3 Myths About Self-Care (and #2 Might Surprise You)

You would be shocked how many times I’ve heard these two responses to the question: 

“How do you practice self-care?” In therapy.  Here they are:

1. “What’s that?”

2. “Not very often.  It feels selfish.”

Thankfully, if you’ve had these same reflexes, you’re not alone. There’s no shame. This just means we’re a little confused about our most important relationship: the one with ourself.  

And I know what you’re thinking, “Spare me.  Sounds so indulgent.”  

However, do you expect your car to run on empty?  Do you drive it around for months on end without gas or an oil change?  I’m not even a car person, but I know to pay attention when that glorious red light signals E, nudging me to the nearest Twice Daily.

Let’s take it a step further.  Do you expect your nearest and dearest relationships to thrive without an occasional phone call, text or date night reminding them of your love and appreciation?  

Again, I’m guessing you’re pretty good at showing others you care.  In fact, you’re probably great at it.  Why?  Because it’s socially accepted—even encouraged— and there’s an immediate reward on the other side.  When we show intrinsic kindness to others, we are often appreciated back in some way.  

So why do we neglect the one relationship that is the most constant and powerful of all? Make no mistake, I’m a person of deep faith who believes in and loves God.  Yet, even John Calvin said, “Without knowledge of self, there is no knowledge of God.”

If we practice self-care and learn how to relate to ourselves in a kind and compassionate way, we are then primed to love the world in a more authentic, generous way. 

If you’re still on the fence, I want to bust a few myths you might buy into that hold you back from practicing some necessary self-care:

1. Self-care is selfish:

This is a biggie.  However, self-care is actually highly responsible, adult behavior.  It’s learning to take care of yourself instead of obsessively tending to other people.  In doing so, we learn that part of our job here on earth is to be responsible for our needs and desires instead of undermining them for the sake of others. 

Right before take-off, the flight attendant does her thing and gives you instruction for safe travel.  The part that always sticks with me is when she says to first put on your oxygen mask before that of others, even small children.  We love others better when we start with ourselves.  

2. Self-care takes too much time and effort

“I don’t have time for self-care.” I hear this a lot, especially from fellow mamas.  I quickly retort, “Well do you have time for a mental or physical breakdown?”  The answer is always no. 

Self-care is made up of a loving mindset that allows for tiny, two-degree shifts in behavior towards yourself.  I’m not asking you to soak in a bubble bath all day, I’m asking you to start regarding yourself with kindness.  Start listening to your needs and take tiny actions to meet them.  

3.  I don’t deserve self-care

Friend, if this is your unconscious go-to belief, you may be carrying a heavy, hurtful burden.  I know from experience there is another way.  Perhaps the first place to start is a trusted friend or therapist to unpack past experiences or relationships that led you to believe this.  Your birthright as a human being is to have needs and desires and get them met.   You’re invited into the feast of wholeness just because you’re here and you’re you.  Please reach out if you feel alone in this space.  

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. The Self-Care Workshop is coming BACK Oct. 11th.  Registration will open mid-August…mark your calendars now and stay tuned for early-bird pricing!!! 

Let Them Already!

I’ve always believed that the best kind of growth sneaks up on you.

Not the dramatic, lightning-strike kind (though we love a good plot twist), but the quiet, cumulative kind—the kind that happens when you’re paying attention, showing up, and giving yourself permission to be right where you are.

That’s why I’m so thrilled to announce that The Experiential Book Club is back this August—and this round, we’re reading a book that has stirred something fierce and freeing in so many: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins.

If you’ve ever felt exhausted from managing other people’s expectations, lost in the weeds of approval-seeking, or stuck in a cycle of over-functioning (hello, my fellow Enneagram 2s, 9s, and 8s), this one’s for you.

This isn’t your average book club.

Yes, we’ll read. Yes, we’ll discuss. But more than that—we’ll experience. We’ll drop into ourselves with mindfulness practices. We’ll explore the edges of our type structures. And we’ll hold space for one another to loosen our grip on the roles we’ve outgrown.

