Love Potion No. 9

“How can we be loved if we are always in hiding?”
-Donald Miller

Vases

Romantic love is the stuff of endless, brilliant art forms: song, poetry, film, fashion, story, sculpture, and much more. It’s been known to spark wars and sculpt history.  We all have relational histories that form us into the creatures we are today. Some of that history is redemptive and life-giving, some reminds us more of a once exquisite vase, crushed and broken into hundreds of pieces on the kitchen floor. The mess and heartache is so big, we sweep it  into a pile and dispose of it. We shop around for weeks, sometimes months, until we find a replacement; something perhaps with a sturdier base and more color. Just the thing that will complete our once cold, bare room.

Me

My own love story has been a winding, quizzical one at best. However, from where I sit with the soft, forgiving lens of perspective and time, I’m grateful. It’s been imperfect, yet without regret. It’s also been a complete surprise, as the one I’d really been looking for all along was right there, yet forgotten and out of reach. She was me, and she desperately longed for the affection and acceptance I heaped on other imposters, who I mistook for my heart’s final answer.

One

This week I celebrate my first wedding anniversary. I am humbled and beyond grateful for the gift of my marriage, and for Daniel, my incredible husband whom I deeply love and respect. So, in part, today’s post is a celebration of redemption and synchronicity, as our complex stories converged into one in a most peculiar and lovely way. However, it’s also a desperate plea; a wakeup call for anyone out there who’s holding out on hope and happiness, saving it all up for that magical day when they will find “the one.”

Vault

This is a vulnerable post, one that I  share with caution a healthy sense of fear. Yet I’m convinced our stories kept locked up in a hidden vault only rob weary hearts of those who are famished–so hungry for hope.

Magnify

Marriage—companionship is a magical thing. It brings a security and knowing that we’ve got a partner in this journey of longing, as Donald Miller puts it in his book Scary Close. It also serves as a high-powered magnifying glass to all the insecurities and faults we’ve had all along, yet managed to mask with makeup, a charming personality, and some self preservation. In my experience, it has forced me to do some pretty hard core personal work.

First Love

Here is the heavy-hitting truth I’ve been pummeled by lately: If we’re not convinced of our first love, our secondary love will surely disappoint. By this I mean, unless we truly see, partner with, and lovingly care for our true selves, our “me,” the pursuit of outside relationships to fill that void will crash and burn, leaving the lonely remains of a shattered hope.

37

In essence, this year I’ve learned I’m celebrating two milestones: my first wedding anniversary, yet perhaps more importantly, a full-circle, loving anniversary with that little Katie whose been desperately trying to get my attention and total acceptance for 37 years. Sure, I’ve done tons and tons of deep personal and spiritual work and have experienced some incredible breakthrough, however, I’ve never had to put all of my baggage through that glorious filter of marriage. It’s hard, it’s heartbreaking, it’s highly unflattering, and it’s absolutely worth every it because it leads us  home. Our true home, our birthright, is connection and belonging with self: that bold, honest, open little six-year-old who doesn’t give a ripwhat other people think. I found that curious little girl in a new way this past year, and the unfolding of life’s story around me has taken on a more gracious, loving tone.

Math

I’ve learned when we go “out there” looking for someone to fix what’s broken “in here” and find it, we’ve fallen in love with how they love us as opposed to the actual heart of that person. We cannot fathom and grasp true love if we are disconnected and at odds with ourselves. The math doesn’t work. I can’t give you something I don’t have. Sure, I can try, however, I’m acting at best.

Recover

Comparison with others, harsh self-criticism, low self-worth—these are all signs that there is work to be done and vibrant healing to be had. Guess what? It’s an ongoing process. We never simply “arrive”. Today, I invite you deeper into this work with me. There is no magic potion or pill (sorry for the misleading title), but there is a whole lot of grace and opportunity. We grow in relationship, not isolation. Let’s recover the little ones we left behind so long ago, abandoning them to the needs and wants of others we sought approval and safe harbor with time and time again. The safety of home is right here, right now. When we become love rather than searching to find love, we step into a pure, radiant power.  Love is always waiting, and someone very special, very innocent, desperately wants to hold your hand. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie
xoxo

Have you signed up for my upcoming Enneagram Workshop on June 10? If not,  Click here to claim your spot!

The Enneagram Unveiled: An Interview with Ian Cron

Hi Friends!

Today is huge. I’m bringing you a podcast interview with the incomparable, Ian Cron. Ian is an award winning songwriter, author, priest, therapist, and teacher who recently co-authored a book called, The Road Back to You: Looking at Life through the Lens of the Enneagram. It’s the perfect companion for wherever you find yourself on the enneagram journey and I can’t wait for you to check it out.

Enneagram

If you are interested in learning more about the enneagram and other resources coming your way very soon, click here. It is such a powerful resource that helps unlock our truest, most essential selves and I’d love your company journeying deeper into its truth.

Online Quiz

For now, I know you will really enjoy this honest, intimate, (and funny!) conversation about all things enneagram. No matter what your current grasp of it is, this will be a delightful addition to your enneagram experience. Also, If you’d like to take Ian’s free online type indicator quiz, click here!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

P.S. Mark your calendars for my very first Enneagram Workshop on Saturday, June 10th 1-5pm at BuzzPlant in lovely downtown Franklin.  Much more on that soon!

I Saw the Light (thanks to my mentor)

“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.”
-Steven Spielberg

Hub

This month, we’ll be diving into relationship deeper than we’ve done before. At the root of it all, I believe we have this fiery desire to be seen, known, and accepted as the colorful birds we truly are. Relationship is the hub of this wheel called life and out of it, the spokes of our experience are filtered, tethered, and redeemed.

Heaven

There are countless types of relationships that create meaning and safety in life. This week, we focus on mentoring, the beautiful and life-shaping relationship that has proven invaluable for me. I must also note that I write this from a place of loss and heartache upon just hearing of the unexpected death of a remarkable woman who I had the privilege of working for several years ago, and who has been a beacon of light, joy, and encouragement for countless lives she’s touched. Robin Holland will be remembered in the Mentor’s Hall of Fame, as she surely mastered this selfless role all along the way. Heaven is a much brighter place with her sweet smile and song, embellishing its general splendor.

Align

One of the best words of advice I ever got early on was this: identify the people who inspire you and are doing the work you love and believe in, and then go align with them in some way, directly or indirectly. This has proven so valuable for me in everything I’ve put my mind to, whether music, business, therapy, or writing.

King

Connection is King when thriving is our focus, therefore strategically aligning with mentors who have stood in our footsteps and made it out on the other side victoriously is everything. We talk a lot about “finding our voice” here. I’m so passionate about facilitating this process for others not because I have anything remarkable to say, but because I’ve found my wobbly way by walking in the steady footsteps of mentors who’ve graciously given me courage to spread my wings.

Cover Songs

I like to think of it this way: when we first start to learn an instrument, we typically do so by learning the well-known, beloved songs of others, not by expecting ourselves to create genius out of nothing. I suppose Mozart and a few others were exceptions to the rule, yet I’m pretty aware of my need to stand on the shoulders of giants in order to one day improvise. Singing cover songs gives us confidence and phrasing that mold and eventually nudge us off the ledge, flapping and flailing our wings of authenticity. A good mentor will always stretch us beyond those comfortable, familiar scales and into the original songs we’re meant to sing.

Holes

No matter where we are in our career path or vocation, there is ample opportunity to lean into this beautiful brand of relationship. So what exactly is a mentor? I like Oprah’s simple definition: “A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.” We all need loving mirrors of hope at different times along the way; those who’ve earned the right to poke holes in our story and offer a flashlight in times of darkness. We also tend to get so weighed down by the narrative of our own scarcity and frustration, we forget about the constant opportunity to lighten our load by sowing into someone desperately in need of hope.

Angela

Perhaps John Donne said it best: “No man is an island.” Pride-fueled isolationism is futile. We create and live most fully from a supported, safe place. I make no bones about the fact that I’d be completely lost and in the fetal position of a cold, dark room without the skill, patience, teaching, and opportunities given freely by my mentor, Angela. I’m humbled by her belief in me and beyond grateful for her wisdom and gifting.

Run

Who is your mentor? Are you in a place of transition or confusion as to where you are and where you are going? I’ve been there so many times along the way and know the bleakness of those corners. If today’s post sparked some desire in you for this type of connection, I’d love to help you find this if possible. Also, if you have ideas and insight into this process, please comment below. Loneliness is epidemic in this fast-paced, sprawling world of ours. I deeply desire for this to be a place we discover connection, feed on hope, and run with resilience.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie
xoxo

(VIDEO) Success vs. Happiness (and 3 things I learned from a rose bush)

“The useless days will add up to something. These things are your becoming.”

Cheryl Strayed

Wall

This past week I hit a wall. My body revolted to the hamster wheel of work and productivity I’d been on for most of 2017 and thought it would be funny, entertaining, or cruel at best to throw me a curveball. So last Saturday, down to the minute of finishing the third and last (hopefully) board exam I’m required to take, I felt my body begin to shut down.

“We’ve had enough Katie, you’ve done what you had to do and that’s fine. However, we refuse to live like this, so today consider us officially on strike. Rest up and we’ll see you in a couple of weeks.
Warmly,
Management.”

Ouch. Literally.

Sidelines

Today, by the time you read this, I’ll have finally gotten off all meds, have energy levels back to normal, and hopefully, two unclogged ears. I’m going to be very honest, it’s been rough. I don’t like being on the sidelines of life, waiting for re-entry into the game. I like to have about eight different projects and pots stirring at once, falling into bed at the close of each long day with faint levels of exhaustion, in a good way, you know? The kind that feels accomplished and meaningful.

Backseat

It also doesn’t help that I’ve not been sick to the point of derailment from all work and activity, yet steadily teetering on the edge of okay and flagging with massive dips vamping around 7 pm. I’m learning that extremes are much easier than balance and success and progress doesn’t equal happiness. Workouts, social engagements, and extracurricular work projects all took the backseat as I patiently partnered with my body to gain strength and energy. Booorrring.

Medicate

I sat—a lot. I don’t much like sitting. I journaled—a lot, taking the good advice I give to clients weekly. I also thought —a lot, thereby cancelling out any of that good advice I’d taken.

Here is one finding I observed: I medicate on purpose, doing, moving forward, and achieving BIG TIME. This is insidious and oh so subtle as none of the above are inherently bad things. Most things people get addicted to aren’t: food, booze, working out, money, gambling, sex, work, shopping, etc…However, when our daily success is propped up by these things, we can rest assure a rude awakening is coming for us someday soon. As the old saying goes, “Deal with your shit or your shit will deal with you.” Noted.

Presence

We can’t lead anyone to a place we’re not personally willing to go. Our words and actions will fall flat on deaf ears. I’m in the process of going deeper into this thing called presence, free from the buzz of a constant agenda and task list, or whatever the medicator may be.

As a community, we are going deeper into this thing called identity and I must confess, I’ve only partially grasped it. I’ve smugly believed that we can “act as if” until the shoe fits, much like all those desperate if not well-meaning ladies stuffing their oversized feet into Cinderella’s tiny slipper. We can’t just “do” our way into identity. Sure action is important, yet slowing down to listen is a surer path to our authentic, essential selves.

Join me

I’ve got a short video for you today about this seemingly paradoxical notion and I’d love for you to check it out. I feel much more alive after stepping off that hamster wheel I spoke of earlier. It was a scary strike at first, however, worth it in every way. If you struggle like I do and clumsily identify success as happiness, this video is for you. If you need support getting off of your own vicious treadmill, let’s connect. Beautiful things spring out of unlikely places that often lie way outside our death grip of control. Ease up, gently. Its time to trust the process.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie xoxo 

(Video) Welcome to the Enneagram

It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
-Rumi

If you know me in this life you’re probably aware of how much I love the enneagram. Ten years ago, I discovered this incredible resource and have passionately been going deeper into its wisdom: reading, studying, and applying it in my own life as well as in our therapeutic journey.

More

The enneagram is more than a personality test, it’s more than a spiritual tool, and it’s more that a book. For this reason, I’ve been a bit hesitant to introduce it through a traditional blog post. No, this is far to dynamic and precious to simply slap on several hundred words, a pretty image, and call it a day.

Companion

For me, the enneagram has been a patient and wise companion gently revealing layers of insight into the truest, most essential parts of who I am as well as those I love. It has given me invaluable insight into relationships and explained the driving forces for why we do the things we do, both good and bad.

Interview

Today, I am still too intimidated to give you a 101 on the enneagram, however I want to tell you about a podcast interview I recently did with a man whose grasp and application of enneagram truth blows me away. Ian Cron has done many things well. He is an author, therapist, priest, award winning songwriter, and teacher. Last year, he co-authored The Road Back to You: Looking at Life through the Lens of the Enneagram, a clever, insightful, and applicable approach to the enneagram. We had the best time chatting about all things enneagram, and I can’t wait for you to hear that interview.

Identity

We talk so much about the power of identity on this platform. I firmly believe knowing who we truly are and likewise who we are not, is a massive step towards personal freedom. If you are into this, yet perhaps feel overwhelmed by the sound of it, you’re in the right place. I’d love to partner with you on that journey, diving deeper into this beautiful tool called the enneagram, as well as providing additional resources to help you unlock your highest, most authentic self.

Step One

Today is the first step of this new journey and I’m so glad you’re here. Stay tuned for my upcoming interview with Ian Cron in the coming weeks and get a head start by checking out his new book, The Road Back to You: Looking at Life through the Lens of the Enneagram.

Have a wonderful weekend! Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo