Unlocking the Power of Intuition

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
They somehow know what you truly want to become. -Steve Jobs

As a thirty-seven year-old slightly stubborn woman with a big appetite for new experiences and opportunity, I have often found myself in some pretty hilarious situations on the journey of both self and vocational discovery. Throughout my adult life I’ve worked in many industries: sales, fashion, education, design, culinary, and thankfully I eventually honed in on music, writing, and counseling. Some may call this confused; I call it well-rounded. 

During the last several years of working in private practice and building a community I am passionately committed to, I have noticed something big, something with staying power. It’s frustrating as hell and incredibly helpful all at once. It’s the thing that absolutely individuates us from each other, yet also brings us together through honest communication and connection. It invites us out of our niceness and into our truth. It is perhaps the most valuable asset to nurture and protect as human beings.

Drum roll please…this thing is, Intuition.

When I was in graduate school, one of my several (but most favorite) jobs was working at a fabulous little boutique called Moda in the very hot and happening 12th South neighborhood of Nashville. With a serious obsession for pretty clothes and a fascination for meeting new, fun people, it was a slice of heaven and a welcomed break from the demands of school.

One Tuesday morning I was at the shop alone and still a little fuzzy on how to confidently work the check out situation (I think it’s called a POS). Out of nowhere, a little burst of business happened right around lunchtime. I noticed one suspect lady quietly mulling around the back room near the sale rack. Something was off; I could tell by her odd behavior. Yet I was still a newbie and didn’t want to get all weird and overconfident.

I smiled a fake smile and stayed in my nice lane. When the hustle and bustle died down and I had a few minutes to straighten up the store, I noticed a few pieces were missing. I was horrified— and super miffed at myself and that sneaky lady! The NERVE! Most of all, I hated to disappoint Meredith, the owner, who entrusted me to man the shop that morning. Thankfully I learned this stuff happens in retail all the time and no lasting harm was done. Phew—irresponsibility shame averted.

What did crystallize in my memory that day was Meredith, my now close friend, saying to me upon her return, “Katie, you have excellent intuition. Never be afraid to use it.” This powerful affirmation landed on me like a ton of gold bricks and unlocked a journey of exploration I still find myself on. I thought to myself, Really? That sounds so powerful! Her affirmation was a lynchpin shift in my psyche, inviting me to pay way more respect to this still, small, or apparently big, voice.

Intuition is extremely powerful, and I believe we all have it. However, we must choose to honor it.

Unfortunately, and as was my case for years, we can be completely disconnected from the voice of intuition and miss it altogether. We miss it when we are spread too thin and living in survival mode. We miss it when we coast on autopilot due to a numbing addiction, apathy, or both. We also miss it due to honest un-awareness. After all, Intuition 101 isn’t offered in traditional schools I know of anywhere.

Last week, Mary Crimmins shared about the invaluable role intuition plays in our relationship with food, allowing us to dial into optimal individual health and vitality. That is certainly a ripe place to practice listening. In therapy, this is one of my favorite often-uncharted territories to explore with clients: learning to be led by that powerful voice. Here are a couple of helpful tools I have gathered in this practice of intuition.

Slow down.

Some of the most successful and inspiring people I know or have observed possess something in common: intention. Living out of intention is like having as a constant permission slip in your back pocket to take the next sure-footed step. Despite a booked up calendar week after week, intention allows for a clear vision of where we are and where we are going, while editing our lives to align with that vision along the way.

In order to edit, one must slow down and look closely. I’m guilty of running—and I don’t mean for exercise. Mine is more of a constant state of moving because it feels productive, yet lacks clear or purposeful destination. Slowing down for me looks like connecting with myself, hopefully each morning, in order to check in with where I am, where I am going, and what I need from day-to-day physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It doesn’t have to look a certain way, yet personal check-ins create a safe space to practice listening to our intuition, our internal compass.

No is a complete sentence.

