Summertime & the Livin' is Easy

I did a little experiment over the past two weeks. You may have noticed you didn’t hear from me. (At least I hope you noticed!) 

I tagged along with my husband to Maui as he had some meetings down there. This didn’t suck. The meetings fell right before our two-year wedding anniversary, so we made a little vacation out of it. I had never been to Maui, nor Hawaii for that matter, and it was simply stunning—paradise for sure. All the rumors are true.

That wasn't the experiment, though.

Here’s the experiment: I decided I would give myself permission to live way outside the lines during the nearly two weeks I was away. This meant if I wanted to sleep in, I’d sleep in. If I wanted to lay by the pool and drink fruity drinks with umbrellas in them, I did. If I wanted to go for a long walk, I’d go. If I wanted to eat french fries and banana bread for lunch, bon appétit. I didn’t work…at all. I let the meditation slide as well as writing and daily exercise and all the things that keep me feeling grounded.

Side note: I have a tendency to want to be overly productive, and this idea of rest feels more like a dirty four-letter word than a blessing.  Also, I don’t like to sit still very much. I can’t remember the last time I went on vacation for more than one week and there wasn’t some type of work involved. For example, last summer we went to the beach for a week and instead of frolicking in the ocean, I spent nearly three-to-four hours a day writing copy for my website or editing a podcast.  Then I’d go for a run. Then I’d go sit on the beach with a book for around thirty minutes until I got bored again.

I realize this is not a way to live and there’s not even the faintest whiff of balance baked in. I’m very much working on this, hence the experiment.

Needless to say, this experiment was a failure. I managed to finish, but barely. I didn’t feel like myself. I felt completely disconnected and discombobulated…all the “dis” words. Don’t judge me.

Also, please believe me, I am over-the-top grateful for the time away in such a magical place! We had the most fun. Yet, I learned a crucial lesson from my “research" (besides the fact that I’m a work in progress): rest looks different for everyone and doesn’t mean we disconnect from ourselves. 

This is important for you and I as we roll into the summer months. Why? Because I strongly believe we can develop the summer blues just as easily as we can the winter ones. The cause isn’t necessarily a lack of vitamin D though; it’s a sneaking and oh-so-subtle disconnection from purpose. I say this a lot, and it’s worth repeating: the opposite of depression isn’t happiness, it’s purpose.

It can be so easy to disconnect from purpose and the structures that promote a sense of grounding when June rolls around, especially if you work for yourself or have a non-traditional work schedule. School’s out, travel ramps up, and porch hangs abound. It’s a glorious time to connect with friends and family, yet it’s also a ripe time to let self-care slide among other things.

With this shift at hand, I have three simple reminders to put in your back pocket as you embrace the lazy days of summer:

Know thy rest
Do your own experiment in order to better understand what you need in terms of rest. This doesn’t mean follow my extreme lead and swing hard in the other direction. For example, I feel most rested when I’m tuned into desire and filling up my creativity tank doing things like exploring new places, cooking for friends, or reading a good book. I get anxious when I watch Netflix in the middle of the day.

Your version may look much different and include periods of totally unplugging and taking catnaps in the afternoon. Neither way is right or wrong. The important thing is to find what you need in order to facilitate renewal in the season you’re in.

Dogs need fences
After about two days of roaming about in the wild and wooly unknown parts of the neighborhood, chances are your dog will miss the safety and consistency of your fenced-in backyard.  We, for the most part, are the same. Structure is a good thing and truly helps us stay connected to what we deep down desire, which I believe to be connection and purpose. Sure, we all need to get off the grid at times, yet consistency over time builds emotional resilience, and I have a strong suspicion you are here because you want to experience more of that. I know I do.

Give yourself some grace
In the end, the most important thing you can give yourself (and others) is grace and compassion. More than structure, more than purpose, more than self-care—you name it. Self-compassion and radical acceptance beget desired outcome much faster than a fear-based need to control. I love this quote:

“Where we think we need more self-discipline, we usually need more self-love.”
- Tara Mohr

I sincerely hope you’re easing into this summer season with equal parts desire and grace…and a heavy dash of amusement.

Love & Gratitude,
Katie

Let's Work It Out: How To Up Your Fitness Game (Without Breaking a Sweat)

This is not a post about working out, I assure you. I would not pretend to know what the optimal picture of physical fitness/health looks like for you or what your body needs to feel alive and balanced. Everyone’s needs vary.

What I do know, however, from decades of trial and error, passionate research, and education is one very simple concept: messaging and intention are everything.

What does that even mean?  

It means that you and I readily respond to messages that speak to our core values and desires. Based on those messages, we respond in action through intention. We identify what we want, and we intentionally set out to achieve that thing.

I’ll put some skin on this one.

The diet and exercise industry is a multi-billion dollar industry.  Yes, the “B” word.

It caters to the desire in you and me to look and feel our best, albeit sometimes through the vehicle of shame. You know the drill, “Once you lose those last ten pounds, you will be happy—you will be okay.”  

They tell us all about the latest fitness trends, green juice, protein shakes, cool down stretches, and recovery meals so we can stay on top of our game.

Guess what?

The messaging works. Their savvy adverts successfully appeal to the desires of consumers everywhere, hence the “B” word. My recent personal favorite messaging trend is: “Sitting is the new smoking.” So good, right?

There is a massive gap though.

We live in the most overfed, undernourished, obese, and sedentary culture in American history.

The intention may very well be present, but the action is missing.

I believe this speaks to a heart problem, not a willpower problem.

You see, I believe we’re going about it in reverse. I believe we need to take this brilliant fitness messaging model and apply it to our emotions before we put all our eggs in the fifteen-minute magic routine you saw in the latest Shape magazine.

Don’t get me wrong, I am an exercise evangelist. I started running at age twelve and have made daily physical movement a part of my life ever since. For me, it transcended vanity a long time ago, providing me the much-needed sanity space and release to balance out the crazy in my head.

I bet you know a thing or two about physical fitness, even if you hate working out. This is due to the constant messaging; It’s everywhere.

What we often fail to realize is our emotional health doesn’t run on autopilot, and the messaging here is a bit more subtle if not lacking.

We must develop an emotional fitness regime just as we do a physical fitness one. We must learn where the pitfalls are and when we typically hit the proverbial wall and have a meltdown. We must learn what makes us anxious and how to preemptively practice mindfulness and deep breathing along the way so as to keep it in check. We must learn to rest and practice self-compassion.

Awhile back, I interviewed Miles Adcox, CEO of Onsite Workshops (among a zillion other impressive things), for my podcast. He explained how this concept of emotional fitness must start small, with tiny two-degree shifts in mindset and behavior as opposed to extreme overhauls that typically don’t stick (think: New Year’s Resolutions). To hear that interview,click here.

Later on this week, I’ll be giving you a few practical tools for tweaking your emotional fitness regime, so stay tuned for that.

If this all sounds airy-fairy and frustrating, take heart; it is very much a process. Just as it takes months and often years to get in tune with your body and what it needs, so is the case with our emotional journey. It’s not perfect by any means—humans are messy.

However, I can promise you this process will help take some of the guesswork out of what it looks like to consistently feel better from day to day

You see? This was painless, treadmill-free, and I bet you didn’t even break a sweat!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

How to Unlock Your Inner Picasso (Without Lifting a Brush)

I remember going to the Louvre in Paris about 15 years ago. It was surreal and magical all at once. I kept pinching myself to make sure A) I wasn’t dreaming and B) I was allowed to be in there. I didn’t feel worthy or something. I’m certain I looked like a total Parisian poser of sorts in all black and a bad beret. I probably had a pack of Parliaments in my purse just for kicks.  

Museums always stir up deep things inside me. Sure, the beauty and story behind every work of art opens up a whole new dimension waiting to be explored. Yet, perhaps the most moving layer of it all is the one behind the canvas; it’s the heartbeat of the artist I sense still speaking and desperate to be heard. It’s broken, tortured at times, misunderstood, and full of impossible dreams and starry ideas.  

There’s a world of vibrant story inside every masterpiece. The journey from each curious conception to its prestigious display has been a glorious and hellish one all at once. I suppose that makes every museum a universe of telling-tales—of palpable possibility.  

To be clear, I totally suck as a visual artist. I distinctly remember taking art class in elementary school and being highly aware of how inadequate I felt compared to classmates who seemed to draw perfect, concentric circles straight out of the womb. They also had pretty handwriting and non-frizzy hair. Go figure.  

