How to Heal from Trauma

I often get asked this question, “How do you treat trauma?”  

My favorite approach is Brainspotting (BSP).

The world of psychology is quickly progressing in the direction of brain-based science these days, which is beyond cool to me.  BSP is a “brain-body based” relational therapy developed by Dr. David Grand used to heal emotional pain and blocks, and is especially effective when treating trauma. Here’s how it works: 

Basically, when you hold a particular eye position while concurrently having biolateral sound in your ears, it is possible to access trauma stored way down deep in the subcortical part of the brain, a place that traditional talk therapy alone cannot touch. Because trauma is housed, or filed away in capsule like bundles in this mid part of the brain, techniques such as BSP have been proven to unlock these painful experiences, allowing for the brain to process them as past tense events instead of crippling now and future experiences. With the lightened physical and emotional load, we are no longer weighed down by trauma and associated pain trapped in the body and can function at much higher levels. Many people, including myself, experience relief in body tension and alignment, as well as a greater ability to be in the present moment, free from that constant tendency to live “out there” either in a past or future mind set. 

Intrigued? There’s more... 

Each and every brain is literally a genius, containing one quadrillion (1,000,000,000,000,000) neuron connections (Daniel Amen). That’s 15 zero’s people!! That being said, those connections link and associate to and around traumatic experiences and build over time, forming capsule like containers in the mid brain, which controls our bodily function, instinct, thought, creativity, and spirituality. This is why trauma often stunts functioning and points us to therapy in the first place. Perhaps the best news I’ve gathered in my personal research and training is that the brain is so powerful, so resilient, it is capable of healing itself. BSP advances this healing dramatically. I have been fascinated by the mind-body connection for some time now, and learning this new technique is only whetting my appetite for greater healing through that connection. 

Who benefits from Brainspotting? 

BSP is helpful and applicable for anyone facing challenges and feeling stuck. It is used often for anxiety, depression, relational problems, functioning problems, and chronic pain. Trauma victims benefit hugely as stated earlier. In thinking about trauma, keep in mind that this means anything unwanted or unnatural that we experience. There are the “Big T” traumas and “Little t” traumas. Our unique stories of personal pain and hardship are all relative; I can’t discount my trauma just because it might not look as vivid and awful as yours. Your story, your pain is what you know and that makes it enough to reach out for resources of healing and support. BSP and therapy in general must always hold our unique personal journeys very gently and without judgment. 

Does BSP replace Talk Therapy? 

Not at all. I’m a big believer in an integrated approach to therapy when treating trauma, tailoring treatment to fit the specific and unique needs of the client. BSP is part of this holistic approach and by no means substitutes the need for talk therapy. However, sometimes I do believe we talk around challenges and issues in therapy too much, rebranding it in our beings. If I am doing my job to the best of my ability, clients will spend less time in therapy and more time out in the world connecting to their best selves. 

If you are interested in doing the deeper work of Brainspotting, I’d love to support you.  

If it makes you happy

You’ve probably heard it before, the pithy phrase, “Happiness is an inside job.” But have you ever stopped to ask yourself why?  After all, isn’t happiness based on circumstance while joy is the real coveted virtue? In that case, happiness would seem outside of ourselves all together.  While I’m not sure about that, I do know I like being happy more than not. 

In the last several years, I’ve been fascinated by the human brain and have spent tons of time trying to understand it more.  After all, your brain is literally a genius and has the power to heal itself completely over time.  This is why there’s such hopeful prognoses for those who’ve experienced horrific traumas.  

You can’t study the brain without delving into concepts such as the conscious and unconscious mind.  While that’s another post for another day, know this:

Just as the quote mentions above, we possess unfathomable creative control as humans when we learn to harness and practice intentionally directing our thoughts and feelings in the way of our desires.  Sound too airy fairy for your taste?  Fair enough, but check out Dr. Habib Sadeghi’s book Within, to understand the science behind it.  It’s undoubtedly a game-changer. 

