(VIDEO) Success vs. Happiness (and 3 things I learned from a rose bush)

“The useless days will add up to something. These things are your becoming.”

Cheryl Strayed

Wall

This past week I hit a wall. My body revolted to the hamster wheel of work and productivity I’d been on for most of 2017 and thought it would be funny, entertaining, or cruel at best to throw me a curveball. So last Saturday, down to the minute of finishing the third and last (hopefully) board exam I’m required to take, I felt my body begin to shut down.

“We’ve had enough Katie, you’ve done what you had to do and that’s fine. However, we refuse to live like this, so today consider us officially on strike. Rest up and we’ll see you in a couple of weeks.
Warmly,
Management.”

Ouch. Literally.

Sidelines

Today, by the time you read this, I’ll have finally gotten off all meds, have energy levels back to normal, and hopefully, two unclogged ears. I’m going to be very honest, it’s been rough. I don’t like being on the sidelines of life, waiting for re-entry into the game. I like to have about eight different projects and pots stirring at once, falling into bed at the close of each long day with faint levels of exhaustion, in a good way, you know? The kind that feels accomplished and meaningful.

Backseat

It also doesn’t help that I’ve not been sick to the point of derailment from all work and activity, yet steadily teetering on the edge of okay and flagging with massive dips vamping around 7 pm. I’m learning that extremes are much easier than balance and success and progress doesn’t equal happiness. Workouts, social engagements, and extracurricular work projects all took the backseat as I patiently partnered with my body to gain strength and energy. Booorrring.

Medicate

I sat—a lot. I don’t much like sitting. I journaled—a lot, taking the good advice I give to clients weekly. I also thought —a lot, thereby cancelling out any of that good advice I’d taken.

Here is one finding I observed: I medicate on purpose, doing, moving forward, and achieving BIG TIME. This is insidious and oh so subtle as none of the above are inherently bad things. Most things people get addicted to aren’t: food, booze, working out, money, gambling, sex, work, shopping, etc…However, when our daily success is propped up by these things, we can rest assure a rude awakening is coming for us someday soon. As the old saying goes, “Deal with your shit or your shit will deal with you.” Noted.

Presence

We can’t lead anyone to a place we’re not personally willing to go. Our words and actions will fall flat on deaf ears. I’m in the process of going deeper into this thing called presence, free from the buzz of a constant agenda and task list, or whatever the medicator may be.

As a community, we are going deeper into this thing called identity and I must confess, I’ve only partially grasped it. I’ve smugly believed that we can “act as if” until the shoe fits, much like all those desperate if not well-meaning ladies stuffing their oversized feet into Cinderella’s tiny slipper. We can’t just “do” our way into identity. Sure action is important, yet slowing down to listen is a surer path to our authentic, essential selves.

Join me

I’ve got a short video for you today about this seemingly paradoxical notion and I’d love for you to check it out. I feel much more alive after stepping off that hamster wheel I spoke of earlier. It was a scary strike at first, however, worth it in every way. If you struggle like I do and clumsily identify success as happiness, this video is for you. If you need support getting off of your own vicious treadmill, let’s connect. Beautiful things spring out of unlikely places that often lie way outside our death grip of control. Ease up, gently. Its time to trust the process.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie xoxo 

(Video) Welcome to the Enneagram

It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
-Rumi

If you know me in this life you’re probably aware of how much I love the enneagram. Ten years ago, I discovered this incredible resource and have passionately been going deeper into its wisdom: reading, studying, and applying it in my own life as well as in our therapeutic journey.

More

The enneagram is more than a personality test, it’s more than a spiritual tool, and it’s more that a book. For this reason, I’ve been a bit hesitant to introduce it through a traditional blog post. No, this is far to dynamic and precious to simply slap on several hundred words, a pretty image, and call it a day.

Companion

For me, the enneagram has been a patient and wise companion gently revealing layers of insight into the truest, most essential parts of who I am as well as those I love. It has given me invaluable insight into relationships and explained the driving forces for why we do the things we do, both good and bad.

Interview

Today, I am still too intimidated to give you a 101 on the enneagram, however I want to tell you about a podcast interview I recently did with a man whose grasp and application of enneagram truth blows me away. Ian Cron has done many things well. He is an author, therapist, priest, award winning songwriter, and teacher. Last year, he co-authored The Road Back to You: Looking at Life through the Lens of the Enneagram, a clever, insightful, and applicable approach to the enneagram. We had the best time chatting about all things enneagram, and I can’t wait for you to hear that interview.

Identity

We talk so much about the power of identity on this platform. I firmly believe knowing who we truly are and likewise who we are not, is a massive step towards personal freedom. If you are into this, yet perhaps feel overwhelmed by the sound of it, you’re in the right place. I’d love to partner with you on that journey, diving deeper into this beautiful tool called the enneagram, as well as providing additional resources to help you unlock your highest, most authentic self.

Step One

Today is the first step of this new journey and I’m so glad you’re here. Stay tuned for my upcoming interview with Ian Cron in the coming weeks and get a head start by checking out his new book, The Road Back to You: Looking at Life through the Lens of the Enneagram.

Have a wonderful weekend! Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

(Video) Lessons from Vegas: Leaning into Uncertainty

 It really is possible to thrive amid uncertainty. It’s not about getting advice you can trust; it’s about faith and self-trust — believing that whatever happens, you’ll find a way through it.

Brené Brown

LAS VEGAS

This past week I spent some time out in Las Vegas for the ACM awards. For whatever reason, I’d never been before. Perhaps because I’m typically not too into gambling, excess, and total escape from reality. Okay, okay, maybe I’m being harsh.
Truth be told, I found myself in Observer Heaven. The people watching alone filled up my tank for a nice long while. It was an experience to remember and I brought back a couple of insights to chew on as well.

I noticed several things about our fascinating human race, two in particular:
1) We are desperately looking to have fun. Seems obvious enough, right? Maybe. Or maybe we just aren’t having enough fun in our everyday lives so we go binge on it in Vegas a couple of times a year. Whatever the case, I’m reminded that just like cultivating celebration in our daily lives, we need to nurture that little kid inside who longs to simply have fun. We don’t need to get permission from Vegas to do so either. We could save some serious cash by simply practicing this sense of play and curiosity in our daily experience. Yes, we need to play more, friends.

2) We must lean into uncertainty in order to live authentically and fully alive. We are naturally wired for certainty, so this often feels unnatural and awkward. We even get a dopamine hit when we complete a perfect, concentric circle of certainty in our brains. Brene Brown unpacks this notion beautifully in her latest book, Rising Strong.

LEANING INTO UNCERTAINTY

In Vegas, people are leaning into uncertainty as they risk their hard-earned money in those dark, fun-houses called casinos. They don’t blink an eye; they want to win.
I want to learn from this and practice a similar risk taking in my everyday experience. No, it doesn’t include a slot machine or roulette table. I’m talking about risking the cozy boxes of certainty in basic, daily decisions of life. It’s scary and uncomfortable for sure–most unfamiliar things are, however, we’ll typically find growth and opportunity on the other side.

So, this week’s lessons from Vegas include having more fun and leaning into the great big unknown without having to get on a plane or spend a dime. Who’s with me?

Until next time, have a wonderful week!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie
xoxo

P.S. If you know someone who might like some extra support and encouragement, I’d love for you to invite them on this journey by forwarding this email or signing them up here.

Hiking, Stephen Colbert, and the Importance of Celebration

Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let’s not be afraid to receive each day’s surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity. 

Henri Nouwen

Dad

I woke up this past Saturday morning delighted to find a text from my Dad inviting me to join him for a long hike at Percy Warner Park followed by breakfast.   Despite having planned out my precious Saturday with a to-do list a mile long, I rolled over in bed after reading the text, thought about the generous offer, played a little pro/con, and jolted out of bed to suit up for the hike.  There was little debate in my mind as it’s not often you get to spend a whole morning on the magical trails of Percy Warner with such a wise, kind-hearted man as my Father.  This is the stuff of father-daughter date platinum dipped gold.

Conversation

I’ve always thought the best conversations happened while walking.  I don’t know what it is.  Maybe the flow of endorphins or the scenery or the overachiever in me that likes to kill two birds with one stone.  Whatever the case, I love conversations on the trail, especially with Gerrit.

Ideas

We talk about everything: history, family, work, music, God, and ideas—especially ideas. We’re both big picture people who are easily excitable when it comes to new ideas and figuring out ways to propel them forward.  I discovered the importance of having a strong vision for life from him, a consummate dreamer and visionary.  For this I’m grateful.

Power Chord

Something my Dad shared with me really struck a resounding power chord in my heart.  I asked what advice he would offer his 25 year-old self now if he could.  He said, “I’d encourage him to value relationships far more than ideas.”  That leveled me pretty hard.  SO  good.

Contingency

I’ve been mulling this over for almost a week now as it’s unlocked something curious inside me.  This relates to you too, so don’t bail on me.  We tend to run on a vicious treadmill of contingency living.  By this I mean we live on the verge of happiness as it’s always contingent on the next milestone or achievement we’re after we think will provide some level of satisfaction or contentment.

Carrots

You know the drill: once I lose weight, or make more money, or meet someone special, then I’ll be okay.  Yet a bigger, sexier carrot always seems to dangle ten feet after we’ve achieved our goal.  Often times I’ll get these great ideas (or so I perceive them to be) only to cross their threshold and be left in the dust wanting more.  This drug-like promise of “more, more, more” can be so seductive we often forget or abandon the most life-giving things in life: relationships.

Twisted

If there is anything I’m convinced of it is the power of our desire.  I want so many things for myself and for other people in this life it can feel overwhelming at times,  stealing my focus and energy from that which all this desire is meant to prop up: thriving connection with others.  We must identify the defining line between living freely out of our desires and being enslaved to a twisted version of them.

Dinner Party

Let’s be honest.  We all secretly want to be our own version of Stephen Colbert, right?  He’s so stinking funny, smiley, charming, successful, witty, and annoyingly energetic.  Does the man ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed with a bad attitude? And what kind of vitamins does he shovel in each morning, pray tell!?  If I had a dinner party and could invite anyone in the world to be there, he’d surely be there along withBono, Ellen DeGeneres, my husband, Richard Rohr, Oprah, Jesus and Audrey Hepburn (in no particular order, of course.)

Now

If I boil it all down, Stephen Colbert inspires me to laugh more, succeed without taking myself too seriously, and live in the moment.  This brings me to my question for us today: how can we fully love life right now? Not tomorrow, not when we figure it all out, not when we “arrive” at our ideal destination.  How can we desire and dream from a place of abundance instead of lack?  How do we long for more and stay tethered to the beauty and fullness of now?  I’ve got a few ideas I’ve been rolling around…

Meraki

Meraki is a Greek word that means “to do something with soul, creativity or love; as you would when you leave a piece of yourself in your work.”  I just discovered this word and LOVE it.  I remember training as a sous chef in a little local wine bar back in the day.  Hernon, the head chef, is Argentinian and made cooking a simple marinara sauce look like a sacred, sensual dance with tomatoes.  Imagine the Waltz of the Sugar Plum Fairies in the Nutcracker only savory and Spanish.  Hernon did not simply cook, he sifted in a heavy dose of his heart and soul into each and every dish.  He was dripping with Meraki and his food proved it time and time again.

Ooze

We must learn how to fully engage and celebrate the tiny slivers of good throughout our day.  This is more than gratitude, this is Meraki and it’s oozing with a soulful flavor only you can bring to the present moment.  Have you ever noticed how easy it is to live in a constant state of “out there”, or future-based thinking?  In my observation, we slip into this behavior like a well-worn pair of jeans.  It takes us away from the simple celebration of now.

Velcro

If we don’t celebrate well, we become hard-hearted, cynical, and often burn out.  This week, bring your whole heart into every moment, despite what you’re doing.  Be velcro for good news and positivity, not only receiving it, but stopping to celebrate it, and thus, sealing it in.  Practice laughing and smiling more.  We are maxed out on serious, folks.

Joy

I don’t know about you, but what motivates so much of my daily energy, choice, and action is simply to create more opportunity for joy in my own experience as well as others.  Sometimes I forget that joy is everywhere—it’s there for the taking! I simply need to slow down and faithfully tap into it, like charging an iPhone or something.  When we’re charged, we connect to so much more.  This joy is contagious, I swear.  So go forth and celebrate: the small, the beautiful, the weird, the unexpected.  Meraki with abandon and leave that authentic, soulful mark that only you can leave.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

(Video) Connection: The Roadmap For Desire

Hello friends!

I hope you’re enjoying your Friday.  We’ve got a little something special for you today to mix things up a bit and invite you into and exciting new season.  Spring and change are both definitely in the air.

Connection

Today is all about going deeper into our desire: those beautiful heart longings that effect powerful change in our lives.  I’ve put together a super simple video (read: iPhone in the living room on my way out the door this morning!) that will hopefully tee up our journey ahead.  I look forward to connecting with you in new, dynamic ways that will enrich your process and build out even more confidence and consistency for whatever chapter you find yourself in!