I Wish I'd Had This 5 Years Ago

I’ve heard it said, as writers, our ideal audience is us, five years ago.  So, at 40, I’m writing to my 35-year-old self.  After all, we write what we know.  I suppose the lessons of life take a solid three to five years (at least!) to really get into our bones.
 
This definitely checks out for me.  Whereas I value every leg of the journey, looking back I cringe to see some of the harrowing passages I traversed all in the name of stubbornness.  Five years ago, I was on a tear, hustling in about 20 different directions all in the name of worthiness.  I had one speed…fast.  Even though I’d come along way on my journey of healing and wholeness, I was swinging hard in the direction of impossible expectations for myself and my life.  
 
In fact, I was so worn out, my body started to slowly break down, manifesting all sorts of back, neck, and jaw pain.  Even though I didn’t feel depressed, my body began calling out for some attention as there was still some work to be done deep inside.  Sure, I’d been a therapist for a while, yet I needed to take my own advice and stop ignoring parts of me that desperately needed some love.
 
Let’s just say, I was seriously confused about the whole self-care thing.  I worked out hard, I enjoyed time with girlfriends, I went for the occasional mani/pedi, I journaled here and there, but I never fully stepped off the treadmill of what I’ve come to call my internal split.  By this I mean, my disconnection from myself and the present moment.  I was always somewhere else, “out there.”  Self-care felt like a detour— a delayed pitstop or something.   
 
Fast-forward to today.  A lot has happened.  I got married, had my first child, and woke up to the glaring fact that something needed to change if I wanted to actually show up authentically for my family and my dreams.  My internal split needed an internal shift.  I knew a different set of circumstances wouldn’t change anything.  For the first time in my life, I knew I had to quit hustling for my worthiness and start caring for the little girl inside who was flat out tired.   
 
I’d mistaken self-care for something to be checked off the to-do list quickly to return to life as I knew it.   It felt squishy—or weak or something.   It became a way to numb the soreness after a long day, like a couple of glasses of wine or a nice long bubble bath.   Whereas those things are lovely, they never seemed to make me feel alive or more me. Relaxing? Yes. Connective? Hmmm…not so much.
 
I wish I’d known what true self-care is five years ago.  I wish I’d had a roadmap, or ritual, to practice on the regular that was grounding, healing, and life-giving.   Sure, I did eventually figure it out by the grace of God and some hardcore burnout. Maybe this was exactly as it should be.  However, I’d like to break the fall for anyone who’s curious. 
 
I believe we get good at whatever we practice.  Resilience in life is really about practice.  True self-care is simply nurturing resilience and compassion through practice in our everyday life.  It’s about bringing our whole self online—integrating mind, body, and spirit. 
 
If you feel you could use a tune-up, re-write parts of your story, and revamp the way you relate to yourself in 2020, here’s the perfect opportunity.  Please join me and my incredible friends Ally and Koula at the Self-Care Workshop coming up Feb. 8-9  in Nashville.   Using the Enneagram, writing, and yoga, we will deep dive into what self-care really is and what it looks like specifically for you right now.  
 
It’s going to be so much fun and deeply transformative.  Me (and my 35-year-old self) can’t wait to see you ;).   

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

Fools Rush In - A New Year, A New Approach

Happy New Year! No, DECADE! Wow, we made it!

It’s weird, but January is one of my favorite months. It’s like waking up in the morning, walking outside, and discovering a thick blanket of powdery white snow covering every surface, untouched. The often charged emotions that accompany the holidays have subsided. The chaos of consumerism has quieted down a bit. We all wake up to a fresh new start, hopefully without a pounding headache.

If you’re like me, and I have a hunch you are, it’s tempting to get sucked into a different kind of noise, equally as distracting, yet cloaked in the subtle sounds of “self-improvement.”
In fact, your inbox is probably chock full right now of emails screaming, “New year, New You!”, or “Five failsafe ways to lose the Holiday Bloat,” or even, “Manifest your best year yet!”
While good intentioned, I think there’s a better approach to “turning over a new leaf” that doesn’t leave you whiplashed and disappointed.

It might not sound as sexy, but in my seasoned experience biting off all kinds of extremes, the sparkle tends to fade about two weeks in when the hype of sweeping promises won’t carry me one minute further into this or that resolution, goal, or intention. In fact, I might even land myself flat-faced in the quicksand of self-sabotage and that shame spiral is a ride I’d like to avoid this year.

Make no mistake, I wholeheartedly believe we must live with intention. And I love a proper goal-setting. Yet, I’ve also become keenly aware of my tendency to rush into the general direction of, you guessed it, just another distraction in an effort to escape what it is I really deep down want.

So what’s the solution? How do we make lasting, life-giving changes in order to build out the new year and beyond?

We ..... listen.

Oh and another thing. We... slow down.

This might seem counterproductive, especially in light of what the experts might be saying. But I believe you are your own expert and the fastest way to get where you’re trying to go starts with your deep down desires. Your desires speak from your bones—your body—your heart.
We’ve just been on a wild goose chase to survive the swirl of the holidays. This is a time to connect back to that wise voice inside. This is NOT a time to jump on someone else’s bandwagon boasting fast results.

Let’s resist the temptation to blindly rush in to 2020. It’s time to take the reigns back.
Let’s get quiet and listen to that still small voice inside. She knows a thing or two. And she loves you...desperately.

She also knows exactly how and when to soar. She was born to.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. Want to carve out some time to really discover what you want and need in the new year? Join me Feb. 8-9 for The Self Care Workshop. Click here for details.

Open the Gift Inside

I want to take a quick minute to say a huge thank you and Merry Christmas!

Whatever your holiday traditions, it feels so important to me to take time out of all the busyness and hard work to celebrate those things that matter the most. 