Today, I want to give you five helpful reminders as you go about cultivating more happiness and meaning in your everyday experience:

1. Happiness is a practice, not a destination.  We must learn to practice happiness in the small, insignificant moments throughout the day rather than “saving up” for an unrealistic circumstantial pay-off.  

2. We can’t experience happiness without pain.  Life is a series of contractions and expansions.  Picture a caterpillar inching right along.  There are equal contractions and expansions that keep him moving forward.  

3. We create our own emotional experiences by the beliefs we choose to adopt.  Beliefs are simply thoughts we practice thinking over and over again.  Your past thoughts and beliefs have created the reality you’re in today.  

4. Happiness is not contingent on your story.  You and I have agency to write the stories we want to live into.  By taking total responsibility for our experiences and resulting emotions, we are able to move through them and create greater hope and meaning.

5. It’s okay to not be okay. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be happy. Yet if life is equal parts expansion and contraction, we must learn to be okay with sadness, heartache, loneliness, and anger. When we learn to contain and process our emotions in a healthy way and extend self-compassion to ourselves on the other side, we will likely experience less resistance and more equilibrium in life. If you have a bad day, let yourself be in it, process it, and move through it instead of faking it.

I wish I'd had this 5 years ago

I’ve heard it said, as writers, our ideal audience is us, five years ago.  So at 42, I’m writing to my 37-year-old self.  After all, we write what we know.  I suppose the lessons of life take a solid three to five years (at least!) to really get into our bones.

Five years ago, I was on a tear, hustling in about 20 different directions all in the name of productivity—worthiness I suppose.  I had one speed…fast.  Even though I’d come a long way on my journey of healing and wholeness, I was swinging hard in the direction of impossible expectations for myself and my life.  

In fact, I was so worn out, my body started to slowly break down, manifesting all sorts of back, neck, and jaw pain.  Even though I didn’t feel depressed, my body began calling out for some attention as there was still some work to be done deep inside.  Sure, I’d been a therapist for a while, yet needed to take my own advice and stop ignoring parts of me that desperately needed some love.

Let’s just say, I was seriously confused about the whole self-care thing.  I worked out hard, I enjoyed time with girlfriends, I went for the occasional mani/pedi, I journaled here and there, but I never fully stepped off the treadmill of what I’ve come to call my internal split.  By this I mean, my disconnection from myself and the present moment.  I was always somewhere else,  “out there.”  Self-care felt like a detour—a delayed pit stop or something.   

Fast forward  to today.  A lot has happened.  I got married, had my son, witnessed a pandemic, overcame breast cancer.  And somewhere in there, I woke up to the glaring fact that something needed to change if I wanted to actually show up authentically for my family and my dreams.  My internal  split needed an internal shift.  I knew a different set of circumstances wouldn’t change anything.  For the first time in my life, I quit hustling for my worthiness and started caring for the little girl inside who was flat out  tired.   

I’d mistaken self-care for something to be checked off the to-do list, quickly to return to life as I knew it.  It felt squishy—or weak or something.   It became a way to numb the soreness after a long day, like a glass of wine or a nice long bubble bath.  Whereas those things are lovely, they never seemed  to make me feel alive or more me.  Relaxing?  Yes.  Connective? hmmm…not so much.

I wish I’d known what true self-care is five years ago.  I wish I’d had a  roadmap, or ritual, to practice on the regular that was grounding, healing,  and life-giving.   Sure, I did eventually figure it out by the grace of God and some hardcore burnout. Maybe this was exactly as it should be.  However, I’d like to break the fall for anyone who’s curious. 

I believe we get good at whatever we practice.  Resilience in life is really about practice.   True self- care is simply nurturing resilience and compassion through practice in our everyday life.  It’s about bringing our whole self online—integrating mind, body, and spirit. 

Want to go deeper into that space with me? Join me in the Practice.

How to Reclaim Your Power Every Day

Almost one year ago, I got an unwanted phone call.  On the other end was Dr. Lisa Bellin, the breast specialist at St. Thomas West hospital here in Nashville, TN.  She gave me the grim news that the biopsy she performed two days earlier was in fact, cancer.  

