Play to Get Ahead

We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.

-George Bernard Shaw

Salt

I’m in the throes of studying for the NCMHCE board exam for the third time now.  I failed it the first two times, or should I say, I learned a lot from the first two times (wink wink ).  It’s the hardest damn test I’ve ever taken and has required more than a whole year of my life to hopefully pass.  I’m seasoning my approach this time around with a heavy hand of confidence, salted ever so intentionally with openness and a good sense of humor.  Lord knows this process has been quite humbling.

Student

In light of this seeming year-long testing “detour”, I’ve simultaneously become a wide-eyed student of myself.  Perhaps my most surprising finding in the process is how vitally important play is as it pertains to success.  Success can feel super nebulous, so I’ll define it as achieving a desired outcome in this context.

Imagine

Imaginative play is not just for kids, OR people who make stuff for a living.  Play is integral as it pertains to work-life balance.  I sometimes refer to play as white space: carved out time to let the mind, body, and imagination reset and be free to engage in the moment’s fullness, though seemingly minuscule and unrelated to the task at hand.  Play might seem silly– for kids, however, we actually must play to get ahead.

Reverb

For example, have you ever found yourself completely zoned out in the shower when a brilliant idea hits like a warm crashing wave from out of nowhere? Perhaps it was the gracious tiled reverb that filtered your morning song and flagged the idea gods, welcoming their favor. Or perhaps you were so engaged in the moment and stressful thoughts and to-do’s  were momentarily sidelined.  Hmmm, perhaps a bit of both?  Ideas happen most often when we’re engaging in something different, something simple.

Cortisol

Another example is weight loss.  Interestingly enough,  it’s quite common for people wanting to lose weight to get so stressed out throughout their process that despite doing diet and exercise perfectly, the number on the scale doesn’t budge, heck, it may even rise.  Why is this?  When we’re highly stressed, greater amounts of the stress hormone cortisol are released in the body which produces resistance and sends us into fight or flight, ultimately holding onto the unwanted weight.  Balance, rest, play, and variety are all necessary to keep our body’s equilibrium and functioning in tact.  Excessive productivity will eventually crash and burn, as will obsessively striving to reach a forced goal.  We’ve got to get off the proverbial treadmill and go build a sandcastle.

Build

In my recent experience studying, I’m learning to build in practices that stimulate imagination and enjoyment instead of solely relying on my ability to pass these god-awful, counter-intuitive simulations that I’ve come to ultimately dread.  Despite knowing the information, I was failing them left and right.  Stress and anxiety prevented me from applying knowledge I’d amassed over months of studying.  Makes sense, right?  If I enjoy what I’m doing, chances are, I’ll naturally come out ahead more often than not.  We perform better when we learn to enjoy the process, not just the outcome.  

Rihanna

So, what’s the application?  Here are some helpful ways to get off the stringent productivity treadmill and play in the waves of possibility and imagination that eventually carry us further, with more fun.  “Work work work work work….” Rihanna got it all wrong.

Factor in some solitude

Carve out some time to connect with yourself, your emotions, your thoughts, and your imagination.  Solitude is not a lonely place.  We’re never alone when our imagination is engaged.

Become the observer

Non-judgement is critical as we cultivate more play in our lives.  Curious people are rock star observers.  For me, the posture of curiosity has been a life-saver this past year!  Guided meditation is a powerful catalyst in the transition from harsh judgment to open observation.  Need more help?  Go spend the afternoon with your favorite three-year-old.

Practice spontaneity

Do something different.  Changing up our routine and physical movement throughout the day seems insignificant, but both facilitate a nimble, vivid imagination.  Set up your workspace in a new coffee shop, take the scenic route home, ditch the gym and find a winding hiking trail somewhere green.

Go on a date

You heard me.  Go on a date…with you!  Find a couple hours in your week and plan something special, then go! Connecting with the dreamer inside happens when we honor and make space for him/her.  Check out the latest museum exhibit, movie, or whatever lights you up.

