Welcome to a New Way: Why Change doesn't have to Hurt

About two years ago, I took a dear friend’s advice and made an appointment with this magical English woman named Linda Penny when I was visiting LA.  I still don’t know her official title, but Linda is most certainly a healer.  She uses all types of modalities such as kinesiology, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and Reiki.  I’ve never seen so many oils, bells, and curious gadgets to sort someone out.  Without a doubt, Linda is off the charts intuitive.  

I’d been feeling incredibly stuck at the time and much of it was manifesting in my body.  Every night I’d wake up at around three a.m. with sharp back and neck pain that kept me up until around six when I’d doze back off only to jolt awake in 30 minutes thanks to my alarm.  

The body pain and lack of sleep created a depression cycle I simply couldn’t shake.  I knew the issue was emotional and at the same time felt like I had all the tools to work with.  So I called in the big guns, Linda Penny (whom I affectionately now call Money Penny), being one.  

That 90 minute session left an indelible mark on my life.  She said so many wise things to me that day, yet the one thing that really stuck was this: “You know, Katie, change doesn’t have to be painful and dramatic.  It’s really quite simple.”  

I don’t know if it was her charming British accent or the fact that I’d done so much emotional heavy lifting throughout my life to grow and heal the wounded places, but her words play on repeat when I fall prey to the grip of fear and discouragement.  

When we find ourselves in stuck seasons, we resort to what seems logical—we work harder.  We armor up, think harder, clinch our fist, and full of determination, walk straight into a bigger pile of problems oftentimes affecting our physical health.  

I’ve learned that Money Penny is spot on.  Change doesn’t have to be an exhausting uphill battle.  Rather, it’s more about getting back to the basics.  

Over the next 20 weeks, we will be doing just that here on the blog.  If you want to get emotionally, relationally, or physically unstuck and see lasting change take shape in your life, please join me on this journey.  We’ll start at the root and expand out, exploring your story, where you’ve been, and where you ultimately want to go.  

I’ve got some exciting opportunities for you along the way, so I do hope you’ll join me as we transform the back half of 2019 and unlock desired outcomes you’ve been working towards a long time.  I don’t think it has to be difficult.  I do think we need a new way forward though.  
I’ve got a roadmap…you’ve got the key. 

Let’s go.


Love & Gratitude,
Katie 

How to Write your Own Success Story

How do you define success?  Most people do with two usual suspects on the scene: wealth and power.  

If that’s your definition, guess what?  Great!  That is… if that's  how you’ve chosen to write your success story…

I’m struck by how few people call into question their personal version of success.  We do it all the time with our health, our relationships, and our political preferences.   For example, if something in your diet is causing a strange reaction or doesn’t taste good, chances are you steer clear of that something in the future.  Or if a relationship feels toxic or disrespectful, you’d likely address the issue at hand, or, even part ways after awhile if it gets bad enough.  

Hopefully, at some point along the way we call into question what no longer aligns with our values and ceases to work for us.  This is what showing up and advocating for ourselves looks like. 

After all, as humans, we have the distinct freedom and responsibility to write and revise our stories over time.  It’s what sets us apart from animals.  

So why do we hold so tightly to that narrow definition of success?  Besides, some of the most successful people I’ve ever known don’t measure theirs by a bank balance or a Kardashian-esque social media following.   Instead, they make waves in far more lasting, impactful ways.  

I believe the litmus test for success is based on character rather than clout. I also believe we get to define our own version of success based on the person we’re becoming.  When was the last time you took inventory of your definition? If it’s been awhile, perhaps it’s time to revisit.  After all, with age comes wisdom (we hope) and often shifting values.  If in your 20’s and 30’s success looked like that big job on Wall Street or a record deal with a major label, perhaps it  shifted to meaningful relationships or creative expression in your 40’s and 50’s.  Who knows?  Well, you do…

Here are a few pillars to build your new success story around.  Push them around.  Color them in a bit. 

1. Health: Our health is the foundation of all other functions in life.  Life is a much better place when we feel good.  I’m not only talking about physical health, but emotional as well as spiritual.  

2. Contentment: The ability to cultivate contentment despite our circumstances is true badassery in my book.  The secret sauce in this recipe—gratitude.  

3. Self-Awareness: How you show up in the world affects everything and impacts overall success, especially work and relationships.  Cultivating greater self-awareness through therapy and self-development tools like the Enneagram creates a positive ripple effect. 