After all, I fear as a culture, we’ve lost the art of celebration—and savoring. 

This week, as you may be in the midst of family gatherings, travel, or sneaking that third handful of toffee (I saw that ;), I pray you take a moment and celebrate the work you’ve done for you to untangle the false beliefs that have held you back in the past.  Isn’t that what we are tasked with on this glorious and often terrifying journey from the head to the heart?  Unlearning the stuff that doesn’t serve us anymore? 

Well, I’m proud of us!  We’ve been unraveling nicely this year and it’s time to do the important work of sealing it all in with love and celebration. 

Something that’s been stirring inside me lately is how to cultivate more faith.  This season, I want to unearth the faith and awe I had as a child.  The simple, yet stunning wonder that was there from the very beginning.  I want to unlearn a bit of the fear I picked up along the way.   Sure, it helped me survive for a bit, yet it has made my faith feel dim. 

Maybe it’s having a three-month-old (or my overall space-cadet-ness in light of sleep deprivation?)  Whatever it is, I love the idea of detaching from some of the “grown-up” fear in order to rediscover the childlike faith that’s our God-given birthright. 

This is good news for you and me!  Why? Because it means we’ve already got everything we need deep inside.   We get to rediscover it this season, and perhaps for the first time.  

If this feels weird and foreign, don’t worry, it should—letting go of what’s familiar in order to receive what’s new can be!  Your brain is not used to it!

We’ll get there, together.  We’re building this supportive community that will only grow stronger in 2020. 

This week, however, let’s celebrate—and savor—how far we’ve already come together. 

Thank you for joining me.  For having faith and putting one foot in front of the other, often blindly, in order to give yourself the gift of time and attention.  It’s important, life-giving work.

You are a gift to me…and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for the days ahead. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

Generosity with a Twist...A Meditation

How are you?  I mean, really? 

Have you made a point this season to slow down, take a few breaths, and give back to you?  I truly hope so.  After all, at the centerpiece of this “most wonderful time of year” is generosity—namely—gift-giving. 

That being said, I want to bring our awareness to this beautiful practice from a slightly different angle.  It might be due to the fact that I’ve yet to buy a single gift.  Or, it might be the fact that I’m terrified to take my three-month-old to the mall (I know, gotta bite the bullet one of these days.)  But then there’s always Amazon.  I digress.

My point is, I believe generosity is a practice we miss out on because we largely identify it with material things like stuff, money, and time.  We also tend to focus generosity outward—toward someone else.  Oh, but there’s so much more!  I believe the most exquisite brand of generosity underlies all of those things and must begin with ourselves.  It’s a spirit of generosity…a posture we take…rather than checking off the wish list. 

Being generous with ourselves and others means something much deeper than gift-giving.  It means giving the invaluable gift of availability—openness.  It means being curious in each moment as we experience life’s precious minutes, smiles, unknowns, joys, disappointments, and possibilities. 

As with anything, we must always dress-rehearse these practices with ourselves.   As you offer yourself an open mind and heart, cultivating a sense of curiosity and non-judgment, it becomes a natural overflow into your relationships with others.  

Have you ever given someone something special like a big block of time or a meaningful token and you felt it went under-appreciated? I know I have.  I end up feeling pretty resentful on the inside, making the sentiment of generosity more about me than the recipient.  When this happens, I’m pretty certain I’m looking for something from that person I need to be giving myself—value and appreciation. 

This week, we’ll spend some time practicing generosity of spirit towards ourselves in order to bypass that resentment.  When we intentionally give to ourselves out of genuine appreciation, we fill a void that we tend to look to others to meet. 

I want to give to others from an authentic, loving space this season.  How about you?  Let’s start by getting grounded in generosity and becoming available and nurturing to the places inside us that feel tired and needy.  My hunch is, all the other “stuff” will be the glaze on your sticky toffee pudding.  Not only that, but those gifts under the tree will take on a much deeper meaning. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

What actually *is* self-care?

Dear %FIRSTNAME%,

We're told practically everything is self-care. How do you know what's legit?

It seems like everything can be termed ‘self-care’ these days.

Going through a bad breakup? Go buy yourself a new pair of jeans because it’s self-care.

Had a rough week at work? Spa day! It’s self-care.

In a fight with your spouse or your parents? Two bottles of wine with your friends. It’s self-care!

We’ve all been there. But the truth is, those “quick fixes” aren’t the answer to personal growth. In fact, they have the opposite effect. They help you tune out and ignore what’s actually going on.

Yes, they’re helpful for a few hours or even a whole day. But then you wake up a few days later still anxious about that same thing.

It would be amazing if those things worked long-term. Sadly, they just don’t.

Here’s the reality: if we want to work through things that are hard and not just work around them, we need to develop the right skills. Not only that, but we also need to have the right routine that will help us process things in a healthy way and truly exhibit self-growth.

It’s precisely why I'm co-hosting the Self Care Weekend Workshop with two amazing women, Allison and Koula. In a day and a half, we'll teach you the tools you need to develop a healthy, sustainable self-care practice. You’ll also leave with your personalized self-care plan that will help you achieve positive growth in your life.

You have everything you need to practice healthy self-care. At this first-ever, all-female workshop, you’ll learn how to tap into those things.

Things like...

• A basic yoga and meditation practice to help you connect with your body and move stuck energy

• Writing tools that will help you understand what’s keeping you stuck

• A tool called the Enneagram to help you understand why you behave the way you do

When you combine these tools into a self-care routine that you can practice with consistency, your life will transform.

If you're in a season of needing transformation and positive growth, join me at the first-ever Self-Care Weekend Workshop. It’s just $499 for a day and a half of real, clinically-based self-care. Register today and I'll see you soon!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie