A Christmas Letter to You

I have a hunch you have a lot going on this week.  With Christmas only a few days away and New Years just around the bend, many of us are traveling, gathering, and hopefully…connecting.  

I’m reminded of how lonely this time of year can be as well.  I’ve had many seasons of life where the holidays were, very truly, bleak.  So I can’t help but write you today and check in.  As an Enneagram Type 4, that sensitive ache is never too far off, for better or worse.  I say yes to the ache, though.  Without it, I forget how fragile and thin life’s veil is.  I learned that big time with my cancer diagnosis.  

I feel more connected to you as I connect to my own human frailty.  This is why the practice of self-compassion is so beautiful and spacious.  It invites our pain and suffering to have a voice, knowing that this is the connective tissue of this being human.  It doesn’t shut that voice out in the cold, though.  It leans in, curiously, with kindness—so as to alleviate that felt pain and loneliness.  It says, “I see you, friend.  I see your pain—the weight of your heavy burden—and I love you no matter what.  I’ll stay awhile with you.”  

This season, consider someone in need.  Who might be alone?  Who may be hurting?  As you enter into the spirit of the season, invite them there with you, even in the prayer chamber of your heart.  What a powerful message we send to the world as we create space in our hearts for the ones who are broken…we overcome scarcity with generosity—lack with abundance.  

I pray this week, you would hear more love than noise, see more light than sorrow, feel more joy than fear.  In the quiet hours of the morning, I pray that you sense a palpable belonging.  

Merry Christmas, Love.

How to Finish Strong

Last week, a dear friend said something so profound in conversation.  I’ve been marinating in it since.  She said, “I’m struggling to find my now.  I’m either stuck in the past or out somewhere in the future.  I desperately want to find my now.”

Can you relate to this?  I can.  It’s tempting to camp out in what “could have been”: more productivity, success, health, passion, what have you. This temptation is then compounded by the seductive tendency to run tactics on a fresh new start right around the proverbial bend.  

You know the drill.  The diet and exercise folks join forces and broker a zillion dollar deal every fourth quarter counting on you and I to wake up January 1 after sipping on the stiff and steady cocktail of two parts bloated, one part foggy, and a heavy shake of shame.  We buy in to the ultimate extreme makeover our resolution(s) of choice promises only to throw in the towel a week later hangry, and with the selfless support of your dearest pint: Ben & Jerry, or Stella Artois.   

It’s so predictable, right?

Thankfully, there is another way. Conscious living invites us into self-awareness. If we accept this invitation, we immediately enter a room full of freedom—and responsibility. 

 Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist, Logotherapy creator, and Holocaust survivor, said it best, “Between the stimulus and the response, there is a space.  In that space, there lies your freedom and power.”  

The holidays present us with a vital passageway—a sacred space.  

Incidentally, it’s one of the tightest spaces in which to remain present and self-aware.  If we consciously choose presence—that powerful space of the here and now, as opposed to the sugar-laced trans of consumerism, I believe we will finish strong.  

“Buzz-kill much?” you ask. 

Fair enough. However, I wholeheartedly believe our most powerful, abundant lives are built with consistency, brick by brick, and experienced moment to moment.  Why?  Because if I am present in each moment, I hold the keys to reality and connection.  By this I mean, I live in wakeful presence and respond truthfully to my desires, needs, and those of others.  I also forgo the trap of extreme, reactionary living. 

Speaking of the needs of others, the Holiday season is often one of deep pain and loneliness in the hearts of many.  I’ve known this pain well.  Yet at the same time, there is this massive expectation to shine up the shell of appearance and ignore the voice of pain that hums a haunting cry for help.

When you and I narc-out in unconscious trance, we are unavailable to those needs all around us.  Likewise, we silence our own.  Needs such as connection, compassion, and rest get overrun by the loud liturgy of commerce and consumption.  

These next few weeks, give yourself and others this gift of presence.  Enjoy the heck out of them, consciously choosing to come back to the moment, no matter how often the drone of chaos calls.  Each time you make this choice, you step into your freedom—your power.  Don’t bother eliminating the noise. That’s a crap-shoot.

Finishing strong looks more like staying soft than hustling hard.  

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

My gift to you...perfect timing

They say timing is everything.  I’ll agree with that.  However, when it comes to deepening self-awareness and overall quality of life, the perfect timing is always now.  I used to think I had to wait for a catastrophic event to explode on the scene in order to garner precious time and energy to “work on me” so to speak.  

What about you?  Do you tend to brush minor hurts, dashed hopes and dreams, and resentments under the rug only to deal with them “when the time is right?” And who’s to say when time is right or wrong?

Obviously, we do have to compartmentalize painful stuff along the way in order to show up and meet the demands of work, parenting, and other projects we’re invested in.  The problem with waiting for the right time is we often put it off too long which in turn creates further unforeseen problems for ourselves and others.  It’s like driving your car without ever getting an oil change.  Eventually, manageable maintenance issues become harrowing expenses we could’ve easily avoided. 

My point is this: now is the time to invest in you and take back the power in your life.  This doesn’t have to look extreme or exhausting either.  

When we decide to show up for ourselves and work with what we’ve got where we’re at, we not only circumvent larger scale implosions down the road, we put into motion tiny two-degree shifts that over time, create massive upgrades in all areas of our lives. 

When you board a plane in Nashville headed for London, the pilot follows a detailed flight plan that takes into account all sorts of possible interruptions.  When you’re flying, you won’t feel many noticeable deviations or sudden turns, unless turbulence becomes an issue.  In fact,  if your pilot’s navigation is even one degree off, guess what happens?  You’ll end up in Morocco or something.  (Okay, geography isn’t my strong suit, but you get my point). I imagine Morocco is magical, yet you bought a ticket to London.  

