Three Game Changers for the Journey Ahead

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

–Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Clean Slate

We are bounding through January.  Despite the wet, grey, whiplashed days January offers on the heels of holiday indulgences, I freaking love this month.  It yields a pristine sense of clarity and hope as well as a big fat slice of heaven for the introverted soul: fireside reading, killer movies to catch up on (La La Land, anyone?), warm beverages galore, and a proverbial blanket of white snow on the ground beckoning the young dreamer in all of us to let loose and explore.

Blue Monday

The third Monday in January is a bit of a bear.   Apparently, it’s the most depressing day of the year as it’s the day everyone ditches their shiny, steep new year’s resolutions, seizes the old sweatpants, and heads straight for that hidden Ben & Jerry’s pint (or pick your poison) in the sky.  It’s the day we cave into the weighty shame of unmet, unrealistic expectations we heaped on ourselves about three weeks ago.  They’re simply too hard.  In fact, it’s such a let down, they’ve actually given this day a name: Blue Monday.  Who knew?

Litmus Test

Monday morning, millions of people woke up, looked themselves in the mirror, and saw the piercing failure of “not enough”.  Once again, they couldn’t quite cut it.  Their litmus test: a number on a scale, an unwritten novel, a half eaten cheesecake purchased the night before, or perhaps a pack of Camels that miraculously appeared in the kitchen desk drawer.  The vicious cycle continues as we beat ourselves into submission with a new, “better” set of rules, checks and balances, what have you.

Hangry

In light of this melancholy kind of blue, I thought it would be a great opportunity to ditch the idea of elimination altogether and give you some killer tools to add to your tool belt instead.  After all, I’ve never understood this logic of giving up something delicious, like truffle fries, only to be met by a thin drip of green juice. It tends to make me really hangry, and backfires altogether.  It’s also really isolating.  I prefer the supplemental route: let’s add in practices, rituals, and tools that gently keep us on track and promote loving relationship with the totality of our beings: physical, emotional, and spiritual, as well as with others.

Tool Belt

Today, I bring you three tools I’ve added to my daily routine (okay, maybe I’ve missed a couple here and there) as consistently as anything I’ve tried.  Why?  Because they’re fun and they work.  Whereas you can find tons of  research backing the validity and effectiveness of each one, I’m simply going to give you a quick layman’s account, focusing on the application and value I’ve seen within the last month.  Each day, I look forward to my encounters with these tools and practices. They’ve been, in fact, game changers for 2017 already.  You ready for this?

Meditation

I know, I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  “I’ve tried that before and it’s too hard.  I just can’t sit still.”  Fair enough.  However, from one who literally doesn’t like to sit much and is in her happy place walking for days down the busy streets of a buzzing big city somewhere, I’ve finally found a practice that works.  Ladies and gents, I give you Headspace.  It’s an app, its ten minutes a day, the first ten days are free to give you a taste of how it works, and then the journey continues with a modest subscription worth every penny.  The helpful thing about this app is the structured, guided aspect. Led by a lovely guy called Andy with a super cute British accent, Headspace gently leads you through a daily practice that’s accessible, not  too woo-woo (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and really effective.

We live far too much of life in our minds, yet we’re not often taught how to live there.  Headspace has freed up so much energy for me that typically gets spent judging and reacting.  Judging everything: my thoughts, my self, my bad hair day, my inadequacies, those I love, and on and on.  I’ve noticed a softer inner dialog, increased energy, a better mood and outlook, among so many other things.  This topic deserves a whole post, and I could go on and on, but do yourself (and your loved ones) a huge favor and start today.

Essential Oils

I’ve heard the buzz for years and have close friends who swear by them.  For some ungodly reason, I’ve just arrived at the party and not a minute too soon.  My friend Mary Hyatt is an inspiration to me on so many levels.  A few months back, she guested on the blog sharing her insight and experience as it pertains to relationship with food.  Well, she recently introduced me to Doterra, a killer, high-quality, line of essential oils.  As a Christmas gift to myself, I ordered an introductory packet chock full of gorgeous oils, a diffuser, and an arsenal of vitamins that are magic and don’t make you feel like you’re going to vomit.

Transport

Now I get it what the hype is all about.  Oils are not only incredible for the mood and senses but medicinal for what ails you.  Smell is the most powerful of all the senses.  Walk in your local bakery and notice where the waft of freshly baked bread transports you.  There’s a mood attached to that smell as well.  I’ve been like a kid in a candy story experimenting with Lavender, bergamot, lemon, peppermint, frankincence, and more.  My often spotty sleep has improved, energy and mood lifted, and muscle tension in my body eased.  I’ve always had a holistic view of wellness and therapy and these oils are seriously icing on that cake.  If you have any questions, please ask.  If I don’t know the answer, I’ll find out.  I’m passionate about sharing this stuff and believe modern medicine will eventually catch on as well.

Passion Planner

Lastly but definitely not least, my third favorite tool, the Passion Planner.  How many times have you bought a beautiful new, leather-bound planner and found it six months later covered in dust under a pile of magazines in your office?  I can honestly say for me, quite often.  The passion planner is different in that it starts with my favorite motivating force: desire.  This planner breaks down goals in a creative, interactive way month to month, week to week, day-to-day.  It asks what’s most important, driving our passion as well as what’s NOT important, standing in as a poser, or mere distractor.

They’re also big believers in writing it all down as opposed to plugging it into a device.  Why?  because the physical act of writing is step one to actualizing that desire, that mind-body connection thing. The passion planner is a road map, not just a calendar.

Wrap-up

I can honestly say 2017 has gotten off to such a great start partially due to these three amazing resources.  So much of this journey is embracing ritual and structure as well as practical tools that enhance our growth and healing.  I sincerely hope you’ll check out each one.  Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have questions and feedback!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Almost Famous: Searching for a Spotlight

The reason so many of us are obsessed with being stars is because we are not yet starring in our own lives.  The cosmic spotlight isn’t pointed at you, it radiates from within you.
Marianne Williamson

Trompeur

If there is one thing I’m well acquainted with, it’s this search for significance, a spotlight of sorts.  How can I  show up authentically, adding value and beauty to the world around me? Well, as it were, I’m dreadfully stubborn, traipsing around for years down seeming detours of tangled roads leading to what I thought were final destinations. Interestingly, I’ve learned more from my detours than my successes.

Premier Cru

As a result, I’m still building out that journey, and plan too for the long haul.   I hope we continually evolve and grow in character and depth over time, just like an exceptional vintage of wine. Here’s the thing though, oftentimes we exhaust this search and desperately cling to false forms of stardom, significance, what have you. We try to shine in someone else’s spotlight and fit into their box, therefore abandoning the unique capacities and creativity dormant within.

Leading Lady

Remember the movie The Holiday? I realize it’s a bit late for Christmas amusement, however, there is a scene in this movie that is worth noting all year long. Here’s the set up: Iris, played by Kate Winslet, is having dinner with Arthur Abbott, an older gentleman who’s a successful, retired Hollywood film director. They meet by chance while she’s in LA on holiday over Christmas in hopes of escaping the pain of a recent heartache back home in England. After Arthur expresses total perplexity as to why the gorgeous Brit is spending her holiday alone in a different country, he digs deeper. She eventually breaks down in tears as Arthur gently sizes up the situation with his spot on insight. Arthur observes:

“This is not a hard one to figure out. Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.”

Aha!

It was one of those “aha” moments for Iris, and for me the first time I watched it. After a sip of beer and a sigh of relief she jokes about her incompetent therapist of three years withholding this core insight from her. In order to recuse myself from any such accusation (and because I wish my therapist would’ve asked me the same thing ten plus years ago!), I’ll ask you a similar question today:

Are you starring as the lead in your own life? Or are you the best friend, constantly apologizing for your actions and taking cues from everyone else around you?

Let it Go

When we attempt to re-invent our wheel and jump on someone else’s bandwagon, we detach  from ourselves, ignoring what’s burning beneath the surface.  Grappling with this stuff isn’t the worst thing either.  In fact, for years I battled crippling anxiety and self doubt, feeling obligated to pursue music as a career as I have a natural bent towards it and opportunities presented.  Sure, I loved the idea and it felt really satisfying to walk down that brightly lit, hopeful path. Still, it fell short–something was missing.  Music is a passion, but it never stole my heart.  When I woke up to the fact that I’m more than enough without a music career, it strangely gave me permission to fall more in love with it.  Funny how that works.  I’m certain music will always inform my journey.  Just because we’re good at something doesn’t mean we’re locked into it’s pursuit.

Inventory

In light of all this, I’ve got a little assignment for you.   At the very least it’s food for thought or good dinner conversation..or both.  This stuff is critical as we build out the bones of a new year.

Get Lost

• I want you to become laser aware of the things you effortlessly enjoy doing.  What are the problems you get lost in solving? This can look like drafting an email, planning a party, listening to a friend share a difficult experience, telling a story, picking out paint colors, practicing piano, writing a thank-you note, and so on. Nothing is too small or insignificant.  What do you love about doing it? How does it make you feel?
• What compliments do you receive often? Don’t be shy. (i.e. You’re great with people, you make a memorable first impression, you’re a gifted flower arranger, you’re hilarious!)
• Finally, I want you to ask a trusted friend this question:
  When do you observe me at my most engaged, alive, and contented self? What am I doing and what do you notice about me?
• Write it all down.  We’ll come back to it.

Proof

We don’t realize how we lead in certain areas. It takes loving mirrors such as trusted friends, colleagues, coaches, and family members to reflect back on what they see. I’ll never forget my 8th grade cheerleading coach (laugh it up) giving me invaluable insight into what she saw in me back then. One day she took me aside in her thoughtful and present way and told me I was natural encourager and observer. As an insecure, awkward 12 year-old in need of validation, I tucked her words away like a tiny family heirloom in my coat pocket. I’ve treasured and trusted them ever since. So many years later, much of my work is built around those two attributes. This stuff works.

Casting Call

So let’s cast you in the lead role of your life. It’s not selfish, or petty, or a waste of time. Quite the contrary! The minute we step into our unique calling, or “spotlight”, a sense of relief wells up. An internal security and calm pervades and I can stop hustling to compete, compare, and look for outward solutions that internally shine and have been there all along. We love more fully from this place of knowing.  So, dive in!  It gets really fun when we start writing the script. 

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

A New Day: Respond vs. React

Mindfulness gives you time.  Time gives you choices.  Choices, skillfully made, lead to freedom.  You don’t have to be swept away by your feeling.  You can respond with wisdom and kindness rather than habit and reactivity.

– Henepola Gunaratana

Happy New Year!  We made it.  Whereas it feels really good to mark a new year with a clean slate and endless possibilities (so I keep being reminded of through Instagram feeds and my inbox) I must say, I’ve gotten a slow start to 2017 accompanied by a slew of contradictory emotions: relief, excitement, lethargy, longing, confusion, and tons of heightened expectations.  What about you?

How to’s

There are a zillion blogs out there.  I read a handful of them and I write merely one of them.  What I hope you will find different or inviting about mine is a certain level of transparency and vulnerability. I like stories as opposed to “how to’s.” It makes me cringe when I think of following zippy blog trends entitled: “three foolproof resolutions for your best year”, and “how to attract your soul mate in less than a month”, or my favorite siren, “Your extreme makeover starts here!”

