Self-Care for Your Enneagram Type

In order to truly care for ourselves, we must understand what we’re about, and what we need. The Enneagram can help us do just that. It can help you unpack the story you’ve been living out of for a long time and begin to discern if it’s even true.

As I mentioned earlier, most of us are at the mercy of an old narrative that’s played over and over unconsciously for a long time. The first step in any self-care plan is simple: to wake up to what’s not working. Because many of us spend more time and energy taking care of other people and what they need, this wake-up call is often forced. Our health starts to suffer, our relationships fail, we experience depression and anxiety—or great loss. Oftentimes, a crisis happens to wake us up to the reality that we are failing the most important relationship we have: the one with our self.

So, today, I want to give you a little self-care nudge and tailor it to your dominant type.

Type 1: We all know you are master improvers. Yet this superpower can often get in the way when it’s your total sum of attention. Soften this tendency as you practice acceptance as opposed to fixing or resisting. Practice noticing what is right in the moment.

Type 2:  Spending time alone to develop independent interests and greater autonomy is incredibly life-giving for Type 2’s. This allows time for deepening your understanding of what you are passionate about, desire, and ultimately need apart from being needed and helpful to others.

Type 3: At the hub of the self-care wheel for Type 3’s is simply this: SLOW DOWN. Type 3’s move at light speed and get so fixated on the path to success, they miss out on tons of life happening around them that can add to their overall quality of life and the creativity they are made to bring forth.

Type 4: One of the most important postures of self-care we can practice as fours is to separate our self-worth from the propensity to show up as special or extraordinary. When we fixate and strive in this direction, we miss out on the rest of what life wants to offer us. The most special and extraordinary gift we can give to the world is our authentic, essential self who is at rest with themself.

Type 5: A helpful awareness is to recognize how you detach from emotions and resort to the thinking mind. Staying present with feelings when they arise just two minutes longer each time brings balance for Type 5’s.

Type 6: When you go to worst-case-scenario, balance that out in your thoughts by also giving the best-case-scenario equal air time. This challenges the habit of constantly expecting the other shoe to drop by flirting with the idea that it might actually go really well.

Type 7: Becoming grounded in the present is everything for Type 7’s. Because your attention is constantly going up and out, noticing when you are doing this is major. As type 7’s have an uncanny curiosity, wielding this superpower to explore the present moment is very powerful.

Type 8: Journal around your perceived difference between weakness and vulnerability, unpacking your own timeline of having to be strong and in control for protection.

Type 9:: As Type 9’s natural tendency is to fall asleep to their own desires, needs, and the actions involved to get these met, it becomes necessary for you to find a way to cultivate structure and practices that support the achievement of your goals.

P.S. Want to take the guesswork out of self-care? I’ve got a program just for you. Check out the Practice.

The Enneagram: A Self-Care Prescription

This month we are doing a deep dive into the world of self-care. This week, we look at how self-care is connected to the Enneagram—how knowing your type can catalyze your self-care regimen for greater effectiveness and integration. Self-care is all about creating balance where there is an imbalance, and the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram really knows this.

So, there’s the coolest dynamic within the Enneagram that actually mirrors what I believe to be true self-care. It’s the breakdown of the nine types into three triads that correlate with our three intelligence centers: mind-body-heart. Types 8,9,1 are housed in the body, or instinctual center, types 2,3,4 are housed in the heart, or feelings center, and types 5,6,7 are housed in the head, or thinking center.

This means that each type experiences the world in a specific way connected to their triad, or intelligence center. For example, as a dominant type 4, I experience the world most readily through the lens of my emotions. I’m a feeler and have no trouble identifying emotions as well as connecting with the world and others through them. This is good in many ways, but in some, it creates imbalance as I tend to under-do my other two intelligence capacities--the thinking center of intelligence which allows for analytical/planning skills as well as the body center of intelligence that allows me to be in the present moment, breath deeply into my belly, and feel grounded in the world as body types do.

Why does this matter to us as we explore self-care? It matters because to create more balance and wholeness, we must integrate all three centers in order to live fully alive. It’s really the first step in doing the work of the Enneagram as it pertains to self-care. To use myself as an example again, my constant assignment if I accept it consciously, is to connect to my body through mindful movement, breathwork, and meditation as well as connect to my mind through journaling about thoughts and circumstances as well as harness analytical and fact-checking skills that will balance out my over-worked emotional life.