4. Generosity: Giving back through time and resources is intrinsically a selfish act if you think about it.  The practice of generosity gives an instant hit of purpose and joy if done from a place of honesty.  

5. Presence: There is no better way of fully showing up in the world than consciously awake in the present moment.  It’s the the most valuable real estate we’ll ever own.  When we practice mindful presence, we stave off anxiety (“out there” thinking) and forego nostalgia (idealizing the past).  

Bonus: Share your new success story and this exercise with a friend.  Relationships are where these beliefs are really hardwired-in!  

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

Clean Living.

Almost every week for the last five years, I’ve been writing these posts.  I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: I write them because I need them.  I don’t presume you or anyone will read them, let alone actually enjoy them.  If for some reason they resonate, I’m truly honored, but more than that, I’m aware that this is because you already know and value their message deep inside you.  I’m not telling you anything new and profound--perhaps just reminding.

There’s a Bible verse, or phrase really, I grew up loving, “As deep calls to deep…”  I’m not going to pretend to know or explain what that means in a Biblical context, yet I know what it means to you and I here.

When you feel resonance with a message, a quote, a song, or a walk in nature, it’s because the goodness of that truth and beauty already lives inside you.  It’s a powerful energetic match being made. A sacred hallelujah! Or Aha!  It’s the stuff we own.  The stuff we honor.  The stuff of value we savor and protect deep inside.

It’s proof we’re all invited and interwoven into the rich tapestry of Grace.

Something I’ve been savoring lately is the beauty of simplicity and brevity.  It’s an invitation into the now—that clean moment of consciousness—of fullness.  Sure, it comes and goes in an instant, yet we are there.  We are all there (if we want to be).  

The abundance of that moment gently collapses over into the next like a domino.  These moments are clean because they keep us tethered to reality, not somewhere in the past or future, both of which are tempting but tough to hold onto like a slick fish flailing for its freedom.

Creativity, though messy, happens in the fullness of the clean present.  A massive part of my healing has been the creative process, namely writing.  I’m convinced it’s part of your journey too.  

And yes,  I’m calling your bluff as you roll your eyes and silently retreat, “But I’m not creative!”  

Back it up.  

Part of your birthright as a human being is to make stuff, whether that’s a story, a way out, a pie, a speech, or a plan.  You’re a born maker!  

I believe a big part of waking up to the gorgeous truth of who we are is owning that creative birthright, and in doing so, moving from consumer to creator.  

So what?  Well, I want to co-create with you.  I want to start conversations here that are short, meaningful, and most of all applicable for you in your now.  I want to give you back some time to go get your hands dirty with intention.  

I don’t want to walk through life in a sleepy haze.  I don’t want to survive or dial it in.  I want to crush it. Don’t you?

If you answered yes to that question (hopefully with feeling), you’re in the right place.  

We’re going to be streamlining the weekly blog to give you more time, more tools, and hopefully more inspiration to start creating more of what you love.  

You ready? 

Love & Gratitude,
Katie 

Why You Keep Overcommitting

I used to be a lot sweeter.  I used to say yes most of the time.  I used to jam pack my days into nights with everything from coffee/lunch meetings to work (obvi) to school to long phone conversations with friends in need to shows and dinners and…you get it—contained chaos.  

I worked so hard, yet simultaneously complained about feeling overwhelmed with little to show for it.  “What gives?”  I’d wonder this to myself more days than not.

Around age 34, I woke up to a cold, hard realization. It wasn’t pretty either.  I realized I was overcommitting to others out of fear and obligation and in the process, underserving myself.  I was playing small in my life due to one of two possible self-diagnoses (or probably both):

1) FOMO (fear of missing out) 

2) FOBA (fear of being alone)

Basically, fear and scarcity were running the show, which is really about self-worth, not time-management.  

I would drop everything to help others actualize their dreams, but when it came to pushing mine forward, I was the one missing in action.  I’d rather procrastinate the deep work of creating my vision in order to pick up the pieces for others around me.  It was an immediate, (if not false) hit of belonging straight to the old ego.  

I also found I wasn’t as sweet as I’d been letting on.  Behind the saccharine-laced veil, I was cynical and resentful, constantly comparing myself to others and critical of my inability to make something happen.    

