Is your WHY compelling enough?

Let’s be honest.  I have no idea what personal freedom looks like for you right now nor do I pretend to think I have any answers you don’t already know.  You are the expert at you.  
 
However, I do know what personal freedom does NOT look like for you or me or anyone for that matter.  It does not look like your best friend, your mom, your therapist, some celebrity, or Instagram’s suggestions.  Sure, feedback and wise counsel are important.  The catch is, if you don’t have total buy-in, it stays just that—someone else’s advice.  
  
Last week, I wrote about the importance of slowly easing into the new year, practicing healthy habits, not making extreme, reactionary changes.  It’s those tiny, two-degree shifts that make lasting impacts, like my wise friend Miles Adcox teaches out at Onsite Workshops.  
 
As a follow-up, I want to sit with a question this week that might help steer your ship in the direction of greater personal freedom.
 
Here it is: 
 
One year from today, if you woke up feeling full of excitement and confidence, what would be different in your life?  What would be the same?  
 
And here’s the clincher…
 
Why?
 
Take a few minutes to paint that picture either in your mind or a journal.
 
Maybe it’s a career change, a new relationship, financial freedom, physical health and energy, or maybe some much needed personal healing.  
 
Whatever it is, I believe acknowledging this desire is the first and most important step.  
 
The second?  Saying “yes” to it.  Every day.  
 
When we align with our heart’s desires, powerful shifts start to happen on our behalf.  
 
The follow-through seems to be tough though, right?  That’s my experience.  I believe this is because we lose sight of our ‘why.’  Or, perhaps our ‘why’ isn’t compelling enough in the first place.  
 
I heard someone say recently that if your vision for your life only benefits you, it isn’t big enough.  
 
Losing weight in order to have a healthier lifestyle and attract a new relationship is great—truly.  However, we can go bigger.  It will also allow you to feel more confident and contribute more value to the world and attract more opportunities.  It will help you show up in every area of life and be more present because you feel better.  It will inspire others to follow your lead.  We could go on…
 
In light of personal freedom, when your “why” is compelling enough, the follow-through becomes tangible.  
 
I love the fact that you and I are called to be the truest version of ourselves possible.  I’m not doing anyone any good if I wake up each morning trying to fit into someone else’s story.  I’ve been down that winding road. It’s exhausting.  
 
So, what do you say we do a bit of decluttering this week and leave all the other noise behind? Maybe It’s time to get clear on your picture of personal freedom and make some lasting changes.
 
Are you ready?
 
Love & Gratitude,

Katie

I Wish I'd Had This 5 Years Ago

I’ve heard it said, as writers, our ideal audience is us, five years ago.  So, at 40, I’m writing to my 35-year-old self.  After all, we write what we know.  I suppose the lessons of life take a solid three to five years (at least!) to really get into our bones.
 
This definitely checks out for me.  Whereas I value every leg of the journey, looking back I cringe to see some of the harrowing passages I traversed all in the name of stubbornness.  Five years ago, I was on a tear, hustling in about 20 different directions all in the name of worthiness.  I had one speed…fast.  Even though I’d come along way on my journey of healing and wholeness, I was swinging hard in the direction of impossible expectations for myself and my life.  
 
In fact, I was so worn out, my body started to slowly break down, manifesting all sorts of back, neck, and jaw pain.  Even though I didn’t feel depressed, my body began calling out for some attention as there was still some work to be done deep inside.  Sure, I’d been a therapist for a while, yet I needed to take my own advice and stop ignoring parts of me that desperately needed some love.
 
Let’s just say, I was seriously confused about the whole self-care thing.  I worked out hard, I enjoyed time with girlfriends, I went for the occasional mani/pedi, I journaled here and there, but I never fully stepped off the treadmill of what I’ve come to call my internal split.  By this I mean, my disconnection from myself and the present moment.  I was always somewhere else, “out there.”  Self-care felt like a detour— a delayed pitstop or something.   
 
Fast-forward to today.  A lot has happened.  I got married, had my first child, and woke up to the glaring fact that something needed to change if I wanted to actually show up authentically for my family and my dreams.  My internal split needed an internal shift.  I knew a different set of circumstances wouldn’t change anything.  For the first time in my life, I knew I had to quit hustling for my worthiness and start caring for the little girl inside who was flat out tired.   
 
I’d mistaken self-care for something to be checked off the to-do list quickly to return to life as I knew it.   It felt squishy—or weak or something.   It became a way to numb the soreness after a long day, like a couple of glasses of wine or a nice long bubble bath.   Whereas those things are lovely, they never seemed to make me feel alive or more me. Relaxing? Yes. Connective? Hmmm…not so much.
 
I wish I’d known what true self-care is five years ago.  I wish I’d had a roadmap, or ritual, to practice on the regular that was grounding, healing, and life-giving.   Sure, I did eventually figure it out by the grace of God and some hardcore burnout. Maybe this was exactly as it should be.  However, I’d like to break the fall for anyone who’s curious. 
 
I believe we get good at whatever we practice.  Resilience in life is really about practice.  True self-care is simply nurturing resilience and compassion through practice in our everyday life.  It’s about bringing our whole self online—integrating mind, body, and spirit. 
 
If you feel you could use a tune-up, re-write parts of your story, and revamp the way you relate to yourself in 2020, here’s the perfect opportunity.  Please join me and my incredible friends Ally and Koula at the Self-Care Workshop coming up Feb. 8-9  in Nashville.   Using the Enneagram, writing, and yoga, we will deep dive into what self-care really is and what it looks like specifically for you right now.  
 
It’s going to be so much fun and deeply transformative.  Me (and my 35-year-old self) can’t wait to see you ;).   

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

What actually *is* self-care?

Dear %FIRSTNAME%,

We're told practically everything is self-care. How do you know what's legit?

It seems like everything can be termed ‘self-care’ these days.

Going through a bad breakup? Go buy yourself a new pair of jeans because it’s self-care.

Had a rough week at work? Spa day! It’s self-care.

In a fight with your spouse or your parents? Two bottles of wine with your friends. It’s self-care!

We’ve all been there. But the truth is, those “quick fixes” aren’t the answer to personal growth. In fact, they have the opposite effect. They help you tune out and ignore what’s actually going on.

Yes, they’re helpful for a few hours or even a whole day. But then you wake up a few days later still anxious about that same thing.

It would be amazing if those things worked long-term. Sadly, they just don’t.

Here’s the reality: if we want to work through things that are hard and not just work around them, we need to develop the right skills. Not only that, but we also need to have the right routine that will help us process things in a healthy way and truly exhibit self-growth.

It’s precisely why I'm co-hosting the Self Care Weekend Workshop with two amazing women, Allison and Koula. In a day and a half, we'll teach you the tools you need to develop a healthy, sustainable self-care practice. You’ll also leave with your personalized self-care plan that will help you achieve positive growth in your life.

You have everything you need to practice healthy self-care. At this first-ever, all-female workshop, you’ll learn how to tap into those things.

Things like...

• A basic yoga and meditation practice to help you connect with your body and move stuck energy

• Writing tools that will help you understand what’s keeping you stuck

• A tool called the Enneagram to help you understand why you behave the way you do

When you combine these tools into a self-care routine that you can practice with consistency, your life will transform.

If you're in a season of needing transformation and positive growth, join me at the first-ever Self-Care Weekend Workshop. It’s just $499 for a day and a half of real, clinically-based self-care. Register today and I'll see you soon!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

Let's Finish Strong

Last week, a dear friend said something so profound in conversation. I’ve been marinating in it since. She said, “I’m struggling to find my now. I’m either stuck in the past or out somewhere in the future. I desperately want to find my now.”

Can you relate to this? I sure can—especially in this eleventh hour of 2019. It’s tempting to camp out in what “could have been”: more productivity, success, health, passion, what have you. This temptation is then compounded by the seductive tendency to run tactics on a fresh new start right around the proverbial bend.

You know the drill. The diet and exercise folks join forces and broker a zillion dollar deal every fourth quarter counting on you and I to wake up January 1 after sipping on the stiff and steady cocktail of two parts bloated, one part foggy, and a heavy shake of shame. We buy in to the ultimate extreme makeover our resolution(s) of choice promises only to throw in the towel a week later hangry, and with the selfless support of your dearest pint: Ben & Jerry, or Stella Artois.

It’s so predictable, right?

I believe it’s high-time we outgrow this brand of insanity. Thankfully, there is another way. Conscious living invites us into self-awareness. If we accept this invitation, we immediately enter a room full of freedom—and responsibility.

Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist, Logotherapy creator, and Holocaust survivor, said it best, “Between the stimulus and the response, there is a space. In that space, there lies your freedom and power.”

These Holiday months present us with a vital passageway—a sacred space. Incidentally, it’s one of the tightest spaces in which to remain present and self-aware. If we consciously choose presence (that powerful space of the here and now), as opposed to the sugar-laced trance of consumerism, I believe we will finish strong.

“Buzz-kill much?” you ask.

Fair enough. However, I wholeheartedly believe our most powerful, abundant lives are built with consistency, brick by brick, and experienced moment to moment. Why? Because if I am present in each moment, I hold the keys to reality and connection. By this I mean, I live in wakeful presence and respond truthfully to my desires, needs, and those of others. I also forgo the trap of extreme, reactionary living.