If this all sounds confusing, simply remember this: you are complex and three-brained. Modern science has proven we have neural cells in the lining of our stomachs, our hearts, and our brains. Depending on your Enneagram type, you rely more heavily on one. So, our work is to become conscious of where there is an imbalance—and practice balancing our relationship to all three.

In my monthly subscription, I’ve built out meditations and practices specifically for your type and triad. If you are looking for a way to experience life more fully, join me as we go deeper with the Enneagram and Self-Care. I’ve taken out all the guesswork. You simply show up.

Join today and experience the roadmap for self-care that the Enneagram provides. 

3 Myths About Self-Care (and #2 might surprise you)

You would be shocked how many times I’ve heard these two responses to the question: “How do you practice self-care?” in therapy. 

Here they are:

(1) “What’s that?”

(2) “Not very often. It feels selfish.”

Thankfully, if you’ve had these same reflexes, you’re not alone. There’s no shame. This just means we’re a little confused about our most important relationship: the one with ourselves.

And I know what you’re thinking, “Spare me. Sounds so indulgent.”

However, do you expect your car to run on empty? Do you drive it around for months on end without gas or an oil change? I’m not even a car person, but I know to pay attention when that glorious red light signals E, nudging me to the nearest Twice Daily.

Let’s take it a step further. Do you expect your nearest and dearest relationships to thrive without an occasional phone call, text or date night reminding them of your love and appreciation?

Again, I’m guessing you’re pretty good at showing others you care. In fact, you’re probably great at it. Why?

Because it’s socially accepted—even encouraged—and there’s an immediate reward on the other side. When we show intrinsic kindness to others, we are often appreciated back in some way.

So why do we neglect the one relationship that is the most constant and powerful of all? Make no mistake, I’m a person of deep faith who believes in and loves God. Yet, even John Calvin said, “Without knowledge of self, there is no knowledge of God.”

If we practice self-care and learn how to relate to ourselves in a kind and compassionate way, we are then primed to love the world in a more authentic, generous way.

If you’re still on the fence, I want to bust a few myths you might buy into that hold you back from practicing some necessary self-care:

(1) Self-care is selfish.

This is a biggie. However, self-care is actually highly responsible, adult behavior. It's learning to take care of yourself instead of obsessively tending to other people. In doing so, we learn that part of our job here on earth is to be responsible for our needs and desires instead of undermining them for the sake of others.

Right before take-off, the flight attendant does her thing and gives you instructions for safe travel. The part that always sticks with me is when she says to put your oxygen mask on first before that of others, even small children. We love others better when we start with ourselves.

(2) Self-care takes too much time and effort.

“I don’t have time for self-care.” I hear this a lot, especially from mothers. I quickly retort, “Well do you have time for a mental or physical breakdown?” The answer is always no. Self-care is made up of a loving mindset that allows for tiny, two-degree shifts in behavior towards yourself. I’m not asking you to soak in a bubble bath all day, I’m asking you to start regarding yourself with kindness. Start listening to your needs and take tiny actions to meet them.

(3)  I don’t deserve self-care.

Dear one, if this is your unconscious go-to belief, you may be carrying a heavy, hurtful burden. I know from experience there is another way. Perhaps the first place to start is a trusted friend or therapist to unpack past experiences or relationships that led you to believe this. Your birthright as a human being is to have needs and desires and get them met. You’re invited into the feast of wholeness just because you’re here and you’re you. 

Please reach out if you feel alone in this space.

P.S. Want to take the guesswork out of self-care? I’ve got a program just for you. Check out the Practice.

Your (Easy) Guide to Self-Care

There’s a lot of talk about self-care these days. In fact, I recently launched a program called The Practice which is a monthly self-care toolkit and guide. However, I’d like to spend a little time exploring what true self-care is and how it can help us heal and grow. As I said, there’s a lot of fluffy talk out there.

Unfortunately, society has taught us a version of self-care that falls drastically short in terms of actually promoting deep care and restoration. It makes sense to me that many of us have lost hope in it or see it as indulgent or even selfish. Spa treatments, retail therapy, and wine nights to take the edge off might appear to work temporarily, however they fail to support our process in any lasting change. They can also get really expensive! Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge proponent for pampering and celebrating, yet we need to be clear about the fact that these are not the same as self-care.

So if these self-care imposters temporarily boost our spirits (and appearances) yet leave us feeling just as empty as before, don’t you think it’s time we take a deeper look at what real self-care looks like? Let’s do it.

Life continues to present us with challenges. We know that now more than ever. We need a brand of self-care that will help us stay present as opposed to escaping our lives...one that will connect us to more compassion, energy, perspective, balance, and grace in order to move through the tough times and even thrive amidst the chaos.

Now I know this process might seem frustrating and even confusing. However, I don’t think it has to be. I firmly believe whatever we practice, we improve. In my monthly subscription, we will explore your dominant Enneagram type and what the best self-care practices are for you to process difficult, stressful emotions and create balance where there is imbalance.

When you learn a few practices that are clinically proven to help you grow, you’ll have a self-care routine that will eventually help you flourish. Not only that, you will know and understand yourself so much better, gaining clarity into the why behind how you think, feel, and act. You will start to heal old wounds that keep you stuck and perhaps most importantly, you’ll open up to lasting desired outcomes you once thought out of reach.

I believe self-care is a process of befriending yourself. Much like self-compassion, it’s showing yourself the heartfelt care and support you’d show a loved one in need. It’s learning to speak to yourself with a softer tone. It’s developing practices that promote connection rather than isolation.

You’ll not only become a more integrated, or whole, version of yourself, you’ll: 

• reduce stress and anxiety

• learn how to identify and take care of your felt needs

• promote deeper connection with yourself and others

• develop healthier relationships

• understand what you want and how to get there

• develop better eating, sleeping, and exercise habits

• improve your overall mood, and

• connect to an overall mental, spiritual, and physical well-being.

So, are you ready to take your self-care to a whole new level?

Join me in The Practice.  You can sign up today by clicking here.

The Power of Three (and 30 mins a day)

We are rounding the January corner and heading into February with quite a spirited clip. 

How are you?

It’s such a simple question and yet one we must often pause to ponder...and answer.

For me, this pocket of time typically has one of two outcomes: I’ve lost sight of the hot flame that burned bright at the dawn of the new year, meaning, I’ve blown my resolutions altogether. Or, I have filled my time up with loads of distractions—busyness—that masquerade as purpose and real progress.

If you resonate, I’ve got good news: there is another way.

We need a plan. But not just any plan. One that connects us to the truest, most authentic parts of ourselves. One that is built on love and self-compassion, not fear and scarcity.

It’s not just a to-do list and it’s not about striving. It’s a practice that supports true self-acceptance and teaches us how to be with ourselves in order to show up for ourselves.

It’s three-fold.

Here are the three pillars of what I believe make up a fool-proof self-care regimen that will help you get unstuck and stay grounded in 2021:

1. Meditation. Mindfulness exercises such as meditation are scientifically proven to reduce stress and anxiety, improve sleep and overall functioning and bring awareness to what’s happening moment-to-moment so we can choose to consciously respond to life’s circumstances rather than react out of automatic, self-defeating patterns.
   

2. Self-compassion.  I’ve learned first hand we simply can’t thrive if we’re constantly working against ourselves. Shame-based striving won’t cut it because we’ll constantly be hustling for our worthiness as opposed to growing from a place of self-acceptance and love. We need true self-compassion which teaches us to treat ourselves like we would a dear friend or family member in need. It’s only from this place of unconditional, loving-kindness that we can effect transformational change.
   

3. Writing. Writing practices such as journaling are scientifically proven to reduce stress, increase confidence, metabolize difficult experiences and emotions, improve overall health, and boost mood to name just a few. However, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Writing gives us the space and intention to dream and discover ourselves. By carving out just 10 minutes a day to put our thoughts down on paper, we practice finding and using our voice. In doing so, we unlock greater clarity and purpose.

If this all sounds overwhelming, rest assured, it’s not! I’ve developed a plan just for you. It’s called The Practice and it’s a self-care program that combines all three. Best of all, it only takes 30 minutes a day. I’d love to support you as you discover and realize your most authentic, empowered self. Visit The Practice for more info or to sign up.