Out: Your Best Self | In: Your Favorite Self

There’s a constant tug-of-war happening inside each of us, and it plays out every single day. On one side, there’s your best self—that idealized, striving, ever performing part of you that means well, but tends to be exhausting what with all that hustle and sparkle.  Sure, she knows what you’re capable of, but she tends to nag a little too loudly.  She sees failure as fatal and rest, well, a waste. I spent many years chasing her and never seemed to catch up.  

So I started nurturing my favorite self—the one who accepts herself as is, flaws and all, with the same kindness and care she would a dear friend.  She doesn’t take herself so seriously and knows that her worth and value are nonnegotiable.  She isn’t afraid to say “no,” even if it means disappointing someone important.  She stopped abandoning herself to please others and this frees up so much time and energy to create meaning and beauty in life and give generously from a place of honesty. 

Both of these selves have a seat at the table, but if you’re anything like me, you’ve realized that keeping them in balance can feel like herding cats.

Your best self is the part of you that craves control. It’s the one that is in direct conflict with Grace.  It constantly throws around words like “should” and “ought.” She lives in a world of black and white, crippled by all-or-nothing thinking.

This self isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it’s often quite charming and effective. It knows how to keep you on task, largely disconnected from your heart and body. But here’s the catch: your best self is praised and admired by much of the world around you. Its job is to keep you safe in the small story of you. 

Your favorite self, if you get real honest, plays the long game. This is the part of you that envisions your inherent worthiness and calls you home to the gentle whispers of Grace. It’s not always the loudest voice, but if you can turn down the noise of unrealistic expectations and obligations, she invites you home to the truth of who you are.  She’s playful and sometimes quite funny.  She knows the voice of her needs and desires and asks for help freely.  She falls down but gets back up.  Resilience is her superpower.  

Your favorite self knows that slow growth builds the strongest outcomes.  She is fully aware that self and others compassion is equal parts love and limits and that setting boundaries feels scary, but it’s the only way to create authentic relationships. She sees the big picture and invites you to step into it—even when it feels impossible.

Living in the Tension

Here’s the thing: your best self and your favorite self are both part of you. The goal isn’t to silence one or glorify the other—it’s to learn how to discern when each one needs to take the lead.

For me, this discernment often starts with curiosity. When I find myself leaning into my best self, I pause and ask, What am I afraid of? What do I need God to do for me that I can’t do for myself? What would my favorite self do in this moment? Sometimes the answer is a hard truth, like putting in the work instead of binge watching Shrinking.  ;) Other times, it’s permission to rest and recharge.

It’s not about perfection—it’s about practice.

Practical Ways to Tap into Your Best Self

1. Create Space for Reflection: Your best self thrives in the quiet. Set aside time each day to journal, meditate, or simply sit with your thoughts.

2. Check in with Your Values: When you’re making a decision, ask yourself, Does this align with the person I want to be?

3. Start Small: Growth doesn’t happen overnight. Commit to small, consistent actions that move you toward your goals.

4. Show Yourself Grace: You won’t get it right every time, and that’s okay. Treat yourself with compassion and keep moving forward.

The truth is, the tension between your best self and your favorite self is where the magic happens. It’s where you learn, grow, and discover what you’re truly capable of. So, the next time you’re tempted to settle into the seductive lull of your best self, take a moment. Listen to that quiet nudge from your favorite self, and ask, What would happen if I chose faith over fear today?

P.S. If you’re looking for support along the way, join my enneagram-based self-care program called the Practice.  

Discover Love through the Enneagram: A Valentine's Event

Ah, Valentine's Day.  I see you right around the corner, in all of your pink and red Hallmark wonder.  It certainly can sneak up on you, or, dare I suspect, perhaps you tend to ignore it??  It can certainly be a tricky day for many!

Have you thought much about what you’re going to do?  Well, either way, I’ve got you. I’ve put together a brand new and interesting twist on it this year…and who knows? It might even leave a sweeter taste in your mouth than before!

Come celebrate love with me this Valentine’s season in a way that’s meaningful, fun, and memorable.  You heard me! Bring your special someone to a Valentine’s event you don’t want to miss.  We will unlock the relational secrets of the Enneagram to help you connect on a deeper level over a delicious meal at the stunning City Club in Downtown Nashville.  

Here’s the deal…

✨ What to Expect:

• An Intro to the Enneagram: Gain a baseline understanding of the powerful personality and character typing system and its 9 core types.

• Type-Based Connection Points: Engage in interactive exercises designed to highlight how your Enneagram type shapes your relationships.

• Love Languages by Type: Learn how to express and receive love in ways that truly resonate.

• Compatibility Insights: Explore the dynamics between types and how they can spark or strengthen romance.

• Fun & Festive Atmosphere: Enjoy delicious themed food, drinks, music, and opportunities to mingle with new, like-minded people.
  

💖 Perfect For:

• Couples seeking to deepen their bond

• Couples seeking to better understand the motivating fears and  desires of their partner

• Couples who want to learn more about the Enneagram together

• Couples who’d rather have dinner than go to therapy (Thank me later;)
  

📅 Date: Saturday, Feb. 8, 6-8:30pm

📍 Location: Nashville City Club, 200 2nd Ave S, Nashville

🎟️ Tickets: $175/couple + Dinner & drinks

Unlock the power of the Enneagram to create the relationships you’ve always dreamed of. Love is in the air…are you ready?

Reserve your spot now!

This is Your Year!

I’ve been itching to say these words for awhile now: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Whereas tangibly nothing is different and the clock just rolled over as it  does every December 31st, what does seem to change is our mindset—how we approach time.

There’s a stirring in the air, a blank slate if you will, and yet nothing has really changed.  Interesting isn’t it?  

I love what Meister Eckhart said, “Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.” A new year presents the invitation to begin again. I believe every morning presents the same life-giving invitation as well. It’s an opportunity to live wholeheartedly, with purpose and curiosity. It’s the opportunity to step into your God-given shoes of worthiness no matter what is achieved, accomplished, or lost.  

You are the hero of your own journey. In every single good story, the hero is met with upending challenges that test belief, identity, and most of all, hope. And yet you, the hero, have the opportunity to begin again, every single day, with fresh vision and commitment.  

I’d love to be your guide this year in my newsletter.  You can expect to gain short, practical insights and opportunities every Tuesday that make it just a bit easier to show up for yourself—and be with yourself—in a courageous and loving way.  And of course, it’s forever steeped in the Enneagram!

Over the next few weeks, I'll share details about some other ways to feel truly supported and always evolving in 2025, including:

• 1:1 Enneagram Coaching

• Enneagram Couples half and full-day intensives

• Enneagram Mastermind Series starting up in March

• The Experiential Book Club starting up in February

• Enneagram in the Workplace: Team workshops and intensives

Last but not least, I’d love for you to join me in my monthly subscription program called the Practice, if you’re interested in creating structure and accountability as you embark on the goals and intentions you’ve set for yourself this year.  It’s an online toolkit that combines practical ways to use the Enneagram, mindfulness, and self-compassion in your daily experience as well as connect to a community of like-minded folks.  

Wherever you decide to join me, I want you to know how grateful I am to be  a part of your wellness journey.  It’s such an honor! 

I’ll leave you with a question:

If you continue on the self-development path you are on, where would you  like to be a year from now? What does your life look like? What’s different?  The same?

I’d love to hear your answers!  Drop me a line if you’d like.

Alright,  friends!  It’s showtime…

Palate Cleanser

Happy New Year!

We’re doing it! We’re about to cross over the threshold of 2025, showing up for ourselves all along the way.  Time is a totally different beast after journeying through cancer treatment and recovery these past 3 years.  I don’t take a single day for granted.  I also cherish you, my community, and family more than ever.  After what felt like my whole world being swallowed up by health for those last several years, it’s been truly amazing to have more presence as a mom, a wife, a friend, and a therapist.  

So, 2025 marks some welcomed endings and exciting beginnings!

That said, there’s always the temptation to bite off more than we can commit to when considering New Year’s resolutions.  Like I’ve said before, I’m convinced humans choose extremes over balance more days than not. We go all in, sink or swim, only to wake up a week later in too deep and gasping for air.  

So let’s ease into it. Let’s hit the palate cleanse. Let’s listen to the gentle rhythms of our desires, our longings, our needs. Let’s partner with ourselves from a place of self-compassion, like we would a loved one we believe in and want to support. Let’s speak to ourselves with kindness and curiosity, turning down that harsh inner critic that keeps us small and hustling for worthiness. Let’s breathe more—slower and deeper than usual.  I’m convinced we could all use a return to the breath and the body as a way of being present.

Let’s start small. And from that place of stillness and silence, we begin to etch out the tiny, two-degree shifts of growth and expansion that over time, create big breakthroughs. It’s often helpful to partner with a professional in order to gain greater support and accountability. If you’re looking to use the Enneagram as a part of your 2025 self-development, I’d love to help make that happen.  You’re the expert at you, and I’ve got a detailed roadmap to get you from where you feel stuck to where you long to be.  

No matter what you want to create in your life this year, I hope you’ll continue to journey with me.  I’ve got some exciting stuff coming your way that I can’t wait to share.  

In the meantime, do a little dreaming…a little playing.  It’s time to let your true self take the wheel.  She’s ready!  

A Christmas Letter to You

I have a hunch you have a lot going on this week. With Christmas tomorrow and New Years just around the bend, many of us are traveling, gathering, and hopefully…connecting.  

I’m reminded of how lonely this time of year can be as well.  I’ve had many seasons of life where the holidays were, very truly, bleak.  So I can’t help but write you today and check in.  As an Enneagram type 4, that sensitive ache is never too far off, for better or worse.  I say yes to the ache, though.  Without it, I forget how fragile and thin life’s veil is.  I learned that big time with my cancer diagnosis.  

Interestingly, I feel more connected to you as I connect to my own human frailty. This is why the practice of self-compassion is so beautiful and spacious. It invites our pain and suffering to have a voice, knowing that this is the connective tissue of this being human.  It doesn’t shut that voice out  in the cold, though. It leans in, curiously, with kindness—so as to alleviate that felt pain and loneliness. It says, “I see you, friend.  I see your pain—the weight of your heavy burden—and I love you no matter what.  I’ll stay awhile with you.”  

This season, consider someone in need.  Who might be alone?  Who may be hurting?  As you enter into the spirit of the season, invite them there with you, even in the prayer chamber of your heart.  What a powerful message we send to the world as we create space in our hearts for the ones who are broken…We overcome scarcity with generosity—lack with abundance.  

I pray this week, you would hear more love than noise, see more light than sorrow, feel more joy than fear.  In the quiet hours of the morning, I pray that you sense a palpable belonging.  

Merry Christmas, Love.