Here’s what you need to know:

• We start in August and will meet virtually five times total—plenty of space to digest, reflect, and breathe between sessions.

• We’re reading The Let Them Theory—a book that’s equal parts liberating and lovingly disruptive. If you’re ready to step back from the exhausting hustle of trying to be everything for everyone, Mel’s words will hit home.

• We’ll weave in the Enneagram (because of course we will). You know me—I can’t not bring in the Enneagram. So expect each gathering to include gentle guidance through the lens of your type: how it reacts to boundaries, where it clings to control, and how it can soften into trust.

Whether you’re new to this community or have joined me in past rounds, this season of the book club feels like a bit of a homecoming. Less pressure, more presence. Less performance, more permission.

If that sounds like your kind of growth, I’d love for you to join us.

→ Click here to sign up

Let’s read, reflect, and reclaim—together.

Love & Gratitude (and a quiet little rebellion),

Katie

Why Enneagram Subtypes Matter … A Ton!

Have you ever struggled to pinpoint your Enneagram type or felt like it didn't quite capture who you are?

Same. And that's where subtypes come in.

In my experience, they're the secret sauce of the Enneagram—often overlooked but wildly illuminating. Recently, in "The Practice," my monthly Enneagram and self-care membership, we explored this exact topic in depth. Luckily for us, we learned from none other than Beatrice Chestnut, psychotherapist, master teacher, and the "Grande Dame of Subtypes" herself.

If you're unfamiliar with her work, Beatrice is the author of two cornerstone Enneagram books:
📘 The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge
📘 The 9 Types of Leadership: Mastering the Art of People in the 21st Century Workplace

Both are must-reads. The Complete Enneagram, in particular, is one I return to again and again—it's part deep dive into subtypes, part Enneagram history lesson, and part transformation manual.

Like me, Beatrice is passionate about helping people use the Enneagram as a growth tool, not just a personality label. Our recent conversation was full of "gold," but I want to share three key takeaways that might just change how you see yourself (and your type).

1. Subtypes can clarify your core type.
Figuring out your Enneagram type isn't always straightforward. There are only nine types and billions of us, so it's no wonder we sometimes feel boxed in or misunderstood. That's where subtypes bring nuance. Each of the nine types has three instinctual variations, based on the dominant instinct driving our behavior:

• Self-Preservation (security, comfort, safety)

• Social (belonging, contribution, group dynamics)

• One-to-One or Sexual (intensity, depth, connection)

That makes 27 distinct "flavors" of personality. Exploring the subtypes within the types you resonate with can bring clarity where there was once confusion.

2. Subtypes are a better growth tool than wings.
Let's be honest—wings are easier to talk about. They're physically adjacent to your core type and tend to feel more accessible. But Beatrice emphasized that wings are more of a "flavoring" that can change over time. Subtypes, on the other hand, point to our dominant instinctual drive and the way it interacts with our core emotional struggle (also known as the "passion" of your type). That combo is potent—it uncovers blind spots and stuck patterns we might not otherwise see.

3. Subtype = Instinct + Passion
This is the real magic. A subtype isn't just a self-preservation instinct or just a social instinct. It's the marriage of instinct and your type's core passion. For me, as a Type Four, my dominant instinct is self-preservation, and my passion is envy. That combo creates a very specific expression of Four—one that focuses more on safety, security, and moving beyond the ever-present suffering of Type Fours. In this way, Self-Preservation Fours can look a lot like Threes or Sevens.

Once you start seeing your subtype clearly, you begin to understand where your growth edge is. It's often where your dominant instinct is out of balance and where your type's passion is in the driver's seat.

If you want to go deeper into this kind of content, you're invited to join us in "The Practice." It's a soulful, practical space for integrating the Enneagram into your everyday life—with guest teachers like Beatrice, monthly live sessions, and guided practices for real transformation.

