Failure School: How to Succeed at Failing

99.99999% of your fears
live only in your imagination,
in anticipation, and in memory.

Even if the ‘worst’ happens,
you’ll find yourself dealing with it in the moment,
responding from a place of presence.

You don’t have to deal with it now.
You’ll handle it then.

And who knows:
The ‘worst’ thing may turn out
to be your greatest teacher,
your most profound call to awakening,
an invitation to the kind of courage
of which you’d never thought yourself capable.

Fear isn’t your enemy,
but a signpost.

Breathe into the moment.

– Jeff Foster

Benign

I just googled the definition of “failure.”  Here’s the most comprehensive and concise meaning I found: “the omission of expected or required action.”  Sounds pretty benign, right—so matter of fact?

The kind of fear of failure I’ve experienced along the way has been a far cry from this bland “omission” situation.  Quite the contrary; it’s been a crippling and immobilizing force that’s stunted growth, joy, and relationships.  From the anonymous surveys many of you were total champions for completing last week, I know I’m very much not alone.

I’m fascinated by this unruly expectation we place on ourselves to avoid failure. So much so that I’m developing some additional resources for us to dig into around this work on a deeper level.  For now though, I want to pepper your thoughts with some key insights that have become a lynchpin shift in my understanding and approach to failure.

Expectation Shift

The operative word in the above definition is certainly “expect” not “omission” as it relates to our study here.  Why?  Well, simply put, because it’s the subjective that we tend to personalize, not the objective facts.  I either deliver or I don’t and surely my life’s worth and value aren’t tied up in that slice of history.

Bomb

I’ve bombed so many performances it might lead you to wonder if I had a screw loose for continuing in my early music days.  For some ungodly reason, I kept going even though it felt like cruel and unusual self-harm.  Strangely, no one ever told me I sucked or bombed it or should definitely not quit my day job.  I only received encouragement and kindness.  I realize, we are in the South y’all.  Nonetheless, I’m a pretty good read and they seemed genuine.

Fall

We’re so tightly wound and attached to the narrow expectation of who we should be and how we should perform that we lose sight of the incredibly vast and curious horizons that come along with the fall.

Have you ever watched a toddler on the cusp of walking? First of all, it’s high and hilarious art.  Secondly, the ONLY way their tiny muscles are made stronger is by falling and getting up—over and over and over again.  And we “ooh” and “ahh” and gawk like grown chimpanzees about to be fed at the circus in response.  Go figure.

Imagination

So why is it so terrifying to fail?  I believe it’s because we are afraid of the way we will treat ourselves and as a result feel in response to our perceived failure–our missing the mark.  Like the poem states, nearly every shred of our fears live in the stories we make up about them, our imagination. Our fears are rarely tethered to reality and we drive the shame ship of our failure…we’re the culprit!  Sure, the outcome is humbling at first, but by elevating our belief about failure, we construct a new brain pathway or go-to storyline that facilitates self-compassion instead of self-flagellation.  We don’t evolve by playing it safe in a mole hole, but by staying present at the crossroads of failure and opportunity.

Know the Difference

Before you go poking holes in my sunshine, I’ll clarify an exception to the rule. There are two types of failure, and I refer to failure at this point as something necessary for growth and success.

There is all-in failure and half-ass failure.  All-in failure is when we’ve shown up,  given our all, and  fully engaged in the pursuit at hand, yet for whatever reason didn’t quite make the cut.  The passion and effort are there, yet the outcome is not—yet anyway.

Half-ass failure, as you might imagine, is missing the mark without giving it a fighting, bleeding-heart chance.  We’ve all been there, yet it’s not a  helpful pattern as it ultimately becomes self-fulling prophecy.  Oftentimes, this is simply a good indicator that we may not really want what we’re limping for and redirection is necessary.

Failure File

This homework might blow your mind and/or cause you to become extremely frustrated with me.  Both are fine, just keep me in the loop there. 

I’m convinced if we’re not wholeheartedly failing, we’re not stretching ourselves enough.

I recently heard a podcast interview with a man (whom I couldn’t catch his name for the life of me) talking about this very concept.  He’s a big wig coach who guides super successful executives into their highest potential.  He gave his clients strict homework to fail at least five times a month and record those failures in a specified file in their office, a failure file.  (Mic drop.) I nearly turned it off.

Momentum

I wrestled with this notion for a couple hours, and quickly became OBSESSED.  Fickle, yes.  I’ve started experimenting so as to really put myself out there in ways that seem uncomfortable and awkward.  You know what?  In the process, I’ve accomplished some pretty daunting goals I’ve had staring me down for months now and feel a noticeable momentum shift.  There’s something to this.

And so I dare you.  Start your own failure file this week and go for one “all-in fail” to add to it.  What comes up for you even thinking about this stuff?  Dig into to; dance with it.  It surely won’t kill you.  If nothing else, your world will be so much bigger for playing along.  Go ahead, give yourself total permission, or homework,  to fail.  There’s wide-open freedom and life in that movement.

A man we know and love called Winston Churchill said it well.  He’s a mixed bag of courage, successes, failure, bullheaded stubbornness, and legend all in one. His stories and words have a vibrant life of their own well after his last breath.  Now that’s gumption.

“Success is not final. Failure is not fatal.  It is the courage to continue that counts.”

-Winston Churchill

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

The Deciding Line: Staying the Course

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’
When the dealin’s done

-Kenny Rogers (The Gambler)

The Gambler

I remember going to a Kenny Rogers concert in 8th grade with a few friends.  I didn’t much like country music but it was the thing at my school back then and I was locked smack dab in the middle of my awkward stage pinnacle.  I also got a huge kick out of Dolly and she was slated to make a guest appearance that night for their classic duet, Islands in the Stream.  Needless to say, I went along with it.  After all, there was very little for a twelve-year-old to do in Mobile, Alabama that didn’t involve golf cart mudding or toilet papering the odd neighbor’s front yard.

Cool Points

Towards the end of the concert, I decided to step it up a notch in hopes of earning a few more cool points. (I was already ahead as my drop dead gorgeous mom was playing chauffeur that night).  In between songs, the auditorium got super still for some strange reason.  Was he switching guitars?  Was he waiting on sound? Did the Budweiser run out?  I didn’t know and didn’t care.  I took the golden opportunity and ran like it was a skydiver’s terrifying first jump.

Leap

There in the silence I inched towards the edge and screamed at the top of my pre-pubescent lungs “The GAMBLERRRR!!!!” The next thirty seconds felt like a turtle’s lifetime and I’m sure I resembled something of a seared beet.  Finally, Mr. Rogers peered way back into the nosebleeds as if to try to locate this brave (read: ludicrous) young soul, then chuckled, “Well, alright then.”  He launched into that familiar finger picking pattern followed by a warm raspy vocal, holding thousands of hungry fans and one proud pre-teen in the palm of his hand.  It was epic, indeed.

Alive

Believe it or not, this post is about staying the course of our goals, not how to make it out of middle school alive.  I’m convinced that was a miracle I don’t remember much of.  The Gambler lends us wisdom as we navigate our goals.  I love this idea of knowing when to cut our losses; when to walk away from something that appears good, but may not ultimately be great for the overarching journey ahead.

One

Many of you are highly creative, highly intuitive creatures, tightly wound for success.  The achievement stakes are high as is the capacity to dream.  You do many things really well, which makes choosing just one of them often difficult.

Action

Today, I want to drop a few ideas that have helped me translate desire into action.  Play around with them, tease them out a bit.  They may challenge a few beliefs you’ve held thus far.  They’ve certainly done so for me.

You can’t have it all (Gasp)

I breathed a deep sigh of relief when I read Twyla Tharp’s sharp words of wisdom in her bestseller The Creative Habit for the first time.

As a brilliant, world-renown choreographer in her 60’s, she harkens back to her stringent 20’s way of thinking that she could, indeed have it all:

“To lead a creative life, you have to sacrifice, ‘Sacrifice’ and ‘having it all’ do not go together.  I set out to have a family, have a career, be a dancer, and support myself all at once, and it was overwhelming.  I had to learn the hard way that you can’t have it all, you have to make some sacrifices, and there’s no way you’re going to fulfill all the roles you imagine.”

Hats

What roles are you currently juggling?  Does it feel exhausting?  Perhaps its time to re-examine all the hats you’re wearing and choose one or two that fit the best.  I know I know,  you are good at what you set your mind to and multi-tasking might be your jam. However, when calling and desire are at stake, slow and steady may be your best bet for consistent delivery.

Cut it out

The word “decide” comes from the Latin decider, literally meaning “to cut off.”  Whenever we make a choice, we cut off and remove another option.  I love this imagery–it frees up space for more of what we actually want and lightens the load in order to quicken our step in the right direction.  Choosing to prioritize a dream that speaks lovingly and loudly allows us to silence the dead weight of conflicting voices that speak out of turn.  Plus, this is how we practice listening and leaning into intuition,  ultimately building trust in ourselves, our voice.

Good vs. Great

This doesn’t mean the conflicting voices are necessarily bad.  Au Contraire!  I believe at the core of our desires we find purity.  We want to make a good living to create freedom and security, we want to get a promotion in order to feel accomplished and respected, we want to travel the world in order to fuel a sense of wonder and expand our horizons.  These are all beautiful desires.  We’ve got to learn how to navigate them.

Harvest

I love vineyards.  The process of growing, pruning, crushing, and harvesting grapes that eventually produce wine is fascinating, if not poetic.  The farmer is intimately acquainted with this process of knowing, choosing, and cutting off in order to render the best the vines can offer.  Of course, there are wilting grapes in obvious need of elimination.  Then there are perfectly good grapes; grapes that appear healthy, ripe, and full of potential.  The winemaker knows, however, that in order for optimal growth, too much weight and fruit will actually dampen the vine and lower overall quality.

There doesn’t need to be harsh judgment of our decision to focus on one goal over another.  The good news is, we can always come back to it and reassess.  Like the song boasts, “There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.”

Now dream

For now, I encourage you to make a list of 5-10 things you deeply desire to accomplish in the next three months.  Don’t edit it or deem them unrealistic, just listen to what wells up inside.  Spend five minutes with that list and circle the one that would have the MOST positive impact on your life now.  If there’s one that’s are close second, draw a box around it; you’ve found your six month goal.  You can build this out as long as you want and revisit with more clarity down the line.  As I mentioned last week, the Passion Planner is an amazing resource to supplement this journey as well.

I absolutely love partnering with you on this journey of making dreams and desires a tangible reality.  If you feel you need extra support, don’t hesitate to reach out.  Oh and, stay tuned for some really exciting news on the blog in the coming weeks!  I’ve got some fun stuff planned for us

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Obsessed with Gratitude

Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.

-Rumi

Happy Thanksgiving, friends!  This is by far my favorite Thursday of the year as well as one of my absolute favorite holidays.  I savor the vibrant smells and tastes of seasonal comfort foods, the cozy roaring fire that cracks  and burns in the fireplace, and I adore the fact that in this beautiful country of ours, we’ve managed to preserve the fourth Thursday of every November to remember, cherish, and give thanks.

Feast

Many of you are sitting down around a dinner table of some kind with loved ones about to enter into a food coma at it’s finest right about now. Perhaps you’re already there.  I sincerely hope you enjoy every bite and minute of your day.  Some of you are in places of painful or lonely transition and this Thursday looks much different then you’d hoped.  That Norman Rockwell ideal has once again vaporized into a wishful mist.  My heart knows the pain of similar loneliness and I pray you will find some light in the cracks of that thin space today.

Shift

Wherever you are on your journey, I want to give you something to take with you right now, whatever your situation may be.  It can turn the darkest skies a paler grey, shift toxic, negative energy into grounded presence, and it’s available always in every blink, without fail.  It’s completely free of cost.  It is the most powerful force of breakthrough from emotional bleakness into hopeful wonder.  I’m sure you know where I’m going with this—Gratitude.

Why

You’re smart.  I know this because you seek out truth beyond yourself and you invest time and resources into personal development and progress.  Here’s the catch though: smart people ask “why?”  This is not all bad, mind you.  It’s often crucial to know the why’s of our experience.  However, we get stuck when we marinate in our analytical mind, bowing down to the perceived deity of certainty.

Mario Batali

I’m not going to tell you to stop asking “why?”  That’s like asking Mario Batali to retire his orange crocks and go vegan.  Not gonna happen.  Intsead, I’m inviting you to become obsessed with gratitude.  Buy a tiny journal and keep a running list each day of everything you are grateful for from clean water, to another day to explore, to the sound of a child’s innocent laughter off in the distance.  Be specific.  Be relentless.  Be consistent.  Go gangster with it.  Set a timer on your phone several times a day and keep writing them down, the obvious ones and the more obscure ones.  I’m a big fan of the physical act of writing as it sends a message not only to our brains but also our bodies that gratitude is indeed a holy moment, a sacred act of wholehearted living.

Wide open spaces

You are also self aware, thus will soon catch on to the remarkable shift this obsession with gratitude provides, away from the lack of scarcity and into the wide open spaces of graceful possibility.  Your inner dialog will soften, your tired bones relax, and your heart will most definitely open up.

Remember

God did not bring you here to leave you.  Love is much far more clever than that.  God brought you here to lead you steadily, still,  into a powerful redemption story.  This, my lovely friends, is not the end of that story.  Today as we look back and see how far we’ve come, a thankful heart will surely usher us into the forward momentum of that continued provision.

You

So I will start us off right here and now with my deep and stirring gratitude that wells up in my soul and overflows in my heart daily:  I am grateful for you.  I’m grateful for your courage on the journey that’s brought you, in all of your beautiful brokenness, exactly where you are today.   I’m inspired by your uniqueness and blown away that you show up and meet the world’s deep need for gifts and talents that only you can bring.  Thank you for being you, day after day.  Thank you, thank you thank you…

Love,

katie

xoxo

Recovering Simplicity: The Art of Enough

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

-Leonardo Da Vinci

The holidays are upon us.  Between the unseasonably warm weather and the loud, distracting force of our recent election, I haven’t thought much of it yet.  Sure, Kroger and Home Depot immediately threw up Christmas decorations the Tuesday after Halloween and quicker than you can say, “turkey and dressing” and honestly, I’ve come to accept that over the years. What’s tricky is when I still work up a sweat mid-November while rummaging around the car to find my favorite lip balm that went missing somewhere back in September. My body and brain register pure confusion in this suspended time frame hovering right between summer and fall.  I call it “fummer”… (“sall” works, too).

Great Expectations

For many, myself included, the holidays can be a real bear.  I notice a heavier client load in my practice seeking out extra support and space to prepare for extended (often distressing) family time, along with the unrealistic and unwarranted expectations we put on ourselves.  There are also those who battle intense and palpable loneliness as family time and connection in general isn’t even an option.

Shift

I tend to have this extra special need to seek out more grounding than usual and constantly remind myself of what is truly important during this buzzy, disjointed time. That or else I find myself glued to emotional porn of the season’s finest Rom Coms (The Holiday, Love Actually, what have you), with one too many glasses of wine and a shiny headache the next morning to prove it.   Over the years, a welcomed shift from numb consumerism to creativity, simply making things, has happened.  As a result, I’ve noticed the hazy fog of some of my own deep loneliness has lifted.

Reject Scarcity

In last week’s blog post, we talked about the slippery slope of scarcity mindset.  You know the one: it whispers insidiously sexy sweet ( literal) nothings to us in the name of certainty and staying stuck precisely in the seat of disconnection we’ve gotten cozy in.  I call it “rear view mirror“ living— we have one eye on the road ahead and one eye glued to the dusty view of our past.  Besides developing some bizarre version of strabismus (the medical term for crossed eyes—thank’s Google), we are at best a divided passenger in our own life while some ridiculous imposter drives us around all day in the driver seat.

