My gift to you...perfect timing

They say timing is everything.  I’ll agree with that.  However, when it comes to deepening self-awareness and overall quality of life, the perfect timing is always now.  I used to think I had to wait for a catastrophic event to explode on the scene in order to garner precious time and energy to “work on me” so to speak.  

What about you?  Do you tend to brush minor hurts, dashed hopes and dreams, and resentments under the rug only to deal with them “when the time is right?” And who’s to say when time is right or wrong?

Obviously, we do have to compartmentalize painful stuff along the way in order to show up and meet the demands of work, parenting, and other projects we’re invested in.  The problem with waiting for the right time is we often put it off too long which in turn creates further unforeseen problems for ourselves and others.  It’s like driving your car without ever getting an oil change.  Eventually, manageable maintenance issues become harrowing expenses we could’ve easily avoided. 

My point is this: now is the time to invest in you and take back the power in your life.  This doesn’t have to look extreme or exhausting either.  

When we decide to show up for ourselves and work with what we’ve got where we’re at, we not only circumvent larger scale implosions down the road, we put into motion tiny two-degree shifts that over time, create massive upgrades in all areas of our lives. 

When you board a plane in Nashville headed for London, the pilot follows a detailed flight plan that takes into account all sorts of possible interruptions.  When you’re flying, you won’t feel many noticeable deviations or sudden turns, unless turbulence becomes an issue.  In fact,  if your pilot’s navigation is even one degree off, guess what happens?  You’ll end up in Morocco or something.  (Okay, geography isn’t my strong suit, but you get my point). I imagine Morocco is magical, yet you bought a ticket to London.  

It doesn’t take much of a shift to create the dramatic results you’re looking for over time.  It does, however, require you to decide to start now, with what you’ve got.  

What holds you back from this courageous decision? 

Why is this courageous?  Because to be willing to look honestly and openly at the peaks and valleys of your story is a highly vulnerable process.  We don’t know what we’ll find.  We can’t predict how we’ll react.  To be vulnerable always requires courage.  

And yet there is nothing more vulnerable and uncertain in this life than to love.  

Take the first step today and say yes (with feeling) to the adventure.  Sign up for my Enneagram-based self-care membership program, The Practice.  It’s affordable, supportive, and you get a whole new community of folks with like minds and hearts.  

I don’t make many promises in my line of work, but I assure you, you certainly won’t be bored. 

Do you struggle with food this time of year?

I’m pretty sure I say this every year, and here goes again: I can’t believe the holidays are upon us.  Though they may differ depending on your traditions, one thing remains: food tends to be the main event.

Especially this last week—Thanksgiving—the heightened emphasis on that  decadent meal with butter dripping from every possible opportunity leaves so many people feeling anxious due to complicated relationships with food and body image.  I know this struggle all too well as someone who suffered a deadly eating disorder in high school.  I’ve worked hard to maintain a healthy relationship with food bolstered by a more gentle and balanced approach.  Though I feel a million times better today and don’t struggle in  the way I did, I have a very special place in my heart for those who suffer from this ongoing battle with themselves and food.

In fact, most women struggle at some point in their lives with a disordered  relationship with food.  An estimated 30 million people, men and women alike, suffer from actual eating disorders through the course of their lifetime.  Ya’ll, that’s wild.  And incredibly sad.  

I highly encourage you to seek professional treatment both with a therapist  and physician if you are struggling.  I also want to share with you a few ideas on how to approach the next month and a half with more grace and enjoyment. 

Mindful eating

• I’m a big believer that it’s not the actual food that creates the problems, it’s our relationship with food.  So many of us, myself   included, use food as a medicator, to numb and relieve temporary emotional pain.  That, or we use it to celebrate good news or important events.  So often, this is an unconscious process—one we don’t even realize is happening.  It’s automatic, habitual, and ingrained.  Simply becoming more aware of what you are  eating, when you are eating, and why you are eating is incredibly supportive in a more mindful relationship with food.  I like to call this mindful eating.  It doesn’t mean deprivation either!  It simply means slowing down enough to eat with  intention and awareness.  It’s proven that as we slow down our actual eating time, we can connect to our bodies more, identifying when we  are initially full. 