Subtypes might seem like a technical layer of the Enneagram, but in my experience, they're one of the most powerful keys to self-understanding and lasting change.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

🎉 My Birthday Gift to You: A Peek Behind the The Practice Curtain 🎁

Well, friends, another trip around the sun for me today! While I’m not exactly throwing a big party with streamers and champagne (although, let’s be honest, that does sound fun), I am doing something a little different this year.

This year, I want to give you a gift. Yes, really.

One of the things I’ve loved most over the past five years has been building The Practice—my online Enneagram membership program. It’s become a soulful little corner of the internet where curious, courageous humans gather to explore the Enneagram, ask deeper questions, and do the work of becoming more aligned, awake, and alive.

And while The Practice is usually a members-only space, I’ve decided—in celebration of my birthday—to throw open the doors for one very special Community Call this Thursday, June 19th, at 12 PM CT on Zoom.

So, if you’ve ever wondered what really happens behind the curtain of The Practice, or if you’ve been craving a dose of meaningful connection and insight in the middle of your week, this is for you.

Here’s what we’re diving into:

Enneagram Subtypes: How Instincts Shape Our Growth

You’ve probably heard about subtypes—those fascinating layers that influence how our core type shows up in relationships, work, and self-care. But did you know they can also be one of the most powerful keys to growth?

We’ll explore:

✨ What the three subtypes are (Self-Preservation, Social, and One-to-One)

✨ How they subtly shape your behaviors, patterns, and priorities

✨ Why understanding your dominant subtype can unlock major “aha” moments

✨ Ways to use subtype awareness for more tailored, embodied growth

And of course, there will be time for community check-ins, thoughtful discussion, and that signature blend of depth + warmth that The Practice is all about.

Ready to join us?

👉 Click here to join (it’s free!) 

🗓 Thursday at 12 PM CT via Zoom

Whether you’re an Enneagram aficionado, just starting to dip your toes in, or simply someone who wants to grow in good company, I’d love to see your face in the virtual room.

Thanks for being part of my world. It means more than you know. Here’s to another year of curiosity, courage, and becoming. 💛

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

Looking for Community - Start Here

When was the last time you really felt seen? Heard? When do you get to be squishy and vulnerable and feel the support of a loving, like-minded group? Where do you feel a deep sense of belonging?

If you had a shaky response to any of the above, consider this your invitation for more.

I became a therapist because I'd been a client my whole life. I wanted to meet people in the sacred and liminal spaces I'd been met by countless brilliant teachers (aka therapists). About six years ago, I decided to go beyond the one-on-one work and offer this healing space to a group of women who loved the Enneagram almost as much as I did! It's not group therapy. It's not a class. It's not about networking (although this always organically happens!). And it's not just lunch. It's the Enneagram Mastermind Gatherings. It's a quiet, powerful container where women come home to themselves—and from there, lead with more purpose, presence, and grace.

I firmly believe there comes a time in every woman's journey when leading well requires something deeper. Not another strategy or productivity hack—but a return to self. A space to get honest, soften control, and reconnect with the truest part of you.

This is that space.

The Enneagram Mastermind is a small group experience designed for women who want to live, love, and lead from a place of grounded self-awareness—where clarity replaces striving, courage replaces over-functioning, and connection replaces isolation.

Guided by the wisdom of the Enneagram, our conversations will go far beyond personality types. We'll explore the narratives that drive us, the patterns that hold us back, and the powerful shift that happens when we lead from within.

What You'll Experience:

• A deeper understanding of your Enneagram type and how it shows up in your leadership

• Monthly gatherings filled with rich discussion, reflection, real connection, and plenty of laughter

• Inner work meets outer impact—we'll explore how your growth creates ripple effects in your life, your work, and your relationships

• A curated circle of women on a similar path, doing the work alongside you

Spots are limited. If your heart feels a "yes," sign up here. We begin in September and go through April 2026. Come as you are.

Need some convincing? Here's Kelsie, one of the OG Mastermind members…

I can't wait to know you better real soon!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie