Three Ways to Use the Enneagram for Transformation

First came type.  Everyone and their dogs flapping their gums about what’s your Enneagram type? Oh, and the memes that tell you how you take your coffee as said type.  And don’t forget the Instagram reels boasting how to dress for success as your type.  

If this gets old fast, it’s for a reason: most people don’t like being reduced to a number.

More recently, Enneagram teachers, myself included, have focused on going deeper, beneath the optics of type, to the ways in which we can practically apply the wisdom of the Enneagram.  After all, knowledge is power but knowledge plus implementation is transformational.  

So today, I want to share my favorite three ways to implement the Enneagram in our lives.  In the Practice, my Enneagram-based self-care subscription program, I’ve set up a roadmap and support along the way to do this work in community and it’s been powerful.  Here’s a bird’s eye view of the ways we’re practicing the life-giving work of the Enneagram.

1. Self-Observation.  This is first base and a huge game changer if you’re new to the idea.  Basically, we take the role of the student, the neutral observer of our own experience, and bear witness to our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, beliefs, and interactions.  This is a powerful way of creating more space between the “stimulus and response” as Viktor Frankl said.  It’s a way to bake in deeper self-awareness and understanding.  And don’t be fooled if this sounds like a walk in the park—it’s actually quite difficult at first because we are so used to living on autopilot! 
   

2. Vice to Virtue.  Each type has a passion, or emotional habit that keeps us stuck in the pitfalls of our type.  It’s like the catalyst for our habits of thought and emotion within our type structure.  Each type also has a virtue, or a state of essential wholeness and receptivity.  When we practice the vice to virtue movement, we become aware of how our passion operates in our daily lives and make the conscious movement from the vice, or passion, to the virtue, or state of open presence and the higher parts of our personality.  This invitation is always waiting and always expansive.
   

3. Balancing the Centers.  Last but not least, the Enneagram teaches we are three-brained beings as opposed to one.  We have thinking intelligence, emotional intelligence, and instinctual intelligence.  Every type operates dominantly out of one of these.  When we work to bring balance to the centers, we practice becoming aware of the other two intelligences we tend to downplay and dial up our awareness with them so as to create more balance and increase a well-rounded, grounded experience in life. 

So, are you ready to take your Enneagram practices to the next level?  Join me in the Practice!

This Writing Exercise Changed Everything for me

When was the last time you wanted to confront an issue with someone but didn’t know how?  Perhaps it felt too scary or threatened connection with that person?  Avoiding conflict is an easy habit to fall into, especially if you’re a recovering people-pleaser like me.  

And yet we know that honesty is so important.  When I learned that people-pleasing was, in fact, just another form of dishonesty, I decided I needed to shift my mindset around “speaking straight,” as I like to call it.  

However, There are times when honest conversation is not so helpful.  The other person may not be able to give you the thoughtful response you’re looking for.  In fact, it might be downright dangerous to initiate this form of transparency with the person who has caused you pain.  

Whether you’re dealing with fear around confrontation or a not-so-safe situation where a clear conversation may be counterproductive, this writing exercise is a game-changer.

I’m talking about letter writing.  It’s an effective, non-threatening way to process difficult emotions or experiences you have with someone…even yourself.  

The best part?  You can be brutally honest, working out past or present frustrations, and mentally, emotionally, and even physically manage situations that feel overwhelming.  

How does it work?  You simply put everything you need to say to someone down in letter-format.  You can write several drafts, starting out raw and unfiltered and eventually rounding it out with a bit more tact.  And, the best part is you get to decide if it’s worth sending the letter or not.  

This is so effective because YOU now step into your power by saying all you need to say—the good, bad, and ugly—for YOU.  When we can let go of the outcome and make this all about processing negative feeling emotions towards another person, we take responsibility for our process and slide into the driver seat of life.  

We shift from the victim to the hero of our story.

Sure, you can send the letter if you want.  But again, the secret sauce is in owning our power by letting go of outcomes and taking responsibility for our experience.  This exercise becomes more about a healthy way to process difficult experiences and less about manipulating or fixing what’s been lost, even if you are in the right. 

So, who do you need to write a letter to? What do you need closure or clearing around?  

Grab a pen and some paper and let’s get to it…

Loving What Is

What if the real way of personal transformation is more about subtraction than addition?  

What if, instead of white-knuckling our way through life, straining to gain more and more self-worth, meaning, and fulfillment, we could find a release in letting go?

When we use the Enneagram for deepening self-awareness and understanding, part of the  special sauce includes unlearning—unbecoming the conditioned self or ego.   

Sounds a bit whacky, right?  I know, but doesn’t it also bring a bit of relief?   

Part of the reason we get stuck in the first place is by living out of old, broken narratives that don’t fit and aren’t true for us anymore.  Sure, they may have made sense to us early on in life when we were trying to navigate how to show up and be accepted in this world.   Yet, as we mature and become adults, life becomes more complex—more nuanced.  

The black and white stories of our youth won’t suffice in a world full of grey.  

Consider this, the Greek word for “personality” is persona, meaning “mask.”  Isn’t that interesting?  This helps me understand just how much we wear our masks of personality in order to protect our true identity, or the more vulnerable parts of ourselves we aren’t too sure about.  

I mean, what if I were to truly be seen for who I am?  I could be rejected, found out, for the  fraud I really am?  

As an Enneagram four, I’ve had that thought more times than I care to count.  

The great news is our Enneagram type actually helps us identify the personality story we’ve been living out of for better or for worse.  By learning and understanding what that is, we bring  more self-awareness into our moment-by-moment experience, allowing us to slow down our process and respond to life’s curve balls rather than reacting to them.   