Talk about an absolute loss of power.  It was one of those crystallizing moments in time that mark the boundary between life as I’d known it and a life that was unknown…and scary as hell.

Because if it’s not a breast cancer diagnosis, it’s a pandemic, a tornado, systemic racism, the stock market, or the bleak mid-winter of loneliness.   

Now more than ever, we face an unfolding uncertainty.  We must learn how to respond rather than react.  There’s a difference. 

I suppose we could decide on any given day that life is just too hard, and not worth the time and effort to make sense of any of it.  We could give up.

I’ve been there more times than I care to admit.  

And yet I go to work every day and meet with courageous souls who long to show up for themselves and their loved ones despite the chaos spinning around them.  

They are in pain, yet they don’t want to suffer.  Again, another difference.

We will inevitably experience pain in life.  Some more than others.  Pain is undemocratic.  It’s  part of life.  Suffering, on the other hand, is the story of defeat we believe about our pain.  This is optional.  

If you want to read a book and be transformed by a story of overcoming in the face of dire circumstances and pain, read Viktor Frankl’s, Man’s Search for Meaning.  It’s the original  playbook on reclaiming personal power.  He survived the Holocaust and harnessed that pain  to pioneer a life-giving approach to psychology called Logotherapy.  It’s not about avoiding pain.  It’s about finding meaning in the midst of the pain.  

This is what I’m reminded of today: our personal power is not contingent of our circumstances.  Our personal power is contingent on the wink of a moment that separates our circumstance from our response.  Our personal power lies in the ability to slow down that moment and stretch it out.  The space we create in that moment is everything.  It gives way to the story we will live out of moving forward.  

Your power is in your choice.

Oh, if we could bottle up this beauty and drink just a tablespoon every morning as a part of our  personal narratives.  

But wait…we can.  

How will you wield it today?  

An Enneagram Approach to Mind, Body, Spirit

The Enneagram is not your average personality test.  In fact, that’s not even how it was originally intended to be used.  There have been evolving iterations of this powerful tool.  Some say it goes all the way back to the 4th century.  Whereas there is some controversy over the exact conception of the Enneagram, I think we can all agree that it is pretty dynamic—providing endless opportunities for personal growth and development.  

Especially the modern Enneagram of personality, the system we know and love today.  It helps us identify our personality type (1 of 9 core types) so that we can learn and understand the inner workings of our patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior.  It doesn’t just leave us wanting for more, cold and hungry, on the doorstep of personality type.  It goes much deeper, inviting us into the warmth and shelter of deeper self understanding and compassion.  It leads us into wholeness, mapping out a distinct route for holistic well-being—and greater freedom.  

How does it do all this? 

In many ways, but the easiest and most accessible for you and I at every given moment is this: simply by bringing balance where there is imbalance.  

The Enneagram teaches that we are dynamic, three-brained beings.  You heard me.  We have brain cells not only in our brains, but in the lining of our hearts and stomachs.  That said, we have more than one center of intelligence and depending on what your Enneagram type is, you connect most readily to one of those intelligences.  Eight’s, Nine’s, and One’s are in the body center, Two’s, Three’s, and Four’s are in the heart center, and Five’s, Sixes, and Seven’s are in the head center.  

This translates to holistic well-being in that when we discover our type, we also discover our dominant center of intelligence so that we can bring more balance into our everyday experience by turning up the other two. 

For example, as a type 4, I am very well acquainted with my emotional landscape.  Perhaps too well acquainted!  My job isn’t to turn down this accessibility, but to dial up the others.  To connect more to an analytical, cognitive, fact-checking intelligence as well as a body, instinctual, doing intelligence.  I like what Helen Palmer said, (though perhaps a bit simplistic):

Body types need to get into their hearts, heart types need to get into their heads, head types need to get into their bodies.  

Bottom line, we all need to balance out our relationship to all three!  And this is the ongoing, self-awareness work of the Enneagram.

Want to go deeper?  Check out the Practice, my Enneagram-based self-care program!