So, I started making some changes.  I got more honest…less sweet.  I started taking forensic inventory as to what I wanted and shifted my priorities around to facilitate those things.  You know what I wanted? To be seen, heard, and to affect change in the world.  Baby step after baby step, I started waking up to these desires—and honoring them.  After all, no one else could ever do this for me.  Sure, I could put support in place, but I had to do the work.  And this “work" actually smelled like joy. 

Bumpy at best, I’m still on the journey, yet I’ve found greater congruence and confidence in this new way.  I’ve also found tons more time to appropriate to the meaningful relationships that matter most to me.  

Oh, but there’s something else you should know.  A reckoning of sorts took place.  That hit I mentioned earlier? Well, at the core of all my “overwhelm” that kept me spinning out of control was a gaping hole I was desperately trying to fill: my needs for love, acceptance, and belonging. 

I woke up to the unflattering reality that I was spread so thin in an effort to get these core needs met, and in the process, abandoned myself and my desires altogether leaving a bad aftertaste of resentment and utter discouragement.  

If you find yourself constantly overcommitting and overwhelmed, I’ve got good news for you: You can step off the treadmill at any time.  You can choose something different—something resonant and true for you.  But,  in order to see your dreams become reality, you must be willing to let go of some extra baggage:

1) The belief that other people need you more than you need you

2) Saying yes to too many social obligations to be nice and fit in

3) Staying busy to avoid your needs and desires

4) Toxic relationships that breed self-doubt 

5) Any reason that convinces you you don’t have what it takes (aka fear)

6) Comparison with others (Is all that screen time really necessary?)

7) Playing the victim when setbacks arise (and they will)

My hunch is, you want to be seen too.  I sure hope so—it's your birthright! You weren’t created to hide behind the agendas of other people.  You weren’t created to be nice.  You weren’t even created to be liked.  Let’s face it, you’re not for everyone.  You were created to be the most beautiful, bold, and true YOU imaginable.  Oh, she’s in there, alright.  And she’s a force of nature.  Yes, we need to see her.… 

Love & Gratitude,
Katie

Why Happiness is an Inside Job

You’ve probably heard it before, the pithy phrase “Happiness is an inside job.” But have you ever stopped to ask yourself why? After all, isn’t happiness based on circumstance while joy is the real coveted virtue? In that case, happiness would seem outside of ourselves altogether.  

While I’m not sure about that, I do know I like being happy more than not. 

In the last several years, I’ve been fascinated by the human brain and have spent tons of time trying to understand it more.  After all, your brain is literally a genius and has the power to heal itself completely over time.  This is why there’s such hopeful prognoses for those who’ve experienced horrific traumas.  

You can’t study the brain without delving into concepts such as the conscious and unconscious mind.  While that’s another post for another day, know this:

Just as the quote mentions above, we possess unfathomable creative control as humans when we learn to harness and practice intentionally directing our thoughts and feelings in the way of our desires.  Sound too airy fairy for your taste?  Fair enough, but check out Dr. Habib Sadeghi’s book Within, to understand the science behind it.  It’s undoubtedly a game-changer. 

Today, I want to give you five helpful reminders as you go about cultivating more happiness and meaning in your everyday experience:

1. Happiness is a practice, not a destination.  We must learn to practice happiness in the small, insignificant moments throughout the day rather than “saving up” for an unrealistic circumstantial pay-off.  

2. We can’t experience happiness without pain.  Life is a series of contractions and expansions.  Picture a caterpillar inching right along.  There are equal contractions and expansions that keep him moving forward.  

3. We create our own emotional experiences by the beliefs we choose to adopt.  Beliefs are simply thoughts we practice thinking over and over again.  Your past thoughts and beliefs have created the reality you’re in today.  

4. Happiness is not contingent on your story.  You and I have agency to write the stories we want to live into.  By taking total responsibility of our experiences and resulting emotions, we are able to move through them and create greater hope and meaning.

5. It’s okay to not be okay.  We put so much pressure on ourselves to be happy.  Yet if life is equal parts expansion and contraction, we must learn to be okay with sadness, heartache, loneliness, and anger.  When we learn to contain our emotions in a healthy way and extend self-compassion to ourselves on the other side, we will likely experience less resistance and more equilibrium in life.  If you have a bad day, let yourself be in it, process it, and move through it instead of faking it. 

Love & Gratitude,
Katie