As I have absolutely nothing to offer you in the way of painting stuff, I do have something you may deem worth trying on for size or at least reading. It’s less of a how-to and more of a concept I’ve been marinating in lately. I’m the middle man here to pass it along.  

I believe the reason we are stirred by anything at all be it a painting, a song, a Tedtalk, a book, or nature is that it strikes a chord within us. It speaks to truth we’ve already got living inside, just waiting to speak—to bloom.  

The reason I weep when I stand in front of Van Gogh’s “Irises” or Picasso’s “Women” is not because I particularly love irises or am drawn to Picasso’s color palette. I weep because I know a similar gravity of longing for self-expression and beauty that makes no sense and simply won’t be silenced. I must give it skin or voice or breath.  

Artists and laborers are similar in that they both use their hands, their skills, and the tools necessary to complete a project. However, an artist is vastly different than a laborer in that she creates with the entire language of her being: heart, mind, body, and soul. The laborer wants to finish the job. The artist is the job. She is fully present, wildly courageous, and draws from a deep well of emotional connection.

So what the heck does this have to do with you and me?  

It has everything to do with you and me.  

For starters, it’s a roadmap telling us the way we should go. Those things that move and stir you do so because like attracts like. They speak truth that resonates with insight and awareness planted deep within your heart. To creatively thrive (and yes, you ARE creative), you must be willing to listen to the cacophony of your emotions, the voice of your heart.  

If that sounds tough or esoteric, bear with me. Really, all you are doing is responding to the uniqueness and beauty that’s inside you. Sure, it’s often messy, uncertain, and highly imperfect and yet, no work of art was ever born out of perfectionism. Rather, the courage to listen…and simply respond.  

That being said, we have this incredible invitation to bring the totality of our being into the smallest, most mundane aspects of life.  

Artists must be awake to inspiration, wonder, and beauty in order to fuel the path they’ve chosen. Guess what? You and I must as well.  

The story of you is a masterpiece still being written. You get to write the next page. What will you create out of the depth of your desires?

I’ll leave you with two questions:

What moves you and speaks to you lately?  

How will you wake up and respond to that creative call to courage?

Love & Gratitude,

Katie
xoxo

P.S. Of course, I want to hear your answers!  Let’s keep this conversation going…

Happiness is A Verb: Three Ways to Get Moving

Let’s stop beating around the bush here.  Let’s be really honest about why most of us consume self-development or motivational content.  I mean, look at that fabulous woman pictured right above.  She appears to be living her best life, yes?  It’s as if the hair/outfit/leg/weather/and backdrop gods were all conspiring together for good; for happiness perhaps?

Hmm, maybe?  She could be the happiest person in the world for all we know (I sure hope so!). She could also be totally crushing it as a model with a killer team of people helping to create the flawless look.  Who’s to say?  

My point is, we often confuse success with happiness.  It sneaks in so quietly, so subtly, I’m guilty of it as well.  Today, I want to revisit this boulder of a dream I believe we all carry with us, albeit under the radar.  I want to get back to the basics, discussing what it means to live with intention and create happiness in our lives instead of expecting it to show up at our doorstep every morning, complete with a piping hot coffee and our favorite almond croissant (sans the calories, of course.)

Happiness is, indeed, an inside job.  

The two things I tend to hear when I listen to others talk about what they want, both in and outside of therapy, is more peace of mind, security, and belonging.  Often, this comes in the way of more money, more love, and less body mass.  I get it!  Typically, we confuse successful people who are wealthy, popular, and thin, with really happy people.  

Don’t get me wrong: money, community, and physical health are three big factors in contributing to overall well-being.  However, these successful outcomes are never sustainable as it relates to daily happiness.  

Success simply means achieving a desired outcome.  

Happiness refers to a state of well-being and contentment.  

They have two totally different meanings, yet we buy into a currency of contentment that makes them virtually interchangeable.  

Two of my favorite books exploring the science of happiness are Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, and The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. Both are worth the read.  

For your time-sensitive enjoyment, however, I’ve boiled it down and come up with three regular activities that propel happiness: this feeling of well-being and contentment. 

(Yes, they all start with “G” to keep it simple!)

Gratitude
I’ve never met someone miserable who consistently practiced gratitude.  In fact, it is nearly impossible to be a curmudgeon and also be grateful.  Try it.  In my experience, gratitude is the single most powerful and accessible weapon to combat resentment, anxiety, and self-pity.  I believe practicing gratitude alone for even just one day can set a completely new mindset into motion.  

Try it on for size: every time you sit down for a meal, think to yourself or say out loud three things you are grateful for.  I KNOW you can find simple things that will shift your perspective away from the weight of what’s bringing you down.

Generosity
Before you get all huffy and assume I’m asking you to pull out the checkbook, think again.  While financial giving is one way to be generous, there are so many other ways to practice this happiness magnet.  

The world gets really small when we’re only thinking about our well-being.  While self-care and discovery are a requirement for optimal experience, the act of giving actually enhances this well-being in a massive way.  They go hand in hand.

Writing a thank-you note, dropping off a meal to a friend in need, sending a simple encouraging text, or buying the guy behind you a coffee unexpectedly at Starbucks are all beautiful ways of practicing generosity.    

Grounding in The Present
This is a biggie.  I’m not just talking about transcendental meditation, either.  I like to think of practicing grounding as anything that helps you fully engage in the moment at hand, which is the only sure thing we have.  People are most unhappy when they binge on toxic thoughts that have no tangible trace of truth.  It takes us out of our power and places us in a projected state of anxiety.  

Letting go of this thought-obsessed existence by practicing grounding is everything.  Think passion here!  I am always at my best when I’m pursuing my passion because I’m fully engaged in something that brings me meaning, purpose, and joy.  

What lights you up? Even just committing fifteen minutes each day writing, playing guitar, practicing yoga, networking with others in your tribe, or going for a run outside will jumpstart a feeling of connectedness and grounding.  

Do these seem impossibly simple?  If so, that is intentional because oftentimes the hardest things to put into practice are the things that seem basic or obvious.  Your challenge this week is to do just that, get back to basics by practicing these three happiness boosters every day for the next week (or more!)

We are Ph.D.’s at overcomplicating life.  Let’s get emotionally fit this week through gratitude, generosity, and staying grounded in the present.  It’s Spring after all, and time to don those svelte dispositions.

Love & Gratitude,
Katie
xoxo

A Confession, Some Exciting News & A Favor to Ask

Spring has officially sprung and we made it through to the end of daylight savings time, which in my book, is something glorious to celebrate.  Can I get an amen from any of you seasonally affected friends out there?  

Spring is typically a time symbolizing new beginnings.  We dial into more regular fitness routines, we edit our wardrobes, and we clean the dusty baseboards of our lives in order to create a bit of fresh forward momentum.  It’s exciting, right?

In my experience, it can also be a time to bite off too much.  A rush of energy kicks in and I feel like I can take on the world, so I over-commit and find myself sitting cross-legged and frustrated on the floor of my office wondering how I got there.  

Do you ever feel this way?

I did this last spring as I kicked off my podcast.  I freaking LOVE podcasts and find myself looking for any opportunity to be alone in the car or in between clients at work so I can listen to one of the hundreds I subscribe to.  If I didn’t text you back, it’s not because I didn’t want to.  

I probably was just in a podcast haze starting at the ceiling.  Sorry about that.

Well, I lined up some incredible first guests (Ian Cron, Matthew Perryman Jones, and Miles Adcox to name a few), got into the work, and after airing three episodes, quickly discovered I was in over my head.  My "Operation: Podcast" had failed.  

Or had it?  

I always try to see failures as opportunities.  Where was the opportunity here?  The opportunity was to get crystal clear on my vision.  I learned something highly important: without vision, action is only haphazard at best.

I’ve spent the last several months crystalizing a vision for the community I want us to build, and the exciting news is, along with the podcast, I’m bringing you some opportunities to connect to this lovely healing arts community by hosting some cool upcoming events starting in April! Whoop!

You will be hearing more on that in the near future. However, I wanted to plant the seed as well as ask a favor.
 
You hear from me a LOT.  Yet you are the heartbeat of why I do what I do.  That said, I really need to hear from you to continue to build out this vision.  Would you pretty please take five minutes and fill out this survey?  There are seven questions that will seriously help me direct the next steps of the blog, events, the podcast, and more!  

Thank you, seriously.  Time is precious, and I value yours (as well as your feedback!). I can’t wait to hear what you have to say.

Love & Gratitude,
Katie
xoxo