Three Game Changers for the Journey Ahead

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

–Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Clean Slate

We are bounding through January.  Despite the wet, grey, whiplashed days January offers on the heels of holiday indulgences, I freaking love this month.  It yields a pristine sense of clarity and hope as well as a big fat slice of heaven for the introverted soul: fireside reading, killer movies to catch up on (La La Land, anyone?), warm beverages galore, and a proverbial blanket of white snow on the ground beckoning the young dreamer in all of us to let loose and explore.

Blue Monday

The third Monday in January is a bit of a bear.   Apparently, it’s the most depressing day of the year as it’s the day everyone ditches their shiny, steep new year’s resolutions, seizes the old sweatpants, and heads straight for that hidden Ben & Jerry’s pint (or pick your poison) in the sky.  It’s the day we cave into the weighty shame of unmet, unrealistic expectations we heaped on ourselves about three weeks ago.  They’re simply too hard.  In fact, it’s such a let down, they’ve actually given this day a name: Blue Monday.  Who knew?

Litmus Test

Monday morning, millions of people woke up, looked themselves in the mirror, and saw the piercing failure of “not enough”.  Once again, they couldn’t quite cut it.  Their litmus test: a number on a scale, an unwritten novel, a half eaten cheesecake purchased the night before, or perhaps a pack of Camels that miraculously appeared in the kitchen desk drawer.  The vicious cycle continues as we beat ourselves into submission with a new, “better” set of rules, checks and balances, what have you.

Hangry

In light of this melancholy kind of blue, I thought it would be a great opportunity to ditch the idea of elimination altogether and give you some killer tools to add to your tool belt instead.  After all, I’ve never understood this logic of giving up something delicious, like truffle fries, only to be met by a thin drip of green juice. It tends to make me really hangry, and backfires altogether.  It’s also really isolating.  I prefer the supplemental route: let’s add in practices, rituals, and tools that gently keep us on track and promote loving relationship with the totality of our beings: physical, emotional, and spiritual, as well as with others.

Tool Belt

Today, I bring you three tools I’ve added to my daily routine (okay, maybe I’ve missed a couple here and there) as consistently as anything I’ve tried.  Why?  Because they’re fun and they work.  Whereas you can find tons of  research backing the validity and effectiveness of each one, I’m simply going to give you a quick layman’s account, focusing on the application and value I’ve seen within the last month.  Each day, I look forward to my encounters with these tools and practices. They’ve been, in fact, game changers for 2017 already.  You ready for this?

Meditation

I know, I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  “I’ve tried that before and it’s too hard.  I just can’t sit still.”  Fair enough.  However, from one who literally doesn’t like to sit much and is in her happy place walking for days down the busy streets of a buzzing big city somewhere, I’ve finally found a practice that works.  Ladies and gents, I give you Headspace.  It’s an app, its ten minutes a day, the first ten days are free to give you a taste of how it works, and then the journey continues with a modest subscription worth every penny.  The helpful thing about this app is the structured, guided aspect. Led by a lovely guy called Andy with a super cute British accent, Headspace gently leads you through a daily practice that’s accessible, not  too woo-woo (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and really effective.

We live far too much of life in our minds, yet we’re not often taught how to live there.  Headspace has freed up so much energy for me that typically gets spent judging and reacting.  Judging everything: my thoughts, my self, my bad hair day, my inadequacies, those I love, and on and on.  I’ve noticed a softer inner dialog, increased energy, a better mood and outlook, among so many other things.  This topic deserves a whole post, and I could go on and on, but do yourself (and your loved ones) a huge favor and start today.

Essential Oils

I’ve heard the buzz for years and have close friends who swear by them.  For some ungodly reason, I’ve just arrived at the party and not a minute too soon.  My friend Mary Hyatt is an inspiration to me on so many levels.  A few months back, she guested on the blog sharing her insight and experience as it pertains to relationship with food.  Well, she recently introduced me to Doterra, a killer, high-quality, line of essential oils.  As a Christmas gift to myself, I ordered an introductory packet chock full of gorgeous oils, a diffuser, and an arsenal of vitamins that are magic and don’t make you feel like you’re going to vomit.