This is for all you people-pleasers out there (you are not alone). No is a complete sentence and a very necessary option if we want to honor intuition. Unlike personality or ego, intuition is NOT a people pleaser and has no concept of co-dependency. Our personality, or the way in which we present to the world, learned early on that people pleasing is valuable when this behavior was somehow rewarded. Unfortunately, the wisdom of our intuition is often overshadowed by the alluring silhouette of people pleasing and makes the word “no” a bland if not scary choice. A wise friend gave me brilliant words of wisdom once while grappling with a weighty decision. “There are two answers: yes and no. Pick one.” Easy, right?

As “no” becomes common currency in our daily exchange, our “yes” becomes more valuable, subsequently attracting a rich reality of confidence, desire, and opportunity.

Detours.

We all get off course. We are human. But, as Queen Oprah—I like to call her—insists in a must see video I came across recently, “There are no mistakes because you have a Supreme Destiny.” We are all on a path of destiny— calling. And, we will all encounter detours. However, our detours do not equal failure. Detours nudge our truth to speak up and self-correct, pointing us to the next best decision, and from there the next, and on and on.

So, as my lovely friend and former boss, Meredith, spoke into my life years ago, prompting great empowerment and curiosity, I humbly do the same for you, reminding you of this:

You have a beautiful and powerful gift called intuition. Never be afraid to use it. In fact, access it often. Explore it. Play with it. Celebrate it. It will lead you into wisdom and away from sticky detours. Even when you don’t fully understand or embrace its message, slow down enough to honor it— and just listen. There is hope and safety in the next best decision.

Finding Peace with Food

Learning to partner with your body

with Mary Crimmins

I am beyond excited about today’s topic of conversation. Here’s some back story. Several weeks ago, I sat down with my friend and fellow wellness enthusiast, Mary Crimmins. Mary is one inspiring lady who wears all kinds of hats like holistic lifestyle advocate, wellness advocate, yogi, mentor, personal life and business coach, and speaker among other things. Needless to say, she stays pretty busy! We stumbled upon the topic of relationship with self/food as much of our work in coaching and therapy overlaps there. Her personal journey and passionate insight pretty much blew me away so I asked her to share with us today. She graciously accepted and sat down to answer a few questions I think you will find, well, life changing. I do hope you enjoy!

**Also, be sure and stay tuned for a much-anticipated one-day workshop on Mind-Body Connection coming up in the fall! Okay, let’s hear from Mary…

(KG): You are involved in so many cool, inspiring things! How did your journey evolve professionally/personally and attract all of these opportunities, especially with regards to mentoring?

(MC): Thanks Katie. I absolutely love what I do! I basically put myself through “self-discovery school” a couple of years ago. I was so unhappy with where I was. Flat out miserable in fact. I finally arrived at the place where I had enough and wasn’t willing to live another year in physical and emotional misery. I was 70 lbs. heavier than I am now, suffered from massive emotional imbalance and lots of hormonal imbalance. As I began reading everything that I could get my hands on about how to create a life that you love, I realized that it all came back to thoughts.

I suddenly was able to take full responsibility that I got myself where I was because of my thoughts.

I had several limiting beliefs that kept me stuck, a strong victim mentality that made all kinds of excuses, and years of being completely numb. It was then that I started to investigate my thought patterns and realize I could change them to get different results. What if I believed that I was loveable? What if I believed that I deserved to be fully alive? What if I believed that I had everything I needed to live a life that I loved? I began re-wiring my brain and working with new belief patterns and affirmations.

Slowly but surely, I began to see my life change. I became a magnet for change and transformation. And I started attracting some amazing people as well. I hired a fabulous coach and several months later, I enrolled my first coaching client myself. I embarked on a journey of being a life coach and wellness advocate and now empower people to love themselves and be fully alive and engaged with life.

(KG): A big population I work with in therapy struggle a good bit with body image and relationship with food. You have tons of insight in this department. Tell us what sparked your interest in this and what some of the biggest “aha moments” have been along the way.

(MC): It was absolutely my personal journey. Being 240 lbs. was a space that I found myself in at the age of 26. Everything hurt, and I was sick of trying diet after diet that always failed. I felt

like a failure. I thought something was wrong with me until I learned about Intuitive Eating. That concept set me free.

Instead of hating my body and seeing it as the enemy, I began to partner with my body.

I began to see it as if it were on the same team as me, and not something that was trying to destroy me. I met my body with new compassion and understanding. It was talking to me. My body was always there for me, protecting me. This completely shifted my relationship with food. No more diets.

In fact, I learned how to reject the whole diet mentality and instead come to a place of trusting my intuition and my body let me know what I needed to eat that would bring me back to balance and vitality.

Somedays it’s a kale salad. Somedays it’s a plate of nachos. I learned how to make peace with food and honor my hunger from a place of total non-judgement. Food wasn’t the enemy; my body wasn’t the enemy. I learned how to be satisfied with food and I stopped binging. Partnering with yourself and loving yourself enough to listen to your intuition is a game changer. It took time for me, but now I don’t have any “good” or “bad” foods or “shoulds” or “shouldn’ts” in relationship to food and exercise. I just listen and honor the answer.

(KG): It is glaringly true just how much of a connection our emotions and eating habits have. Can you speak directly to that connection?

(MC): Absolutely. Eating has shifted from something of pleasure, nourishment and survival to a way of coping. We literally “stuff” our feelings. We numb. It is a very effective way to process our beliefs, fears, and emotions. Whether we overeat or starve ourselves, we feel like we have a little bit of control over our life. When we feel anxiety, we eat a cupcake and instantly that anxiety goes away.

We feel shame and guilt about overindulging so then we purge. Some people drink, some overwork, some shop, and some of us eat or don’t eat. We experience both punishment and pleasure from food. Food is a tool that many of us use to work out our emotions. If we feel too tired, too lonely, too angry, or aren’t practicing enough self care, we eat. It numbs us out. It stops the pain for a brief moment. We do it because it works. Except it’s not a long-term solution and we wake up and think “This is not me, how did I get there?”. Then overwhelming shame kicks in and we eat again to numb out, starting the whole cycle over again.

(KG): In my personal experience and with that of several clients, balance is far more difficult to achieve than extremes. How would you encourage someone who struggles with balance in relationship with food?

(MC): It honestly starts with releasing the shame. Balance comes from trusting yourself. Most people don’t trust themselves. They think if they take all the rules off, they will just go crazy and they won’t stop. They will eat everything in sight. This comes from a deep-seated misbelief that our will and bodies are disconnected from ourselves and will hijack us and take over. This is a lie. Our bodies always want what is best. It’s always trying to help. It’s learning how to make peace with food and give up all the rules— and TRUST.

You can begin to ask yourself on this journey, “If I did trust my body, what would it be telling me right now?” “If I did trust my intuition, what do I want to eat right now?” “If I did trust my body,

how would it ask to be moved today?” As you begin to partner with your body and your intuition you realize it doesn’t operate in extremes. It is always seeking balance. It will find its equilibrium. And of course, read Intuitive Eating, by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch!!!

(KG): You always look and seem so energetic and present! How do you maintain self-care despite such a busy schedule?

(MC): I absolutely have non-negotiables. I trust my body when it says it needs a nap and I honor that request. I trust my body, when it says it needs some extra green juice. I trust my body when it asks for a slow walk instead of an intense workout. I listen. I honor it. Self care isn’t a luxury in my book. It’s a non-negotiable. It is what allows me to do everything in my life. It gives me energy. It replenishes me. It sets me up for success. I realized a long time ago that self care is the key to balance. When I slow down to love myself and my body I don’t have to overeat or numb. I address what I really need and take care of myself in a deep and powerful way.

(KG): Lastly, if you could give us one hopeful nugget or take away regarding relationship with food and emotions, what would it be?

(MC): You can come back into balance. Your body knows. Your heart knows. Our bodies speak to us all the time. Trust your body. Listen deeply. Your intuition is your strongest asset. It is the voice that is above all the lies. It is the voice above all the fads. It is the voice that will always lead you to your best, healthiest, and most vibrant self. Learn to trust that and to cultivate a relationship with your intuition.

Ask yourself this, “What am I really hungry for?” emotionally speaking of course, and bravely listen and then honor the answer. 

Celebrating Summer: Rest & Ritual

Summer is officially here. I know…crazy. I remember as a little kid and hearing “old people” talk back and forth about how time flies and they can hardly believe it’s already July or December or what have you. Well, here I am now, talking that same kind of talk (with a gentler perception of “old.”  ).

Summer looks a lot different than it once did. Save for a glorious week away somewhere sunny with sand if I’m lucky; now it’s the same as any other time of the year, just with blistering Tennessee temperatures and less motivation to do the stuff I deep down want to do. The tendency is to get lazy while waiting for the hustle and bustle of a more scheduled fall routine to kick in and a pumpkin spice latte to prove it. At least that’s the way it goes for me. The problem is, I really love productivity and I tend to fall behind on projects I want to see take flight right around this time. Depending on how you look at it, I suppose most “problems” actually signal great opportunity.

July 4th is right around the corner, and many of you are enjoying some well deserved R&R with friends and family. Rest is such an integral part of life and productivity, allowing us to slow down, listen to our bodies, and get perspective of what is most important in our journey. Incidentally, it also provides fresh vision for the season ahead, and in our case, the second half of 2016.

*****

Creativity is a habit and the best creativity is the result of good work habits. -Twyla Tharp

With this in mind, I want to share one of my favorite creative living resources with you as practical support for the coming days and months. I have been a huge fan of Todd Henry’s work for many years now. I specifically enjoy his podcast, The Accidental Creative. It has inspired me to dream big and not shy away from the work and follow-through necessary to make my creative dreams a reality.

One of his many applications I’ve taken advantage of is The Dailies. Quite simply, The Dailies are a set of daily , holistic practices that move us closer to a professional, creative, and/or personal goal we desire to meet. (I use the word “goal” hesitantly as it has a cumbersome and obligatory feel to it. Think of something that gives you great excitement and energy as opposed to something you are supposed to accomplish).

You can download The Dailies here. What Todd has done for us is: a) take out the foggy guesswork of exactly what needs to get done each day, and b) create that lovely routine that sometimes gets lost in the shiny shuffle of our action-challenged, scattered brain mass. It’s like reverse engineering and a brilliant approach to creative work; hell, any work! This may seem incredibly logical—and it is. Those larger than life aspirations are really quite simple to achieve when broken down in an intentional, systematic way.

In my experience, big picture thinking/dreaming is far easier (and more fun) than knowing and executing the loads of decisions that must be be made in order to achieve our desired outcome. By using Henry’s template for The Dailies, we are able to suss out those baby steps that build over time to create a daily ritual, eventually closing the “aspiration gap.” You know that gap, right? Another one of Henry’s terms defining the daunting distance between where we are now and where we intend on going. Good stuff!!

That’s it. I’m capping this thing. Go refuel and recharge, remembering the beautiful blessing of freedom we share as a nation and as individuals. May this season usher in greater creative, physical, spiritual, and emotional freedom than anything you have ever tasted.

Tactics for Belief

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. -Brené Brown

It seems I’m not the only one around who battles self-doubt and perfectionism. Your response and feedback to my last blog post were proof of that. Thank you for taking the time to thoughtfully engage with your own stories of struggle in this area. It’s that kind of vulnerability and transparency that brings life and light into those dingy dark rooms of self-doubt with a resounding me too.

As often happens when we touch sensitive yet powerful nerves of truth, it seems the universe aligns to keep that flow moving. It’s like getting a new car (or new to you) and all of a sudden, you start noticing just how many of the same model and color cars are out on the road. Our awareness is tweaked and, in my case, there appears a million white Toyota Priuses in Nashville traffic. With such great feedback and a continuous reverberation of this self-doubt/perfectionism trap, I thought we could tease out some practical application; Lord knows I need it.

I went on a long hike yesterday around Radnor Lake, my beloved local nature scape and sanctuary of sanity. One of my favorite things to do if and when I have a chunk of free time during the week is to get out in nature and listen to smart people talk about the strong convictions they hold. This, of course, happens in the form of an audiobook or podcast. Monday, I had this glorious opportunity for the first time in a while…and I jumped on it. Headphones in, a sunny if not toasty first day of summer to venture into, and a little over an hour to kill. Heaven.

I got about twenty minutes into the talk and realized it was not only for me to store away in the “Cling To” file, but it might also be extremely helpful for you, especially on the heels of looking hard and square into the face of self-doubt and insecurity last week.

Moment of truth: did anyone chip away at a personal creed? Don’t worry; I’m not homework- shaming you. But I still believe it is a simple and self-loving thing to tackle. If you think that might be helpful, take a swing at it. If you need help, you know where to find me.

I spent about fifteen minutes the other day on mine. What attributes do I embody? What are my gifts? What am I deeply convinced of? Who am I? Who am I NOT? And on and on…Again, personal creeds are meant to be reminders of our worth, identity, and desires so we don’t fall in the trap of comparison with others, insecurity, and then go numb out somewhere.

What I was so blown away by in this message was how we grow in the conviction of these beliefs. A personal creed is great and all, yet if we look at it once and let it collect dust in the bottom drawer of our bedside table, we have sorely missed the point. It’s kind of like getting

hitched—saying those binding, life-altering vows and then going verbally dark the rest of the marriage. Not a good look. Here are my takeaways, and three crucial applications to help us lock into our creed or deeply held beliefs.

1. Feed the creed.

It may sound like first class cheese, but it spilled out like buttah. Just like we water a plant and lovingly nurture a child or pet, we absolutely must feed those unique, life-giving, truths that remind us of who we are and what we purpose. Quite simply, the best way to do this is to read and re-read it daily, or as often as you need. That laser focus fuels the flame of belief so much so that it burns away the fear of self-doubt. If that feels weird or woo woo, GOOD! We don’t change unless something changes; change feels weird!

2. Don’t stop moving.

By this I don’t mean never rest. Quite the contrary; rest in the propelling reminder of who you are. When I get stuck and fall prey to comparison with others or perfectionistic tendencies, it is paralyzing and I can’t move forward. Thankfully I have wised up to my confusing yet clever enemy and am able to poke all sorts of holes in those messages. Many times this looks like holding up a gentle, more accurate mirror than mine in the form of a trusted friend or loved one. I must admit, though, after years of practice, those slithering lies are tempting, like a toxic old lover.

A moving target is much harder to hit than one that is stationary.

I may or may not have killed a deer in a past life on a hunting trip in high school. (Full disclosure: I am from Alabama and we did eat venison for dinner that night.) I know, haters gonna hate. However, for illustration purposes, I will say, it was fairly easy because I was totally set up for success. The poor guy was in a field, totally still, and I was up in a tree stand taking a break from gin rummy or something. Cake. I can assure you had there been sudden movement involved, we would have had chicken for dinner. Without belaboring the point and completely offending you, I’ll land this plane: No matter how loud those oppressive voices that long to derail our identity, we must dodge the bullet and keep moving forward toward our freedom.

3. Anticipate the struggle.

It will come, time and time again. We can’t be surprised when it does. Feeding hope with a congruent dose of brutal honesty is essential all along the way. We can’t Pollyanna our way through and be blindsided by a random covert attack those old skeletons pony up. Knowing the the sound of alien voices that sneak up and rattle off in our self-talk is key as we keep moving in the direction of our truth.

For those of you I didn’t lose to Saving Private Ryan, keep the feedback coming! This conversation and community is building in volume and numbers, thanks to you. For this I am beyond grateful.

For more on this topic read the previous post here.

How to Avoid the Perfectionism Trap

Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.

-Anne Lamott

Recovery

Raise your hand if you’ve ever struggled with perfectionism. Though I can’t see you right now as you read this, I have a hunch most of you have your hands up, either literally or figuratively in your heart where no one else can see and wonder if there are bigger problems than perfectionism at stake. Oh, I’ve got your number, I’m a recovering perfectionist.

Scared

Perfection is so illusive, yet so tempting, especially for all you creative, high-achievers out there. It is a vain and futile attempt to attain the unattainable and virtually impossible. Perfectionism is an overt, egoic striving to fill a covert, bleeding insecurity. If we’re really honest here, perfection is scared man’s game.

Drug

I write these words with emboldened authority only because I have had a lifelong, crippling experience with perfectionism. I don’t know the magic potion I sipped on so early in life to fuel the flame, but boy was it potent. I’ve been incredibly judgy and hard on myself from day one. As a complex and sensitive kid (read: dramatic), being understood and well-received always took precedence. Acceptance, identity, and value were—and continue to be— my drug. The temptation is always: “I’m doing pretty good, but just imagine what I could achieve!” This kind of thinking has kept me double bound in the fetal position of literal and figurative dark corners in life many times. I love Anne Lamott’s quote here:

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.”.

Creatives

Bingo. And for creatives, this phenomenon is mass genocide. I believe this is because ideas and concepts are birthed in our thinking mind, which can be an absolutely lovely place to be. We have an brilliant idea for a lyric, a new work flow, a painting, a proposal, and we run with it, executing it immediately and seamlessly, right? Bam…so easy.

Saucy

Wrong. My experience as a writer and working with other creatives is this: that brilliant little idea gets locked up in the thinking mind, stewing and marinating in all kinds of saucy possibility and grandeur, so much so that it never even sees the light of day. Our minds are meant to be the sacred birthplace of ideas. Our minds were not meant to indefinitely house them, ultimately squeezing the life and breath out with toxic and quenching fumes of perfectionism. Oftentimes, we feel so worthless and defeated we either want to numb out with a drug of choice (drugs, booze, sex, shopping, busyness, work, what have you) or we abandon our creative calling all together. This is around the time therapy sounds like a promising option.

David Foster Wallace said it this way,“Perfectionism is very dangerous. Because of course if your fidelity to perfectionism is too high, you never do anything.”.

Big

Well, I want to do great things. I want to show up in relationships and love fully. I want to write my truth, even if it doesn’t rhyme or fit or sound pretty. I want to live into all I am made to be, dreaming big and doing even bigger. I want to be perfectly imperfect; flawed yet beautifully human and uniquely me. I suspect you do as well…

Conundrum

In order to do this, we must let go of the death grip we have on self-doubt. You know that conundrum of shame that says you simply aren’t enough and don’t make the cut? Press the pause button for a second. What is your standard and where does it come from? Again, this insidious little gremlin sneaks in when we forget who were are. For this reason, identity and purpose MUST be deeply instilled into our beings on a cellular level. My perceived reality of me must match up to my deeply believed reality of me.

Personal Creed

I hope you’re wondering about the How? If so, here is a first step: a personal creed. Many world religious traditions thoughtfully construct creeds over time as a firm reminder and proclamation and of their dialed in beliefs and purpose. At my church, we say the Nicene Creed each week. I never understood the beauty and power of this until grappling with my own faulty beliefs about myself that needed mending and constant reminding. We all need reminders, people. Otherwise, we fall prey to self-doubt and perfectionism.

Mirror

What is your personal creed? Over the next week, I encourage you to spend some time journaling about your beliefs, perceived purpose, strengths, desires, and dreams. It doesn’t have to be long or poetic or clever. This is a powerful, life-giving assignment, and one I love helping others tweak to accurately mirror their truth. With this in mind, I’d love to hear what you come up with…

In light of all this, here’s your call to action this week.  Don’t be stymied by sterile lies of perfectionism. Stay in your lane and move to the glorious beat of your own wacky drum. I’m convinced you’ll have some exhilarating stories to tell on the other side.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo