More Than a Number

I first learned of the Enneagram in 2006. My boss at the time kept talking in numbers and I felt incredibly curious if not left out of some grand, who’s who party. She was convinced I was a two. What does that even mean? What’s a two? And why not a seven? Even numbers are boring! (Or so I thought.)

Whereas I had great respect and trust for this woman, deep down, I simply couldn’t
stomach the idea that I could be reduced to a number. This felt far too pedestrian,
or boxy for the likes of me. I didn’t know it then, but I soon learned, this was the first clue I was not in fact a two, but a four, the Romantic.

I left work that day and ordered the only book I knew on the subject, The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective, by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert. I devoured it like a marathon runner carb-loading before race day. It became something of a Bible and an oxygen tank for me.

I won’t lie. For the first couple of years, I was “that girl” who’d try to type you in the Starbucks line. I’m pretty sure my friends and family were ready to issue a restraining order if I mentioned those damn numbers one more time. For this dogmatic behavior, I do apologize.

Here’s the thing though. We are all zealots in love during the honeymoon phase. All we want to do is talk about this flawless person (or system in my case) that can do no wrong and smells amazing. However, I believe true love far outlasts the honeymoon phase, deepening and morphing into what comes to feel like home.

Fast forward 13 years. I’m still in love with the Enneagram. As a wife, mom-to-be, psychotherapist, writer, teacher, and dreamer, I can honestly say it’s the baseline I come back to for grounding and refreshment amidst a world spinning on its head. It reminds me who I really am before I put on all those other hats. It continuously, graciously, calls me home to the truth of who I am.

Here’s the catch though: If we stay fixated on the optics of our type—all those behavioral characteristics that name and explain us—and fail to apply it’s practical wisdom to our daily experience and relationships, we miss out on the transformational aspects of the Enneagram. It’s like saying “Sure, I’ve been to Paris!” When you’ve really only had a four-hour layover at Charles de Gaulle en route to Frankfurt. Sure, you saw the Eiffel Tower from your window seat coming in and scarfed down a day-old croissant at the gate, but you never truly got to savor the magic of the city. What a tease!

Are you looking to deepen your understanding of the Enneagram? Perhaps you know your type and want to put this new-found knowledge into practice. Good news, my friend, you’re in the right place.

This fall, I’m inviting you into some exciting experiences to do just that. In the meantime, I’d love to hear where you are on your Enneagram journey. Please feel free to hit reply to this email and share!


Love & Gratitude,

Katie

The Enneagram and what's right with you.

I turned forty last Monday. Surprisingly, it was painless, even…lovely!? I’ve been joking around with people who ask how it feels in saying, “It’s glorious. I feel like my age is finally catching up with my soul.” As an old soul since the womb, this really does feel accurate. I’ve always felt a kinship with those older than me. As a kid, I used to hang out for strangely long stretches at the dinner table to listen to conversation my parents would have with their dinner guests. They seemed far more interesting than the make-believe dialog happening in the playroom (although I did love to go there alone in my spare time). But if given the choice to linger at the adult table or play with barbies amongst the other youngsters, 11 times out of 10 I’d choose the first.

This balances out nicely when you’re a bit older and have the freedom to hang with whomever you choose, but in grade school and adolescence, it’s brutal. I perpetually felt misunderstood, alone, and longing for something deeper.

Enter Enneagram.

When I first discovered the Enneagram 13 years ago, I felt a massive wave of relief wash over me, explaining answers to angry questions I’d been asking God for a long time. Why did I do the things I did? How could I learn to make peace with the complex and often terrorizing crew of emotions always up loud? Could anyone explain the inadequacy and longing raging deep inside?

When I read about the character structure for the Enneagram type four, or Individualist, I quickly discovered the foreign language I’d been speaking all along was not what was wrong with me, but what was right with me. In fact, there were others who spoke this language and an entire road map dedicated to us who felt all the same feelings and needed all the same help. I wasn’t, in fact, underdressed and a day late to the ball. (God forbid ever showing up underdressed to a party. My Mama taught me better.)

The Enneagram has been so life-changing, I’ve spent over a decade immersed in self-study and formal training in order to better resource others who might also gain more self-awareness and transformation in their lives. I do take it seriously, and in doing so, have dedicated myself to being a lifelong student. After all, it’s no buzzy trend. It’s been around since the fourth century and is here to stay. I’m no expert, but have recently stepped into the roles of coach and teacher which are beyond thrilling for me.

As I enter this new season of life, I want to invite you to join me. We’ll be talking a bit more about Enneagram concepts here on the blog as well as in therapy and out in the community.

In just a few weeks, I’ll be introducing a monthly Enneagram opportunity for you as well as a free resource I’ve created for you on your unique journey.

I believe the Enneagram is much more than a personality test. It’s an open-ended invitation to the truest version of you. Now that’s a party I don’t want to miss.

It’s also a gentle and wise companion for your everyday experience.

Trust is built over time and baked in safety. We’ve come a long way together. I can’t wait to write this next chapter of the story together.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

Why Therapy Hasn't Worked for You

I hear it all the time. “Yeah, I spent five years in therapy with not much to show for it but a lot less time and money!”