Exercise

• Daily movement has been my physical and emotional tether for decades.  It’s our primal right as humans. With travel, it can be tricky though.  Let’s be honest, we will likely be indulging a bit more in the  coming weeks, so this is the perfect opportunity to balance it out with mindful movement—wherever we can get it! A brisk walk, a streaming yoga class on your laptop, a snowball fight if you don’t live in the south ;).   As emotions also run high, physical exercise is an incredible natural anti-anxiety/depressant.  Give yourself the gift of intentional exercise these upcoming weeks—its always a good idea!

Healthy-ish

• You’ve heard about the 80/20 rule, eating healthy 80% of the time and indulging 20% of the time.  I try to follow this as closely as possible.  However, like I mentioned earlier, the holidays are a time  for celebration and merry-making.  So you may need to extend a bit of leeway in the direction of a 70/30 rule.   Eating healthy  70%  and  indulging more like 30%.   The goal is to eradicate shame when we eat a bit more than we’d like or even gain a few pounds.  No one ever improved their relationship with food from a baseline of shame.  And that’s what we’re going for: practicing a better relationship with food rather than putting unnecessary pressure on a strict diet. 

Let’s aim to enjoy food from a place of gratitude and abundance rather than fear and scarcity.  Let’s…savor.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

5 Conversation Starters for Your Thanksgiving Table

We’ve made it this far, 2023!  You’ve presented us with plenty to consider.  You’ve also invited us into a deeper level of consciousness and insight—insight about what’s really important to us.  The thing is, you’ve also put a high-powered magnifying glass up to our differences.  So much so  that the bonds of friendship, family, and beliefs are being challenged.   History has always presented us with this predicament.  

I’ve heard it in in my own life and in the lives of clients alike: there has been great heartache and hurt around dinner table discussions everywhere due  to our differences these last few years.

And yet this Thursday extends the invitation for togetherness, gratitude, and feasting.  I believe we need to be intentional about our conversations,   honoring each other’s differences and sacrificing the need to be right for  the privilege of being in relationship.  

So I thought it might be helpful to share with you a few conversation starters to keep this most unusual holiday season a gracious and enjoyable time.  We may not share idealogical beliefs, but what we do share is the human condition—flaws and all—and the need for connection and compassion.  

Here are a few conversation starters to keep us on track as you gather around the turkey:

1. What’s the most surprising thing you’ve learned about yourself in 2023? Go around the table and answer this question, keeping it in first person—make it about you and your experience—not about the  actions or beliefs of  others.

2. How will you finish strong in 2023?  What are you taking with you?  What are you leaving behind?

3. What have noticed about yourself as it pertains to your Enneagram type this year?  This is a great way to share with others a bit more about how you tick.

4. How has love operated in and through you this year? What are ways you’ve given back or championed those in need?

5. And finally, the piece de resistance, what are you most grateful for so  far this year?

Intention creates meaning.  I believe when we have meaningful gatherings, we invite more connection, more joy, and ultimately more purpose in our lives and spaces.  Whether it’s Friendsgiving or the family kind, let’s make this Thanksgiving and holiday season one to remember (in a good way ;).

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. If you’re looking to stay tethered to some enneagram-based self-care this holiday season, give yourself the gift of The Practice.  

3 Ways the Enneagram Can Support You During the Holidays

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…so why doesn’t it feel that way?  For many, the holidays can feel more lonely and anxious than merry and bright.  When we put high expectations on anything, it tends to snuff out the pure joy and wonder of it.  I know you know this, and yet it still feels awfully difficult to move through the season with a realistic, unbothered approach.  

I firmly believe the Enneagram can help.  Here are a few ways how:

1. As you well know, the Enneagram helps illuminate the inner workings of our personalities.  In showing you the motivations behind why you do the things you do, for better or for worse, it invites you into greater self-awareness and self-knowledge.  This is crucial as we move through stressful experiences (that awkward Thanksgiving meal with Uncle what’s-his-name and his new girlfriend). This is important because we obviously can’t control others around us but we can have the space of self-awareness to observe how we respond to the season’s events.  And I do mean respond…not react!

2. In step with this, the Enneagram is a map.  It shows you when you’re on the right track and when you’ve taken a treacherous wrong turn south to the land of victim, people pleaser, avoidance, isolation, martyr—even control freak (who me?).  By giving you awareness as to where you go in times of stress and security in your type, the Enneagram gives us road signs, moment to moment, so as to keep us moving in the right direction.  It’s like your very own Waze app on the open roads of holiday chaos.