King

I’m not digging on the dedicated and brilliant bloggers out there who offer hope to thousands through this approach, Lord knows I’ve been wowed often. However, with each passing year, as I show up for myself and my community, I’m learning something invaluable: extreme quick fixes are often just detours. Connection is king.

Carbs

In light of this, the “slow start” to 2017 I mentioned earliermay not be so bad after all.  In fact, perhaps grace, self-compassion, and connection are bleeding through the imperfect, jagged little edges of these young days .  Writing’s slowed down, work outs lightly sprinkled in, family laughter and Netflix watching heavy, carb and sugar consumption strong, and goals/intentions for 2017, still a bit foggy.  Strangely though, a newfound waft of acceptance and presence rises up through the air like the inviting smell of freshly baked bread.

Hustle

You see, I love extremes, or have loved I should say.  As a youngster, I was super particular, giving my sweet, saint of a mother hell if my pony tail wasn’t perfect.  It had to be just so.  Sensitive beyond words, I carried the unbearable weight of desperately wanting to be liked and accepted by peers and teachers at every turn.  I was hard on myself.  I didn’t much like myself either, learning to hustle big time to gain entry into the rooms I longed to set foot in.  One of the byproducts of this premature shame was a pretty hard-core eating disorder in high school.  What started off wanting to feel better about myself through running and healthy eating turned into a voracious and life-threatening battle with anorexia.

Whoosh

This is not a sketch of that journey; a different story for a different day, and a hopeful one at that.  This is encouragement for the weary soul or two out there who don’t want to buy into a billion dollar industry that tells us we need to change and we need to change FAST.  I’ve got nothing against new year’s resolutions and change for that matter, that is, if they serve you well.  In my experience, they always end like a hot and heavy, short-lived relationship.  I like to call them “whoosh” relationships: they promise the sun, moon, and stars, and then Bam! Like a cotton candy sugar rush they crash and burn when the lights go up and the curtain closes.  It’s like the jerk of whip-lash, the “whoosh” of a cold whip of wind.  I spent my 20’s learning all about that situation—not a good look.

Reaction Formation

Interestingly enough, I think humans find extremes far easier than balance.  We like to react out of fear instead of respond out of desire.  Marketing exploits this behavior big time, and anyway you slice it, they’re clever.  They know that people go off the rails a bit over the holidays and wake up January 1 with a foggy head and a few extra pounds.  Swooping in, they save the day with their slashed gym membership prices and 30-day cleanse program promising a new you in just one month.

We’ve been hooked.  When those dollars are spent and the motivation trails off the next afternoon, we go looking for another option, or some leftover toffee, whichever comes quicker.  The shame cycle’s begun again.  Perhaps I’m cynical, or perhaps I’ve had LOTS of practice reacting out of fear and manipulation rather that choosing what will truly satisfy from a place of mindfulness and connection.

Logo

If you jump on my website, you’ll see a logo and the story behind it on the home page.  My approach to therapy and coaching is built on relationship as I believe when we begin to soften and mend our inner dialog, healing our relationship with self, external pieces of life follow suit and eventually thrive as well.  It’s not magic, it’s a journey and one I’m very much still on.

Four Questions

Today, I want to invite you into deeper connection with you by asking four questions that will lay some groundwork for the edits and goals you may have this year.  These are adapted from one of my favorite podcasts “The Accidental Creative”—so good I had to share!  Being mindful of desires, feelings, and curiosities will take us much further than stringent rules and regimens we place on ourselves.  Without the “why” the “how” is obsolete.

Let this be a journal prompt for you this week, one you come back to over and over either to realign with or tweak.

• What do you want to feel in 2017? (i.e. energized, awake, confident, accepted)
• Where do you want to go in 2017? (This can be figurative or literal. i.e. I want to explore a new city, yoga class, or I want to go from full-time to part-time at work so I can spend more time writing)
• What do you want to learn in 2017? (i.e. I want to learn to play drums or I want to learn to meditate)
• What do you want to change in 2017? (Reminder: this is desire driven, NOT fear driven!  Approach this from a place of “I’m enough” rather than insecurity.  i.e. I’d like to build in more margin for rest and play into my life.)

Please please share your feedback from this exercise! When we give voice to this stuff, it solidifies a bit more.  I hope you will join me as I ease into 2017, listening, noticing, and responding to it’s inviting call to action.  If you’d like some extra light for the journey ahead, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Palate Cleanser: Ready for Connection

Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow. 

Carrie Fisher

Sushi

I hope this finds you healthy and hopeful for a beautiful year right around the corner.  I’ve taken some time off the blog this week for several reasons, but most importantly, to rest, recharge, and connect with family and friends.  I’m calling it a palate cleanser: like a cool, refreshing sliver of pickled ginger to prepare for the gorgeous spicy tuna roll ahead. 

Thank you

That said, I miss you!  I woke up this morning with a longing in my heart to say a quick thank you and communicate so much anticipation for 2017.  As we wind down this quite quirky 2016, I’m struck by the encouragement and support I’ve gleaned through this weekly conversation with you.  Your feedback and insight have been such a lovely gift, those I deeply treasure.

Fog

To be honest, the past week has been tough for me.  I’ve heard news of so much loss and death on differing planes; some I know personally and others I grew up being entertained and shaped by.  I’ve felt a weight of heaviness sweep over me and a fog of lingering confusion that just won’t seem to lift.  I want to learn and grow from it, yet I also want to allow space and time for grief to take its inexplicable course.

Let it flow

Stillness and silence are attractive postures for my weary soul as I write this; I’m learning that’s okay.  When we stuff and cloak the process of emotion that desperately needs to find voice, we end up self-sabotaging and suffering greatly as a result.

Heroes

As I ponder two childhood heroes who’ve left us prematurely this week, George Michael and Carrie Fisher, I ponder in my heart how impossible it must have been for them to stay true when the world kept heaping the burden of God-like fame on them no human should attempt to shoulder.  Sure, they bought in hard and fast, it’d be hard to resist. Numbing that inner cry for connection would only seem a viable option, a necessary evil.  I can’t help but wonder whose face they saw in the mirror as they desperately looked for hopeful answers and loving connection; an imposter of sorts perhaps.   And aren’t we all on this same quest? I think so… yet with far less limelight and paparazzi.

Fuel

Today,  I  want to reiterate how crucial connection is every single day: connection with self, God/Higher Power, and those whom we share this gloriously messy journey with.  I’m putting New Year’s resolutions aside this go around and prayerfully anticipating an abundance of  life-giving connection in 2017 instead.  That’s the fuel of life.  Sure, vulnerability is scary– a risk for sure. Still, I’d rather be known and loved, as painful and often disappointing as it feels, than be safe and lonely in a vault of stale certainty.  Let’s keep reaching out, friends.

Onward

I sincerely hope you’ll join me on the journey ahead.  It’s going to be awesome and I’m thrilled about some new and exciting opportunities I’ve got tucked up my sleeve for you!  Please stay tuned for updates in the new year.  I’ll leave you with my go to saying, or blessing,  from St. Julian of Norwich.  It always brings me back to center.

“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

Have a happy and safe New Year!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Holiday Grounding 4.0: Love is Near

Breathe, O breathe Thy loving Spirit, Into every troubled breast!
Let us all in Thee inherit; Let us find that promised rest.
-Charles Wesley, Love Divine.

Anticipation

We’re closing in on Christmas. Whether you celebrate the holidays or not, I imagine you will agree with me here: anticipation is in the air. This anticipation is not just for the gifts and festivities of the season’s climax; this anticipation is for a new year, a fresh start. 2016 has been quite an interesting one to say the least. Whatever your experience is, I want to applaud you for showing up and staying courageous and committed to the process.  It’s that feeling of finishing a long  book (preferably a hard copy), placing it ever so gingerly on the book shelf next to the host of other old companions you’ve learned from, and then standing back with a deep sigh of prideful relief as you admire your handiwork.

Homestretch

I feel the same surge of prideful relief as I round the corner and lock into that last stretch of a year lived fully. It’s almost like adrenaline kicks in and my feet seem to carry themselves over the finish line: the hard work’s been done and now what’s left is Christmas shopping. (Nope, still haven’t finished.)

We’ve been on a journey of Holiday Grounding this month. I know I’ve needed it, just like I need lots of reminders. With that said, I want to quickly point out those high level road posts—where we’ve been and where we’re going.  More importantly, I’d then like to talk about movies and the Beatles.  Here goes…

Comparison sucks

Comparison steals not only joy, but opportunity, creativity, and focus. “Winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.” Remember that quote? I don’t know who said it, but they nailed it. The next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else this week, get grounded in gratitude. Pull out the old gratitude journal and immediately jot down a couple things you are thankful for. Game changer. Let go of that scarcity mindset and lean into this phrase: “I am more than enough, right this minute.”

Advent creates space

Advent is traditionally recognized as a religious observance, but I believe it’s a pathway of hope and anticipation for anyone who longs to create space for new, powerful gifts and opportunities. What are those unique dreams and desires you long to see become reality in 2017? Create space today for them by letting go of old stuffy attachments that no longer serve you then write down a better fit for the season you’re in. Give it a word, one word, and cling to it; let it feed your soul.

Generosity releases fear

It’s true. As we give out of our need, we align with the truth of something bigger and more powerful than fear: love. I’m not saying we ditch our boundaries and overlook needs; far from it. I’m saying acknowledge the feeling attached to whatever it is you need, risk uncertainty, and knowing that God is good and the universe is working in our favor, create that feeling in your life by paying it forward for someone around you in need. I’ve come to believe human frailty and suffering is one of the most elemental, binding forces.  Generosity opens up so much connection.

All you need is Love? Really?

I love the movie Love Actually. It’s my favorite modern Christmas classic. I love it for so many reasons, namely the dry British humor (I’m a frustrated Anglophile at heart), rockstar cast (Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, and Collin Firth, anyone?), and the collection of messy, real life stories all strewn together throughout the film. It’s a little raunchy, a little sad, quite comical, and very clumsy all at once. I watched this the other night with my sister, Lauren over a trough full of Pad Thai for probably the 27th time. It never gets old.

Lennon & McCartney

Why is this? Beyond obvious reasons aforementioned, my hunch is it tells a story of Love, perfectly imperfect, just like you and me. In the recesses of each storyline, we see a common thread, a choice, albeit rickety and awkward at times, to open up to a love that feels uncertain, risky.  I think Lennon and McCartney had it all wrong. Sure, All you Need is Love is a masterful, catchy tune…one of my favorites, however, if love is indeed all around us, and we choose not to see it, embrace it, and lean into it, we might as well just Let it be and take that Long and Winding Road back home— we’re going Nowhere Man. (See what I did there?)

Get Still

We’ve been on a journey this year and it’s all coming to a head in the next several days. One of my most valuable gifts of 2016 has been sharing a bit more of that journey with you through this blog. I swear most weeks I’m writing because I need to hear every word of what I’m saying. Taking our own advice is often the hardest thing to do.

Choose

Today, as you wrap up any preparations, cooking, and shopping, please join me as I get still and choose Love. Love is right where we are, deep inside our hearts, and no one can take that away. It might get messy and it might get lonely- that’s okay. The choice is still ours to make.
We have amazing things ahead on this journey.  For now, I pray the season’s beauty overtakes you: the lights, the laughter, the complexity, all of it. I pray you will find peace in the fact that you’re not alone, ever. Lean into love, friend, it’s there, waiting for you, and it will not disappoint.  Have a very Merry Christmas!

Love & Gratitude,

katie

xoxo