Brainspotting 101

Where we look affects how we feel

What is Brainspotting?

The world of psychology is quickly progressing in the direction of brain based science these days, which is beyond cool to me. Brainspotting (BSP) is a “brain-body based” relational therapy developed by Dr. David Grand used to heal emotional pain and blocks, and is especially effective when treating trauma. Here’s how it works:

Basically, when you hold a particular eye position while concurrently having biolateral sound in your ears, it is possible to access trauma stored way down deep in the subcortical part of the brain, a place that traditional talk therapy alone cannot touch. Because trauma is housed, or filed away in capsule like bundles in this mid part of the brain, techniques such as BSP have been proven to unlock these painful experiences, allowing for the brain to process them as past tense events instead of crippling now and future experiences.With the lightened physical and emotional load, we are no longer weighed down by trauma and associated pain trapped in the body and can function at much higher levels. Many people, including myself, experience relief in body tension and alignment, as well as a greater ability to be in the present moment, free from that constant tendency to live “out there” either in a past or future mind set.

Intrigued? There’s more…

Each and every brain is literally a genius, containing one quadrillion (1,000,000,000,000,000) neuron connections (Daniel Amen). That’s 15 zero’s people!! That being said, those connections link and associate to and around traumatic experiences and build over time, forming capsule like containers in the mid brain, which controls our bodily function, instinct, thought, creativity, and spirituality. This is why trauma often stunts functioning and points us to therapy in the first place. Perhaps the best news I’ve gathered in my personal research and training is that the brain is so powerful, so resilient, it is capable of healing itself. BSP advances this healing dramatically. I have been fascinated by the mind-body connection for some time now, and learning this new technique is only whetting my appetite for greater healing through that connection.

Who benefits from Brainspotting?

BSP is helpful and applicable for anyone facing challenges and feeling stuck. It is used often for anxiety, depression, relational problems, functioning problems, and chronic pain. Trauma victims benefit hugely as stated earlier. In thinking about trauma, keep in mind that this means anything unwanted or unnatural that we experience. There are the “Big T” traumas and “Little t” traumas. Our unique stories of personal pain and hardship are all relative; I can’t discount my trauma just because it might not look as vivid and awful as yours. Your story, your pain is what you know and that makes it enough to reach out for resources of healing and support. BSP and therapy in general must always hold our unique personal journeys very gently and without judgement.

The Creative and Brainspotting

One of my favorite things about BSP is its proven effectiveness with creatives, performers, and athletes. As mentioned earlier, trauma can severely stunt functioning. By getting into those deep, bundled associations around past trauma, we let go of them in the present moment and see them as past tense.

This enhances our creative and athletic performance and frees up space for mindfulness, expression, and mind-body connection.

Does BSP replace Talk Therapy?

Not at all. I’m a big believer in an integrated approach to therapy, tailoring treatment to fit the specific and unique needs of the client. BSP is part of this holistic approach and by no means substitutes the need for talk therapy. However, sometimes I do believe we talk around challenges and issues in therapy too much, rebranding it in our beings. If I am doing my job to the best of my ability, clients will spend less time in therapy and more time out in the world connecting to their best selves. I am beyond excited to incorporate brainspotting into my therapeutic model in order to help clients achieve greater peace and fulfillment than ever before.

Unlocking the Power of Intuition

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
They somehow know what you truly want to become. -Steve Jobs

As a thirty-seven year-old slightly stubborn woman with a big appetite for new experiences and opportunity, I have often found myself in some pretty hilarious situations on the journey of both self and vocational discovery. Throughout my adult life I’ve worked in many industries: sales, fashion, education, design, culinary, and thankfully I eventually honed in on music, writing, and counseling. Some may call this confused; I call it well-rounded. 

During the last several years of working in private practice and building a community I am passionately committed to, I have noticed something big, something with staying power. It’s frustrating as hell and incredibly helpful all at once. It’s the thing that absolutely individuates us from each other, yet also brings us together through honest communication and connection. It invites us out of our niceness and into our truth. It is perhaps the most valuable asset to nurture and protect as human beings.

Drum roll please…this thing is, Intuition.

When I was in graduate school, one of my several (but most favorite) jobs was working at a fabulous little boutique called Moda in the very hot and happening 12th South neighborhood of Nashville. With a serious obsession for pretty clothes and a fascination for meeting new, fun people, it was a slice of heaven and a welcomed break from the demands of school.

One Tuesday morning I was at the shop alone and still a little fuzzy on how to confidently work the check out situation (I think it’s called a POS). Out of nowhere, a little burst of business happened right around lunchtime. I noticed one suspect lady quietly mulling around the back room near the sale rack. Something was off; I could tell by her odd behavior. Yet I was still a newbie and didn’t want to get all weird and overconfident.

I smiled a fake smile and stayed in my nice lane. When the hustle and bustle died down and I had a few minutes to straighten up the store, I noticed a few pieces were missing. I was horrified— and super miffed at myself and that sneaky lady! The NERVE! Most of all, I hated to disappoint Meredith, the owner, who entrusted me to man the shop that morning. Thankfully I learned this stuff happens in retail all the time and no lasting harm was done. Phew—irresponsibility shame averted.

What did crystallize in my memory that day was Meredith, my now close friend, saying to me upon her return, “Katie, you have excellent intuition. Never be afraid to use it.” This powerful affirmation landed on me like a ton of gold bricks and unlocked a journey of exploration I still find myself on. I thought to myself, Really? That sounds so powerful! Her affirmation was a lynchpin shift in my psyche, inviting me to pay way more respect to this still, small, or apparently big, voice.

Intuition is extremely powerful, and I believe we all have it. However, we must choose to honor it.

Unfortunately, and as was my case for years, we can be completely disconnected from the voice of intuition and miss it altogether. We miss it when we are spread too thin and living in survival mode. We miss it when we coast on autopilot due to a numbing addiction, apathy, or both. We also miss it due to honest un-awareness. After all, Intuition 101 isn’t offered in traditional schools I know of anywhere.

Last week, Mary Crimmins shared about the invaluable role intuition plays in our relationship with food, allowing us to dial into optimal individual health and vitality. That is certainly a ripe place to practice listening. In therapy, this is one of my favorite often-uncharted territories to explore with clients: learning to be led by that powerful voice. Here are a couple of helpful tools I have gathered in this practice of intuition.

Slow down.

Some of the most successful and inspiring people I know or have observed possess something in common: intention. Living out of intention is like having as a constant permission slip in your back pocket to take the next sure-footed step. Despite a booked up calendar week after week, intention allows for a clear vision of where we are and where we are going, while editing our lives to align with that vision along the way.

In order to edit, one must slow down and look closely. I’m guilty of running—and I don’t mean for exercise. Mine is more of a constant state of moving because it feels productive, yet lacks clear or purposeful destination. Slowing down for me looks like connecting with myself, hopefully each morning, in order to check in with where I am, where I am going, and what I need from day-to-day physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It doesn’t have to look a certain way, yet personal check-ins create a safe space to practice listening to our intuition, our internal compass.

No is a complete sentence.

This is for all you people-pleasers out there (you are not alone). No is a complete sentence and a very necessary option if we want to honor intuition. Unlike personality or ego, intuition is NOT a people pleaser and has no concept of co-dependency. Our personality, or the way in which we present to the world, learned early on that people pleasing is valuable when this behavior was somehow rewarded. Unfortunately, the wisdom of our intuition is often overshadowed by the alluring silhouette of people pleasing and makes the word “no” a bland if not scary choice. A wise friend gave me brilliant words of wisdom once while grappling with a weighty decision. “There are two answers: yes and no. Pick one.” Easy, right?

As “no” becomes common currency in our daily exchange, our “yes” becomes more valuable, subsequently attracting a rich reality of confidence, desire, and opportunity.

Detours.

We all get off course. We are human. But, as Queen Oprah—I like to call her—insists in a must see video I came across recently, “There are no mistakes because you have a Supreme Destiny.” We are all on a path of destiny— calling. And, we will all encounter detours. However, our detours do not equal failure. Detours nudge our truth to speak up and self-correct, pointing us to the next best decision, and from there the next, and on and on.

So, as my lovely friend and former boss, Meredith, spoke into my life years ago, prompting great empowerment and curiosity, I humbly do the same for you, reminding you of this:

You have a beautiful and powerful gift called intuition. Never be afraid to use it. In fact, access it often. Explore it. Play with it. Celebrate it. It will lead you into wisdom and away from sticky detours. Even when you don’t fully understand or embrace its message, slow down enough to honor it— and just listen. There is hope and safety in the next best decision.

Finding Peace with Food

Learning to partner with your body

with Mary Crimmins

I am beyond excited about today’s topic of conversation. Here’s some back story. Several weeks ago, I sat down with my friend and fellow wellness enthusiast, Mary Crimmins. Mary is one inspiring lady who wears all kinds of hats like holistic lifestyle advocate, wellness advocate, yogi, mentor, personal life and business coach, and speaker among other things. Needless to say, she stays pretty busy! We stumbled upon the topic of relationship with self/food as much of our work in coaching and therapy overlaps there. Her personal journey and passionate insight pretty much blew me away so I asked her to share with us today. She graciously accepted and sat down to answer a few questions I think you will find, well, life changing. I do hope you enjoy!

**Also, be sure and stay tuned for a much-anticipated one-day workshop on Mind-Body Connection coming up in the fall! Okay, let’s hear from Mary…

(KG): You are involved in so many cool, inspiring things! How did your journey evolve professionally/personally and attract all of these opportunities, especially with regards to mentoring?

(MC): Thanks Katie. I absolutely love what I do! I basically put myself through “self-discovery school” a couple of years ago. I was so unhappy with where I was. Flat out miserable in fact. I finally arrived at the place where I had enough and wasn’t willing to live another year in physical and emotional misery. I was 70 lbs. heavier than I am now, suffered from massive emotional imbalance and lots of hormonal imbalance. As I began reading everything that I could get my hands on about how to create a life that you love, I realized that it all came back to thoughts.

I suddenly was able to take full responsibility that I got myself where I was because of my thoughts.

I had several limiting beliefs that kept me stuck, a strong victim mentality that made all kinds of excuses, and years of being completely numb. It was then that I started to investigate my thought patterns and realize I could change them to get different results. What if I believed that I was loveable? What if I believed that I deserved to be fully alive? What if I believed that I had everything I needed to live a life that I loved? I began re-wiring my brain and working with new belief patterns and affirmations.

Slowly but surely, I began to see my life change. I became a magnet for change and transformation. And I started attracting some amazing people as well. I hired a fabulous coach and several months later, I enrolled my first coaching client myself. I embarked on a journey of being a life coach and wellness advocate and now empower people to love themselves and be fully alive and engaged with life.

(KG): A big population I work with in therapy struggle a good bit with body image and relationship with food. You have tons of insight in this department. Tell us what sparked your interest in this and what some of the biggest “aha moments” have been along the way.

(MC): It was absolutely my personal journey. Being 240 lbs. was a space that I found myself in at the age of 26. Everything hurt, and I was sick of trying diet after diet that always failed. I felt

like a failure. I thought something was wrong with me until I learned about Intuitive Eating. That concept set me free.

Instead of hating my body and seeing it as the enemy, I began to partner with my body.

I began to see it as if it were on the same team as me, and not something that was trying to destroy me. I met my body with new compassion and understanding. It was talking to me. My body was always there for me, protecting me. This completely shifted my relationship with food. No more diets.

In fact, I learned how to reject the whole diet mentality and instead come to a place of trusting my intuition and my body let me know what I needed to eat that would bring me back to balance and vitality.

Somedays it’s a kale salad. Somedays it’s a plate of nachos. I learned how to make peace with food and honor my hunger from a place of total non-judgement. Food wasn’t the enemy; my body wasn’t the enemy. I learned how to be satisfied with food and I stopped binging. Partnering with yourself and loving yourself enough to listen to your intuition is a game changer. It took time for me, but now I don’t have any “good” or “bad” foods or “shoulds” or “shouldn’ts” in relationship to food and exercise. I just listen and honor the answer.

(KG): It is glaringly true just how much of a connection our emotions and eating habits have. Can you speak directly to that connection?

(MC): Absolutely. Eating has shifted from something of pleasure, nourishment and survival to a way of coping. We literally “stuff” our feelings. We numb. It is a very effective way to process our beliefs, fears, and emotions. Whether we overeat or starve ourselves, we feel like we have a little bit of control over our life. When we feel anxiety, we eat a cupcake and instantly that anxiety goes away.

We feel shame and guilt about overindulging so then we purge. Some people drink, some overwork, some shop, and some of us eat or don’t eat. We experience both punishment and pleasure from food. Food is a tool that many of us use to work out our emotions. If we feel too tired, too lonely, too angry, or aren’t practicing enough self care, we eat. It numbs us out. It stops the pain for a brief moment. We do it because it works. Except it’s not a long-term solution and we wake up and think “This is not me, how did I get there?”. Then overwhelming shame kicks in and we eat again to numb out, starting the whole cycle over again.

(KG): In my personal experience and with that of several clients, balance is far more difficult to achieve than extremes. How would you encourage someone who struggles with balance in relationship with food?

(MC): It honestly starts with releasing the shame. Balance comes from trusting yourself. Most people don’t trust themselves. They think if they take all the rules off, they will just go crazy and they won’t stop. They will eat everything in sight. This comes from a deep-seated misbelief that our will and bodies are disconnected from ourselves and will hijack us and take over. This is a lie. Our bodies always want what is best. It’s always trying to help. It’s learning how to make peace with food and give up all the rules— and TRUST.

You can begin to ask yourself on this journey, “If I did trust my body, what would it be telling me right now?” “If I did trust my intuition, what do I want to eat right now?” “If I did trust my body,

how would it ask to be moved today?” As you begin to partner with your body and your intuition you realize it doesn’t operate in extremes. It is always seeking balance. It will find its equilibrium. And of course, read Intuitive Eating, by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch!!!

(KG): You always look and seem so energetic and present! How do you maintain self-care despite such a busy schedule?

(MC): I absolutely have non-negotiables. I trust my body when it says it needs a nap and I honor that request. I trust my body, when it says it needs some extra green juice. I trust my body when it asks for a slow walk instead of an intense workout. I listen. I honor it. Self care isn’t a luxury in my book. It’s a non-negotiable. It is what allows me to do everything in my life. It gives me energy. It replenishes me. It sets me up for success. I realized a long time ago that self care is the key to balance. When I slow down to love myself and my body I don’t have to overeat or numb. I address what I really need and take care of myself in a deep and powerful way.

(KG): Lastly, if you could give us one hopeful nugget or take away regarding relationship with food and emotions, what would it be?

(MC): You can come back into balance. Your body knows. Your heart knows. Our bodies speak to us all the time. Trust your body. Listen deeply. Your intuition is your strongest asset. It is the voice that is above all the lies. It is the voice above all the fads. It is the voice that will always lead you to your best, healthiest, and most vibrant self. Learn to trust that and to cultivate a relationship with your intuition.

Ask yourself this, “What am I really hungry for?” emotionally speaking of course, and bravely listen and then honor the answer. 

Tactics for Belief

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. -Brené Brown

It seems I’m not the only one around who battles self-doubt and perfectionism. Your response and feedback to my last blog post were proof of that. Thank you for taking the time to thoughtfully engage with your own stories of struggle in this area. It’s that kind of vulnerability and transparency that brings life and light into those dingy dark rooms of self-doubt with a resounding me too.

As often happens when we touch sensitive yet powerful nerves of truth, it seems the universe aligns to keep that flow moving. It’s like getting a new car (or new to you) and all of a sudden, you start noticing just how many of the same model and color cars are out on the road. Our awareness is tweaked and, in my case, there appears a million white Toyota Priuses in Nashville traffic. With such great feedback and a continuous reverberation of this self-doubt/perfectionism trap, I thought we could tease out some practical application; Lord knows I need it.

I went on a long hike yesterday around Radnor Lake, my beloved local nature scape and sanctuary of sanity. One of my favorite things to do if and when I have a chunk of free time during the week is to get out in nature and listen to smart people talk about the strong convictions they hold. This, of course, happens in the form of an audiobook or podcast. Monday, I had this glorious opportunity for the first time in a while…and I jumped on it. Headphones in, a sunny if not toasty first day of summer to venture into, and a little over an hour to kill. Heaven.

I got about twenty minutes into the talk and realized it was not only for me to store away in the “Cling To” file, but it might also be extremely helpful for you, especially on the heels of looking hard and square into the face of self-doubt and insecurity last week.