This fires me up.  It also makes me sad for those unwilling to try a different approach.  

I believe psychotherapy is incredibly powerful for anyone wanting a deeper sense of wholeness and belonging. Yet oftentimes it serves more as a regurgitation of past trauma and dysfunction instead of a place to gain tools of empowerment for a new tomorrow.  That said, we tend to learn the wrong skill set in therapy: how to play the victim.  

Good therapists most definitely hold space to unpack the often brutal stories of our past.  In order to write a compelling story with you playing the hero instead of the victim, it’s necessary to unearth expired lies and lay them to rest.  However, good therapists won’t leave you back there.  

I’ve been a student of Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work as of late.  He explores this topic neurologically and absolutely nails it.  Check this out:

“The stronger the emotion that we feel from some external event in our life, the more altered we feel inside of us as a result of that condition outside of us and the more we pay attention to the cause.  The challenge is, every time we think about that trauma, we’re producing the same chemistry in the brain and body as if it was happening again.  What that does is it activates a survival gene.  And when you’re in survival, what you want to do is make sure that that doesn’t happen again. “

When we lock into this type of survival mode, we often forecast worst-case scenarios.  Guess what?  Our brain doesn’t know the difference between the imagined state we create and reality. Therefore we stay trapped in that old victim mentality and it tends to play out over and over again moving forward. 

Here’s my point: therapy often doesn’t work because we spend so much time talking about our past to the point we are literally reliving it.  Where focus goes, energy flows, therefore creating a habit of attention so strong and involuntary, it becomes nearly impossible to create new life-giving possibilities and successes in our lives.  How could we?  All our energy is being funneled into past emotions of survival long after the immediate threat is gone.  

My approach is different.  I’m convinced if we’re interested in creating lasting change, we need an experience to support us as a whole person, not just a cognitive one, from the neck up.  

Yes, we need a safe space to tell our stories—100%.  Yet we also need an experience of transformation as opposed to a conversation.  I believe this happens through daily practices and community, or the group process.  

If this peaks your interest, amazing.  You’re in the right place.  I’ll be bringing you a bit more on the specifics of this over the next few weeks.  

If you’re ready to dive right in, simply hit reply and drop me a line.  I always love hearing from you.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie 

Stressed out? I Got You.

When was the last time someone asked you how you were doing in passing and you replied, “Calm, inspired, and totally energized!” In fact, have you ever responded like this besides that time you were fresh off your two week vacation in the Maldives? 

Me neither.

Typically, the response goes something like this, “Sooooo busy.”  If it’s a Friday afternoon before a holiday weekend, it could have a hopeful lilt, “Good! Soooo busy though.”  

As a culture, we tend to deify stress and busyness, wearing it like a badge of honor or something.  God forbid we have margins of time, energy, and rest laying around everywhere.

In my experience, running on fumes of stress and anxiety eventually left me immobilized—an insomniac bobble head at certain low points along the way.  However, over the last several years, I’ve made it a mission to fully understand what it means to live consciously and in soft balance, connected to myself as opposed to running like hell.  It’s not perfect, but I’ve had some incredible findings along the way.

One of the biggest lessons learned is this vital need to balance out my relationship with all three centers of intelligence: mind, body, and spirit.  So often, we either live “out there” in some future state, running ops on everything that could go wrong in our minds or we’re letting our emotions drive us around all day while we ride shotgun.  Both scenarios feel powerless.

Today, I want to briefly unpack why stress is so harmful to our overall neurobiology and physicality.  Hopefully, it will be a wakeup call for those of us proudly touting our epic workloads, deadlines, and lack of sleep around like we’ve just won a Nobel Peace Prize. 

First off, not all stress is bad, nor are the hormones stress creates in the body as a result.  They ebb and flow throughout the day in order to help us adjust to the stressors of normal, everyday life.  Moments like waking up (no joke!), getting to work on time, giving a presentation, getting a traffic ticket, and even being surprised on your birthday all require shifts in our internal ecosystem to stay regulated.  

More good news, stress is highly manageable.  We’ll look at ways to do so a bit later.  

Long-term stress left unchecked, however, is a different beast.  Our bodies and brains weren’t created to undergo this brand of stress and anxiety.  In fact, in as much as we think we’re being responsible and hardworking, we are directly inflicting ongoing toxic wounds on ourselves.  This eventually will show in the form of negative, noticeable emotional and physical symptoms. 

Neuroscientists at the University of California, Berkeley, have discovered that chronic stress produces long-term changes in brain structure and function.  This sheds light on the fact that youngsters exposed to ongoing stress early in life likely will develop mental illness and mood disorders such as anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even learning difficulties.  

As a natural line of defense, our adrenal glands produce a hormone called Cortisol when we’re met with stressful situations as part of the fight-or-flight mechanism.  With good stress (eustress) these levels balance out once the threat of danger has passed and the body and brain return to normal.  

However, in a state of chronic stress (distress), our friend Cortisol has no outlet to release and the body stays locked in this hyper fight-or-flight mechanism.  This survival mechanism must be released physically from the body and when it’s not, cortisol levels skyrocket in the blood, declaring war on our mind and body.  

The wreckage?  Lower immunity and bone density, weight gain, sleep problems, memory loss, learning disability, irritability (duh), increased blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease, and inflammation throughout the body.  

If that list doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will.  Bottom line my friend, we must be vigilant in listening to the needs of our bodies and emotions and practice actively getting them met.  

Here are a few helpful tips that will reduce the effects of chronic stress and resulting cortisol levels in the body:

1. Regular physical activity: I’m an exercise evangelist.  This blew past vanity a long time ago as I experienced the direct positive effect daily exercise has on my mood and overall experience.  It is my anti-depressant of choice.  We absolutely must move our bodies regularly to aid the release of cortisol from our bodies and support emotional processing.   

2. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation and deep breathing are vital in reducing stress and cortisol levels.  Why?  They engage the Vagus nerve which signals your nervous system to chill out, slow the heart rate as well as cortisol levels.  Next time you’re in the death grip of stress, take ten deep breaths.  Panic cannot co-exist with a relaxed state.  Click here for one of my favorite meditation resources. 

3. Community:  Social interaction is a powerful antidote for stress and anxiety.  In fact, human bonding also triggers that Vagus nerve mentioned earlier, relaxing the parasympathetic nervous system.  Not only that, social connectivity releases that yummy hormone called oxytocin, which directly lowers the fight-or-flight mechanism.  That whole eight hugs in a day thing is real!

4. Laughter and music: Both are game changers and have been proven to lower cortisol levels.  Not only that, but they invite us into the experience of the present moment, the most desirable real estate on the planet when it comes to experiencing more levity and joy.  

This list isn’t meant to overwhelm you, but to offer you several two-degree shifts you can bake into your everyday experience in order to manage stress a bit better.  Often times, community can be the toughest need to meet.  I get it, and that's why I have created a couple of upcoming opportunities for you to gain a greater sense of connection and support.  Click here for more on that.

Last thing I’ll say before I land this plane: you are created to thrive, not merely survive.  If you find yourself needing to upgrade some self-defeating beliefs, please reach out.  I’m here to support you in any way I can.  Often times it takes just a small tweak in direction to course-correct and bring you safely home where you belong: Love.  

Love & Gratitude,
Katie 

The Moment We've Been Waiting For...

Do you spend most of your days living from the neck up?  You know, all cozy and comfy in the confines of that overworked thinking-mind of yours?  If you answered yes, you’re not alone my friend.  In fact, from what I’ve learned as a therapist and recovering everything, I’m convinced the top two challenges we face today are anxiety and loneliness.  

Anxiety is an epidemic in our current cultural overdrive of striving and control.  It takes one to know one, so you should know I’ve got some certifiable experience in this illusory realm.  Not only that, but I’ve experienced tremendous healing through what I believe to be the answer to this cry for help.  

I’ve been studying brain science a lot lately.  I’m far from expert, but at the turtle pace I’ve been going in this general direction, I know enough to scratch the surface of the powerful mind-body connection I’ve come to live (and literally breathe) by.  

I’m learning one of the most detrimental side effects of stress and anxiety on the brain and body is literal disease (dis-ease), eventually leading to numbing strategies, isolation, and loneliness.  There’s that big “L” word.  

What I’m also learning is one of the key remedies for a stressed out world is not a pill or even an hour of therapy, though this can be helpful.  

You know what it is?  Community.  

Dr. Mark Hyman, Medical Director at the Cleveland Clinic’s Center for Functional Medicine and #1 New York Times Bestselling Author says, “The power of community to create health is far greater than any physician, clinic or hospital.”  I’d go on to add psychotherapist to his list.  

I wholeheartedly believe in individual therapy.  It’s been a lifeline for me at times along the way.  However, I’m convinced we need more.  We simply must experience the power of healing in the context of community.  

For this reason, my approach to therapy is three-pronged: Individual therapy supported by both group therapy and an ongoing daily regimen prescribed specifically to meet your unique needs.  Conscious self-awareness glues it all together.   

In light of this, I’m thrilled to invite you deeper into this transformational work.  Over the past several years, I’ve been designing a 6-month experiential group that will launch in March!  This design is built on my own group work and training at Onsite Workshops, The Narrative Enneagram, personal research and feedback from clients throughout the last decade-plus.  

If you’re in Nashville and looking for a different approach to therapy, a break from individual therapy, or a supportive cushion for the successful work you’re already doing, Bloom Groups are for you.  

On Thursday, March 14th at 6:30pm, I’ll be hosting a Bloom Group kick-off at the stunning White Avenue Studio for anyone interested in learning more about this opportunity.  You'll  get a taste of what you can expect in group by exploring the power of community, experiential therapy, and the mind-body-spirit connection.  (There may even be yoga and delicious treats involved.) 

You’ll meet others, like yourself, who are committed to this journey of self-exploration and transformation.   

I’m beyond excited to go deeper into your story this year as well as offer a safe, fun space to thrive and truly be seen and known.  

Click HERE to learn more about and sign up for The Bloom Groups Kick-off. 

Love & Gratitude,
Katie