I can’t insist enough: we must ruthlessly interrogate those dangerous, infiltrating voices of scarcity like we’re Jack Bauer thwarting a terrorist attack in season three of 24.  Not your style?  Ok, well then at least firmly defend yourself! Identity is on the line here and the holidays can be a war zone.

Willy Wonka

One of my life long scarcity dialogs has been: “you are unworthy of the creative journey and will never be taken seriously as a writer and creative.”  For some reason, I grew up thinking you had to be handed a golden permission slip by Willy Wonka himself in order to pass go and gain entrance into the umpa lumpa inhabited twizzler- bursting land of creativity.  I had no such permission slip.  As a result, I skated through most of my early life avoiding that magical existence all together while settling for life as a control freak/consumer.

Bliss and Calling

I tried to control everything and everyone around me, ignoring all the resources and possibilities bubbling up under the surface while lushly consuming and cheering on the harvests of other’s efforts whether they be  music, ideas, achievements, fun, art, stuff, travel, you name it. I was living on the sidelines, cheering on the players in the game.  Eventually, I woke up one scared, vacant little puppy seriously underestimating all that patiently subsided  somewhere deep inside. The diamond of truth I came to treasure through all of this is that there is a vast difference between our calling and our bliss.  My consumeristic bliss wasn’t satisfying my heart’s longings and the resistance of my calling felt too big and scary to embrace.

Making things

I’m a bonafide late bloomer.   For years this felt extremely self conscious; now I think its pretty cool.  I got real tired of dishonesty: the pursuit of people pleasing and placing so much weight on everyone else’s vision for my life. Finally I started digging deeper into those dormant soul-longings I mentioned earlier and it’s been healing and scary as hell to say the least.  Writing is hands down the most powerful and healing agent for change along my search for worthiness and presence.  This first took shape in the form of songwriting and has morphed into a different versions throughout the last decade.  The physical act of writing, making something out of nothing, proves powerfully life-giving as it bumps me out of my constant state of analysis and consumption and into a new role of creator.  

You’re creative

We are made to make things, all of us.  I hear it time and time again and it gets my goat every time, this notion that , “Oh I’m not a creative person…I didn’t get that gene.”  Hog wash.  We are all creatives.  Want proof?  Of course you do.  I am re-reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest, Big Magic(game changer).  She speaks to this point, drawing a hard line in the sand:

“Look at your ancestors.  Look at the ones who were immigrants, or slaves, or soldiers, or farmers, or sailors, or the original people who watched the ships arrive with the strangers onboard.  Go back far enough and you will find people who were not consumers, people who were not sitting around passively waiting for stuff to happen to them.  You will find people who spent their lives making things.  This is where you come from.” 

Big Deal

She goes on to say that for most of history, people inherently just made stuff, yet the difference was they didn’t make such a big deal of it…it’s just what they did.  We put impossible expectations and parameters around our creativity.  We think it has to look a certain way, all wrapped up with a bow, or a record deal, or a website or, God forbid, a job title.

Timing

There is a distinct reason I bring this up on the heels of the “most wonderful time of the year”.   I heartily subscribe to this idea that healing power flows when we let go of the things we don’t have control over (i.e. how Aunt Lois will react to the new sleeve of tattoos you’re rocking these days) and focusing energy on that which we do have control over (i.e. the story we make up in our heads about her passive aggressive comments all week).

Revolt

This season, I’d like to start a bit of a Holiday Stress Revolt by proactively choosing something different— and talking about it along the way.  It’s an art form that lends this soft, insanely gorgeous glow to our uniqueness rather than literally, buying into rat race around us.  Here it is: we must create and cultivate simplicity, a quiet safe place where we dial down the expectations, stop comparing ourselves to others, remember what’s important, give voice to our desires, and create the moments we will cherish without harsh judgement.  It’s beckoning the wisdom, creativity, and resourcefulness of our ancestors who were makers, NOT passive consumers.   It’s tapping deeper into calling as opposed to gorging on the pumpkin pie of our bliss, and in doing so, unlocking a lion share of peace and contentment…even stillness.

Reminders

Throughout the next several weeks, I am going to be amping up this conversation a bit both on the blog and social media fronts.  If there is one thing I need in this life, it’s constant reminders of truth, especially during stressful seasons.  Reminders that I am worthy of love and connection and that I’m not alone.  If you’re like me, I invite you to come along on this month-or-so long journey.  I would really enjoy your company and I think it’ll be good fun.  We have some incredible guest bloggers lined up as well.  I can’t wait to share them with you.

Finish Strong

As we near the home stretch of 2016, I am inspired to refocus in on those beautiful, life-giving desires that burned brightly in my heart back in January.  I want to honor them, listening closely to the litter of ideas they birthed along the way.  Let’s finish strong my friends; we are all in this thing together.

Love,

katie

xoxo

The Scarcity Spiral

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens. 
-Carl Jung

It’s been a big week.  Understatement of the century.  It’s been a historically and politically raucous year that just climaxed with the most wildly controversial election of our time.  How are you doing?

Cocktails

I’m relieved.  No, not because these two candidates got an A+++ in their favorite class, Scandal and Mud-slinging 101, their gold stars deserve gold stars,  and the American people can get back to “normal” life as we know it. (What is normal anyway?) I’ve purposefully shied away from personal political rants on social media and even ignored those of others if at all possible; it’s a stiff time suck shaken and stirred with a twist of boring and a heavy dash of depressing.  My relief is rooted in the hopeful shift that perhaps we might start to step out of this vicious spin cycle of scarcity.

Wield

Don’t worry, this is not a political post, so stay with me.  This is a post inspired by the phenomenal power we as humans have to wield moments, conversations, attitudes, days, lives, relationships, finances, careers, health, performances, paradigms, politics, culture, and most of all, hearts.  I sincerely believe we can all learn something vital from both Mr. Trump and Mrs. Clinton.  Despite the media’s stellar job at eliciting constant knee-jerk reactions from our two, at times, less than inspiring candidates, I’ve observed the thing that will undoubtedly keep us down is a scarcity mindset: that ever ready spiral of never enough.  Winners, quite simply, focus on winning.   These two candidates have done just that in the scowling face of great odds; whatever your politics, I think it’s is pretty remarkable.

The West Wing

My all-time favorite tv series to date is The West Wing, a political drama created and largely written by the masterfully clever Aaron Sorkin.  I think I’ve seen all seven seasons about four times.  It’s brilliant.  Martin Sheen plays the fair, compassionate, and good-humored President Jed Bartlett; he and Hollywood NAILED it.

Thorns

He’s not without flaw, mind you.  Sorkin made this abundantly clear as his character battles multiple sclerosis and a nagging flair for the dramatic.  These are those proverbial thorns in his side that keep him humble, nimble I suppose.   Thankfully, his whip-smart, feisty aids consistently keep him tethered by their steady accountability and merciless hole-poking.

Other People Win

In one episode,  Pres. Bartlett complains to Press Secretary C.J. Cregg, (played by Allison Janney), about his former rival winning a school board election back in their home state of New Hampshire.  Like a victimized and petulant child, Bartlett goes on and on, recounting all of the terrible things his opponent had said and done along the way to climb the ethically wobbly ladder to his new found seat of victory.  CJ looks at him, and with her razor sharp no-nonsense wit replies, “Then, that’s the way it is.  In a democracy, often times other people win.”  She exits the room.

Death and Taxes

Yes, other people win and disappointments in this life are as certain as death and taxes.  We all experience pain and discomfort, however the broad spectrum of circumstance tends to be gracious over time allowing for joy and excitement to balance this process out.  Suffering is the story we make up about our pain and it ensues as we cultivate ongoing, frenetic relationships with those stories.  At the heart and hub of this suffering wheel we inevitably find scarcity: not enough. 

Grey

Carl Jung talks about a certain unnecessary plight occurring in this world because we reject “legitimate suffering” that goes along with the territory of simply being human.  This is in step with what I’ve learned about the etymology of the word “human”.  As opposed to a god-like, perfect and divine nature, the word human originates in an earth-dwelling, mistake-prone form.  This legitimate suffering, as Jung describes, should not be a shock or surprise. In fact, neurotic behavior results when we reject it and treat it as such!

Here’s the deal:  there is a thin grey line between the often bruised skin of our human condition and a pessimistic anticipation that bad things will happen and we should all go live in a cave. 

Excuses

I believe our attachment to unnecessary suffering stays intact and well-fed via the steady drip of scarcity mindset.  I have become so aware of my own scarcity narrative as of late.  It’s insidious and feels almost responsible at times.  I suppose that’s why I put up with it.  It sounds something like this:  “Oh, I don’t have time for that” and “I didn’t get enough sleep last night” or “What I have to say has already been said a thousand times; who really cares?”  Sound familiar?

Pollyanna

On the flip side, there is also this fear of living in denial; of the detached, “Pollyanna” glazed-over stare that lacks reality and substance.  After all, isn’t the opposite of scarcity total abundance?  I would heartily disagree. Brené Brown says, “For me, the opposite of scarcity is not abundance.  It’s enough.  I’m enough.”  She disagrees as well; I’m in good company.  Discomfort signals opportunity which makes the pinch of failure wholeheartedly acceptable in my book.  As we embrace the possibility of enough, we reject a scarcity mindset.  

Playground

Like anything, scarcity is learned.  Want proof? Go hang out with a bunch of 5 year-olds on a playground.  I would bet you a coffee or lunch or a very small fortune they aren’t all standing around with their arms crossed reciting reasons the old swing set may collapse mid-air, or envisioning the party of germs camped out on the slide, or even ponderinghow pointless and unsanitary the sandbox is.  Doubtful at best.  Chances are, they are just happy to explore some new scenery and burn off the sugar buzz they got at snack time.

Payoff

What is your scarcity narrative convincing you of?  What’s the payoff involved in giving it a voice?  Perhaps it’s safe because it’s what you know.  You’ve worn it in and out like an old pair of sweatpants your significant other hides behind the washer and dryer in hopes that you’ll just forget about them and move on (not a chance).  Perhaps the payoff is to keep you in a safe and steady state of numb.  After all, success is often far more terrifying than failure.

Paul Simon

Something hard and heavy struck me the other day.  I went for a hike around Radnor Lake this past week and was absolutely transfixed by the beauty of fall. I’m pretty sure everyone else felt the same as they walked around in yoga pants with their iPhone cameras as heads.  It was perfect: the crisp leaves, the burn-your-eyes-out blue sky, the pristine dry air, and the speckles of warm light that looked like a vintage Instagram filterjust had her way with nature.  I was expecting a scarf and fedora clad Paul Simon to jump out of the woods and start strumming The Boxer while simultaneously handing me a pumpkin spice latte at any moment.  No dice there.

Death and all his friends

Hold on a minute?!  These leaves are really just dying.  Likewise, the air, light, and blue skies are in on it as well playing respective roles in this seasonal shedding quickly ushering in the cold, bleak, and short days of winter.  It happens every year, without mistake.  Why then, are we so transfixed by this lovely, yet predictable procession of nature’s hibernation?

Building a Mystery

What I came to understand is we’re all actually experts at reframing scarcity.

As humans, we’re wired not only for connection, but for beauty and mystery.  We are also resilient creatures who long to witness something magical in this given moment.  That is the inner child in each of us; oh, they’re in there alright.  This is the practice of presence, enough, possibility, or whatever you choose over scarcity.

Six

The choice is ours in every breath of every day.  It’s easy to fall into the scarcity trap surrounded by these loud, abrasive voices violently dueling it out for the office of Presidency in all kinds of below the belt ways.  I get it; it’s a crucial time.  However, we must not abandon the soul of our six year-old that desperately needs some fresh air and a proper playground tumble.  Let’s powerfully, intentionally wield our own hearts away from scarcity and towards that beautiful mystery.

Love,

katie