Moment of truth: did anyone chip away at a personal creed? Don’t worry; I’m not homework- shaming you. But I still believe it is a simple and self-loving thing to tackle. If you think that might be helpful, take a swing at it. If you need help, you know where to find me.

I spent about fifteen minutes the other day on mine. What attributes do I embody? What are my gifts? What am I deeply convinced of? Who am I? Who am I NOT? And on and on…Again, personal creeds are meant to be reminders of our worth, identity, and desires so we don’t fall in the trap of comparison with others, insecurity, and then go numb out somewhere.

What I was so blown away by in this message was how we grow in the conviction of these beliefs. A personal creed is great and all, yet if we look at it once and let it collect dust in the bottom drawer of our bedside table, we have sorely missed the point. It’s kind of like getting

hitched—saying those binding, life-altering vows and then going verbally dark the rest of the marriage. Not a good look. Here are my takeaways, and three crucial applications to help us lock into our creed or deeply held beliefs.

1. Feed the creed.

It may sound like first class cheese, but it spilled out like buttah. Just like we water a plant and lovingly nurture a child or pet, we absolutely must feed those unique, life-giving, truths that remind us of who we are and what we purpose. Quite simply, the best way to do this is to read and re-read it daily, or as often as you need. That laser focus fuels the flame of belief so much so that it burns away the fear of self-doubt. If that feels weird or woo woo, GOOD! We don’t change unless something changes; change feels weird!

2. Don’t stop moving.

By this I don’t mean never rest. Quite the contrary; rest in the propelling reminder of who you are. When I get stuck and fall prey to comparison with others or perfectionistic tendencies, it is paralyzing and I can’t move forward. Thankfully I have wised up to my confusing yet clever enemy and am able to poke all sorts of holes in those messages. Many times this looks like holding up a gentle, more accurate mirror than mine in the form of a trusted friend or loved one. I must admit, though, after years of practice, those slithering lies are tempting, like a toxic old lover.

A moving target is much harder to hit than one that is stationary.

I may or may not have killed a deer in a past life on a hunting trip in high school. (Full disclosure: I am from Alabama and we did eat venison for dinner that night.) I know, haters gonna hate. However, for illustration purposes, I will say, it was fairly easy because I was totally set up for success. The poor guy was in a field, totally still, and I was up in a tree stand taking a break from gin rummy or something. Cake. I can assure you had there been sudden movement involved, we would have had chicken for dinner. Without belaboring the point and completely offending you, I’ll land this plane: No matter how loud those oppressive voices that long to derail our identity, we must dodge the bullet and keep moving forward toward our freedom.

3. Anticipate the struggle.

It will come, time and time again. We can’t be surprised when it does. Feeding hope with a congruent dose of brutal honesty is essential all along the way. We can’t Pollyanna our way through and be blindsided by a random covert attack those old skeletons pony up. Knowing the the sound of alien voices that sneak up and rattle off in our self-talk is key as we keep moving in the direction of our truth.

For those of you I didn’t lose to Saving Private Ryan, keep the feedback coming! This conversation and community is building in volume and numbers, thanks to you. For this I am beyond grateful.

For more on this topic read the previous post here.

Daring to Dream in 3 Steps

If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world on fire.

– St. Catherine of Sienna

What do dreams, Bradley Cooper, and my last blog post all have in common? No ladies, I did not marry Bradley…keep guessing. Maybe some of you frequently dream about Bradley Cooper, but how would I know? Go on back to my last post and see if you can connect the dots…

Still stumped? Okay, okay…It’s:

JOY. 

Have you seen the movie Joy yet? If not, put this post on hold, change whatever plans you have tonight, and fire up the popcorn. You have a date with Joy! (or Jennifer Lawrence/Bradley Cooper…you choose). It moved me in a way I think movies should move people. I mean, they do in fact share a root word. Perhaps it’d just been awhile since I watched a movie this intrinsically pure and beautiful. Or there’s the fact that I was on the flight home from my unforgettable two-week mission: destination wedding. There I was flying high, feeling all the feels, and watching this masterpiece on a glorified iPhone, while shaking and shedding tear after heavy tear, literally moved by such a story of perseverance and overcoming. [Read: I was a total basket case!] I think my new hubs may have been a teeny-tiny bit self-conscious with my hot mess of a situation. I didn’t care. Neither did Southwest, thankfully. It wrecked me in the best possible way.

If you aren’t able to watch Joy tonight, don’t worry, spoiler alert thwarted. When it happens, it will be perfect timing. I guess, in my experience, any time I have such a visceral response to art of any kind, I stop and notice what is coming up for me in that moment—and sometimes dare to ask why. Sure, Joy is a truly next level work of art with first class writing and a heavy hitting cast. You don’t get Robert De Niro, Jennifer Lawrence, and Bradley Cooper in the same room for nothing. Barking on the gritty heels of Silver Linings Playbook, they meant business. Still, there was something deeper…something…scary?

I was dumbfounded as I sat watching the credits roll and wondering what on earth just hit me in those friendly skies 36,000 feet somewhere over Little Rock. The reckoning rumbled:

Am I living a life fueled by fear or desire? 

How can I peel back the dusty layers of shame, need for certainty, and learned behavior in order to excavate the well-spring of dreams I once overflowed with? 

If numb with fear due to the jolting upper-cuts life has thrown, how do I recover the bold inner- tapestry of my six year old self? 

Oh she’s in there alright…otherwise, I wouldn’t be a blubbering mess right now!!! If I gave her a voice, what words of encouragement, or enlightenment would she give me? Well, here are the 3 messages I heard…

1. Wake up! 

In the movie Joy, several different subplots are brought to life through many of the characters. Perhaps the saddest and scariest of all for me is Joy’s mother. We come to know her as a vacant and numb aging woman who has taken permanent residence on the sidelines of life, glued to a television set and living vicariously through the melodrama of daytime soap stars. They are her point of reference for life; her Guiding Light if you will. I guarantee there is pain and sorrow in her story along the way, what with a broken marriage and forgotten dreams of her own. She shows us exactly how to fall asleep at the wheel and float into life’s proverbial purgatory while still in the land of the living. Our experience in life will never exclude hardship; however, we all have the same opportunity to reach out, as vulnerable and wobbly as it may feel, in order to graft into a stronger root system of support and connection. I don’t want to drift through life on autopilot only to wake up twenty years down the road, unrecognizable and corpselike. I also don’t want to dance with ghosts of old damage, holding onto unforgiveness and resentment. We must wake up to the glorious invitation to our own voice; our unique callings.

2. Silence the naysayers

Thankfully, after countless discouragements and disappointments, Joy did not follow in her mother’s footsteps. She woke up and heeded that curious little girl inside who loved to make things. Perhaps the most maddening subplot for me in the movie was that of her father and sister, the Naysayers. I don’t think I’ve ever hated Robert De Niro so much in my life! They nearly damned her to the same grey landscape as her mother with their slithering lies of “Who do you think you are?”, “You will never amount to anything”, and “I can’t believe we ever encouraged you to follow your dreams.” Who are the naysayers in your life? What lies have they spoken and do you believe them to be true? We must identify those people in our lives who hold us back with ill intent and toxic messages, spoken or implied. As we begin to align with the powerful truth of our dreams and identities, the naysayers must go, plain and simple.

3. Commit to the work

What I have learned as I observe those who courageously walk in the direction of their dreams and destiny is this: they inevitably fall down, over and over again. More importantly, they always get up, humbly mending those scrapes and bruises, and get back in the game. Just like Joy, many of you are these overcomers. I have had the overwhelming honor to witness your courage throughout the years as you share your journey, stare down the naysayers, and absolutely CRUSH it, despite giant obstacles all along the way. You don’t numb out or stuff the pain. You show up in splendid color to the wondrous and complex journey of your experience, day after grueling day. You teach me to wake up to the dreams of my youth, honor and cling to them for dear life, and commit to the work that will give them wings. I thank you for that.

joy in and of itself can be tricky. It’s not syrupy like happy, not that there is anything wrong with happy. We all want to be happy… let’s be honest! I like this definition of joy:

a : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight.

The possession, or pursuit of a deep desire almost always involves a struggle, a resistance. Joy reminded me that it’s more than worth it. You are more than worth it. So, for this joy set before us, may we not back down.