Goals are so very important.  I love goals!  However, we can’t be rigid with our goals.  They should serve us, not the other way around.  The willingness to be open and deviate from our goals when necessary is central to this journey.  Goals are stepping stones.  If we see a better way across the creek, let’s take it and build there.  Play is really about shifting perspective. Personally, I’d much rather look through the wide-eyed gaze of a child each passing day than get locked into the stale, listless stare of a forgotten dream.  So, simply…let’s go play.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Three Game Changers for the Journey Ahead

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

–Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Clean Slate

We are bounding through January.  Despite the wet, grey, whiplashed days January offers on the heels of holiday indulgences, I freaking love this month.  It yields a pristine sense of clarity and hope as well as a big fat slice of heaven for the introverted soul: fireside reading, killer movies to catch up on (La La Land, anyone?), warm beverages galore, and a proverbial blanket of white snow on the ground beckoning the young dreamer in all of us to let loose and explore.

Blue Monday

The third Monday in January is a bit of a bear.   Apparently, it’s the most depressing day of the year as it’s the day everyone ditches their shiny, steep new year’s resolutions, seizes the old sweatpants, and heads straight for that hidden Ben & Jerry’s pint (or pick your poison) in the sky.  It’s the day we cave into the weighty shame of unmet, unrealistic expectations we heaped on ourselves about three weeks ago.  They’re simply too hard.  In fact, it’s such a let down, they’ve actually given this day a name: Blue Monday.  Who knew?

Litmus Test

Monday morning, millions of people woke up, looked themselves in the mirror, and saw the piercing failure of “not enough”.  Once again, they couldn’t quite cut it.  Their litmus test: a number on a scale, an unwritten novel, a half eaten cheesecake purchased the night before, or perhaps a pack of Camels that miraculously appeared in the kitchen desk drawer.  The vicious cycle continues as we beat ourselves into submission with a new, “better” set of rules, checks and balances, what have you.

Hangry

In light of this melancholy kind of blue, I thought it would be a great opportunity to ditch the idea of elimination altogether and give you some killer tools to add to your tool belt instead.  After all, I’ve never understood this logic of giving up something delicious, like truffle fries, only to be met by a thin drip of green juice. It tends to make me really hangry, and backfires altogether.  It’s also really isolating.  I prefer the supplemental route: let’s add in practices, rituals, and tools that gently keep us on track and promote loving relationship with the totality of our beings: physical, emotional, and spiritual, as well as with others.

Tool Belt

Today, I bring you three tools I’ve added to my daily routine (okay, maybe I’ve missed a couple here and there) as consistently as anything I’ve tried.  Why?  Because they’re fun and they work.  Whereas you can find tons of  research backing the validity and effectiveness of each one, I’m simply going to give you a quick layman’s account, focusing on the application and value I’ve seen within the last month.  Each day, I look forward to my encounters with these tools and practices. They’ve been, in fact, game changers for 2017 already.  You ready for this?

Meditation

I know, I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  “I’ve tried that before and it’s too hard.  I just can’t sit still.”  Fair enough.  However, from one who literally doesn’t like to sit much and is in her happy place walking for days down the busy streets of a buzzing big city somewhere, I’ve finally found a practice that works.  Ladies and gents, I give you Headspace.  It’s an app, its ten minutes a day, the first ten days are free to give you a taste of how it works, and then the journey continues with a modest subscription worth every penny.  The helpful thing about this app is the structured, guided aspect. Led by a lovely guy called Andy with a super cute British accent, Headspace gently leads you through a daily practice that’s accessible, not  too woo-woo (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and really effective.

We live far too much of life in our minds, yet we’re not often taught how to live there.  Headspace has freed up so much energy for me that typically gets spent judging and reacting.  Judging everything: my thoughts, my self, my bad hair day, my inadequacies, those I love, and on and on.  I’ve noticed a softer inner dialog, increased energy, a better mood and outlook, among so many other things.  This topic deserves a whole post, and I could go on and on, but do yourself (and your loved ones) a huge favor and start today.

Essential Oils

I’ve heard the buzz for years and have close friends who swear by them.  For some ungodly reason, I’ve just arrived at the party and not a minute too soon.  My friend Mary Hyatt is an inspiration to me on so many levels.  A few months back, she guested on the blog sharing her insight and experience as it pertains to relationship with food.  Well, she recently introduced me to Doterra, a killer, high-quality, line of essential oils.  As a Christmas gift to myself, I ordered an introductory packet chock full of gorgeous oils, a diffuser, and an arsenal of vitamins that are magic and don’t make you feel like you’re going to vomit.

Transport

Now I get it what the hype is all about.  Oils are not only incredible for the mood and senses but medicinal for what ails you.  Smell is the most powerful of all the senses.  Walk in your local bakery and notice where the waft of freshly baked bread transports you.  There’s a mood attached to that smell as well.  I’ve been like a kid in a candy story experimenting with Lavender, bergamot, lemon, peppermint, frankincence, and more.  My often spotty sleep has improved, energy and mood lifted, and muscle tension in my body eased.  I’ve always had a holistic view of wellness and therapy and these oils are seriously icing on that cake.  If you have any questions, please ask.  If I don’t know the answer, I’ll find out.  I’m passionate about sharing this stuff and believe modern medicine will eventually catch on as well.

Passion Planner

Lastly but definitely not least, my third favorite tool, the Passion Planner.  How many times have you bought a beautiful new, leather-bound planner and found it six months later covered in dust under a pile of magazines in your office?  I can honestly say for me, quite often.  The passion planner is different in that it starts with my favorite motivating force: desire.  This planner breaks down goals in a creative, interactive way month to month, week to week, day-to-day.  It asks what’s most important, driving our passion as well as what’s NOT important, standing in as a poser, or mere distractor.

They’re also big believers in writing it all down as opposed to plugging it into a device.  Why?  because the physical act of writing is step one to actualizing that desire, that mind-body connection thing. The passion planner is a road map, not just a calendar.

Wrap-up

I can honestly say 2017 has gotten off to such a great start partially due to these three amazing resources.  So much of this journey is embracing ritual and structure as well as practical tools that enhance our growth and healing.  I sincerely hope you’ll check out each one.  Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have questions and feedback!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Palate Cleanser: Ready for Connection

Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow. 

Carrie Fisher

Sushi

I hope this finds you healthy and hopeful for a beautiful year right around the corner.  I’ve taken some time off the blog this week for several reasons, but most importantly, to rest, recharge, and connect with family and friends.  I’m calling it a palate cleanser: like a cool, refreshing sliver of pickled ginger to prepare for the gorgeous spicy tuna roll ahead. 

Thank you

That said, I miss you!  I woke up this morning with a longing in my heart to say a quick thank you and communicate so much anticipation for 2017.  As we wind down this quite quirky 2016, I’m struck by the encouragement and support I’ve gleaned through this weekly conversation with you.  Your feedback and insight have been such a lovely gift, those I deeply treasure.

Fog

To be honest, the past week has been tough for me.  I’ve heard news of so much loss and death on differing planes; some I know personally and others I grew up being entertained and shaped by.  I’ve felt a weight of heaviness sweep over me and a fog of lingering confusion that just won’t seem to lift.  I want to learn and grow from it, yet I also want to allow space and time for grief to take its inexplicable course.

Let it flow

Stillness and silence are attractive postures for my weary soul as I write this; I’m learning that’s okay.  When we stuff and cloak the process of emotion that desperately needs to find voice, we end up self-sabotaging and suffering greatly as a result.

Heroes

As I ponder two childhood heroes who’ve left us prematurely this week, George Michael and Carrie Fisher, I ponder in my heart how impossible it must have been for them to stay true when the world kept heaping the burden of God-like fame on them no human should attempt to shoulder.  Sure, they bought in hard and fast, it’d be hard to resist. Numbing that inner cry for connection would only seem a viable option, a necessary evil.  I can’t help but wonder whose face they saw in the mirror as they desperately looked for hopeful answers and loving connection; an imposter of sorts perhaps.   And aren’t we all on this same quest? I think so… yet with far less limelight and paparazzi.

Fuel

Today,  I  want to reiterate how crucial connection is every single day: connection with self, God/Higher Power, and those whom we share this gloriously messy journey with.  I’m putting New Year’s resolutions aside this go around and prayerfully anticipating an abundance of  life-giving connection in 2017 instead.  That’s the fuel of life.  Sure, vulnerability is scary– a risk for sure. Still, I’d rather be known and loved, as painful and often disappointing as it feels, than be safe and lonely in a vault of stale certainty.  Let’s keep reaching out, friends.

Onward

I sincerely hope you’ll join me on the journey ahead.  It’s going to be awesome and I’m thrilled about some new and exciting opportunities I’ve got tucked up my sleeve for you!  Please stay tuned for updates in the new year.  I’ll leave you with my go to saying, or blessing,  from St. Julian of Norwich.  It always brings me back to center.

“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

Have a happy and safe New Year!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Strong Series Part II: The Righteous Rescuer

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can be heroes, just for one day

-“Heroes” by David Bowie

Just as victim hurts so good like three too many helpings of apple a la mode, rescuer soars on wings of eagles complete with the cape and mask of a superhero.  Ahh, the Righteous Rescuer, a role I have often worn proudly, like a pair of killer Louboutins or something.  This role is a double threat in that it temporarily feels loving on both sides of the table; from where the rescued sits as well as the rescuer.  However, Strong Series part II zeros in on the rest of the story: how this role temporarily flies high, yet falls short…really fast.

The Enneagram Two

If you know me in this life you are most likely familiar with the Enneagram because I’ve been a huge fan, no, evangelist of it for a while.  Clients, friends, family, husband, stranger in the starbucks line alike: I most likely pointed you to the online indicator at my first opportunity in order share its wisdom and selfishly know if I was correct in my personal hunch as to what your number (or type) was.  Yeah, sorry if it was over the top.  I’m working on that.

Why Righteous?

I mention this because I firmly believe the rescuer looks very much like the quintessential Enneagram type Two in its point of stress or disintegration, finding inherent motivation in life rooted in the need to be needed, especially in relationships.  “Help me!” is the mating call of the two and rescuer alike.  A savior is a worthy thing to be after all, yes?  Hmm, look again.  The business of saving people is fragile if not futile work.   Rescuers and victims are like two peas in a pod and in a blissfully ignorant world they make dynamic partners. That is, until one or both wakes up to the truth of their essential selves, using Enneagram rhetoric, and can no longer do that dysfunctional, enabling dance.  What was once a slow and sexy samba now feels like four left feet.

The Look

Rescuers are the folks in your neighborhood with a constant overflow of foster pets oozing out the front yard.  They are the people you call when you need to feel the sugary saccharine of sweet consolation that says, “Honey, it’s not your fault.  I can’t believe she would say that to you” or, “You were the best possible candidate for that job, it will all come back around and bite them in the ass.  Come over; we’ll get toasty and talk smack about the whole situation” when you don’t get the promotion you were hoping for.   Perhaps, instead of rescuing, the gift to give is a listening ear and a tall glass of empathy.

Interestingly, the rescuer needs that heroic role more than the object of her rescuing. It is the dysfunctional umbilical cord sustaining his/her existence.

Early on, the rescuer encountered great helplessness around them, maybe from parents or siblings, hearing a steady drip of “I can’t” that ushered forth those initial glimpses into their powerful and purposeful “I can” destiny.  This is the learned way of connection with others; a cycle that repeats over and over again throughout life even subconsciously.

The Payoff

There are blatant payoffs for the rescuer as you can imagine.  They are perhaps the most glaring of all, seeming helpful at first glance.  Here we go:

• As our title suggests, rescuers get to be “self-righteous” forcing the persecutor into the doghouse.
• Temporary boost in self-esteem, distracting from deep existing pain
• Receive attention for being “right”
• Feel useful
• Get to be the “good guy”

The Way Out

The rescuer has absolutely no awareness of personal needs as identity was gradually built on meeting the needs of others.  Most likely, therapy or recovery starts when he/she finally acknowledges that anger and resentment that’s been stuffed for so long now wreaks havoc on overall health, functioning, and relationships.  Or, a loved one gives the old ultimatum.   Real healing starts when the rescuer a) sets some boundaries and b) becomes aware and accepting of their needs.  The way out for the rescuer is simple yet initially very wobbly: self-rescue.  All of those heroic, well-meaning attempts to save another must now point back to them.  Discovering true identity and voice unlocks a whole new world for the rescuer; one of vibrancy and presence.

We are two-thirds through our Strong Series and I know this stuff can be heavy.  Thanks for hanging in with me.  My hope is that you will use this in your awareness this week as an experiment, observing the possible ruts you may fall into that look like rescuer.  Ask yourself this: What boundaries do I need to have in place to love honestly and fully in this moment? Man, I can think of several in my life right now.  Perhaps I’m not alone.  We will be back next week with a sneak peak into the persecutor.  I know the suspense must be killing you…. 

Love,

katie

xoxo

Night Moves: Restoring Successful Sleep

Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two…

-Winnie the Pooh

I recently listened to a fascinating interview with Arianna Huffington.  Dan Harris hosted her on his clever and well-curated podcast 10% Happier.  Despite what you may know or perceive about Ms. Huffington, I imagine you might find great value in what she has to say in this interview.  The topic of conversation was  somewhat surprising: sleep.  Sounds riveting, right?  Well, coupled with her thick, charming Greek accent and an earthy sensuality that’s endearing as well as childlike, I ate it up.  Dan Harris is the consummate host as well providing subtle if not covert humor so as not to overshadow the guest  with needless, distracting bravado.

As I have shared openly about in a recent blog post, sleep has been illusive if not downright absent in seasons of my life.  Those seasons were drenched in a strong cocktail of depression, anxiety, lack of purpose/identity, and garnished with a twist of pure exhaustion.  I vamp on sleep a ton in sessions with clients from week to week as well; we simply cannot heal without sleep.  When someone plops down on my couch and starts describing an extremely low experience wrought with feelings of confusion, overwhelming hopelessness, and a nonexistent margin of pleasure or optimism, the first question I ask is, “how has your sleep been?”  Seven times out of ten they reply with a frustrated, “what sleep?”

SLEEP REFRAME

Ask any new mom desperately trying to adjust to two hour slices of sleep between feedings on and off throughout the night and they will tell you all about how crazy making sleep deprivation is, often a byproduct of postpartum depression.  So why do we champion the vital need for sleep in a new mother’s experience yet glamorize sleep deprivation in other areas of life, especially the workplace?  We have made “running on fumes” a misguided virtue for the sake of hyper productivity and getting ahead.  This is totally counterproductive.

Well, I value productivity just like the next gal, and in this case, the next gal is Arianna Huffington.  The fact that she just wrote a book called Sleep Revolution as a loud wake-up call (pun intended) and conversation starter to put sleep and self-care back on the throne of successful living may have just made her my new girl crush.  After all, if a woman who has led a company valued in the hundreds of millions of dollars can religiously get 8 hours of sleep and divorce herself from those ever buzzing devices every night, so can I.

CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

First, like in anything, having a mindset of abundance in relation to sleep is clutch.  One of my biggest takeaways every time I watch Olympic athletes compete, performers sing their guts out on a Grammy stage, or football teams go head to head in a championship playoff is not only the hours of practice they have put in, but the mental toughness built over time to strengthen a winning mindset.  Sure, practice makes perfect, yet without the why, or clear belief of significance behind any endeavor, performance only falls flat.

MAN AS MACHINE

Humans began associating massive amounts of our identity with productivity and efficiency around the time of the Industrial Revolution, taking cues from, well… machines.  Thomas Edison’s warped views on sleep may not have helped either, referring to it as a “heritage from our cave days”.  He only got a reported 3-4 hours a night.  If the man who gave us the light bulb didn’t need it, why should we, right?  Um…wrong.

As adults, research shows we need between 7-9 hours of sleep every night and prolonged seasons of decreased sleep result in everything from weight gain to depression to heart disease and stroke.  This idea of working 24-7 is pretty much the same as going to work all liquored up.

We must change our mindset to allow for sleep as a highly valued and necessary part of getting ahead.  Jeff Bezos, founder and CEO of amazon.com, is vocal about his 8-hours of sleep a night, claiming it is not only better for him, but also the people around him at work and in life each day.  There is no virtue or honor in exhaustion and sleep deprivation.  We must reclaim a mindset of sleep abundance, not scarcity.

CREATE A BEDTIME RITUAL

Remember that children’s book Goodnight Moon?  I think adults need that book even more than kids.  It’s a blueprint for bedtime ritual teaching us how to disconnect from the world in order to reconnect with ourselves through sleep.  I won’t harp on ritual as it is pretty self explanatory, however I will say rituals  provide sacred structure that facilitate intentionality in our lives.  I love ritual as it brings beauty and enjoyment into often rote or mundane to-do’s.  Here are a few go-to bedtime rituals to get the zzz’s flowing.  Just like Goodnight Moon, bedtime ritual creates the transition we need from our often harried days to the restful night’s sleep we need in order to recharge.  Oh, and if these seem hokey, they might just be.  But who cares, really?

• Take an epsom salt bath
• Use black out shades or a good eye mask
• Light some candles
• Read a book for enjoyment but make sure it’s a hardcopy!  No devices 
• Keep a gratitude journal and write three things you are grateful for from the day behind you.
• Diffuse sleep enhancing essential oils
• Meditate
• Shut down your devices and put them away.  That’s right, you may have to unearth the old alarm clock.

MEDITATION

What’s keeping you awake, anyway?  Chances are, your thoughts are.  Oftentimes, overactive, worrisome thoughts come out and have the dance party of the century when the lights go out.  I’ve got great news for you: If you are a nimble worrier, you might just give the Dalai Lama a run for his money in meditation.  Meditation is simply focused, positive intention.  In my experience, one of the reasons we get flustered by the fixations keeping us awake at night is we have little control over doing anything about them at 3 am.  Meditation is just another way to funnel that energy; one that serves as a conduit for sleep. There are tons of great apps and resources out there to facilitate meditation.  Headspace is one of my favorites.  However, as it relates to sleep, meditation is way more basic and you don’t need an app for that.

7-DAY CHALLENGE

Here is my challenge to you.  The next time you lie wide awake in the middle of the night tempted by the thumping dance party in your mind, try something different.  Find a short laser beam phrase of gratitude, intention , or positive belief and make it the focus of your energy and thought.  Distractions will interrupt and that’s okay.  Simply take notice and return your attention and energy back to the phrase.  Even if sleep levels remain light, energy in our bodies shift to promote different thought grooves in the brain that eventually allow our bodies to shut down.  Practice this for a week and see if you notice any changes.  I’ve been playing around with this and I notice my energy is more positive in the morning when I wake up.  I’d love to hear your experience with it as well.

EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE

If I had read this 10 years ago, I would have thrown whatever device I was reading it from across the room in utter frustration.  If that is the way you feel, fair enough; I can relate.   I am not ignorant to the fact that sometimes we need more than a bedtime ritual and some bath salts for soaking in order to restore broken sleep patterns.  This is not an oversimplified roadmap for curing deep emotional wounds that can result in full blown insomnia and resulting hopelessness.  If you are suffering from prolonged insomnia, please reach out.

My hope in writing this is simply to raise awareness for the invaluable role sleep plays in our daily and overarching life experience.  Sleep is cool.  Toting around total exhaustion like some medal of honor is not.  I love the examples being set by game-changing organizational leaders out there who are crushing it, eight hours of sleep at a time.  There is so much life out there to be had.  Let’s get some good shut-eye so we can be fully present to experience it.

Love,

katie

xoxo