As we slow that process down, we can choose something novel, something different—and better.  We can un-become the limiting parts of our stories that were written a long time ago and desperately need editing by our adult selves.  We can….wait for it…. Love what is underneath all that hustle and exhaustion. 

What parts of your personality story keep you stuck?  What areas in your life do you long to unlearn—to release?  

Simply start there.  And ask yourself,  “what would my life look like right now if I didn’t believe this story?” 

Want to dig a bit further?  I’dl love to be your guide….

Going Deeper Into the Enneagram Community

Something I get asked often is “how do I use the Enneagram for personal growth and transformation?” And I love it!  

Why? Because I often fear folks misuse the Enneagram and use it to weaponize others (“Oh, Katie, you’re such a 4!), or as an excuse for bad behavior, (i.e. “I can’t help isolating when I feel misunderstood, I’m a 4 on the enneagram after all!”).

I get it.  Part of discovering our type is identifying with its tendencies and patterns. But if we stay in that space, never progressing to the transformational power of the tool, we sell ourselves short.  

Sure, there are lot’s of helpful enneagram tools out there online and on social media to deepen our knowledge and understanding, but again, there is SO MUCH MORE!  

A big part of growth and development is community.  We don’t heal in isolation, we heal in relationship.  Having a safe (very important) place to commune with other(s) (safe people) and explore the beautiful complexity of our Enneagram type and how we use the tool to create dynamic, impactful lives and relationships is key.  

But where can we find this?  

Ahhh, I’m so glad you asked!  I’ve been waiting to share with you the details of this special opportunity for a while now.  Beginning at the end of this month and going through the end of July, I’m hosting an Enneagram mastermind group in partnership with the Nashville City Club downtown.  It will be an intimate, closed group of 10 likeminded people journeying through a detailed curriculum I’ve been creating for some time.  It will be a time to make new friends, practice newfound personal insights, and put the enneagram to its incredible use.  

The best part of this group?  It happens on a Wednesday evening in a gorgeous space with delicious food and drinks and a view of Nashville to die for.  If you’re interested, click here for all the details.  There are a few spots left (and a waiting list you can join for our next one!) 

I can’t wait to go deeper with you into this creative enneagram community so soon!

Why You Keep Overcommitting

I used to be a lot sweeter.  I used to say yes most of the time.  I used to jam pack my days into nights with everything from coffee/lunch meetings to work (obvi) to school to long phone conversations with friends in need to shows and dinners and…you get it—contained chaos.  

Yet I worked so hard and simultaneously complained about feeling overwhelmed with little to show for it.  “What gives?”  I’d wonder this to myself more days than not.

Around age 34, I woke up to a cold, hard realization. It wasn’t pretty either.  I realized I was overcommitting to others out of fear and obligation, and in the process, was under-serving myself.  I was playing small in my life due one of two possible self-diagnoses (or probably both):

1. FOMO (fear of missing out) 

2. FOBA (fear of being alone).  

Basically, fear and scarcity were running the show, which is really about self-worth, not time-management.  

I would drop everything to help others actualize their dreams, but when it came to pushing mine forward, I was the one missing in action.  I’d rather procrastinate the deep work of creating my vision in order to pick up the pieces for others around me.  It was an immediate, (if not false) hit of belonging straight to the old ego.  

I also found I wasn’t as sweet as I’d been letting on.  Behind the saccharine-laced veil, I was cynical and resentful, constantly comparing myself to others and critical of my inability to make something happen.    

I started making some changes.  I got more honest…less sweet.  I started taking forensic inventory as to what I wanted and shifted my priorities around to facilitate those things.  You know what I wanted? To be seen, heard, and to affect change in the world.  Baby-step after baby-step, I started waking up to these desires—and honoring them.  After all, no one else could ever do this for me.  Sure, I could put support in place, but I had to do the work.  And this “work" actually smelled like joy. 

Bumpy at best, I’m still on the journey, yet I’ve found greater congruence and confidence in this new way.  I’ve also found tons more time to appropriate to the meaningful relationships that matter most to me.  

Oh, but there’s something else you should know.  A reckoning of sorts took place.  That hit I mentioned earlier? Well, at the core of all my “overwhelm” that kept me spinning out of control was a gaping hole I was desperately trying to fill: my needs for love, acceptance, and belonging.  

I woke up to the unflattering reality that I was spread so thin in an effort to get these core needs met, and in the process, abandoned myself and my desires altogether leaving a bad aftertaste of resentment and utter discouragement.  

If you find yourself constantly overcommitting and overwhelmed, I’ve got good news for you: 

You can step off the treadmill at any time.  You can choose something different—something resonant and true for you.  Yet, In order to see your dreams become reality, you must be willing to let go of some extra baggage:

1. The belief that other people need you more than you need you.

2. Saying yes to too many social obligations to be nice and fit in.

3. Staying busy to avoid your needs and desires.

4. Toxic relationships that breed self-doubt. 

5. Any reason that convinces you that you don’t have what it takes (aka fear).

6. Comparison with others (Is all that screen time really necessary?).

7. Playing the victim when setbacks arise (and they will).

My hunch is, you want to be seen too.  I sure hope so—It’s your birthright! You weren’t created to hide behind the agendas of other people.  You weren’t created to be nice.  You weren’t even created to be liked.  Let’s face it, you’re not for everyone.  You were created to be the most beautiful, bold, and true YOU imaginable.  Oh, she’s in there, alright.  And she’s a force of nature.  Yes, we need to see her.…