The Power of Three (and 20 minutes a day)

We’ve already blown right through the first quarter of 2022! Yowza. 

How are you? 

It’s such a simple question and yet one we must often pause to ponder…and answer.

For me, this pocket of time typically has one of two outcomes: I’ve lost sight of the hot flame that burned bright at the dawn of the new year, meaning, I’ve blown my resolutions altogether.   Or, I have filled my time up with loads of distractions—busyness—that masquerade as purpose and real progress.  

If you resonate, I’ve got good news:  there is another way.  

We need a plan. But not just any plan. One that connects us to the truest, most authentic parts of us.  One that is built on love and self-compassion, not fear and scarcity.  

It’s not just a to-do list and it’s not about striving.  It’s a practice that supports true self-acceptance and teaches us how to be with ourselves in order to show up for ourselves.  

It’s three-fold.

Here are the three pillars of what I believe are your fool-proof self-care regimen and will help you get unstuck and stay grounded in 2022:

What about self-compassion? I’ve learned first hand we simply can’t thrive if we’re constantly working against ourselves.  Shame-based striving won’t cut it because we’ll constantly be hustling for our worthiness as opposed to growing from a place of self-acceptance and love.  We need true self-compassion which teaches us to treat ourselves like we would a dear friend or family member in need. It’s only from this place of unconditional, loving kindness that we can effect transformational change.

Meditation?  Mindfulness exercises such as meditation are scientifically proven to reduce stress and anxiety, improve sleep and overall functioning and bring awareness to what’s happening moment-to-moment so we can choose to consciously respond to life’s circumstances rather than react out of automatic, self-defeating patterns.

Why Writing? Writing practices such as journaling are scientifically proven to reduce stress, increase confidence, metabolize difficult experiences and emotions, improve overall health, and boost mood to name just a few.  However, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Writing gives us the  space and intention to dream and discover ourselves.  By carving out just 10 minutes a day to put our thoughts down on paper, we practice finding and using our voice.  In doing so, we unlock greater clarity and purpose.  

If this all sounds overwhelming, rest assured, it’s not!  I’ve developed a plan just for you.   It’s called the Practice and offers a self-care design that combines all three.  Best of all, it only takes 20 minutes a day.  I’d love to support you as you discover and realize your most authentic, empowered self.  Visit katiegustafson.co/thepractice for more info or to sign up.    

How to Become the Artist of your Days

When was the last time you thought of yourself as “the artist of your days,” as John O’Donohue handily puts it?  

Me? Not very often.  

In fact, I feel most days, the ballot’s still out depending on the quality of sleep I got the night before, strength of my morning coffee, and rigor of my to-do list.  

Wait a minute, though. That feels victim-y and weak??  Hmm, perhaps.  Yet no matter how much A-Game we tackle our days with, we can all fall into that trap along the way. 

Why?  Because we live out of stories.  Hundreds of thousands of stories we make up about ourselves and our lives every single day.  

Part of our work in self-development and therapy (especially when using the Enneagram) is to wake up to the stories we’ve been living out of, albeit unconsciously, for a very long time.  Often these stories are limiting, keeping us cramped and fixated in ways that hold us back from our fullest potential.  

It took landing myself at Vanderbilt Psychiatric Hospital for a week after a scary encounter with debilitating depression and resulting amnesia to wake up to the fact that my story was indeed not working for me anymore.  That rock bottom crash shook me to that core.  Finally, I knew I needed to begin to write a new story…something kind and compassionate—something true.

And I did.  

The Enneagram has been a big part of this shift.  I believe it can be for you as well.  

Here’s even better news: you don’t have to check in to your nearest psych hospital to experience this wake up call and resulting transformation.  I believe it awaits you now, as you read these words and go about your day.  

Here’s the deal though: waking up can be stressful.  It’s far easier to coast through life unaware.  (Well, until it’s not.)  

We all need support on this path of transformation.  We need light and encouragement to help us get from where we’ve been to where we long to go.  I believe we’re all on a similar journey in that we want to go home—home to the truth of who we are—home to all God has for us.  

If you feel stuck in the story you’ve been living, you’re not alone.  You don’t have to figure it all out from here, either.  I’d love for you to join me in the coming months as we take a long, soft look at the story we’ve been living out of.  I think we could all use some editing.  After all, I’m convinced you are the Hero of your story, not the victim.  As for me, I’d love to serve you as a guide.  

To help you get started, join me and John Chisum, fellow creative and coach, for our (FREE) live webinar called Unlock Your Creativity with the Enneagram on May 7th from 12:00 pm - 2:00 pm CST.  It will be an amazing time to learn more about the creative process, what’s holding your unique enneagram type back, and how to practically apply the enneagram for optimum creativity. 

It’s time to write the next chapter.  But first, you must decide…are you ready to become the “artist of your days?”

The Problem with Goals

Today’s thoughts are a bit more like a brain dump than a blog post.  (How’s that for a disclaimer?)  But I do think you may resonate, so stay with me.  

 I’ve been thinking a lot about goals lately.  Maybe it’s my over-active three wing (the achiever) or maybe it’s something of a spring cleaning as daylight savings is right around the cold corner.  Either way, I’ve carved out some big goals for myself.  

 How do you approach goals?  Do they feel supportive? Restrictive? Unrealistic? All or nothing?  

 Me? All of the above.  

 Typically, I’ll hunker down with my laptop and an oat milk latte and energetically list out what I want to accomplish in the week, months, and year ahead.  I love the energy involved in this process—sky’s the limit and I like to fly high.  And then, I peruse the final holy grail, and I….leave it there?  

 Yep, I save it in a folder and let it collect virtual dust on the shelf, taking with me only a few of the highlights rolling around in my head and no clear plan of action.    

I know what you’re thinking.  “But they have planners for this!” Wah, wah.  I know I HAVE THEM.   

Here’s the deal.  I believe goals aren’t the answer for a few different reasons. 

1. They create a destination where you will find satisfaction only when said destination is reached.  I like to call this contingency living.  I’ll be happy when (I lose 10 pounds or get the book deal or run the marathon.)

2. They often set us up for failure because they’re too big and lack a plan.

3. They take us out of the present moment, eyes fixed on the prize ahead.  We end up missing out on our lives always living for the payoff. 

4. They don’t address the identity shift that must happen to effect longterm change. 

 So, what if we learn to fall in love with the process instead of the goal.  What if we create a doable, enjoyable, and realistic plan that focuses on tiny changes—shifts—along the way? In doing so, we not only create momentum, we start to see ourselves in a different, more empowered light.  We step into a new identity, a new story, that aligns with the type of person who achieves your desired outcome.  

 Are you ready to be the hero of your own story?  Join me in the Practice, an online community committed to self-care and development by creating everyday rhythms and practices that help you thrive.

 I’d love to support you.  

Play to Get Ahead

We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.

-George Bernard Shaw

Salt

I’m in the throes of studying for the NCMHCE board exam for the third time now.  I failed it the first two times, or should I say, I learned a lot from the first two times (wink wink ).  It’s the hardest damn test I’ve ever taken and has required more than a whole year of my life to hopefully pass.  I’m seasoning my approach this time around with a heavy hand of confidence, salted ever so intentionally with openness and a good sense of humor.  Lord knows this process has been quite humbling.

Student

In light of this seeming year-long testing “detour”, I’ve simultaneously become a wide-eyed student of myself.  Perhaps my most surprising finding in the process is how vitally important play is as it pertains to success.  Success can feel super nebulous, so I’ll define it as achieving a desired outcome in this context.

Imagine

Imaginative play is not just for kids, OR people who make stuff for a living.  Play is integral as it pertains to work-life balance.  I sometimes refer to play as white space: carved out time to let the mind, body, and imagination reset and be free to engage in the moment’s fullness, though seemingly minuscule and unrelated to the task at hand.  Play might seem silly– for kids, however, we actually must play to get ahead.

Reverb

For example, have you ever found yourself completely zoned out in the shower when a brilliant idea hits like a warm crashing wave from out of nowhere? Perhaps it was the gracious tiled reverb that filtered your morning song and flagged the idea gods, welcoming their favor. Or perhaps you were so engaged in the moment and stressful thoughts and to-do’s  were momentarily sidelined.  Hmmm, perhaps a bit of both?  Ideas happen most often when we’re engaging in something different, something simple.

Cortisol

Another example is weight loss.  Interestingly enough,  it’s quite common for people wanting to lose weight to get so stressed out throughout their process that despite doing diet and exercise perfectly, the number on the scale doesn’t budge, heck, it may even rise.  Why is this?  When we’re highly stressed, greater amounts of the stress hormone cortisol are released in the body which produces resistance and sends us into fight or flight, ultimately holding onto the unwanted weight.  Balance, rest, play, and variety are all necessary to keep our body’s equilibrium and functioning in tact.  Excessive productivity will eventually crash and burn, as will obsessively striving to reach a forced goal.  We’ve got to get off the proverbial treadmill and go build a sandcastle.

Build

In my recent experience studying, I’m learning to build in practices that stimulate imagination and enjoyment instead of solely relying on my ability to pass these god-awful, counter-intuitive simulations that I’ve come to ultimately dread.  Despite knowing the information, I was failing them left and right.  Stress and anxiety prevented me from applying knowledge I’d amassed over months of studying.  Makes sense, right?  If I enjoy what I’m doing, chances are, I’ll naturally come out ahead more often than not.  We perform better when we learn to enjoy the process, not just the outcome.  

Rihanna

So, what’s the application?  Here are some helpful ways to get off the stringent productivity treadmill and play in the waves of possibility and imagination that eventually carry us further, with more fun.  “Work work work work work….” Rihanna got it all wrong.

Factor in some solitude

Carve out some time to connect with yourself, your emotions, your thoughts, and your imagination.  Solitude is not a lonely place.  We’re never alone when our imagination is engaged.

Become the observer

Non-judgement is critical as we cultivate more play in our lives.  Curious people are rock star observers.  For me, the posture of curiosity has been a life-saver this past year!  Guided meditation is a powerful catalyst in the transition from harsh judgment to open observation.  Need more help?  Go spend the afternoon with your favorite three-year-old.

Practice spontaneity

Do something different.  Changing up our routine and physical movement throughout the day seems insignificant, but both facilitate a nimble, vivid imagination.  Set up your workspace in a new coffee shop, take the scenic route home, ditch the gym and find a winding hiking trail somewhere green.

Go on a date

You heard me.  Go on a date…with you!  Find a couple hours in your week and plan something special, then go! Connecting with the dreamer inside happens when we honor and make space for him/her.  Check out the latest museum exhibit, movie, or whatever lights you up.

Goals are so very important.  I love goals!  However, we can’t be rigid with our goals.  They should serve us, not the other way around.  The willingness to be open and deviate from our goals when necessary is central to this journey.  Goals are stepping stones.  If we see a better way across the creek, let’s take it and build there.  Play is really about shifting perspective. Personally, I’d much rather look through the wide-eyed gaze of a child each passing day than get locked into the stale, listless stare of a forgotten dream.  So, simply…let’s go play.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

The Deciding Line: Staying the Course

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’
When the dealin’s done

-Kenny Rogers (The Gambler)

The Gambler

I remember going to a Kenny Rogers concert in 8th grade with a few friends.  I didn’t much like country music but it was the thing at my school back then and I was locked smack dab in the middle of my awkward stage pinnacle.  I also got a huge kick out of Dolly and she was slated to make a guest appearance that night for their classic duet, Islands in the Stream.  Needless to say, I went along with it.  After all, there was very little for a twelve-year-old to do in Mobile, Alabama that didn’t involve golf cart mudding or toilet papering the odd neighbor’s front yard.

Cool Points

Towards the end of the concert, I decided to step it up a notch in hopes of earning a few more cool points. (I was already ahead as my drop dead gorgeous mom was playing chauffeur that night).  In between songs, the auditorium got super still for some strange reason.  Was he switching guitars?  Was he waiting on sound? Did the Budweiser run out?  I didn’t know and didn’t care.  I took the golden opportunity and ran like it was a skydiver’s terrifying first jump.

Leap

There in the silence I inched towards the edge and screamed at the top of my pre-pubescent lungs “The GAMBLERRRR!!!!” The next thirty seconds felt like a turtle’s lifetime and I’m sure I resembled something of a seared beet.  Finally, Mr. Rogers peered way back into the nosebleeds as if to try to locate this brave (read: ludicrous) young soul, then chuckled, “Well, alright then.”  He launched into that familiar finger picking pattern followed by a warm raspy vocal, holding thousands of hungry fans and one proud pre-teen in the palm of his hand.  It was epic, indeed.

Alive

Believe it or not, this post is about staying the course of our goals, not how to make it out of middle school alive.  I’m convinced that was a miracle I don’t remember much of.  The Gambler lends us wisdom as we navigate our goals.  I love this idea of knowing when to cut our losses; when to walk away from something that appears good, but may not ultimately be great for the overarching journey ahead.

One

Many of you are highly creative, highly intuitive creatures, tightly wound for success.  The achievement stakes are high as is the capacity to dream.  You do many things really well, which makes choosing just one of them often difficult.

Action

Today, I want to drop a few ideas that have helped me translate desire into action.  Play around with them, tease them out a bit.  They may challenge a few beliefs you’ve held thus far.  They’ve certainly done so for me.

You can’t have it all (Gasp)

I breathed a deep sigh of relief when I read Twyla Tharp’s sharp words of wisdom in her bestseller The Creative Habit for the first time.

As a brilliant, world-renown choreographer in her 60’s, she harkens back to her stringent 20’s way of thinking that she could, indeed have it all:

“To lead a creative life, you have to sacrifice, ‘Sacrifice’ and ‘having it all’ do not go together.  I set out to have a family, have a career, be a dancer, and support myself all at once, and it was overwhelming.  I had to learn the hard way that you can’t have it all, you have to make some sacrifices, and there’s no way you’re going to fulfill all the roles you imagine.”

Hats

What roles are you currently juggling?  Does it feel exhausting?  Perhaps its time to re-examine all the hats you’re wearing and choose one or two that fit the best.  I know I know,  you are good at what you set your mind to and multi-tasking might be your jam. However, when calling and desire are at stake, slow and steady may be your best bet for consistent delivery.

Cut it out

The word “decide” comes from the Latin decider, literally meaning “to cut off.”  Whenever we make a choice, we cut off and remove another option.  I love this imagery–it frees up space for more of what we actually want and lightens the load in order to quicken our step in the right direction.  Choosing to prioritize a dream that speaks lovingly and loudly allows us to silence the dead weight of conflicting voices that speak out of turn.  Plus, this is how we practice listening and leaning into intuition,  ultimately building trust in ourselves, our voice.

Good vs. Great

This doesn’t mean the conflicting voices are necessarily bad.  Au Contraire!  I believe at the core of our desires we find purity.  We want to make a good living to create freedom and security, we want to get a promotion in order to feel accomplished and respected, we want to travel the world in order to fuel a sense of wonder and expand our horizons.  These are all beautiful desires.  We’ve got to learn how to navigate them.

Harvest

I love vineyards.  The process of growing, pruning, crushing, and harvesting grapes that eventually produce wine is fascinating, if not poetic.  The farmer is intimately acquainted with this process of knowing, choosing, and cutting off in order to render the best the vines can offer.  Of course, there are wilting grapes in obvious need of elimination.  Then there are perfectly good grapes; grapes that appear healthy, ripe, and full of potential.  The winemaker knows, however, that in order for optimal growth, too much weight and fruit will actually dampen the vine and lower overall quality.

There doesn’t need to be harsh judgment of our decision to focus on one goal over another.  The good news is, we can always come back to it and reassess.  Like the song boasts, “There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.”

Now dream

For now, I encourage you to make a list of 5-10 things you deeply desire to accomplish in the next three months.  Don’t edit it or deem them unrealistic, just listen to what wells up inside.  Spend five minutes with that list and circle the one that would have the MOST positive impact on your life now.  If there’s one that’s are close second, draw a box around it; you’ve found your six month goal.  You can build this out as long as you want and revisit with more clarity down the line.  As I mentioned last week, the Passion Planner is an amazing resource to supplement this journey as well.

I absolutely love partnering with you on this journey of making dreams and desires a tangible reality.  If you feel you need extra support, don’t hesitate to reach out.  Oh and, stay tuned for some really exciting news on the blog in the coming weeks!  I’ve got some fun stuff planned for us

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo