How to Cultivate Self-Compassion in Crisis

You may have noticed your inbox building to new levels lately.  The gist of each message? Anxiety and how to feel less of it during these challenging Covid-19 times.  Don’t get me wrong:  many of said emails are very helpful.   However, I believe we are missing a big point if we fail to understand this:  anxiety and fear are there for a reason.  They are not invasive emotions haphazardly trying to wreak havoc on your otherwise lovely life. 

Human beings are wired for survival.  The most primal part of us is our instinct—this animal-esque tendency to do one thing and do it efficiently: procure dinner. 

You know what has aided this process for all of history?  A fear response you know all too well: fight or flight (or freeze.)  When our survival is threatened, this response kicks in to let us know we need to either run like hell or go into combat (or blend in with the trees).

That said, fear is very much our friend when we learn to work with and not against it.  I’ve heard it said the impaired version of fear is anxiety. It’s the fear of a fear.  So not nearly as helpful.   In fact, it’s downright ephemeral…and paralyzing!  However, I believe still helpful because it helps us identify what’s lying underneath—a fear that wants to somehow keep us safe.

Why is this helpful to you right now?  Because how you move through this time will be defined by how you feel about it.  Feelings dictate behavior.  You know what dictates feelings? Yep…those often-pesky thoughts. 

All the well-meaning people sending you emails about how to reduce anxiety have important things to say.  I believe if we could dial back anxiety levels even by five percent, we’d be able to open ourselves up to a lot more opportunities these days. 

However, if we think our fear and anxiety are something bad that needs to be fixed, we will only prolong feeling them.  Remember? Our thoughts create our emotions.  We’ll become anxious about being anxious and the hamster wheel keeps spinning! Eek!

This is why self-compassion, or the practice of being kind to yourself, is a far better approach.  

It takes away all the pressure to fix you and your unruly emotions.  Feeling bad about our stuck sense of anxiety during these unprecedented times is a crapshoot and will not bring about the change we are looking to experience.   Being kind to yourself in the midst of it will.  This approach allows us to then do the things we need to in order to process and experience change.

Science shows us that when we shame ourselves, we actually shut down the parts of our brains necessary for learning, motivation, and creativity.  Beating yourself up for being in the predicament you’re in will not aid the change process.  Quite the contrary.

But when we practice self-compassion, or an inner dialog that is kind instead of critical, we literally bathe our nervous system in dopamine, the neurotransmitter or messenger that communicates pleasure, among other things, between cells in your body.  Dopamine is responsible for turning on the parts of our brain needed for…you guessed it:  learning, creating, and staying motivated to move forward.  

The more we practice the power of being kind to ourselves in the midst of this crisis, the more quickly we will be able to find personal and collective solutions necessary to move through it.

Want to learn a bit more about how to do this?  Join me this coming Thursday at 3pm CST for an Instagram live discussion where we will explore how to cultivate Self-Compassion during crisis. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

Meditation: How to Find Calm in the Chaos

As we move through each uncertain day, I’m blown away by two things: 1) How our attention has shifted to a new way of living (i.e. surviving), and 2) How we must dig deep and step into a new brand of courage in order to stay grounded during this time.

Here’s what I’m clinging to: this is only temporary—we undoubtedly will get through this and come out stronger. Yet with enforced physical distancing and quarantines happening all over the world, creativity is key during this process.  

We are collectively becoming more refined in the way we deal with struggle moving forward.  If we accept the challenge, we can actually learn how to be better overcomers. 

How do we do this?  By advocating for ourselves and becoming skilled copers.  Fact: these are scary times.  Our generation has never seen anything like it.  But fear and anxiety have always been there.  Spoiler alert: they’ll never leave.  

History is calling us to a new standard of wakefulness.  I want to look back on this time and be amazed by how resilient we were as a collective group, though physically apart.  

I want to be amazed by how we learned to stay calm in the chaos as skilled overcomers.   

A proven way we can do this is through meditation.  Science tells us over and over how powerful mindfulness is for improving health, sleep, mood, creativity, and brain functioning. 

It reduces anxiety in much the same way as exercise does because it decreases cortisol, a pesky stress hormone, and teaches us to live in the present moment.  The present moment is typically a much safer place than somewhere “out there” in the past or future.  Especially right now.

Today, I invite you to join me as we practice finding calm in the chaos through this short, guided meditation. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie     

We Can Do This...My Commitment to You

I pray you and yours are staying healthy and staying put as much as possible during these crucial days of navigating COVID-19.  My heart is heavy and yet I hold undeniable hope that we will come through this stronger and more connected than ever. 

For now, I’m moving to virtual and/or online therapy sessions – making it possible to continue the work we’ve been doing in therapy and stay as grounded as possible through this time. Anxiety is high for us all right now, and it’s important, now more than ever, to care for our emotional and spiritual well-being.

To help, I’ll be sharing free resources on meditation and self-care on socials. Make sure you’re following me on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

I’ve also started an online women’s group called Bloom. This affordable, consistent way to connect and feel supported is available now. Spots are limited so sign up online today.

Asking for help is everything right now as we won’t get through this alone. Stay connected during this season. Find a source of hope each day and cling to it.

If you know someone who could benefit from individual therapy or the Bloom support group, please share and forward this email.

I’m honored and committed to serving you through this time. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

You're Invited: An Affordable Online Women's Therapeutic Group

I pray you and yours are well, and not only staying healthy, but working to cultivate the mental and emotional courage necessary during this uncertain time.  

Today, I’m beyond excited to bring you some good news. 

I have been watching, waiting, praying, and staying curious about what my part is in this global health crisis we currently face.  After all, there is simply no owner’s manual.  This is new territory for all of us. 

As a therapist, I long to support you to the best of my ability.  As a human, I long to be connected to you because that’s what we’re hard-wired for:  connection.  As a wife, mother, and friend, I want to do everything in my power to make healthy, wise decisions so as to love in a way that is protective and informed.  

My heart breaks for the lonely, the fearful, and the sick.  If you fall into one or more of these categories, hang on.  This is not the end of the story!

In fact, as leaders, we must not fall prey to the tempting panic and fear-mongering that bleeds from our tv’s, devices, and constant breaking news.  Instead, let’s find the balance between reality and scarcity.

This, my friends, is a massive opportunity to rise up—to advocate for the common good—and to live in wakeful presence.  After all, that is precisely what a crisis of any kind will do—wake us up.

For this, I’m really grateful.  Wake up calls tend to put everything in perspective real fast.

With all the social distance and quarantining, our normal has definitely shifted temporarily.  However, I don’t think we have to feel alone.

Starting NEXT TUESDAY, I’m offering a weekly Women’s Therapeutic Online Group called Bloom.   The group will take place every Tuesday night from 5:30-6:30 pm for the next month and possibly beyond.  It’s important that these groups are affordable ($25/group), consistent (weekly), and virtual (via Zoom) so as to support as many as are interested and in need.  

We will do three things when we meet together: 

1)    Process our emotions and learn to manage the tough ones (anxiety much?!)

2)  Practice some form of mindfulness to learn how to better cope with the uncertainty of our circumstances.

3)  Feel supported in safe community and share stories of hope, courage, and how we can pivot to flourish when what we’re tempted to do is flounder.

This group is by invitation only and as a subscriber, you are the first to know.  If there is someone you know who might be interested, feel free to pass along this invitation.  Space is limited in each group to 10 people to ensure flow and deeper connection.

If you are interested, click here to sign up.  You may also email me with questions at katie@katiegustafson.co. 

It’s true, when we’re stuck in uncertainty and chaos, all we can do is the next right thing.   It’s much easier to do this with the support of loving community.  Creativity flourishes in times of necessity.  Let’s create a new, hopeful way forward.  I’ll hold the space if you’ll share your story.

Can’t wait to see you in Bloom…

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S. Need some Individual therapy instead? Click here for confidential, online therapy.

LET IT GO: How to Live Beyond Stress

How are you? I mean, really?

Me? I’ll go ahead and put it out there: I’m stressed…but managing.

Between the sweeping effects of the Coronavirus, the resulting economic downturn, and the recent devastation that the Nashville Tornado served us up, these times are starting to feel downright Biblical.  

And yet I think to myself, “Wait a minute, this is actually nothing new!” As the old saying goes: This too shall pass.

In fact, I’ve had to keep reminding myself that we’re better equipped technologically to meet the daunting demands of our plight.   We have definitely been through worse.  

I know I know—still stressed.

Spoiler alert: This is not the last natural disaster, medical scare, or economic fallout we’ll face.  

There will always be something to stress you out.  Life is chock full of reasons.  However, we will also always have the choice to lean into it or become enslaved to it.   

In light of this, I believe our work is not learning how to avoid stress—it’s learning how to relate to it.

Today, I want to briefly unpack why stress can be harmful to our overall neurobiology and physicality. Hopefully, it will equip us in these uncertain times and also serve as a wakeup call for those of us proudly touting our epic workloads, deadlines, and lack of sleep around like we’ve just won a Nobel Peace Prize. 

First off, not all stress is bad, nor are the hormones stress creates in the body as a result.  They ebb and flow throughout the day in order to help us adjust to the stressors of normal, everyday life.  Moments like waking up (no joke!), getting to work on time, giving a presentation, getting a traffic ticket, and even being surprised on your birthday all require shifts in our internal ecosystem to stay regulated. 

More good news, stress is highly manageable.  We’ll look at ways to do so a bit later.  

Long-term stress left unchecked, however, is a different beast.  Our bodies and brains weren’t created to undergo this brand of stress and anxiety.  In fact, in as much as we think we’re being responsible and hardworking, we are directly inflicting ongoing toxic wounds on ourselves.  This eventually will show in the form of negative, noticeable emotional and physical symptoms.  

Neuroscientists at the University of California, Berkeley, have discovered that chronic stress produces long-term changes in brain structure and function.  This sheds light on the fact that youngsters exposed to ongoing stress early in life likely will develop mental illness and mood disorders such as anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even learning difficulties.  

As a natural line of defense, our adrenal glands produce a hormone called Cortisol when we’re met with stressful situations as part of the fight-or-flight mechanism.  With good stress (eustress) these levels balance out once the threat of danger has passed and the body and brain return to normal.  

However, in a state of chronic stress (distress), our friend Cortisol has no outlet to release and the body stays locked in this hyper fight-or-flight mechanism. This survival mechanism must be released physically from the body and when it’s not, cortisol levels skyrocket in the blood, declaring war on our mind and body.  

The wreckage?  Lower immunity and bone density, weight gain, sleep problems, memory loss, learning disability, irritability (duh), increased blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease, and inflammation throughout the body.  

If that list doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will.  Bottom line my friend, we must be vigilant in listening to the needs of our bodies and emotions and practice actively getting them met.  

Here are a few helpful tips that will reduce the effects of chronic stress and the resulting cortisol levels in the body:

1)    Regular physical activity: I’m an exercise evangelist.  This blew past vanity a long time ago as I experienced the direct positive effect daily exercise has on my mood and overall experience.  It is my anti-depressant of choice.  We absolutely must move our bodies regularly to aid the release of cortisol from our bodies and support emotional processing.  

2)    Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation and deep breathing are vital in reducing stress and cortisol levels.  Why?  They engage the Vagus nerve which signals your nervous system to chill out, slow the heart rate as well as lower cortisol levels.  Next time you’re in the death grip of stress, take ten deep breaths. Panic cannot co-exist with a relaxed state.  Click here for a free meditation I’ve created to support you in this practice.

3)    Community:  Social interaction is a powerful antidote for stress and anxiety.  In fact, human bonding also triggers the Vagus nerve mentioned earlier, relaxing the parasympathetic nervous system.  Not only that, social connectivity releases that yummy hormone called oxytocin, which directly lowers the fight-or-flight mechanism. That whole eight hugs in a day thing is real!

4)    Laughter and music: Both are game changers and have been proven to lower cortisol levels.  Not only that, but they invite us into the experience of the present moment, the most desirable real estate on the planet when it comes to experiencing more levity and joy. 

This list isn’t meant to overwhelm you, but to offer you several two-degree shifts you can bake into your everyday experience in order to manage stress a bit better.   

Last thing I’ll say before I land this plane: we were created to thrive, not merely survive. However, some of life’s seasons require us to dig a little deeper into our resilience tool kit.  If you find yourself needing some extra support these days, please reach out.  I’m here to support you in any way I can.   

Love & Gratitude,

Katie