3. The Enneagram helps us stay curious and compassionate both to ourselves and the collection of friends and family we’re surrounded by this time of year.  Sure, the Enneagram is all about self understanding, but that’s just the beginning.  As we are better able to understand ourselves and others around us, we are more likely to move towards them—to have generosity of spirit instead of a critical mind.  We learn to have a kinder dialog towards ourselves and others and have greater compassion for others and why they do the things they do.  And don’t forget!  Sometimes this compassion looks like saying no instead of yes to that umpteenth holiday gathering!  Or that piece of pie…or that gift you really can’t afford. Compassion combines love and limits.   

Don’t worry, I’ll be hanging out a bunch in your inbox this season!   Cheers!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. If you’re looking to stay tethered to some enneagram-based self-care this holiday season, give yourself the gift of The Practice.  

Your Enneagram Type on Gratitude

In just a few weeks, many of us will gather around a table topped with a smattering of delectable turkey variations and some comfy, butter-laced sides—throw in a few pies, and give thanks for all the good things in this life.  We will do our best to keep the conversation above board, leaving family grievances and politics at the door.  We will go back for seconds, even though dessert looms large.  A food coma ensues.  Is Thanksgiving the original “cheat day?”  Hmmm…perhaps.  Leave it to America to super size an otherwise satisfying Thursday lunch. 

After all, to every other country, Thanksgiving is just another Thursday.  Yet it’s my favorite.  A holiday built on gratitude and a decadent meal?  Without the hassle of gifts? I’m in.  

In today’s furiously fast and heavy climate, we must not lose sight of gratitude, and not just on one particularly famous Thursday of the year.  We must make gratitude a practice. 

Gratitude is not just something we do to feel better about life.  It’s not denying reality or always finding the sliver lining.  It’s far more powerful than that.  

Over time, gratitude has the power to rewire your brain for more overall fulfillment in life and relationships.  As humans, we have what’s called a negativity bias.  We are biologically wired for survival.  Primal man relied on this negativity bias to wake up the next morning and live another day in a highly dangerous world.  However, in our modern day world, we don’t need this high alert survival bent as we once did.  Sure, it’s kept us alive as a species through the ages, however, thankfully most of us have our basic needs of food, shelter, and safety met.  

Gratitude is saying yes to what is good, true, and beautiful—it’s the practice of nurturing hope in our lives.  Sometimes it’s accepting the challenging parts of life that have helped us grow and heal.  It is an intentional practice that sees the often grim reality of life—acknowledges it— accepts it—AND chooses to see life from a higher, more spiritual perspective.  

Today, I want to run through the things that get in the way of a gratitude practice for each Enneagram type. 

Type 1: Perfectionism!!! What a sham!  Type Ones have such a high standard for themselves and the world around them, they often miss out on what’s good and right in their lives.  

Type 2: Guilt often clouds gratitude for these nurturing souls.  The feeling that they aren’t doing enough for others or a tendency to carry the weight of the world can be all consuming.

Type 3: Busyness can distract these success-oriented doers from gratitude.  The constant need to achieve and move things forward will take center stage for Threes if they aren’t consciously aware of their pattern.  

Type 4: Longing for what’s missing tends to derail these sensitive, idealistic people from gratitude.  The melancholy that feels so comfortable becomes a real hinderance as a result. 

Type 5: Scarcity can easily get in the way of Fives as they live out of a place of hyper self-sufficiency that can border on stinginess.  

Type 6: Fear and doubt go neck and neck with gratitude for Sixes.  As great problem solvers, they can often be problem seekers.  

Type 7: Toxic positivity can keep Sevens in a constant state of avoidance of reality.  Though they can seem like the most grateful, they often bypass the whole of true gratitude which is appreciating the light and dark parts of life. 

Type 8: Control and impact can often leave softer concepts like gratitude feeling weak or besides the point. Their constant forward momentum distract a grateful heart.  

Type 9: Laziness or numbing when it comes to their own process and development can distract Nines from developing their own gratitude practice (or any practice).  Their constant focus on other people can be a real roadblock.

As we move through the season, consider the things that might get in the way of something so beautiful—so simple—and so powerful…gratitude.