How to Enjoy Food This Holiday Season

I’m pretty sure I say this every year, and here goes again: I can’t believe the holidays are upon us.  Though they may look a bit different this year with the extra precautions we’re all having to take, one thing remains: food will still be at the forefront.  

Especially at Thanksgiving—the heightened emphasis on that decadent meal with butter dripping from every possible opportunity leaves so many  people feeling anxious due to complicated relationships with food and body image.  I know this struggle all too well as someone who suffered a deadly eating disorder in high school.  I’ve worked hard to maintain a healthy relationship with food bolstered by a more gentle and balanced approach.  Though I feel a million times better today and don’t struggle in the way I used to,  I have a very special place in my heart for those who suffer from this ongoing battle with themselves and food.

In fact, most women struggle at some point in their lives with a disordered  relationship with food.  An estimated 30 million people, men and women alike, suffer from actual eating disorders through the course of their lifetime.  Ya’ll, that’s wild.  And incredibly sad.  

Whereas I highly encourage you to seek professional treatment both with a therapist and physician if you are struggling, I wanted to share with you a few ideas on how to approach the next month and a half with more grace and enjoyment.  

Mindful Eating

I’m a big believer that it’s not the actual food that creates problems, it’s our relationship with food.  So many of us, myself included, use food as a medicator, to numb and relieve temporary emotional pain.  That, or we use it to celebrate good news or important events.  So often, this is an unconscious process—one we don’t even realize is happening.  It’s automatic, habitual, and ingrained.  Simply  becoming more aware of what you are eating, when you are eating,  and why you are eating is incredibly supportive in a more mindful relationship with food.  I like to call this mindful eating.  It doesn’t mean deprivation either!  It simply means slowing down enough to eat with intention and awareness.  It’s proven that as we slow down our actual eating time, we can connect to our bodies more,  identifying when we are initially full. 

Exercise

As many of us will be more homebound this holiday season, we can perhaps focus on maintaining a solid exercise program—whether it’s a brisk morning walk or a streaming yoga class.  Let’s face it, we will be indulging a bit more in the coming weeks.  This is the perfect opportunity to balance our mindful eating with mindful movement.   As emotions also run high, physical exercise is an incredible natural anti-depressant and anti-anxiety.  Give yourself the gift of intentional exercise these upcoming weeks—it’s always a good idea!

Healthy-ish

You’ve heard about the 80/20 rule, eating healthy 80% of the time and indulging 20% of the time.  I try to follow this as closely as possible.  However, like I mentioned earlier, the holidays are a time for celebration  and merry-making.  So you may need to extend a bit of leeway in the direction of a 70/30 rule...eating healthy 70% and indulging more like 30%.   The goal is to eradicate shame when we eat a bit more than we’d like or even gain a few pounds.   No one ever improved their relationship with food  from a baseline of shame.  And that’s what we’re going for:  practicing a better relationship with food rather than putting unnecessary pressure on a strict diet. 

My favorite thing about Thanksgiving is that it’s not just about food—it’s about gratitude.  Enjoying food from a place of gratitude and abundance  rather than fear and scarcity is the goal.  I’m so grateful for you, and that we are on this beautiful journey together.

On the fence about your Enneagram Type? I got you...

Do you go back and forth between Enneagram types?  Perhaps you’ve taken a few online tests and they’ve given you different results.   The first one pegged you a seven.  But it was neck and neck with type two.  You waited a couple months and took another one only to learn you’re now a nine?  Wha?  You’re confused and a little pissed off because you had to pay for that last version.  

HELP!?

First off, don’t be discouraged! This is totally normal and you’re not alone!  

The human personality is not static.  It’s constantly vacillating between healthy,  average, and unhealthy levels (hopefully not too unhealthy the more self-aware we are!) throughout our days, weeks, and months. 

Online assessments can’t measure how tired, stressed, or emotionally aware you are.  They also can’t determine mood or how many cups of coffee (or glasses of wine) you’ve downed before taking them.  

Sure, they’re a helpful jumping off point.  (Some more than others!)  Yet fully knowing and understanding your Enneagram type requires a bit more digging.  In fact, I believe it’s part of its effectiveness.  

There are dozens of personality tests out there:  MBTI, StrengthsFinder, DISC, to name a few.  I love them all, too!  However, the Enneagram is unique in that it goes deeper than surface, personality-driven behavior.  Sure, that’s part of it.   Yet the Enneagram helps us understand the “why,” or story, behind our thoughts, feelings, and resulting behaviors. 

