The Enneagram of Transformation: Rewriting Your Story

People often ask me, “What is your process when working with clients?”  

To which I typically reply, “We co-author a new story.”

As it relates to transformation, the Enneagram invites us into the powerful and creative work of rewriting our stories.  

After all, many of us have been living out of a story that was written somewhere back in early childhood and we wait until some type of crisis or loss to identify that story, hold it up to the light, and ask ourselves if it’s still working  for us.

Children are brilliant storytellers.  They are not so gifted as translators.  

Let me explain.  When little people start to connect the dots of life, somewhere around five or six, they create little stories about themselves and the world around them.  Typically, these stories are very black and white, i.e. I didn’t get picked to play with on the playground.  There must be something wrong with me.  

Over time, we keep connecting the dots of life and tell ourselves stories that somehow keep us safe and secure along the way.  These stories create certainty—yet they lack context—and aren’t necessarily true.  

So what do we do as we grow up? We use these stories, or personalities, to help us show up in the world and be liked, helpful, and successful.

Fast forward to adulthood.  Our world looks much different and yet we are still living, albeit unconsciously, out of a story that was written so long ago.  Therein lies the rub—we’ve forgotten who that little person is underneath the conditioned self.  In fact, we become so identified by the workings of our personality, or ego as its often called, we bump up against challenges and discord in our relationships, career, and emotional landscape.

And so, we dig deep.  We uncover the stories of our personality—the why behind how we think, feel, and act—we hold it up to the light with compassion and kindness, and we start the editing process.   

The Enneagram gives us a vocabulary to do so.  

What is the story you’re living out of today?  How’s it working for you?

Guess what?  You have agency to change it.  I’d love to hold space for that…

Try This if Meditation Isn’t Your Thing

Do you struggle with meditation? Perhaps it feels too esoteric or boring?  Maybe you have trouble sitting still and can think of a thousand things that are screaming for your attention…like kids? Or your passion project? Or laundry?

I get it.

In all honesty, I didn’t come to a meditation practice until my mid-thirties.  Whereas I wish I would have clued in sooner, my hot mess express-ness was running the show and I was still stuck on the treadmill of striving.  Meditation seemed pretty out of reach—and irrelevant.  

Meditation has enriched my life substantially and now I can’t imaging NOT doing it, but let’s face it—many people say it’s just not for them.  

And you know what?  That is fine.  There is more than one path to presence.

In fact, I listened to a podcast interview with mindfulness guru Eckhart Tolle a while back and he said something so interesting.  He said that more important than taking time out of our day to practice meditation for 10-20 minutes is the simple practice of presence throughout the day.  

He described meditation as the dress rehearsal for mindfulness whereas being in the now—totally aware—and awake to the present moment in all of its vibrancy—is the real deal.  

In my research, I’ve learned that ancient Eastern cultures actually define mindfulness more as heartfulness—living from a place of wholeheartedness and wonder from moment to moment which I absolutely love.   This approach also invites us to drop out of our thinking mind and into our heartspace, which ultimately helps integrate our felt experience.

So my friend, if meditation isn’t for you for whatever reason, it’s okay.  There are so many other practices that will support this mindfulness journey we’re all on.  

Need a few ideas?  Two of my favorite right here:

• Go for a walk in nature and listen to some music you love, preferably rhythmic. This is a deeply grounding and calming practice that allows for biolateral movement and mind-body connection.  And you’ll get your steps in…

• Meal-time breathing breaks also create space for you to stay tethered to the present moment at least three times a day, wherever you are.  By practicing a slow inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth, you can reset your intentions and feel grounded in the present moment, releasing any unconscious contractions you may be holding in your body.  This is so easy and available to you anytime, but I find meal-times to be easy to remember.

It’s really all about being here now.  The more we can practice this in whatever way works best, we’re winning. 

You Get to Choose: Respond vs. React

So much of the work of the Enneagram is growing in true power and freedom.  Part of this process includes unlearning old habits that don’t serve us anymore.  And habits are just that—things we’ve practiced, often unconsciously, over time.  It would make sense that after years of habitual patterns, we would need to take inventory and see if they are serving us.  Or…are they trances we feel stuck in—or worse—powerless over?  

The Viktor Frankl quote above really puts skin around the whole dilemma.  Between what life throws us and how we respond is a very important passage.  It’s our moment of choice.  It’s the space we control one of the most vital aspects of our lives: to react or respond.  

When you consider those two words, what comes up for you?

What feels different?

What feels the same?

On a practical level, they both start with “re”—something that comes after.

And yet for me, respond feels more volitional.  React—more automatic—charged, even.

What does this have to do with the Enneagram?  Everything.

When we learn about our Enneatype, we learn specific ways we show up in the world respective of our type.   We begin to understand why we do the things we do.  But enneagram wisdom invites us deeper.  It invites us to consider our conditioned, automatic patterns that we’ve been living out of for a very long time.  It’s the story of our personality, really.  

When we learn the stories we’ve been living out of, often unconsciously, we also learn the way out.   That is what is referred to as the roadmap quality of the enneagram.  We come to understand the why behind how we think, feel, and act—and react.   

The first leg of the journey to freedom is to wake up to what isn’t working and choose something different.  

We are able to choose something different by growing the space between what we experience in life and how we respond.  

How do we do that?

Mindfulness, namely, meditation.  

Mindfulness grants us the sacred space to be more intentional and observant of our automatic patterns so we can slow them down and grow them out.  

This is a big reason I created The Practice, an Enneagram-based self-care subscription program: to resource you with meditations specifically for your Enneatype.  

I’d love for you to join this growing community of seekers who are putting the Enneagram to practice.  

Sign up today!

What's all the fuss about Subtypes?

Are you familiar with Enneagram subtypes?  

In my opinion, they are kind of a big deal.   

This month in The Practice, my self-care & Enneagram subscription program, we did a deep dive into the Enneagram as self-care.  Every month, I interview an expert in their field.  So, it was fitting that we got to hear from expert Enneagram teacher and the “Grande Damme of Subtypes,” Beatrice Chestnut.  

Beatrice is an author of two books, The Complete Enneagram: 27 paths to greater self-knowledge and The 9 Types of Leadership: Mastering the Art of People in the 21st Century Workplace.

Both are must reads.  The Complete Enneagram is my absolute favorite comprehensive book on the Enneagram, hands down.  Not only is it a deep dive into subtypes, it’s an academic overview of the Enneagram and its history.  

Beatrice is also a psychotherapist and coach, training practitioners and leaders to take their  Enneagram knowledge to a deeper understanding and application both in work and life.  

This is my passion as well: helping people harness the transformational power of the Enneagram in their own healing, relationships, and work.  

To sign up for The Practice and get a front row seat to this interview, click here.  In the meantime,  I want to parse out the major takeaways of our conversation.  Subtypes are, after all, a bit complex in nature, and can be easily misunderstood or glossed over.  

Let me tee this up by giving a quick overview of this system:

The Enneagram can be broken down into three centers of Intelligence: the head, the heart, and the body.  Within each center, or triad, there are nine interconnected personality types.  This we know.  If we peel back the next layer, we discover each of the nine types is actually a triad in itself containing three more definitive subtypes within the type.  So, we know there are actually 27 types as opposed to nine.  The three subtypes within each of the nine types is connected to these three driving animal instincts: self-preservation, social, or sexual (or one-to-one). 

Here are the three biggest takeaways from our discussion:

1. Subtypes help clarify type. Discovering type is often a difficult process. This is partly because there are only nine types and billions of us so it can feel downright limiting and often reductive to identify our dominant type as there is such variance within type. If you struggle to identify your dominant type, try on the subtypes within the types you feel closest describe you. You may discover a perfect match.
   

2. Subtypes are more helpful as a growth tool than wings. Wings are talked about much more than subtypes. I learned this is because there hasn’t been clear, compelling content written about subtypes readily available. Also, there is great confusion as The Wisdom of the Enneagram, the Riso/Hudson classic, calls them instinctual variants. Also, wings tend to be easier to identify. They are physically on either side of your dominant type. However, Beatrice explained that wings are more of a flavoring of type that can shift throughout life. Subtypes can be used in a deeper way to grow beyond limiting, unconscious behavior.
   

3. Instinct + Passion = Subtype. It’s so important to note the nuance of subtypes within each type. Like I said earlier, no two subtypes are alike even though there are the same three choices for each type. Instead, they can be explained by a person's predominant driving instinct (self-preservation, social, or sexual) fused with the specific passion, or emotional motivator, of a person’s type. This creates a distinct character type within each of the nine to really sink your teeth into. For me, this looks like the self-preservation instinct, as it is my dominant, mixed with envy, the passion of a type four.

To wrap it up and put a bow on it, I love working with subtypes because quite simply, they help us develop more balance where there is imbalance within our personality.  I hope you will join me moving forward in The Practice as we go deeper in our Enneagram wisdom and application!

Something You May Not Know About the Enneagram

In my new self-care Enneagram subscription program, The Practice, I teach people to use the Enneagram as a holistic tool for self-care—one that cares for the whole person: mind, body, and heart.  

This may take you by surprise.  If so, you’re not alone.  The ancient wisdom of the Enneagram suggests that we are three-brained beings.  In fact, modern neuroscience is finally catching up to the wisdom of the Enneagram that suggests we have neural cells in our brains as well as the lining of our stomachs and hearts.  That said, we have three centers of intelligence.

Why is this important to us as we practice self-care? 

I thought you’d never ask.

There are two big reasons this is important.  

First of all, it’s necessary to bust the myth that our most important intelligence is our thinking mind.  Whereas your brain is literally a genius and a highly elevated source of intellect and functioning, we must understand that living from the neck up, as we do so often, isn’t the only way.  

In fact, we overemphasize this capacity and as a result, experience an imbalance as it pertains to our other centers of intelligence, equally as powerful: the body and heart.  

I believe self-care is bringing balance where there is imbalance in our experience.  And so, part of the invitation as we learn to apply the Enneagram for self-care is to balance out our relationships to all three centers.  Essentially, to integrate into more wholeness.   

Secondly, the nine types are housed in three triads that correlate to these three centers of intelligence.  As a type four, I experience the world most readily through the lens of emotional intelligence.  Why? Because Enneagram 2’s, 3’s, and 4’s are in the heart, or feeling triad.  

This helps me cultivate a more specific self-care regimen because it tells me I need to dial up my relationship with my body center—learning to drop deeper into my instinctual capacity as well as being mindful to create structure and analysis where feelings tend to run the show.  

In a way, understanding the Enneagram as a holistic tool is necessary for building out a more whole and compassionate relationship with self.  

P.S. Want to do a loving thing for you and go deeper into your very own self-care prescription?  Sign up for The Practice today.