Five Things Chemo Taught Me

I wrote a song back in 2016 called “See Me Now” which I now know to be prophetic in a way.  It’s a “don’t sweat the small stuff” kind of vibe.  Funny how life doesn’t necessarily get easier, but hopefully, we get sturdier and better equipped to handle it.   This blog post sums up the life lessons that carried me through my cancer treatment and beyond.  

My breast cancer diagnosis back in April of 2021 was an unexpected gift in  many ways.  Perhaps most glaring was that it forced me to take forensic inventory of my life—and how I’d been living it up until that point.  It  crystalized the things that were and are truly important.  It invited me into more personal integrity—alignment with my deeply held values.  It convinced me there that adulting really means we have more responsibility, more to live for, more to lose, and more to let go of when it ceases to serve us.  

I’ll never forget the day after I my diagnosis.  We attended a friends over-the-top gorgeous wedding outside of Nashville.  I had no idea what the course of treatment would be at that time.  All I held to that day was the certainty that my story had taken a dramatic shift to the tune of that terrifying “c” word.   

I savored every single minute that day.  I got to dress up (which is my spiritual gift), hugged and kissed my then 2-year-old when we dropped  him off at my folks house on the way, sipped champagne, and held my husband’s hand tighter than I can ever remember.  I even got to slow dance with him.  As my cheek pressed up against his crisp suit jacket, I cried hot tears of joy, gratitude, and fear all at once.  I’d been given another day and  the days of taking this beautiful life for granted passed before me right then and there.  I’d been served a whopping helping of perspective.

From where I sit today, three and a half years later, the lens I look through isn’t fear, it’s possibility.  I’ve undergone a bilateral mastectomy, a brutal recovery, countless doctor visits, needles for days, four smaller surgeries , and chemotherapy.  I lost my hair completely as well I as the illusion of invincibility.  But I’ve gained so much more.  I’m pretty sure my heart grew a new chamber.  I know my faith did.

Along the way, especially during chemo, I learned five things that I believe  we can apply in the face of any challenge.  I want to share those things with you today.  

1. Guard an open mind:  Keeping an open mind in the face of adversity is crucial.  We will never be able to predict the future and going to worst-case scenario is futile as a result.  Though often times we slide right into a fight-flight-or-freeze fear response, practicing curiosity is everything as we start to thaw out. 
   

2. Life is hard—it’s our attitude that makes it a bit easier: At my last oncologist appointment, my doctor told me something that I’ll  always be grateful for.  She told me that in all her years as an oncologist  treating cancer patients of every kind, I was in the top one percent whose chemotherapy experience seemed easy and even inspiring.   She attributed that to my positive attitude every step of the way.  I’ll tuck that  away in my pocket the rest of my days and forever swear by the power of a positive attitude.
   

3. Protect your time and energy:  It is totally okay and even necessary to pull back from our normal responsibilities during difficult seasons.  One way we do this is by setting boundaries around our time and energy.  For me, my immunocompromised state required this.  However, it was a lesson either way.  I learned to let my “no” be as good as my “yes” without guilt.
   

4. Self-care pays off: It’s no accident I started the Practice, my Enneagram-based self-care business, the same year I got cancer.  It was a lesson in synchronicity.  I have been practicing self-care (esp. meditation, exercise, journaling, therapy, etc. ) religiously for decades.  I witnessed first hand how every single time I showed up for myself over the years paid it forward to undergird me in the most physically and emotionally daunting season of my life.  Practicing self-care will always serve you when you need it the most.
   

5. Let people support you but not always advise you: People are well-meaning. I do believe this.  However, each of us has a unique story and process. There’s no one size fits all. Take the advice of others with a grain of salt and as a gesture of support.  My chemo experience, (that 1% situation my oncologist observed) was not informed by the stories of other’s experience with cancer.  And boy am I glad!  

Thank you for accompanying me through this incredibly wild ride. I’m on the other side for sure.  I hope and pray your journey unfolds in beautifully unexpected ways.. and where there is suffering…I pray God’s grace surrounds you. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie 

The power of three (and 20 minutes a day)

We’ve already blown right into the fourth quarter of 2024! Yowza. 

How are you? 

It’s such a simple question and yet one we must often pause to ponder…and answer.

For me, this pocket of time typically has one of two outcomes: I’ve lost sight months ago of that hot flame that burned bright at the dawn of the new year, (meaning, I’ve blown my resolutions and then some.)   Or, I have filled my time up with loads of distractions—busyness—that masquerade as purpose and real progress, especially in the Fall months!

If you resonate, I’ve got good news: there is another way.  

We need a plan. But not just any plan. One that connects us to the truest, most authentic parts of us.  One that is built on love and self-compassion, not scarcity.  

It’s not just a to-do list and it’s not about striving.  It’s a practice that supports true self-acceptance and teaches us how to be with ourselves in order to show up for  ourselves.  

It’s three-fold and you can start today. 

Here are the three pillars of what I believe are your fool-proof self-care regimen and will help you get unstuck and stay grounded in every season of the year: Self-compassion, Meditation, and Writing. 

Why self-compassion? I’ve learned first hand we simply can’t thrive if we’re constantly working against ourselves.  Shame-based striving won’t cut it because we’ll constantly be hustling for our worthiness as opposed to growing from a place of self-acceptance and love.  We need true self-compassion which teaches us to treat ourselves like we would a dear friend or family member in need. It’s only from this place of unconditional, loving kindness that we can effect transformational change.

Why Meditation?  Mindfulness exercises such as meditation are scientifically proven to reduce stress and anxiety, improve sleep and overall functioning and bring awareness to what’s happening moment to moment so we can choose to consciously respond to life’s circumstances rather than react out of an automatic, self-defeating patterns.

Why Writing? Writing practices such as journaling are scientifically proven to reduce stress, increase confidence, metabolize difficult experiences and emotions, improve overall health, and boost mood to name just a few.  However, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Writing gives us the  space and intention to dream and discover ourselves.  By carving out just 10 minutes a day to put our thoughts down on paper, we practice finding and using our voice.  In  doing so, we unlock greater clarity and purpose.  

BONUS: Why 3?

Throughout history, the number three has had a unique significance.  In ancient Greece, it was thought to be the perfect number that brought harmony, wisdom, and understanding. That’s what we’re going for here!!  It’s also significant in spiritual contexts, folklore, popular music and Hollywood….naturally.  (Think: Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, Three Little Pigs, Three Musketeers, Three Amigos, Peter, Paul, and Mary, and my fave, Charlie’s Angels ;)  

My point is, I’ve developed my own triumvirate and it’s a plan just for you.   It’s my Enneagram-based membership program called The Practice, a self-care plan designed to combine all three. Best of all, it only takes 20 minutes a day.  I’d love to support you as you discover and realize your most authentic, empowered self.  Visit katiegustafson.co/thepractice for more info or to sign up.  

Maybe you should talk to someone

I believe one of the greatest tools for working through your past, avoiding burnout and embracing true transformation is psychotherapy, especially through the lens of the Enneagram.  It is incredibly powerful for anyone seeking a deeper sense of understanding and wholeness. 

Good therapists most definitely hold space to unpack the often-painful stories of our past.  In order to write a compelling next chapter with you playing the hero instead of the victim, it’s necessary to unearth old expired lies and lay them to rest.  However, good therapists won’t leave you there.  

I’ve been a student of Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work for a while now.  He explores this topic neurologically and absolutely nails it.  Check this out:

“The stronger the emotion that we feel from some external event in our life, the more altered we feel inside of us as a result of that condition outside of us and the more we pay attention to the cause.  The challenge is, every time we think about that trauma, we’re producing the same chemistry in the brain and body as if it was happening again.  What that does is it activates a survival gene.  And when you’re in survival, what you want to do is make sure that that doesn’t happen again. “

When we lock into this type of survival mode, we often forecast worst-case scenarios.  Guess what?  Our brain doesn’t know the difference between the imagined state we create and reality. Therefore, we stay trapped in that old victim mentality and it tends to play out over and over again moving forward. 

Here’s my point: therapy often doesn’t work because we spend so much time talking about our past to the point we are literally reliving it.  

Where focus goes, energy flows, therefore creating a habit of attention so strong and involuntary, it becomes nearly impossible to create new life-giving possibilities and successes in our lives.  How could we?  All our energy is being funneled into past emotions of survival long after the immediate threat is gone.  

My approach is different.  It’s an experiential Enneagram approach that invites change through experience using holistic practices tailored to your unique type. I’m convinced if we’re interested in creating lasting change, we need an experience to support us as a whole person, not just a cognitive one, from the neck up.  

Yes, we need a safe space to tell our stories—100%.  Yet we also need an experience of transformation as opposed to a conversation.  I believe this happens through a customized experiential therapeutic approach, nourished by daily practices and the support of community.  

If you’re ready to dive right in, I’d love to be your guide. 

Drop me a line.  I  always love hearing from you.   

Your Childhood and the Enneagram

People often ask me, “What is your process when working with clients?”  

To which I typically reply, “We co-author a new story.”

As it relates to transformation, the Enneagram invites us into the powerful and creative work of rewriting our stories.  

After all, many of us have been living out of a story that was written somewhere back in early childhood and we wait until some type of crisis or loss to identify that story, hold it up to the light, and ask ourselves if it’s still working for us.

Children are brilliant story tellers. They are not so gifted as translators.  

Let me explain. When little people start to connect the dots of life, somewhere around five or six, they create little stories about themselves and the world around them.  Typically, these stories are very black and white, i.e. I didn’t get picked to play with on the playground.  There must be something wrong with me.  

Over time, we keep connecting the dots of life and tell ourselves stories that somehow keep us safe and secure along the way. These stories create certainty—yet they lack context—and aren’t necessarily true.  

So what do we do as we grow up? We use these stories, or personalities, to help us show up in the world and be liked, helpful, and successful.

Fast forward to adulthood. Our world looks much different and yet we are still living, albeit unconsciously, out of a story that was written so long ago. Therein lies the rub—we’ve forgotten who that little person is underneath the conditioned self.  In fact, we become so identified by the workings of our personality, or ego as its often called, we bump up against challenges and discord in our relationships, career, and emotional landscape.

And so, we dig deep.  We uncover the stories of our personality—the why behind how we think, feel, and act—we hold it up to the light with compassion and kindness, and we start the editing process.   

But first, we must go back and understand our stories.  

In fact, I have the perfect opportunity for us to do just that.  

I am thrilled to partner with my friend and Enneagram icon, Beatrice Chestnut, in promoting her upcoming (tomorrow!) virtual one-day workshop called Early Childhood Development and the Enneagram.  I know, I know, it’s literally right around the corner, but when you register, you will  receive recorded access to the event so you can learn at your own pace.  I can’t wait to learn more about how our Enneagram types tell us so much information about our childhoods from Bea, especially as a therapist.  

I hope you’ll join me!  

The Fall Edit 2024

Fall is undoubtedly my favorite season. I feel a bit like Mr. Fitzgerald in that life seems to offer a second, and equally romantic, Spring, or new beginning when early October rolls around. Ah, the sweaters, jackets, and boots, oh my! 

Yet I’m also well acquainted with the struggles and temptations that come along with the changing seasons. The days get shorter, schedules mount up, self-care tends to wane, and I often feel a dank, subtle chill of loneliness sneak in. 

Have you struggled much with seasonal depression?

I have…big time. That said, I’ve learned the hard way how vital it is to intentionally manage expectations and routines in order to stay connected to daily hope and healing. In light of this, I like to send out a Fall Edition of sorts—full of new ideas and opportunities to stay on top of our self-care game and intentionally surround ourselves with beauty as we head into the coming months. If you follow fashion, it’s a bit like that thick, bounding, September Vogue edition boasting fall’s most delicious offerings. Pure magic. 

This year, I’m more excited than ever to explore some new opportunities to connect to yourself and your community in life-giving ways. 

All too often we’re tempted into autopilot—that sleepy trance of contained chaos—and end up just going through the motions. I don’t know about you, but I want to feel alive and awake in my experience this fall, savoring each moment like a gift—or that inaugural pumpkin spice latte. 

Here are a few ideas to support you in this pursuit. I think you’ll find something you can enjoy despite the hectic demands of the season.

1. Book Club: One of my favorite new offerings this year has been the Experiential Book Club, where we meet virtually once a month to work through an interactive book that helps support you creatively, spiritually, financially, and emotionally. This year, we kicked things off with my favorite, The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron.  Come January, we will pivot to Money, A Love Story, by Kate Northrup, to ignite a new, healthy relationship with money, something that tends to be a charged or taboo topic of conversation.   Want to be the first to know when registration opens?  Join the waiting list.  

2. Podcast: Podcasts are my favorite way to consume thoughtful and insightful content on the go.  I’m always looking for new ones to check out.  Fun fact, I’m launching my own next Spring (Stay tuned!), but in the mean time, I have been loving The Enneagram 2.0, brought to you by my friends and colleages, Beatrice Chestnut and Uranio Paes.  I love it because it goes so much deeper than type.  It truly moves you from enneagram information to transformation, power packed with tons of application.  

3. App: Heartstone by Tracy Anderson.  I’ve been a Tracy Anderson devotee for well over a decade,  and continue to be blown away by her innovations in the wellness/fitness world.  Most recently, her Heartstone meditation app that combines gentle mindful movement, weighted rose quartz stones, and vibey music to bring ethereal connection, mind, body, and spirit.  It has taken my meditation game to a whole new level.

4. Product:  ARMRA colostrum.  Ever since my cancer diagnosis in 2021, I’ve been committed to protecting my health and carefully curating an arsenal of effective, proven supplements along the way.  ARMRA is central in the mix.  It truly is a revival for your immune system, as the tag line suggests.  As we become more and more convinced of the importance of gut health and how it’s vitality spills over onto literally every other aspect of our health, this product is like a nourishing force field to promote and protect it. It’s benefits are countless. I’ve even replaced my collagen and a few other supplements I’ve used for years with it!  Game changer.  

5. Cozy: Maison Louis Marie No. 4 Bois de Balincourt is the fragrance I always come back to.  When they created a candle with the scent, I was over the moon.  It’s equal parts clean, romantic, and earthy.  A perfect transition from summer to fall and a classic scent that invites the dreamiest aesthetic in your home or office.  

6. Bonus! Fashion Crush: The Zara Cropped Trench is my new favorite transitional staple.  It elevates any outfit and screams chic with a hint of edge at a super affordable price.  The Fall Edit would not be complete without a pop of fun fashion!

Alright y’all, that’s a wrap!  May your pumpkin spice lattes by hot, your morning walks, crisp,  and your tall boots, heeled.   

Love & Gratitude,

Katie