4 Powerful Ways the Enneagram Impacts Workplace Culture

Guess what? There are nine different normals—nine different lenses through which to see the ourselves and our world.  Depending on your enneagram type, you live out of a unique personality story that was shaped by real or perceived early childhood experiences that fuel the core motivations behind how you think, feel, and act.  Your enneagram type also informs the desires and fears that keep this personality tightly wound and in tact.  

Also guess what? At the core of most of our problems are relationships.  Do you know what’s at the heart of those relationships? Yep, our personalities.  

I’m convinced the enneagram is the best tool we have for understanding these nine different normals and bringing greater understanding, compassion, kindness, and cohesion to our relationships, both personally and professionally.  

How does it do this? 

1. It improves our communication.  Depending on your enneagram type, you have a specific way of showing up in relationships as a communicator.  As a type four, I tend to over-communicate and self-reference quite a bit. Flowery and expressive? Perhaps. Clear and concise? Not so much. As I’ve learned about myself as a type four, I’ve become more proficient in balancing this out. This improves communication on all levels because when we have insight into our communication styles and those of other types, we have far more compassion and patience.  
   

2. It fosters collaboration. Understanding each of the nine types’ strengths and challenges allows for greater ease as we identify and harness the sweet spot of each person involved in groups of all types—teams, families, organizations, marriages, you name it.  When we grasp an understanding that, like Stephen Covey said, “Strength lies in differences, not in similarities,” we experience more elegance and flow in our collaborations.    
   

3. It opens the door for engagement. When we have a sense of self-understanding and acceptance, we are naturally more engaged in whatever we focus our energy and attention on.  Why? Because we are in alignment with the truth of who we are. When we live from a place of integrity and authenticity, the fog of self-doubt and sabotage burns off a bit. The enneagram is the most profound and comprehensive tool for developing greater self-understanding and acceptance.
   

4. It manifests productivity. When we communicate better and accept each others’ differences, we collaborate better.  When we can cut through the limiting stories that hold us back, we engage with ourselves and the world with greater love and confidence.  As a bi-product, we naturally connect to greater productivity.  This isn’t about striving, it’s about softening into the truth of who we are, and as a result, playing for instead of against, our own team.  

Cultivating a strong culture starts with nurturing kindness towards ourselves and the person right in front of us, whatever their normal may be.  

Creating distance between reaction and response

I love a good quote. Don’t you? 

One that I keep tucked away in the background of my foggy mom brain is this classic by Viktor Frankl, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

It keeps my unconscious clunking through life in check.

I sincerely believe that most of our perceived problems would dissolve if we cultivated, or grew, that space between what life throws at us and how we respond. Let’s stop right there. Even just the word “respond” is generous. I tend to default to cruise-control living more days than not, reacting out of emotion instead of responding out of presence. 

Why? Because the space between the stimulus and response is so stinking small! What is not so small, however, is the old ego blaring at full-volume when I live like this. 

For example, let’s look at a scenario we can all relate to—traffic.  If you live in a large-ish city like Nashville, chances are, you have been tweaked by traffic. One of my absolute biggest pet peeves is when I’m stopped at a four-way stop and instead of obeying traffic laws, people try to be sweet and “let you go” when it’s not your turn. I’m all for southern charm and hospitality, but somebody’s going to get hurt if we all play nice instead of following the basic order.

This happened the other day. A well-meaning lady in a heavy black sedan with red lipstick and statement earrings sat across from me at a four-way stop. It was her turn to go. She flashed a toothy grin my way and waved her hand for me to go. I mean come ON. I played along but rolled my eyes and sped around the turn very dramatically. Small space alert! I reacted out of frustration instead of responding from curiosity and openness. Ew.

I was also asleep in trance, living out of a really crappy story that read something like this, “Why are people so lame? She should see traffic laws (and life for that matter) the way I do.”  

Zero compassion. Zero patience. Bags of judgment.  

Sure, anger was at the surface. But guess what was really going on underneath that jagged reaction? The real underlying story was fear. It went something like this, “Things won’t work out unless I try to control them.”  

Do you have a particular narrative that gets you into trouble?

Here’s some good news: the thing that separates us as humans from animals is the ability to make up stories. We’ve also been given the glorious gift of imagination in order to write them well. 

Guess what we need in order to write good and truthful stories? We need space. Why? Because we write best out of stillness, not chaos. Also, because reactionary, fear-based living will drive us mad (and others away). 

If you and I are courageous enough to sit in that space, feel our feelings, and simply observe the moment at hand, we have stepped out of ego— the need for control—and into the freedom of essence. By essence, I’m referring to the unconditioned, open, and authentic “true self.”

From that space, you create meaning, thought, feeling, and action that is powerful beyond belief. This is the space where you get to use your God-given gift to write really compelling stories.

This all sounds so lovely and airy-fairy, but how do we grow that space and find our freedom— our power? 

Meditation is the most effective tool I’ve found to cultivate the inner observer, or witness, we all have, yet tend to neglect. Any mindfulness exercise or guided breathing and meditation allow us to relate to our thoughts and experiences in a softer, more open way. Most importantly, it broadens the space and cushions the fall when life throws us the inevitable curveballs.  Yes, it feels boring, uncomfortable, and frustrating at first, but after a while, you will start to crave it. 

This is the spiritual work of the Enneagram. It’s time we tend to that pure, loving part of us in order to create some distance between how we experience the world and how we respond. Your imagination is your MVP here. Break it open. Look around. Make a home.

Stay awhile.

Shifting Shadows with the Enneagram

I grew up in the crown jewel of the deep south, Mobile, AL.  We did many strange things like take ballroom dancing in fifth grade.  It was hands down the most awkward thing I’d experienced until then, and I’ve always felt at home on a dance floor.

This was different though. Kids from a couple of neighboring schools would gather on a Thursday night at 5 o’clock in a big gymnasium at St. Ignatius Catholic church and learn all the old-school couples dances like the fox trot, waltz, and others I’ve purposely erased from my memory.  The most unbearable part of it wasn’t learning the dances, it was learning the dances with the boys.  They were hyper, smelly, and had no rhythm.  They also thought they were beyond cool. 

My favorite part of the night was when I spotted my mom’s minivan headlights in the carpool line.  She’d swoop in and pick me up and we’d proceed to Checkers for the long-awaited chocolate milkshake(s).  I had to take the edge off somehow. 

Learning to dance with our shadow, or shameful parts can feel just as unpleasant.  They are those parts of us that we’d rather not talk about.  Early on, we learned to hide them from the world around us for acceptance—for survival.  They are the parts of you that if someone saw, they might ultimately reject.  You may be found out…and deemed unloveable. 

What are the shadow parts you’d rather forget about?  Is it depression, body shame, singleness, financial troubles, or even sexual trauma as a child? Whatever they are, much like the smelly boys at ballroom, we’ve got to learn to lean in, let go, and learn to dance with them.

The Enneagram is all about integration.  The less compartmentalized, or fragmented we are, the more integrated and whole we will become.  Just as we are made up of hundreds of different body parts, muscles, and organs, we also have so many different parts of our emotional, relational, and creative beings.

Oftentimes in therapy sessions with clients, these parts come up.  Take anxiety for example.  Anxiety is an emotion or part of us that can be immobilizing.  We often deal with it by numbing, fixing, or running from it.  Anxiety is really just a shadow part of us that needs compassion and understanding just like, say, the creative part of us.  When we stuff our anxiety and try to avoid it, we really just give it more power and as a result, create imbalance.

What might dancing with this anxious shadow look like?  Well, first of all, we must listen to and get to know it.  This allows us to cultivate empathy for that anxious part of us.  After all, she has been working overtime for a while now to keep us performing, staying safe, and “on the ball.”  

Shadow work is really a reckoning with parts of ourselves we’ve misjudged for a long time.  The payoff is wholeness—flow.  It’s realizing those parts we’ve been hiding for so long aren’t so terrible after all.  In fact, they end up being the best parts because they are the most thorough teachers.  

That anxious part of you desperately wants you to see her for who she really is: someone who deeply cares about your future, yet may go about it clumsily.  She wants you to sit with her, commune with her, and realize the worst thing that can happen isn’t so bad in the end because you have other resilient parts of you that can step in and take over when she needs to sit the next song out.  

Take a minute and visualize the part of you that you dislike, a lot.  Perhaps you feel guilty about this part or constantly judge it.  What does she look like?  What is she doing?  In the same minute, take one step towards her…then another, and another.  You left her alone a long time ago and she feels abandoned, even scared.  She knows you dislike her but she desperately longs to know you and play on the same team.  She needs you big time.  

If this feels completely terrifying, it should.  Your brain is freaking out because it has no idea what it’s doing.  Hang in there though, this is perhaps the most life-giving work you’ve ever done.  Dancing with shadows or smelly boys is probably not on your bucket list.  Oh but I bet I know what is…

Freedom.

Integrating Somatic Intelligence in Therapy

One of my favorite things about the Enneagram is its holistic capacity to bring balance and integration to our overall experience.  I’ve heard it described as a psycho-spiritual tool, one that provides benefits on a psychological and spiritual plane.  It definitely does this.  However, if we dismiss the rich insight the Enneagram provides to us on a somatic level, we are missing out on the gifts it can bring to our total embodiment day after day.  

You may have heard about the concept of three intelligence centers: body, heart, and mind, frequently taught in enneagram circles.  Basically, this proves that we are actually three-brained beings (heart, body, mind) instead of one-brained beings (mind), as has been elevated in our modern western world.  Emotional intelligence has made a big splash in the last 50 years or so, yet somatic intelligence has not been as accepted until now.  Thankfully, recent scientific studies are finally catching up to this wisdom of the Enneagram by proving we have neural cells not just in our brains, but in the lining of our stomachs and hearts.  Crazy, right?

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Terry Saracino, core faculty member of the Narrative Enneagram (and my teacher…pinch me!) to talk about the somatic approach unique to the Narrative Tradition.  Terry is lovely and brilliant and is as passionate today about this system as when she first learned about it in 1989.  

She describes this dynamic approach to understanding ourselves through the lens of the Enneagram, and really unpacks this often forgotten intelligence center of the body.  Interestingly, our bodies are always in the present moment.  Our hearts and minds can be all over the map, future-tripping and stuck in the past, but our bodies ground us in the present moment if we are willing to bring greater awareness to them.  Our bodies are the experiencer of our Enneagram type patterns of thought and emotion, so we must lean on them for greater insight and support in our day to day experience.  

Many of us are wildly disconnected from this somatic, or kinesthetic wisdom.  And one of the trillion things I love about the Enneagram is it’s all about bringing balance and openness where there is imbalance and contraction.   

When we do the work of the Enneagram, we discover our personality type and deeper character structure are held into place by our type’s emotional patterns, thought patterns, and somatic profile.  

I love getting to work with clients to bring awareness to this unique type-specific picture and begin to relax these often limiting patterns.  As we relax those conditioned patterns, we are able to open up to the true, or unconditioned self that has been buried under years of habit and automatic behaviors.  

I explain how this works in tandem with the Enneagram and other therapeutic tools in my upcoming webinar, The Experiential Enneagram: A Transformational Approach to Therapy and Coaching.  Join me on March 8th at 9:00 am CT.  You can register or learn more here.

Transforming Your Client's Story

People often ask me, “What is your process when working with clients?” 

To which I typically reply, “We co-author a new story.”

As it relates to transformation, the Enneagram invites us into the powerful and creative work of rewriting our stories. 

After all, many of us have been living out of a story that was written somewhere back in early childhood and we wait until some type of crisis or loss to identify that story, hold it up to the light, and ask ourselves if it’s still working for us.

Children are brilliant storytellers.  However, they are crappy interpreters!  

When little people start to connect the dots of life, somewhere around five or six, they create little stories about themselves and the world around them.  Typically, these stories are very black and white, i.e. I didn’t get picked to play with on the playground.  There must be something wrong with me.  

Over time, we keep connecting the dots of life and tell ourselves stories that somehow keep us safe and secure along the way.  These stories create certainty—yet they lack context—and aren’t necessarily true.  

So, what do we do as we grow up? We use these stories, or overgrown personalities, to help us show up in the world and be liked, helpful, and successful.  So do our clients.

In my experience, most of my clients want to understand why they do the things they do.  This is yet another reason the Enneagram delivers.  It unpacks the motivation behind the survival strategy, also known as the childhood wound, for each of the nine Enneagram types.

In adulthood, our world looks much different and yet we are still living, albeit unconsciously, out of a story that was written so long ago.  Therein lies the rub—we’ve forgotten who that little person is underneath the conditioned self.  In fact, we become so identified by the workings of our personality, or ego as it’s often called, we bump up against challenges and discord in our relationships, career, and emotional landscape.

When using the enneagram with clients, we help them identify their dominant enneagram type which unlocks the unique personality story they’ve been living out of a very long time.  We help them identify those stories  in order to ask, “how’s that working for you?”  Most of the time, it’s not.  In fact, it’s often working against them.  

To foster healing…we must dig deep.  We help our clients “sit with the ouchie” as Enneagram teacher Russ Hudson quips.  That defining wound from early childhood, in order to uncover the stories of their personality —the “why” behind how they think, feel, and act—we hold it up to the light with compassion and kindness, and we start the editing process.   

The Enneagram gives us a vocabulary to do so.  

Let me show you how.  Join me on March 8, 2024 at 9:00 am CT for an inside look at how to use the Enneagram with your clients.  Learn more here.