A permission slip to change your mind

Do you ever get stymied into thinking it has to be a certain way?  

Pigeon-hole yourself into one rigid way or outcome?  I know I do.  It’s like we become so attached to our role—our identity, in the story we’re living, we’re held prisoner by its familiar plot line.  Interestingly, we often don’t even know we’re behind bars, just like Willie says.    

In my early 30’s, I was pivoting from a career in music to a career as a psychotherapist and coach.  The hardest part wasn’t grad school (I’d gladly be a professional student if you’ll pay ;)  It wasn’t building a private practice.  It wasn’t the actual work.  Though wobbly at first, that part came pretty naturally. I’d been in enough personal therapy to know the ropes. 

The hardest part was loosening my death grip on an identity as a singer/songwriter.  My ego was far too cozy on a stage or in a writing room.  That story had served me in many ways, but wasn’t ultimately what I felt called to do. I remember having coffee with my pal and colleague, Reb Buxton many years ago when I was terrified—deep in the pivot.  He asked me, “What if you could just let go of music?” I stared back like he had eight heads.  The Spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak.  

I recently heard someone very smart talk about discipline in a curious way.  The root word of discipline is “disciple.” I think most of us agree that discipline is a good thing, yes? But what if the thing we are governed by stops serving us?  He then posed the question, “Do you ever ask yourself what you are a disciple of?” Are we consciously choosing to follow that which serves us and is in integrity with our value system and desires?  Or are we blindly chained to an old ego story—a prison? 

Oof.  I know…a real head-scratcher. 

Mo Willems has a profound saying.  “If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, LEAVE.” 

Sometimes, it’s as if we need a permission slip to change our minds and leave an expired story.  Maybe that’s a job, a relationship, a church, a limiting belief system, a lifestyle, a hairstyle, (no really… losing all my hair during chemo was beyond freeing!)  Whatever it is for you, you have a get out of jail free card to leave.  

I suppose the real question is, “What story do you WANT to be in?”  

Join me in my Enneagram Mastermind group starting August 21st and let’s find out…

When was the last time you felt really seen?

When was the last time you really felt seen? Heard? When do you get to be squishy and vulnerable and feel the support of a loving, like-minded group?  Where do you feel a deep sense of belonging?

If you had a shaky response to any of the above, consider this your invitation for more.

I became a therapist because I’ve been a client my whole life. I wanted to meet people in the sacred and liminal spaces I’d been met by countless brilliiant teachers (aka therapists.)  About 5 years ago, I decided to go beyond the one-on-one work and offer this healing space to a group of women who loved the Enneagram as much as I did.  It’s not group therapy.  And it’s not just lunch.  It’s the Enneagram Mastermind and here’s a bit of what we explore:

• the basics of the Enneagram, a powerful personality typing system

• your unique type and subtype

• the why behind how you think, feel, and act

• the story you’ve been living out of—and—is it really working?

• the beauty and safety of sharing our stories

• a deeper connection to self and others

• a lot of laughter and fun

• a delicious lunch :)

Also, you will develop some incredible, lasting friendships.  Here’s a testimonial from Courtney, one of my OG Mastermind members.  

Are you ready to take your Enneagram experience to the next level?  Are you ready to feel the power of connection in community?  Okay then…here’s your personal invitation.  Join me this August 21 for our kickoff in Nashville, TN.

I can’t wait to know you better real soon ;) 

Self-Sabotage Much?

Have you ever felt like you’re your own worst enemy?  If you could only get out of your own way, life might be a lot easier?  

Me too.  I often feel I wrote the book on self-sabotage.  

I’ll never forget sitting in my old therapist’s office about 10 years ago and hearing the strangest homework assignment I’d ever gotten to date.  Here’s what he said,

“Katie, I want you to spend the whole week simply being a student of you and your experience.”  

“Huh?”  I thought to myself as I quizzically stared back at him like he had eight heads.  This would be interesting…

Not sure if I understood the assignment, it seemed nearly impossible at the time because I’d become so accustomed to ruthlessly judging myself without even noticing.  To merely “observe” or “witness” my daily experience would require me to slow down that automatic self-criticism.  It would require me to be a neutral audience.  This in turn, would require me to be a bit….Kind?

It was perhaps the most profound assignment I’d ever been given.  I felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my weary frame.  I remember feeling curious, even intrigued by myself and my behaviors.  Miraculously, I’ve never done drugs before, but this little experiment felt as close as I’d gotten up until that point.  It was out-of-body.   

Part of my lifelong work has been learning to grow that neutral observer, or inner witness, inside that allows for self-awareness and compassion to take root and grow over time. The more curious we can get about anything, the less time we spend in rigid judgment.  As a result, we move from a fixed mindset to a growth one.  Otherwise, we live in reaction mode, constantly being triggered and judging ourselves and others.  Not a good look.  

Here’s two things I’ve learned about human nature:

1. 99.999999% of us have a pretty nasty inner critic at some point along the way.  Human beings, by nature, have a negative bias.  As the saying goes, “we are our own worst critic.”

2. It’s much easier to react out of emotion than respond out of self-awareness. 

I also believe you are your absolute greatest ally in this life.  However, In order to be MVP on your own team, you may need to clean out the dank and dust attic of your thoughts, like I constantly do.  

So try this…

Assume the role of a neutral observer, a student if you will.  Pretend like you’re doing research for a project and any and every bit of information is fair game.  It’s okay if you bounce back into the judgment seat.  That’s good information too!  Record your findings with this journaling prompt:  What do I notice about myself and my experience?  How can I be more curious and less critical throughout the day? 

If you get discouraged along the way, take heart.  In a science experiment, everything is good information, even failure.  And remember, you are the ultimate expert at you.

A DISC & Enneagram Coach Walk into a Bar

If you’ve met me, you know I love the enneagram.  It’s been a major part of my own journey of self-development and healing.  It’s been the lens I look through as a therapist, coach, wife, mom, friend, creative, and leader.  I learned about it before going to school to become a therapist.  In fact, I’d attribute that decision to the passion for people’s stories I discovered while learning the enneagram.  Suffice it to say, I’m a fan.

But as the saying goes, there are several ways to skin a cat.  And, one of the beautiful things this self-discovery path has taught me is to be curious, honoring all the incredible tools out there that bring personal insight and transformation.  

Almost five years ago, I made one of the best decisions ever (south of marrying my husband ;).  I hired my business coach, Chris Weinberg at Well-Coached Consulting.  I had some dreams brewing and needed a guide to help me gear shift.  As a result, about six months in, The Practice, my enneagram-based membership program was born among countless other new ventures.  Chris had one mortal sin though, or so I thought at the time.  He was a DISC guy! And not just “a guy.”  He is THE GUY.  If you want the soup to nuts on the DISC personality profile, he’s the one you call, nationally and beyond.  He’s kind of a big deal!

Throughout the years, our partnership has been amazing as we’ve been able to intermingle DISC and enneagram insights to gain a greater sense of flow and impact in my work.  So much so, that we decided to team up for a very special workshop featuring both of these dynamic systems, side by side.  

Mark your calendars for a DISC x Enneagram deep dive Friday, September 20th from 10am-1pm at the stunning new Nashville City Club! We will explore both personality systems, side by side, over a delicious lunch, with a big side of FUN.  And Don’t worry, you don’t have to have an existing knowledge of either to attend.  We’ll have something for all levels of experience.

Plus, It will be the perfect opportunity to meet new like-minded people, network, and maybe even learn some new things about yourself!  Space is limited and tickets will go fast! So be sure to email me at katie@katiegustafson.co to get on the waiting list.  The minute registration opens, you’re in the know.  

I’m beyond thrilled about this event…don’t sleep on it! 

5 Ways to Protect Your Summer Self-Care

Summertime! Hello Gorgeous. 

Plot twist— summer months have always proven difficult for me because I’m a gal who LOVES structure.  Lame as it may sound, summer breaks as a kid were always a bit scary because, well, what does one do with a distaste for camping, forced summer reading, mosquitos, and frizzy hair induced by the punishing humidity of the deep south in July?  

Fast forward a few decades and some change and, even as a working mom, summer months can be tricky because the more grounded rhythms of other seasons are compromised.  School’s out, childcare is iffy, travel ramps up, backyard bbq’s abound, and my highly sensitive self needs some guardrails.  

It might be my dominant enneagram 4. It might also be that in some seasons, self-care is easier than others. I’m calling a both/and situation.  

So, I thought it might be helpful to share five ways to protect your summer self-care. (Real quick so as to give you back some time to live your best life.)

1. Be realistic. Said someone wise, “expectations are the thief of joy.” Adjust your expectations for self-care so as to make room for more joy! It will only fan the flame of motivation and desire on the flip side.

2. Work with what you’ve got.  No matter where you are and what your schedule is, there are always opportunities to plug into self-care.  Just because your typical routine might not be an option, seeking out alternative routes to move, rest, nourish, and play will only support a more balanced, restorative experience.

3. Self-compassion is a verb.  I’m a big believer that when all else fails, our self-care MVP is self-compassion.  Treating yourself as you would a dear friend-speaking to yourself with kindness—is the foundation of all other self-care.  When schedules fill up and life gets wonky, the last thing you need is self-criticism…it’s self-compassion.  

4. Choose connection over perfection.  As I write this it is 8:30pm on a late June evening.  I can still hear my four-year old’s footsteps pouncing around upstairs. (Dad’s such a softie when it comes to bedtime!) I want to cringe, but I also know that whereas structure and schedules are important, flexibility is as well.  Give yourself extra time and space to connect with the people who matter when the opportunity presents.  

5. Practice play.  The moment we stop playing, we start aging.  Summertime often presents us an invitation to flex this muscle in a special way. Take it. As I’ve learned all too well post cancer diagnosis and treatment, life is all about finding moments of joy and presence.  They are extravagant gifts strewn everywhere along the way, just like freckles on a sun-drenched face.  Let’s get out there!

Okay, signing off! Mom duty calls…! :)