It doesn’t take much of a shift to create the dramatic results you’re looking for over time.  It does, however, require you to decide to start now, with what you’ve got.  

What holds you back from this courageous decision? 

Why is this courageous?  Because to be willing to look honestly and openly at the peaks and valleys of your story is a highly vulnerable process.  We don’t know what we’ll find.  We can’t predict how we’ll react.  To be vulnerable always requires courage.  

And yet there is nothing more vulnerable and uncertain in this life than to love.  

Take the first step today and say yes (with feeling) to the adventure.  Sign up for my Enneagram-based self-care membership program, The Practice.  It’s affordable, supportive, and you get a whole new community of folks with like minds and hearts.  

I don’t make many promises in my line of work, but I assure you, you certainly won’t be bored. 

Do you struggle with food this time of year?

I’m pretty sure I say this every year, and here goes again: I can’t believe the holidays are upon us.  Though they may differ depending on your traditions, one thing remains: food tends to be the main event.

Especially this last week—Thanksgiving—the heightened emphasis on that  decadent meal with butter dripping from every possible opportunity leaves so many people feeling anxious due to complicated relationships with food and body image.  I know this struggle all too well as someone who suffered a deadly eating disorder in high school.  I’ve worked hard to maintain a healthy relationship with food bolstered by a more gentle and balanced approach.  Though I feel a million times better today and don’t struggle in  the way I did, I have a very special place in my heart for those who suffer from this ongoing battle with themselves and food.

In fact, most women struggle at some point in their lives with a disordered  relationship with food.  An estimated 30 million people, men and women alike, suffer from actual eating disorders through the course of their lifetime.  Ya’ll, that’s wild.  And incredibly sad.  

I highly encourage you to seek professional treatment both with a therapist  and physician if you are struggling.  I also want to share with you a few ideas on how to approach the next month and a half with more grace and enjoyment. 

Mindful eating

• I’m a big believer that it’s not the actual food that creates the problems, it’s our relationship with food.  So many of us, myself   included, use food as a medicator, to numb and relieve temporary emotional pain.  That, or we use it to celebrate good news or important events.  So often, this is an unconscious process—one we don’t even realize is happening.  It’s automatic, habitual, and ingrained.  Simply becoming more aware of what you are  eating, when you are eating, and why you are eating is incredibly supportive in a more mindful relationship with food.  I like to call this mindful eating.  It doesn’t mean deprivation either!  It simply means slowing down enough to eat with  intention and awareness.  It’s proven that as we slow down our actual eating time, we can connect to our bodies more, identifying when we  are initially full. 

Exercise

• Daily movement has been my physical and emotional tether for decades.  It’s our primal right as humans. With travel, it can be tricky though.  Let’s be honest, we will likely be indulging a bit more in the  coming weeks, so this is the perfect opportunity to balance it out with mindful movement—wherever we can get it! A brisk walk, a streaming yoga class on your laptop, a snowball fight if you don’t live in the south ;).   As emotions also run high, physical exercise is an incredible natural anti-anxiety/depressant.  Give yourself the gift of intentional exercise these upcoming weeks—its always a good idea!

Healthy-ish

• You’ve heard about the 80/20 rule, eating healthy 80% of the time and indulging 20% of the time.  I try to follow this as closely as possible.  However, like I mentioned earlier, the holidays are a time  for celebration and merry-making.  So you may need to extend a bit of leeway in the direction of a 70/30 rule.   Eating healthy  70%  and  indulging more like 30%.   The goal is to eradicate shame when we eat a bit more than we’d like or even gain a few pounds.  No one ever improved their relationship with food from a baseline of shame.  And that’s what we’re going for: practicing a better relationship with food rather than putting unnecessary pressure on a strict diet. 

Let’s aim to enjoy food from a place of gratitude and abundance rather than fear and scarcity.  Let’s…savor.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

5 Conversation Starters for Your Thanksgiving Table

We’ve made it this far, 2023!  You’ve presented us with plenty to consider.  You’ve also invited us into a deeper level of consciousness and insight—insight about what’s really important to us.  The thing is, you’ve also put a high-powered magnifying glass up to our differences.  So much so  that the bonds of friendship, family, and beliefs are being challenged.   History has always presented us with this predicament.  

I’ve heard it in in my own life and in the lives of clients alike: there has been great heartache and hurt around dinner table discussions everywhere due  to our differences these last few years.

And yet this Thursday extends the invitation for togetherness, gratitude, and feasting.  I believe we need to be intentional about our conversations,   honoring each other’s differences and sacrificing the need to be right for  the privilege of being in relationship.  

So I thought it might be helpful to share with you a few conversation starters to keep this most unusual holiday season a gracious and enjoyable time.  We may not share idealogical beliefs, but what we do share is the human condition—flaws and all—and the need for connection and compassion.  

Here are a few conversation starters to keep us on track as you gather around the turkey:

1. What’s the most surprising thing you’ve learned about yourself in 2023? Go around the table and answer this question, keeping it in first person—make it about you and your experience—not about the  actions or beliefs of  others.

2. How will you finish strong in 2023?  What are you taking with you?  What are you leaving behind?

3. What have noticed about yourself as it pertains to your Enneagram type this year?  This is a great way to share with others a bit more about how you tick.

4. How has love operated in and through you this year? What are ways you’ve given back or championed those in need?

5. And finally, the piece de resistance, what are you most grateful for so  far this year?

Intention creates meaning.  I believe when we have meaningful gatherings, we invite more connection, more joy, and ultimately more purpose in our lives and spaces.  Whether it’s Friendsgiving or the family kind, let’s make this Thanksgiving and holiday season one to remember (in a good way ;).

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. If you’re looking to stay tethered to some enneagram-based self-care this holiday season, give yourself the gift of The Practice.