientifically proven to improve our overall health and well-being.  
 
Most importantly, we will all leave with a plan.  That’s why we struggle with follow-through, right?  We lack a plan and ongoing support.  We’ve got that covered.  
 
I know, many of you won’t be able to make it.  That’s okay.  You’ll have other opportunities to dig into the work of self-care in the future.  This is just the beginning of the heartfelt journey we’re on to discover how to truly care for ourselves in a way that promotes connection and empowerment.  
 
If you’re still on the fence and can make it, do yourself a huge favor and register today.  Investing in yourself this weekend will not only greatly benefit you, but the ones you love as well.  It’s like getting six months of therapy in a solid weekend.  (There I go again, putting myself out of a job. ;)  

Let me leave you with a journal prompt. Take a moment to ask yourself, "What does self-care mean to you?"​​
 
I hope to see you this weekend!  


Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. There's still time to join me, Kuola, and Ally at our Self-Care Workshop on February 8-9 in Nashville. Sign-up today!

I Wish I'd Had This 5 Years Ago

I’ve heard it said, as writers, our ideal audience is us, five years ago.  So, at 40, I’m writing to my 35-year-old self.  After all, we write what we know.  I suppose the lessons of life take a solid three to five years (at least!) to really get into our bones.
 
This definitely checks out for me.  Whereas I value every leg of the journey, looking back I cringe to see some of the harrowing passages I traversed all in the name of stubbornness.  Five years ago, I was on a tear, hustling in about 20 different directions all in the name of worthiness.  I had one speed…fast.  Even though I’d come along way on my journey of healing and wholeness, I was swinging hard in the direction of impossible expectations for myself and my life.  
 
In fact, I was so worn out, my body started to slowly break down, manifesting all sorts of back, neck, and jaw pain.  Even though I didn’t feel depressed, my body began calling out for some attention as there was still some work to be done deep inside.  Sure, I’d been a therapist for a while, yet I needed to take my own advice and stop ignoring parts of me that desperately needed some love.
 
Let’s just say, I was seriously confused about the whole self-care thing.  I worked out hard, I enjoyed time with girlfriends, I went for the occasional mani/pedi, I journaled here and there, but I never fully stepped off the treadmill of what I’ve come to call my internal split.  By this I mean, my disconnection from myself and the present moment.  I was always somewhere else, “out there.”  Self-care felt like a detour— a delayed pitstop or something.   
 
Fast-forward to today.  A lot has happened.  I got married, had my first child, and woke up to the glaring fact that something needed to change if I wanted to actually show up authentically for my family and my dreams.  My internal split needed an internal shift.  I knew a different set of circumstances wouldn’t change anything.  For the first time in my life, I knew I had to quit hustling for my worthiness and start caring for the little girl inside who was flat out tired.   
 
I’d mistaken self-care for something to be checked off the to-do list quickly to return to life as I knew it.   It felt squishy—or weak or something.   It became a way to numb the soreness after a long day, like a couple of glasses of wine or a nice long bubble bath.   Whereas those things are lovely, they never seemed to make me feel alive or more me. Relaxing? Yes. Connective? Hmmm…not so much.
 
I wish I’d known what true self-care is five years ago.  I wish I’d had a roadmap, or ritual, to practice on the regular that was grounding, healing, and life-giving.   Sure, I did eventually figure it out by the grace of God and some hardcore burnout. Maybe this was exactly as it should be.  However, I’d like to break the fall for anyone who’s curious. 
 
I believe we get good at whatever we practice.  Resilience in life is really about practice.  True self-care is simply nurturing resilience and compassion through practice in our everyday life.  It’s about bringing our whole self online—integrating mind, body, and spirit. 
 
If you feel you could use a tune-up, re-write parts of your story, and revamp the way you relate to yourself in 2020, here’s the perfect opportunity.  Please join me and my incredible friends Ally and Koula at the Self-Care Workshop coming up Feb. 8-9  in Nashville.   Using the Enneagram, writing, and yoga, we will deep dive into what self-care really is and what it looks like specifically for you right now.  
 
It’s going to be so much fun and deeply transformative.  Me (and my 35-year-old self) can’t wait to see you ;).   

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

How to (really) know your Enneagram type

Do you go back and forth between Enneagram types?  Perhaps you’ve taken a few online tests and they’ve given you different results.   The first one pegged you a seven.  But it was neck and neck with type two.  You waited a couple months and took another one only to learn you’re now a nine?  Wha?  You’re confused and little pissed off because you had to pay for that last version. 

HELP!?

First off, don’t be discouraged! This is totally normal and you’re not alone! 

The human personality is not static.  It’s constantly vacillating between healthy, average, and unhealthy levels (hopefully not too unhealthy the more self-aware we are!) throughout our days, weeks, and months.

Online assessments can’t measure how tired, stressed, or emotionally aware you are.  They also can’t determine mood or how many cups of coffee (or glasses of wine) you’ve downed before taking them. 

Sure, they’re a helpful jumping off point.  (Some more than others!)  Yet fully knowing and Understanding your Enneagram type requires a bit more digging.  In fact, I believe it’s part of its effectiveness. 

There are dozens of personality tests out there:  MBTI, StrengthsFinder, DISC, to name a few.  I love them all, too!  However, the Enneagram is unique in that it goes deeper than surface, personality-driven behavior.  Sure, that’s part of it, but the Enneagram also helps us understand the “why,” or story, behind our thoughts, feelings, and resulting behaviors.   

Online tests simply can’t explain the sacred nuance of your story. 

However, doing the deeper self-study required to fully know your Enneagram type can. 

After all, we make choices, big and small, based on the story we’re living out of.  If we’re suffering, we must change more than surface tactics or behaviors.   In order to heal and transform, we’ve got to get to the root of the problem—we’ve got to understand our story. 

Self-discovery is a winding journey, not a mere moment in time.  It’s about deepening knowledge and understanding.  In fact, it’s really about self-befriending. 

If you’re on the fence about your type, good!  I believe it’s an invitation (and excuse) to deepen this beautiful self-friendship you’ve already started.  

So how?

You’re already further along than you think!

I’ve got a helpful next step for you.  Scheduling a typing interview is incredibly helpful in fully unpacking your story and discovering your type. It’s some of my favorite work to do with clients. Basically, it’s a detailed inquiry process steeped in the Narrative Enneagram tradition that provides your top 2-3 probable types.  This allows some direction and margin for clients to then read up on those possibilities and live with them a bit before making a hard decision.  

We do this in a creative, collaborative way with clear next steps mapped out.   Best part? It’s really fun!  

Spoiler alert: you are not a pure type.  No one is!  You lead with a primary type, yet you have a bit of all nine in you.  We are complex and glorious creatures, remember?  The Enneagram has the dynamic infrastructure to meet and guide this complexity into greater understanding and opportunity.

I’m convinced your story is far too stunning to be put in a box.  Perhaps it’s time to take it out?

Curious about an Enneagram typing interview?   Sweet! Let’s talk. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

Your Story: How’s it working for you?

When was the last time you thought of yourself as “the artist of your days” as John O’Donohue handily puts it? 

Me? Not very often. 

In fact, I feel most days, the ballot’s still out depending on the quality of sleep I got the night before, strength of my morning coffee, and rigor of my to-do list. 

Wait a minute, though.  That feels victim-y and weak??  Hmm, perhaps.  Yet no matter how much A-Game we tackle our days with, we can all fall into that trap along the way.

Why?  Because we live out of stories.  Hundreds of thousands of stories we make up about ourselves and our lives every single day. 

Part of our work in self-development and therapy (especially when using the Enneagram) is to wake up to the stories we’ve been living out of, albeit unconsciously, for a very long time.  Often these stories are limiting, keeping us cramped and fixated in ways that hold us back from our fullest potential. 

It took landing myself at Vanderbilt Psychiatric Hospital for a week after a scary encounter with debilitating depression and resulting amnesia to wake up to the fact that my story was indeed, not working for me anymore.  That rock bottom crash shook me to that core.  Finally, I knew I needed to begin to write a new story…something kind and compassionate—something true.

And I did. 

The Enneagram has been a big part of this shift.  I believe it can be for you as well. 

Here’s even better news: you don’t have to check in to your nearest psychiatric hospital to experience this wake up call and resulting transformation.  I believe it awaits you now, as you read these words and go about your day. 

Here’s the deal though: waking up can be stressful.  It’s far easier to coast through life unaware.  (Well, until it’s not.) 

We all need support on this path of transformation.  We need light and encouragement to help us get from where we’ve been to where we long to go.  I believe we’re all on a similar journey in that we want to go home—home to the truth of who we are—home to all God has for us.   

If you feel stuck in the story you’ve been living, you’re not alone.  You don’t have to figure it all out from here, either.  I’d love for you to join my Enneagroup, an intimate, therapeutic monthly group where likeminded travelers unpack their stories and desires in order to discover their true north in the safety of community using the Enneagram as a roadmap. 

For more details or to sign up, click here.  I can’t wait to hear your story…and grow in our unique artistry—together!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

You're Invited to an Intimate Enneagram Gathering

A year ago this month, I took some time off work and headed out to the charming community of Menlo Park, California just outside San Francisco to train as an Enneagram teacher and coach in the Narrative Tradition. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made south of marrying my husband and becoming a (very soon-to-be) mother.

If this sounds dramatic, let me explain.

I discovered the Enneagram before I was a psychotherapist. In many ways, it gave me language and insight as to how to relate to myself and others out of compassion as opposed to insecurity and fear. Let me just say, there was plenty of insecurity and fear.

Since stumbling upon it thirteen years ago, I can easily say the Enneagram is the most dynamic, life-giving tool I’ve come across and use in every aspect of my life.

As a therapist and coach, the Enneagram is integral in my work with individuals and groups and, to my utter delight, has been life-changing for countless men and women I get to serve.

My desire is to help others take their existing Enneagram insight to a deeper, more transformational level—one that has immediate application in their everyday lives.

Why? Because if all this personality and type business stays a mere talking point at coffee shops and cocktail parties, we’ve really missed an incredible opportunity to thrive!

The Enneagram has caught on like wildfire, especially in our burgeoning town of Nashville, which is beyond exciting to me. Much of what I learned at the Narrative training is just how powerful this tool is when we experience it not only cognitively, but somatically and spiritually as well.

Throughout the past year, I’ve felt a deep calling to support others in implementing this tool. Several of you have asked about group possibilities as well. So today, I’m thrilled to roll out the first of many Enneagram opportunities in the coming months.

You’re invited to a brand-new therapy group expressly crafted for those of you who want to dive deeper into your story and rediscover your truest self, using this gift, the Enneagram. It will be experiential, meaning we will literally experience the group process through creative techniques and exercises like meditation, role play, art, storytelling, and mindfulness practices. Sure, there will be some teaching and sharing, but I truly believe we transform and grow together through doing, not just talking.

Another thing, these groups are closed (meaning the same people attend each time) and completely confidential in order to create the safety necessary to delve into our stories and practice vulnerability within the group. Space is limited to ten people per group and we will meet monthly starting in November and ending in May.

If this sounds remotely intriguing to you or perhaps might be to someone you know, click here for more information.

• Perhaps you’ve done therapy but are looking for something different and interactive?

• Or you’re terrified of therapy and this seems like a painless entry?

• Or maybe you just flat out love the Enneagram and are ready to take it to the next level.

Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum, I’d love to share this special experience with you!

I have a feeling space will fill up fast, so don’t delay!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie