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How to Practice Self-Compassion…A Meditation
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”
- Jack Kornfield
One of my greatest struggles in life has been my relationship with food. This took the shape of an eating disorder in high school that continued well into my twenties. At the core of this crippling bondage was shame. It was dark.
I remember the Holidays always being so tough for me because there was indulgent food at every corner—my parents house, work, holiday parties, you name it. Anorexia doubles down and pulls out all the stops this time of year. It has to in order to survive. I, on the other hand, was slowly dying.
As I began recovery, the most difficult thing in the world was to find even a tablespoon of self-love. It was too far a jump to make from the deep, toxic shame to a shiny self-acceptance. It felt flimsy and fake. If I had known about the practice of self-compassion back then, I believe it would have softened the edges of that rigid relationship with Katie a ton.
Yet our process is always right on time and I discovered this thing called self-compassion reading two great books in my mid-thirties. Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, Ph.D., and Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. They both completely changed my life and informed my work. (nudge, nudge…)
In essence, self-compassion is a practice of befriending yourself, as you would another person, flaws and all. There’s no hustle to cover up or change the broken parts and shadows. It’s a beautiful movement towards those things as opposed to a race to escape them. I can honestly say it has opened up a stunning new path for me and improved my relationship with virtually everything and everyone. After decades of harsh self-loathing and dissociation, I’ve begun to integrate all the parts of me. And guess what??? I like her…a lot.
This week, as you come off of Thanksgiving and ride full steam ahead into the vortex of the Holidays, I hope you will join me in the practice of self-compassion with this new meditation. As you run every which way, I pray you’ll carve out some space for you, even if just 5 minutes, to breath and reconnect to the most important teammate you’ve got—you. She needs you right now more than ever…and most of all, she deeply loves you. After all, she knows you inside and out and might even offer up some wisdom as you navigate these last days of 2019.
Try it on for size. If you’re interested in going deeper into this practice, I’ve got some exciting opportunities this winter.
Click here for more info on that.
Love & Gratitude,
Katie
Your Most Powerful Tool...A Gratitude Meditation
“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.”
- Rumi
Happy Thanksgiving week! This is by far my favorite Thursday of the year as well as one of my absolute favorite holidays. I savor the vibrant smells and tastes of seasonal comfort foods, the cozy roaring fire that cracks and burns in the fireplace, and I adore the fact that in this beautiful country of ours, we’ve managed to preserve the fourth Thursday of every November to remember, cherish, and give thanks over a meal.
Speaking of, many of you will sit down around a dinner table of some kind with loved ones and enter into a food coma at its finest in just a couple of days. Perhaps you’ve started the party early. I sincerely hope you enjoy every bite and minute of your day.
And some of you are in places of lonely transition. The holiday looks much different than you’d hoped and that Norman Rockwell ideal has once again vaporized into a wishful mist. My heart knows the pain of similar loneliness and I pray you will find some light in the cracks of that thin space this week.
Wherever you are on your journey, I want to give you something to take with you, whatever your situation may be. It’s a guided gratitude meditation you can practice beyond today and throughout this Holiday week and season. I believe gratitude is one of the most powerful forces, turning the darkest skies a paler grey and shifting toxic, negative thoughts into grounded presence. It’s always available to us and it’s totally free.
As you navigate the coming days and weeks, I hope you’ll join me in practicing not only meditation but gratitude at every turn. I’ve found that when I lose sight of gratitude, I start comparing my experience to others and become quite resentful.
In an instant, gratitude shifts our focus from scarcity and fear to the wide-open spaces of graceful possibility. Your inner dialog softens and your tired bones relax. Just by saying, “thank you,” your heart may start to open. We talked last week about how important openness and curiosity are if we are to receive good things in our lives. In step with this, gratitude is like pouring rocket fuel on the process, accelerating this manifestation.
I’ll start us off right here and now with my deep and stirring gratitude that bubbles up in my heart daily: I am grateful for you. I’m grateful for your courage on the journey that’s brought you, in all of your beautiful brokenness, exactly where you sit today. I’m inspired by your uniqueness and blown away that you show up and meet the world’s deep need for gifts and talents that only you can bring. Thank you for being you, day after day. Thank you, thank you thank you…
Here is a small token—a gratitude meditation practice.
Love,
Katie
New Holiday Meditation! How to Find Acceptance
“Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
- Brené Brown
The whole notion of acceptance can be tricky. After all, if we accept something in our lives, doesn’t that mean we then subscribe to it, caving to its longterm effects?
If I’m feeling anxious or lonely this time of year, doesn’t accepting that make me weak or irresponsible?
Quite the contrary.
In order to experience change on any level, we must become aware of what we want to see change and accept that it is indeed there! We won’t gain anything by resisting and pretending it doesn’t exist!
By resisting uncomfortable emotions and realities in our lives, we only prolong what we resist. As a result, we also create tension in our bodies that creates all kinds of long-term negative outcomes down the road. Instead, we must learn to be on our own team, lovingly accepting our experience, rather than constantly judging from a place of shame.
If we want to do better for ourselves and those around us, we must soften, opening up to “what is.” It is through this soft and receptive acceptance we can consciously choose something better.
Today’s meditation is a practice that will guide you through the process of acceptance. I use the word practice very intentionally! Why? Because whatever we practice we become better at. My hope this holiday season is not that we will chase an unrealistic expectation of constant merry and bright (though there may be more of that than normal). My hope is that no matter what your experience, you will practice allowing and accepting it. From that place of acceptance, we can collectively create something new and meaningful.
Love & Gratitude,
Katie
New! Holiday Meditation Series...starts today!
“The thing about meditation is: You become more and more you.”
- David Lynch
This week kicks off an 8-week series on the blog called “Holiday Mindfulness.”
Time is short and stress-high around the holiday season. My hope is to collectively dial that back this year using the simple, game-changing practice of meditation. Today, I want to help simplify this practice for you as it tends to feel a bit esoteric and out of reach for most of us.
Every Tuesday through the month of December, I’ll deliver a new five-minute meditation directly to your inbox. Yes, even five minutes can completely transform your day. The meditation will have a theme that meets the demands of the season. I’d love to hear your feedback each week.
How did you like it? (It’s totally okay if you hate it…it was an acquired taste for me!)
What did you notice in your body as you practiced?
What emotions and memories came up for you?
How often were you able to practice?
Did you notice any shifts in perspective or mood?
Basically, there is no way to mess this thing up. All that’s required is to show up as often as possible. Once you’re there, I’ll guide you every step of the way.
Today’s meditation is called “Building Awareness.” It’s an invitation to come home to the open and loving presence of your true self. She is waiting to meet you with wide eyes and open arms. She is curious and safe. She doesn’t know the language of fear, so we can leave that nagging voice aside for a bit.
Grab your smartphone or laptop, find a comfortable, quiet place, and let’s get started!
Love & Gratitude,
Katie
Let's Finish Strong
“For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning."
-Melody Beattie
Last week, a dear friend said something so profound in conversation. I’ve been marinating in it since. She said, “I’m struggling to find my now. I’m either stuck in the past or out somewhere in the future. I desperately want to find my now.”
Can you relate to this? I sure can—especially in this eleventh hour of 2019. It’s tempting to camp out in what “could have been”: more productivity, success, health, passion, what have you. This temptation is then compounded by the seductive tendency to run tactics on a fresh new start right around the proverbial bend.
You know the drill. The diet and exercise folks join forces and broker a zillion dollar deal every fourth quarter counting on you and I to wake up January 1 after sipping on the stiff and steady cocktail of two parts bloated, one part foggy, and a heavy shake of shame. We buy in to the ultimate extreme makeover our resolution(s) of choice promises only to throw in the towel a week later hangry, and with the selfless support of your dearest pint: Ben & Jerry, or Stella Artois.
It’s so predictable, right?
I believe it’s high-time we outgrow this brand of insanity. Thankfully, there is another way. Conscious living invites us into self-awareness. If we accept this invitation, we immediately enter a room full of freedom—and responsibility.
Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist, Logotherapy creator, and Holocaust survivor, said it best, “Between the stimulus and the response, there is a space. In that space, there lies your freedom and power.”
These Holiday months present us with a vital passageway—a sacred space. Incidentally, it’s one of the tightest spaces in which to remain present and self-aware. If we consciously choose presence (that powerful space of the here and now), as opposed to the sugar-laced trance of consumerism, I believe we will finish strong.
“Buzz-kill much?” you ask.
Fair enough. However, I wholeheartedly believe our most powerful, abundant lives are built with consistency, brick by brick, and experienced moment to moment. Why? Because if I am present in each moment, I hold the keys to reality and connection. By this I mean, I live in wakeful presence and respond truthfully to my desires, needs, and those of others. I also forgo the trap of extreme, reactionary living.
Speaking of the needs of others, the Holiday season is often one of deep pain and loneliness in the hearts of many. I’ve known this pain well. Yet at the same time, there is this massive expectation to shine up the shell of appearance and ignore the voice of pain that hums a haunting cry for help.
When you and I narc-out in an unconscious trance, we are unavailable to those needs all around us. Likewise, we silence our own. Needs such as connection, compassion, and rest get overrun by the loud liturgy of commerce and consumption.
These next several weeks, give yourself and others this gift of presence. Enjoy the heck out of them, consciously choosing to come back to the moment, no matter how often the drone of chaos calls. Each time you make this choice, you step into your freedom...your power. Don’t bother eliminating the noise. That’s an isolating crap-shoot. Simply cultivate an inner peace amidst the noise as you loosen the grip of control and soften the lens of extremes.
Finishing strong looks more like staying soft than hustling hard.
Stay tuned next week on the blog for some practical tools to support you in this generous pursuit.
Love & Gratitude,
Katie
P.S. If you haven't signed up for my monthly EnneaGroup, it's not too late. To sign up for next week's in-person group or for the remote option starting later this month, click here.