Online tests simply can’t explain the sacred nuance of your story.  

However, doing the deeper self-study required to fully know your Enneagram type can.  

After all, we make choices, big and small, based on the story we’re living out of.  If we’re  suffering, we must change more than surface tactics or behaviors.  In order to heal and transform, we’ve got to get to the root of the problem—we’ve got to understand our story.  

Self-discovery is a winding journey, not a mere moment in time.  It’s about deepening knowledge and understanding.  In fact, it’s really about self-befriending.  

If you’re on the fence about your type...good!  I believe it’s an invitation (and excuse) to deepen this beautiful self-friendship you’ve already started.   

How?

You’re already further along than you think! 

I’ve got a helpful next step for you.  Scheduling a typing interview is incredibly helpful in fully unpacking your story and discovering your Enneagram type. It’s some of my favorite work to do with clients. Basically, it’s a detailed inquiry process steeped in the Narrative Enneagram tradition that provides your top 2-3 probable types.  This allows some direction and margin for clients to then read up on those possibilities and live with them a bit before making a hard decision.   

We do this in a creative, collaborative way with clear next steps mapped out.  Best part? It’s really fun!   

Spoiler alert: you are not a pure type.  No one is!  You lead with a primary type, yet you have a bit of all nine in you.  We are complex and glorious creatures, remember?  The Enneagram has the dynamic infrastructure to meet and guide this complexity into greater understanding and opportunity.

I’m convinced your story is far too stunning to be put in a box.  Perhaps it’s time to take it out?

Love & Gratitude,

Katie 

Curious about an Enneagram typing interview?   Sweet! Let’s talk. 

Say Yes to the Scale (not what you think)

I’m not a huge fan of the scale in my bathroom.  In fact, I bought a new scale for the first time in ages when I found out I was pregnant with my son over two years ago.  For the first time, I found it a bit thrilling (if not bizarre) to experience my body changing and growing as it housed my now two-year old son, Tucker.  I mean, when else do we as women feel totally empowered to see that number increase? 

Today, I’m not talking about numbers or that kind of scale. 

There’s another scale I believe to be far more impactful to your health and  interestingly enough, has better metrics than the one in your bathroom.  In fact, not only will it help you feel better physically, but emotionally and  spiritually as well.   

Oh, and one more thing, it’s totally free and portable. 

Backstory:

I’ve spent my whole adult life in the pursuit of wholeness—integration, looking to find the solution to my own brokenness and ongoing battle with  depression/anxiety.  That was my story for a long  time.  I let the pain of sadness and victimhood define me while concurrently searching for  something “out there” that would solve the problems “in here.”  

Perhaps you identify with my journey.

When I didn’t find what I was looking for (queue U2  “Still haven’t found….”) I decided I needed a different approach.  This quest proved  to me that happiness was indeed, an inside job, one that was more spiritual  than circumstantial.  By spiritual, I mean the capacity inside each one of us to be receptive and open to something greater than us.. something really good.  

After all, numbers on a weight scale constantly fluctuate and even when they give you a sliver of relief, that relief is only temporary and can crumble with life’s inevitable challenges just hours later at lunchtime. 

What is this transformational work that can heal us from the inside-out?

It’s thought work, specifically, our thought scale.  And yep, you’ve already got one, you may not be aware of it though.

It’s been proven that we have the power to change our lives and circumstances  just by changing our thoughts.  Why? Because every single thought you think creates an emotion in your body which results in corresponding behavior.  These behaviors, over time, build out your life.

If I entertain self-defeating thoughts all day long, those thoughts produce low-frequency emotions such as fear, hurt, victimization, and on the lowest end of that scale, apathy.  As a result, my actions that follow correspond  with those emotions.  When I’m consciously aware of my thoughts, and choosing ones that are life-giving as opposed to limiting, the domino effect that creates in my physical experience is tangibly better than when I’m stuck in a pity party.   

Don’t worry, this is not about getting it perfect, it’s about becoming aware  of your thoughts and practicing a higher quality within them.  

For example, it’s moving up the thought scale from, “There’s never enough  time to do what I need to do,” to “I’m giving myself grace to do my best right now.” 

We don’t have control over all of our circumstances in life. We do, however, have control of how we think about our circumstances.  This matters big time.  

This week, I invite you to play around with: 

a) becoming aware of your thoughts as you have them, and 

b) practicing tiny shifts up the thought scale in order to help you feel better emotionally and physically.  

It’s subtle, so don’t go looking for a quick fix here.    

Are you ready to shed the weight of your nagging inner critic?  She’s heavy.  What thoughts promote willingness and curiosity in your life today?

Five Mistakes to Avoid with the Enneagram

Do you have a funny taste left in your mouth with regards to the Enneagram?  I’m not going to lie, with its rise in popularity and the obsession with it in Instagram culture, I fear it’s become something of a caricature of itself.  If I see one more meme about type, I may just boycott it altogether.

Ah, but that’s not the response of a self-aware, evolved, and gracious person living in wholeness is it? No, it’s not…

The Enneagram teaches us to grow beyond reaction and choose from a place of responsiveness—and power.  

I do, however, want to point out 5 mistakes to avoid when using this tool for life and relationships.  So here goes:

1. Don’t type other people.  This is a biggie.  The Enneagram isn’t just about the optics of our personality.  It’s about the story, or motivations and beliefs that fuel our patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior.  So unless you are familiar with the deeper aspects of  someone’s core belief system and narrative, avoid typing them.
   

2. Don’t indulge your type.  In other words, don’t use your type as an excuse for bad behavior (i.e.” I’m going to let her have it when I see her.  She’ll never want to cross me again.  I’m an 8 after all!”).  We identify type in order to better understand ourselves and grow beyond our personality tactics.  
   

3. Don’t stereotype others based on type.  Again, this is such a rookie move.  To judge someone and make assumptions based on their type is a big no-no.  Just as there are about 100 unique shades of white, not all persons in a type show up the same.  Especially when you factor in subtypes, you can actually have two people who are the same type look nothing alike. 
   

4. Don’t force it on others.  Even though the Enneagram is a powerful, transformational tool, not everyone is willing or interested to subscribe to it.  The worst thing we can do as Enneagram advocates is to force it on others, no matter how much it has helped us.  We must learn to trust others’ process.
   

5. Don’t stay on the surface.  Even though it’s incredible fodder for coffee shop or cocktail party conversation, the Enneagram is meant to be applied to our daily lives, not just talked about.  Knowledge without application is, well, just knowledge.  

Love & Gratitude,

Katie 

P.S. If you’re in the market for a way to learn and apply the Enneagram, you’re in the right place.   Check out my brand new Self-Care & Enneagram subscription program called the Practice!

I Wish I Would Have Known This at 25

What piece of advice would you give your 25 year-old self? Sure, she may not have listened, but like any loving parent, you do what you can to steer your children in the right direction.  That head-strong seeker was only doing her best.  And yet today, you have matured into the space of a bit more perspective and balance.  You have a lot to offer your younger, stubborn self.  

Me?  I would have a spirited come-to-Jesus about how to relax into the unknown one brave and wobbly step at a time.  I’d tell her that having all the answers isn’t half as important as asking honest questions.  

Specifically, I’d love for her to understand what it means to have a growth mindset as opposed to a fixed one.  Less either-or and more both-and.  

As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve been all too familiar with what it means to have a fixed mindset.  Let me explain.  A fixed mindset is a way of thinking that is rigid and narrow.  It’s all about pass or fail, win or lose, good or bad, black and white.  It’s rooted in judgment rather than curiosity.  It’s refusing to take myself on a brisk 20-minute walk because I didn’t have enough time to do my hour-plus high-intensity workout.  

Here’s another example, you have your 6-month review at work.  Your boss gives you high marks in several areas but points out one specific necessary improvement in your performance on a big project.  A fixed mindset self-criticizes, labeling your performance as a failure.  A fixed mindset disregards the praise and zeros in on the area of improvement.   

A growth mindset celebrates positive feedback and understands the value of constructive criticism for future success.  A growth mindset sees life as a  slew of peaks and valleys all leading to personal evolution and expansion.  

A growth mindset is the petri dish that breeds resilience.  A fixed approach creates rigidity, closing us off from abundance and opportunity.   

This isn’t about glossing over reality.   It’s about softening your approach to  the inevitable ebbs and flow of life.  

Spend some time this week pondering this:

What area of your life could you stand to soften into?   Is it your relationship with food, your body, parenting, or work?  Is it your self-care?  Whatever it may be, I believe a great way to find out is to pay attention to our self-talk, that often nagging inner critic that rages on, involuntarily.   

Write it all down. 

I love what Tara Mohr says, “Where we think we need more self-discipline,  we usually need more self-love.”