Transport

Now I get it what the hype is all about.  Oils are not only incredible for the mood and senses but medicinal for what ails you.  Smell is the most powerful of all the senses.  Walk in your local bakery and notice where the waft of freshly baked bread transports you.  There’s a mood attached to that smell as well.  I’ve been like a kid in a candy story experimenting with Lavender, bergamot, lemon, peppermint, frankincence, and more.  My often spotty sleep has improved, energy and mood lifted, and muscle tension in my body eased.  I’ve always had a holistic view of wellness and therapy and these oils are seriously icing on that cake.  If you have any questions, please ask.  If I don’t know the answer, I’ll find out.  I’m passionate about sharing this stuff and believe modern medicine will eventually catch on as well.

Passion Planner

Lastly but definitely not least, my third favorite tool, the Passion Planner.  How many times have you bought a beautiful new, leather-bound planner and found it six months later covered in dust under a pile of magazines in your office?  I can honestly say for me, quite often.  The passion planner is different in that it starts with my favorite motivating force: desire.  This planner breaks down goals in a creative, interactive way month to month, week to week, day-to-day.  It asks what’s most important, driving our passion as well as what’s NOT important, standing in as a poser, or mere distractor.

They’re also big believers in writing it all down as opposed to plugging it into a device.  Why?  because the physical act of writing is step one to actualizing that desire, that mind-body connection thing. The passion planner is a road map, not just a calendar.

Wrap-up

I can honestly say 2017 has gotten off to such a great start partially due to these three amazing resources.  So much of this journey is embracing ritual and structure as well as practical tools that enhance our growth and healing.  I sincerely hope you’ll check out each one.  Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have questions and feedback!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Almost Famous: Searching for a Spotlight

The reason so many of us are obsessed with being stars is because we are not yet starring in our own lives.  The cosmic spotlight isn’t pointed at you, it radiates from within you.
Marianne Williamson

Trompeur

If there is one thing I’m well acquainted with, it’s this search for significance, a spotlight of sorts.  How can I  show up authentically, adding value and beauty to the world around me? Well, as it were, I’m dreadfully stubborn, traipsing around for years down seeming detours of tangled roads leading to what I thought were final destinations. Interestingly, I’ve learned more from my detours than my successes.

Premier Cru

As a result, I’m still building out that journey, and plan too for the long haul.   I hope we continually evolve and grow in character and depth over time, just like an exceptional vintage of wine. Here’s the thing though, oftentimes we exhaust this search and desperately cling to false forms of stardom, significance, what have you. We try to shine in someone else’s spotlight and fit into their box, therefore abandoning the unique capacities and creativity dormant within.

Leading Lady

Remember the movie The Holiday? I realize it’s a bit late for Christmas amusement, however, there is a scene in this movie that is worth noting all year long. Here’s the set up: Iris, played by Kate Winslet, is having dinner with Arthur Abbott, an older gentleman who’s a successful, retired Hollywood film director. They meet by chance while she’s in LA on holiday over Christmas in hopes of escaping the pain of a recent heartache back home in England. After Arthur expresses total perplexity as to why the gorgeous Brit is spending her holiday alone in a different country, he digs deeper. She eventually breaks down in tears as Arthur gently sizes up the situation with his spot on insight. Arthur observes:

“This is not a hard one to figure out. Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.”

Aha!

It was one of those “aha” moments for Iris, and for me the first time I watched it. After a sip of beer and a sigh of relief she jokes about her incompetent therapist of three years withholding this core insight from her. In order to recuse myself from any such accusation (and because I wish my therapist would’ve asked me the same thing ten plus years ago!), I’ll ask you a similar question today:

Are you starring as the lead in your own life? Or are you the best friend, constantly apologizing for your actions and taking cues from everyone else around you?

Let it Go

When we attempt to re-invent our wheel and jump on someone else’s bandwagon, we detach  from ourselves, ignoring what’s burning beneath the surface.  Grappling with this stuff isn’t the worst thing either.  In fact, for years I battled crippling anxiety and self doubt, feeling obligated to pursue music as a career as I have a natural bent towards it and opportunities presented.  Sure, I loved the idea and it felt really satisfying to walk down that brightly lit, hopeful path. Still, it fell short–something was missing.  Music is a passion, but it never stole my heart.  When I woke up to the fact that I’m more than enough without a music career, it strangely gave me permission to fall more in love with it.  Funny how that works.  I’m certain music will always inform my journey.  Just because we’re good at something doesn’t mean we’re locked into it’s pursuit.

Inventory

In light of all this, I’ve got a little assignment for you.   At the very least it’s food for thought or good dinner conversation..or both.  This stuff is critical as we build out the bones of a new year.

Get Lost

• I want you to become laser aware of the things you effortlessly enjoy doing.  What are the problems you get lost in solving? This can look like drafting an email, planning a party, listening to a friend share a difficult experience, telling a story, picking out paint colors, practicing piano, writing a thank-you note, and so on. Nothing is too small or insignificant.  What do you love about doing it? How does it make you feel?
• What compliments do you receive often? Don’t be shy. (i.e. You’re great with people, you make a memorable first impression, you’re a gifted flower arranger, you’re hilarious!)
• Finally, I want you to ask a trusted friend this question:
  When do you observe me at my most engaged, alive, and contented self? What am I doing and what do you notice about me?
• Write it all down.  We’ll come back to it.

Proof

We don’t realize how we lead in certain areas. It takes loving mirrors such as trusted friends, colleagues, coaches, and family members to reflect back on what they see. I’ll never forget my 8th grade cheerleading coach (laugh it up) giving me invaluable insight into what she saw in me back then. One day she took me aside in her thoughtful and present way and told me I was natural encourager and observer. As an insecure, awkward 12 year-old in need of validation, I tucked her words away like a tiny family heirloom in my coat pocket. I’ve treasured and trusted them ever since. So many years later, much of my work is built around those two attributes. This stuff works.

Casting Call

So let’s cast you in the lead role of your life. It’s not selfish, or petty, or a waste of time. Quite the contrary! The minute we step into our unique calling, or “spotlight”, a sense of relief wells up. An internal security and calm pervades and I can stop hustling to compete, compare, and look for outward solutions that internally shine and have been there all along. We love more fully from this place of knowing.  So, dive in!  It gets really fun when we start writing the script. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

A New Day: Respond vs. React

Mindfulness gives you time.  Time gives you choices.  Choices, skillfully made, lead to freedom.  You don’t have to be swept away by your feeling.  You can respond with wisdom and kindness rather than habit and reactivity.

– Henepola Gunaratana

Happy New Year!  We made it.  Whereas it feels really good to mark a new year with a clean slate and endless possibilities (so I keep being reminded of through Instagram feeds and my inbox) I must say, I’ve gotten a slow start to 2017 accompanied by a slew of contradictory emotions: relief, excitement, lethargy, longing, confusion, and tons of heightened expectations.  What about you?

How to’s

There are a zillion blogs out there.  I read a handful of them and I write merely one of them.  What I hope you will find different or inviting about mine is a certain level of transparency and vulnerability. I like stories as opposed to “how to’s.” It makes me cringe when I think of following zippy blog trends entitled: “three foolproof resolutions for your best year”, and “how to attract your soul mate in less than a month”, or my favorite siren, “Your extreme makeover starts here!”

King

I’m not digging on the dedicated and brilliant bloggers out there who offer hope to thousands through this approach, Lord knows I’ve been wowed often. However, with each passing year, as I show up for myself and my community, I’m learning something invaluable: extreme quick fixes are often just detours. Connection is king.

Carbs

In light of this, the “slow start” to 2017 I mentioned earliermay not be so bad after all.  In fact, perhaps grace, self-compassion, and connection are bleeding through the imperfect, jagged little edges of these young days .  Writing’s slowed down, work outs lightly sprinkled in, family laughter and Netflix watching heavy, carb and sugar consumption strong, and goals/intentions for 2017, still a bit foggy.  Strangely though, a newfound waft of acceptance and presence rises up through the air like the inviting smell of freshly baked bread.

Hustle

You see, I love extremes, or have loved I should say.  As a youngster, I was super particular, giving my sweet, saint of a mother hell if my pony tail wasn’t perfect.  It had to be just so.  Sensitive beyond words, I carried the unbearable weight of desperately wanting to be liked and accepted by peers and teachers at every turn.  I was hard on myself.  I didn’t much like myself either, learning to hustle big time to gain entry into the rooms I longed to set foot in.  One of the byproducts of this premature shame was a pretty hard-core eating disorder in high school.  What started off wanting to feel better about myself through running and healthy eating turned into a voracious and life-threatening battle with anorexia.

Whoosh

This is not a sketch of that journey; a different story for a different day, and a hopeful one at that.  This is encouragement for the weary soul or two out there who don’t want to buy into a billion dollar industry that tells us we need to change and we need to change FAST.  I’ve got nothing against new year’s resolutions and change for that matter, that is, if they serve you well.  In my experience, they always end like a hot and heavy, short-lived relationship.  I like to call them “whoosh” relationships: they promise the sun, moon, and stars, and then Bam! Like a cotton candy sugar rush they crash and burn when the lights go up and the curtain closes.  It’s like the jerk of whip-lash, the “whoosh” of a cold whip of wind.  I spent my 20’s learning all about that situation—not a good look.

Reaction Formation

Interestingly enough, I think humans find extremes far easier than balance.  We like to react out of fear instead of respond out of desire.  Marketing exploits this behavior big time, and anyway you slice it, they’re clever.  They know that people go off the rails a bit over the holidays and wake up January 1 with a foggy head and a few extra pounds.  Swooping in, they save the day with their slashed gym membership prices and 30-day cleanse program promising a new you in just one month.

We’ve been hooked.  When those dollars are spent and the motivation trails off the next afternoon, we go looking for another option, or some leftover toffee, whichever comes quicker.  The shame cycle’s begun again.  Perhaps I’m cynical, or perhaps I’ve had LOTS of practice reacting out of fear and manipulation rather that choosing what will truly satisfy from a place of mindfulness and connection.

Logo

If you jump on my website, you’ll see a logo and the story behind it on the home page.  My approach to therapy and coaching is built on relationship as I believe when we begin to soften and mend our inner dialog, healing our relationship with self, external pieces of life follow suit and eventually thrive as well.  It’s not magic, it’s a journey and one I’m very much still on.

Four Questions

Today, I want to invite you into deeper connection with you by asking four questions that will lay some groundwork for the edits and goals you may have this year.  These are adapted from one of my favorite podcasts “The Accidental Creative”—so good I had to share!  Being mindful of desires, feelings, and curiosities will take us much further than stringent rules and regimens we place on ourselves.  Without the “why” the “how” is obsolete.

Let this be a journal prompt for you this week, one you come back to over and over either to realign with or tweak.

• What do you want to feel in 2017? (i.e. energized, awake, confident, accepted)
• Where do you want to go in 2017? (This can be figurative or literal. i.e. I want to explore a new city, yoga class, or I want to go from full-time to part-time at work so I can spend more time writing)
• What do you want to learn in 2017? (i.e. I want to learn to play drums or I want to learn to meditate)
• What do you want to change in 2017? (Reminder: this is desire driven, NOT fear driven!  Approach this from a place of “I’m enough” rather than insecurity.  i.e. I’d like to build in more margin for rest and play into my life.)

Please please share your feedback from this exercise! When we give voice to this stuff, it solidifies a bit more.  I hope you will join me as I ease into 2017, listening, noticing, and responding to it’s inviting call to action.  If you’d like some extra light for the journey ahead, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Recovering Simplicity: The Art of Enough

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

-Leonardo Da Vinci

The holidays are upon us.  Between the unseasonably warm weather and the loud, distracting force of our recent election, I haven’t thought much of it yet.  Sure, Kroger and Home Depot immediately threw up Christmas decorations the Tuesday after Halloween and quicker than you can say, “turkey and dressing” and honestly, I’ve come to accept that over the years. What’s tricky is when I still work up a sweat mid-November while rummaging around the car to find my favorite lip balm that went missing somewhere back in September. My body and brain register pure confusion in this suspended time frame hovering right between summer and fall.  I call it “fummer”… (“sall” works, too).

Great Expectations

For many, myself included, the holidays can be a real bear.  I notice a heavier client load in my practice seeking out extra support and space to prepare for extended (often distressing) family time, along with the unrealistic and unwarranted expectations we put on ourselves.  There are also those who battle intense and palpable loneliness as family time and connection in general isn’t even an option.

Shift

I tend to have this extra special need to seek out more grounding than usual and constantly remind myself of what is truly important during this buzzy, disjointed time. That or else I find myself glued to emotional porn of the season’s finest Rom Coms (The Holiday, Love Actually, what have you), with one too many glasses of wine and a shiny headache the next morning to prove it.   Over the years, a welcomed shift from numb consumerism to creativity, simply making things, has happened.  As a result, I’ve noticed the hazy fog of some of my own deep loneliness has lifted.

Reject Scarcity

In last week’s blog post, we talked about the slippery slope of scarcity mindset.  You know the one: it whispers insidiously sexy sweet ( literal) nothings to us in the name of certainty and staying stuck precisely in the seat of disconnection we’ve gotten cozy in.  I call it “rear view mirror“ living— we have one eye on the road ahead and one eye glued to the dusty view of our past.  Besides developing some bizarre version of strabismus (the medical term for crossed eyes—thank’s Google), we are at best a divided passenger in our own life while some ridiculous imposter drives us around all day in the driver seat.

I can’t insist enough: we must ruthlessly interrogate those dangerous, infiltrating voices of scarcity like we’re Jack Bauer thwarting a terrorist attack in season three of 24.  Not your style?  Ok, well then at least firmly defend yourself! Identity is on the line here and the holidays can be a war zone.

Willy Wonka

One of my life long scarcity dialogs has been: “you are unworthy of the creative journey and will never be taken seriously as a writer and creative.”  For some reason, I grew up thinking you had to be handed a golden permission slip by Willy Wonka himself in order to pass go and gain entrance into the umpa lumpa inhabited twizzler- bursting land of creativity.  I had no such permission slip.  As a result, I skated through most of my early life avoiding that magical existence all together while settling for life as a control freak/consumer.

Bliss and Calling

I tried to control everything and everyone around me, ignoring all the resources and possibilities bubbling up under the surface while lushly consuming and cheering on the harvests of other’s efforts whether they be  music, ideas, achievements, fun, art, stuff, travel, you name it. I was living on the sidelines, cheering on the players in the game.  Eventually, I woke up one scared, vacant little puppy seriously underestimating all that patiently subsided  somewhere deep inside. The diamond of truth I came to treasure through all of this is that there is a vast difference between our calling and our bliss.  My consumeristic bliss wasn’t satisfying my heart’s longings and the resistance of my calling felt too big and scary to embrace.

Making things

I’m a bonafide late bloomer.   For years this felt extremely self conscious; now I think its pretty cool.  I got real tired of dishonesty: the pursuit of people pleasing and placing so much weight on everyone else’s vision for my life. Finally I started digging deeper into those dormant soul-longings I mentioned earlier and it’s been healing and scary as hell to say the least.  Writing is hands down the most powerful and healing agent for change along my search for worthiness and presence.  This first took shape in the form of songwriting and has morphed into a different versions throughout the last decade.  The physical act of writing, making something out of nothing, proves powerfully life-giving as it bumps me out of my constant state of analysis and consumption and into a new role of creator.  

You’re creative

We are made to make things, all of us.  I hear it time and time again and it gets my goat every time, this notion that , “Oh I’m not a creative person…I didn’t get that gene.”  Hog wash.  We are all creatives.  Want proof?  Of course you do.  I am re-reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest, Big Magic(game changer).  She speaks to this point, drawing a hard line in the sand:

“Look at your ancestors.  Look at the ones who were immigrants, or slaves, or soldiers, or farmers, or sailors, or the original people who watched the ships arrive with the strangers onboard.  Go back far enough and you will find people who were not consumers, people who were not sitting around passively waiting for stuff to happen to them.  You will find people who spent their lives making things.  This is where you come from.” 

Big Deal

She goes on to say that for most of history, people inherently just made stuff, yet the difference was they didn’t make such a big deal of it…it’s just what they did.  We put impossible expectations and parameters around our creativity.  We think it has to look a certain way, all wrapped up with a bow, or a record deal, or a website or, God forbid, a job title.

Timing

There is a distinct reason I bring this up on the heels of the “most wonderful time of the year”.   I heartily subscribe to this idea that healing power flows when we let go of the things we don’t have control over (i.e. how Aunt Lois will react to the new sleeve of tattoos you’re rocking these days) and focusing energy on that which we do have control over (i.e. the story we make up in our heads about her passive aggressive comments all week).

Revolt

This season, I’d like to start a bit of a Holiday Stress Revolt by proactively choosing something different— and talking about it along the way.  It’s an art form that lends this soft, insanely gorgeous glow to our uniqueness rather than literally, buying into rat race around us.  Here it is: we must create and cultivate simplicity, a quiet safe place where we dial down the expectations, stop comparing ourselves to others, remember what’s important, give voice to our desires, and create the moments we will cherish without harsh judgement.  It’s beckoning the wisdom, creativity, and resourcefulness of our ancestors who were makers, NOT passive consumers.   It’s tapping deeper into calling as opposed to gorging on the pumpkin pie of our bliss, and in doing so, unlocking a lion share of peace and contentment…even stillness.

Reminders

Throughout the next several weeks, I am going to be amping up this conversation a bit both on the blog and social media fronts.  If there is one thing I need in this life, it’s constant reminders of truth, especially during stressful seasons.  Reminders that I am worthy of love and connection and that I’m not alone.  If you’re like me, I invite you to come along on this month-or-so long journey.  I would really enjoy your company and I think it’ll be good fun.  We have some incredible guest bloggers lined up as well.  I can’t wait to share them with you.

Finish Strong

As we near the home stretch of 2016, I am inspired to refocus in on those beautiful, life-giving desires that burned brightly in my heart back in January.  I want to honor them, listening closely to the litter of ideas they birthed along the way.  Let’s finish strong my friends; we are all in this thing together.

Love,

katie

xoxo

The Scarcity Spiral

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens. 
-Carl Jung

It’s been a big week.  Understatement of the century.  It’s been a historically and politically raucous year that just climaxed with the most wildly controversial election of our time.  How are you doing?

Cocktails

I’m relieved.  No, not because these two candidates got an A+++ in their favorite class, Scandal and Mud-slinging 101, their gold stars deserve gold stars,  and the American people can get back to “normal” life as we know it. (What is normal anyway?) I’ve purposefully shied away from personal political rants on social media and even ignored those of others if at all possible; it’s a stiff time suck shaken and stirred with a twist of boring and a heavy dash of depressing.  My relief is rooted in the hopeful shift that perhaps we might start to step out of this vicious spin cycle of scarcity.

Wield

Don’t worry, this is not a political post, so stay with me.  This is a post inspired by the phenomenal power we as humans have to wield moments, conversations, attitudes, days, lives, relationships, finances, careers, health, performances, paradigms, politics, culture, and most of all, hearts.  I sincerely believe we can all learn something vital from both Mr. Trump and Mrs. Clinton.  Despite the media’s stellar job at eliciting constant knee-jerk reactions from our two, at times, less than inspiring candidates, I’ve observed the thing that will undoubtedly keep us down is a scarcity mindset: that ever ready spiral of never enough.  Winners, quite simply, focus on winning.   These two candidates have done just that in the scowling face of great odds; whatever your politics, I think it’s is pretty remarkable.

The West Wing

My all-time favorite tv series to date is The West Wing, a political drama created and largely written by the masterfully clever Aaron Sorkin.  I think I’ve seen all seven seasons about four times.  It’s brilliant.  Martin Sheen plays the fair, compassionate, and good-humored President Jed Bartlett; he and Hollywood NAILED it.

Thorns

He’s not without flaw, mind you.  Sorkin made this abundantly clear as his character battles multiple sclerosis and a nagging flair for the dramatic.  These are those proverbial thorns in his side that keep him humble, nimble I suppose.   Thankfully, his whip-smart, feisty aids consistently keep him tethered by their steady accountability and merciless hole-poking.

Other People Win

In one episode,  Pres. Bartlett complains to Press Secretary C.J. Cregg, (played by Allison Janney), about his former rival winning a school board election back in their home state of New Hampshire.  Like a victimized and petulant child, Bartlett goes on and on, recounting all of the terrible things his opponent had said and done along the way to climb the ethically wobbly ladder to his new found seat of victory.  CJ looks at him, and with her razor sharp no-nonsense wit replies, “Then, that’s the way it is.  In a democracy, often times other people win.”  She exits the room.

Death and Taxes

Yes, other people win and disappointments in this life are as certain as death and taxes.  We all experience pain and discomfort, however the broad spectrum of circumstance tends to be gracious over time allowing for joy and excitement to balance this process out.  Suffering is the story we make up about our pain and it ensues as we cultivate ongoing, frenetic relationships with those stories.  At the heart and hub of this suffering wheel we inevitably find scarcity: not enough. 

Grey

Carl Jung talks about a certain unnecessary plight occurring in this world because we reject “legitimate suffering” that goes along with the territory of simply being human.  This is in step with what I’ve learned about the etymology of the word “human”.  As opposed to a god-like, perfect and divine nature, the word human originates in an earth-dwelling, mistake-prone form.  This legitimate suffering, as Jung describes, should not be a shock or surprise. In fact, neurotic behavior results when we reject it and treat it as such!

Here’s the deal:  there is a thin grey line between the often bruised skin of our human condition and a pessimistic anticipation that bad things will happen and we should all go live in a cave. 

Excuses

I believe our attachment to unnecessary suffering stays intact and well-fed via the steady drip of scarcity mindset.  I have become so aware of my own scarcity narrative as of late.  It’s insidious and feels almost responsible at times.  I suppose that’s why I put up with it.  It sounds something like this:  “Oh, I don’t have time for that” and “I didn’t get enough sleep last night” or “What I have to say has already been said a thousand times; who really cares?”  Sound familiar?

Pollyanna

On the flip side, there is also this fear of living in denial; of the detached, “Pollyanna” glazed-over stare that lacks reality and substance.  After all, isn’t the opposite of scarcity total abundance?  I would heartily disagree. Brené Brown says, “For me, the opposite of scarcity is not abundance.  It’s enough.  I’m enough.”  She disagrees as well; I’m in good company.  Discomfort signals opportunity which makes the pinch of failure wholeheartedly acceptable in my book.  As we embrace the possibility of enough, we reject a scarcity mindset.  

Playground

Like anything, scarcity is learned.  Want proof? Go hang out with a bunch of 5 year-olds on a playground.  I would bet you a coffee or lunch or a very small fortune they aren’t all standing around with their arms crossed reciting reasons the old swing set may collapse mid-air, or envisioning the party of germs camped out on the slide, or even ponderinghow pointless and unsanitary the sandbox is.  Doubtful at best.  Chances are, they are just happy to explore some new scenery and burn off the sugar buzz they got at snack time.

Payoff

What is your scarcity narrative convincing you of?  What’s the payoff involved in giving it a voice?  Perhaps it’s safe because it’s what you know.  You’ve worn it in and out like an old pair of sweatpants your significant other hides behind the washer and dryer in hopes that you’ll just forget about them and move on (not a chance).  Perhaps the payoff is to keep you in a safe and steady state of numb.  After all, success is often far more terrifying than failure.

Paul Simon

Something hard and heavy struck me the other day.  I went for a hike around Radnor Lake this past week and was absolutely transfixed by the beauty of fall. I’m pretty sure everyone else felt the same as they walked around in yoga pants with their iPhone cameras as heads.  It was perfect: the crisp leaves, the burn-your-eyes-out blue sky, the pristine dry air, and the speckles of warm light that looked like a vintage Instagram filterjust had her way with nature.  I was expecting a scarf and fedora clad Paul Simon to jump out of the woods and start strumming The Boxer while simultaneously handing me a pumpkin spice latte at any moment.  No dice there.

Death and all his friends

Hold on a minute?!  These leaves are really just dying.  Likewise, the air, light, and blue skies are in on it as well playing respective roles in this seasonal shedding quickly ushering in the cold, bleak, and short days of winter.  It happens every year, without mistake.  Why then, are we so transfixed by this lovely, yet predictable procession of nature’s hibernation?

Building a Mystery

What I came to understand is we’re all actually experts at reframing scarcity.

As humans, we’re wired not only for connection, but for beauty and mystery.  We are also resilient creatures who long to witness something magical in this given moment.  That is the inner child in each of us; oh, they’re in there alright.  This is the practice of presence, enough, possibility, or whatever you choose over scarcity.

Six

The choice is ours in every breath of every day.  It’s easy to fall into the scarcity trap surrounded by these loud, abrasive voices violently dueling it out for the office of Presidency in all kinds of below the belt ways.  I get it; it’s a crucial time.  However, we must not abandon the soul of our six year-old that desperately needs some fresh air and a proper playground tumble.  Let’s powerfully, intentionally wield our own hearts away from scarcity and towards that beautiful mystery.

Love,

katie