Speaking of the needs of others, the Holiday season is often one of deep pain and loneliness in the hearts of many. I’ve known this pain well. Yet at the same time, there is this massive expectation to shine up the shell of appearance and ignore the voice of pain that hums a haunting cry for help.

When you and I narc-out in an unconscious trance, we are unavailable to those needs all around us. Likewise, we silence our own. Needs such as connection, compassion, and rest get overrun by the loud liturgy of commerce and consumption.

These next several weeks, give yourself and others this gift of presence. Enjoy the heck out of them, consciously choosing to come back to the moment, no matter how often the drone of chaos calls. Each time you make this choice, you step into your freedom...your power. Don’t bother eliminating the noise. That’s an isolating crap-shoot. Simply cultivate an inner peace amidst the noise as you loosen the grip of control and soften the lens of extremes.

Finishing strong looks more like staying soft than hustling hard.

Stay tuned next week on the blog for some practical tools to support you in this generous pursuit.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. If you haven't signed up for my monthly EnneaGroup, it's not too late. To sign up for next week's in-person group or for the remote option starting later this month, click here.

Why Meditation Matters...and you should be doing it

Meditation is a game-changer.  There are volumes of scientific research boasting all the reasons.  I’m sure they are quite thorough and convincing, too. 

However, today, I want to share from my heart and experience how meditation has and continues to change my life for the better.

This post is for all you fellow perfectionists, control freaks, planners, cardio-lovers, results-oriented, make-it-happen folks who feel 20 minutes of meditation sounds like a large helping of time-suck. 

Oh, I know you…

About five years ago, I began noticing an overarching intense physical discomfort out of nowhere (or so I thought.) My throat and jaw locked up.  My mid-back twisted in a knot.  It became difficult to sing and speak, even in sessions with clients.  Sleep became a distant wish. 

As a health-conscious, avid exerciser who’d done her fair share of work in therapy throughout the years, I felt discouraged—and powerless. 

After seeking out every alternative healing modality I could find, I noticed a subtle common theme emerge from acupuncturist, chiropractor, voice coach, energy healer, and therapist alike.  Quite simply, their sage voices all harmonized in a singular chord.  It was in the key of: RELAX.

I wasn’t depressed or anything.  In fact, I was quite content.  Yet I’d been running so hard on a treadmill of survival mode that had become my norm.  My body, brain, and emotions formed a strike, actively rebelling against the grueling pace I’d had them on for decades. 

Meditation has been my vehicle into this new world of rest, yet interestingly enough, it has also opened up my life in a new way, allowing for increased willingness and opportunities.  Funny how that works. 

Here are the three big reasons I think we should all be meditating:

1)     We build more self-awareness and self-acceptance.   Self-awareness is the biggest indicator of success in life, relationships, and work.  However, we’re so busy (and often stressed) we don’t carve out the time to practice the stillness required to grow that necessary muscle of self-awareness.   In my experience, I’d over-developed the muscle of self-criticism and judgment instead.  Practicing meditation or other mindfulness exercises allows space to unlearn that harsh inner critic and grow the safe, neutral observer needed to bake in healthy self-awareness, compassion, and positive sustained change.

2)    We release tension and toxins in our bodies that create long-term negative health effects. It was a lightbulb moment the day I made the connection between disease in our minds and bodies with literal “dis-ease” and tension we hold tightly within.  This stress, or contraction, will eventually exacerbate, causing much bigger health concerns down the road unless we learn how to release it.  Practicing meditation trains our bodies and minds to slow down and release that arthritic grip we unconsciously develop over time.  Added bonuses include better sleep, mood, energy, and creativity that crop up as a result. 

3)    We begin to connect to our essence, or true self, as we become aware of unconscious habits.  As we move from the false self (ego) to the true self (essence), we experience deep spiritual transformation.  It’s letting go of fear in order to embrace openness to something greater than ourselves.  We simply can’t do that if we are living out of our blind spots on autopilot.  Over time, as we commit to a meditation practice, a natural byproduct becomes this relaxation of old programming and an exploration of the love and curiosity that’s been there from day one.  We were born loving, open beings.  We learned fear to help us survive.  Yet, lasting positive change is rarely built on fear.  We must create the precious space in our days to excavate that little person inside that desperately longs to be seen and known.  She’s honest and wise beyond her years, too.  Some people swear practicing meditation over time slows down aging.  I can’t speak to that; however, I do believe connecting to the most loving and true parts of us inevitably lends a softer lens to whatever we may be facing in life.  In this sense, we do recover that childlike part of us that sees more beauty in everything. 

 This fall, I can’t wait to embark on an 8-week meditation journey with you!  Stay tuned for more on that and a deeper dive into the life-giving world of mindfulness. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie