Keep the Chocolate, Skip the Judgment.

Remember way back to that vaguely familiar feeling you had on New Year’s Day?  I know, it might take some focus.  For me, this feels like a year ago.  

How did you ring in 2019? Did you have high hopes in a New Year’s Resolution that felt shiny and hopeful?  Perhaps you wanted to start saving more money, lose some weight, or learn Italian.  Where are you with these resolutions today?  Have you managed to stick with them? Are you flirting with the idea of giving it another go? Or, like me, did you abandon them about three weeks in when boredom set in and you needed to shake things up again? (read: return to the old familiar ways).  

Guess what? Whatever your response—wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of personal goals and fulfillment is exactly where you’re meant to be, in my book at least.  Why? Because your journey is just that…yours.  

Tara Mohr says it beautifully, “Where we think we need more self-discipline, we usually need more self-love.”

Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, or the first day of Lent, a 40-day season in the traditional Catholic Liturgical calendar.  During this season, many people commit to a form of fasting or “giving up” something they normally tend to rely on or enjoy.  The usual suspects are sugar, alcohol, social media, swearing, or some form of junk food.  One year I gave up wine only to adopt a new found fascination with beer, which in turn jacked up my digestion and created a constant craving for all things salty.  This made me highly bloated and lasted only a week.  Also, I missed the point entirely…or did I?

Call me unspiritual, weak, or a lush.  Whatever. I can handle it.  What I can’t handle is the violent judgment we inflict on ourselves and our good intentions the minute we fall short of the, often fear-based, strict expectations we place on ourselves.  

Make no mistake, seasons of fasting or going without can be helpful. Though I am no poster child for this spiritual practice, I do believe it to be a powerful tradition that ultimately helps create greater balance and clarity in our lives.  However, finding yet another opportunity to lather up in the shame shower of “not enough” ultimately separates us from a higher, loving, spiritual pursuit.  

Now if I chose to give something up for Lent or other spiritual reasons, I make sure to check the motive and most importantly, the way I relate to myself in the process.  After all, these seasons are meant to create more connection with ourselves and Higher Power, not more distance.  

Whether you consider yourself spiritual or not, I’d like to invite you into a 40-day season of mindful awareness.  Basically, what you will be mindful of during this season is the self-judgment you have on a daily basis (and we all have it).  

Hear me out: I’m challenging you to be a neutral observer of your harsh inner critic not try to fix anything.  We all need discernment as we move through our days.  This is not the self-judgment I’m referring to.  

Perhaps your self-judgment is so engrained you don’t even notice it.  That’s okay.  The first step in any healing journey is always awareness.  So, our work is to wake up to the inner dialog and resulting treatment of ourselves on a daily basis.  

Not only will this improve our overall self-worth and emotional experience, it will transform your relationships with others.  Typically, if we practice heavy judgment towards ourselves, we do the same with others.  

To support this season of mindful-awareness and greater compassion, I’m leaving you with a short reflection from May Cause Miracles by Gabby Bernstein.  It’s meant to encourage you and remind you it’s not all up to you over the next 40-days.  Take a screen shot of it and read it aloud once or twice a day.  Then, allow yourself to simply sit with it for a minute or two.  

I surrender.  Today I turn over all the fearful projections that I have placed upon myself.  I release all self-doubt and attack today.  In this moment, I choose to let it all go.  I am willing to be guided to new projections.  I am willing to love myself again.  Inner Guide, please take the steering wheel and show me how to truly surrender my fear so I can wholeheartedly love myself again.  

So go ahead, keep your chocolate. I say we skip the judgement instead…

Love & Gratitude,
Katie   

Stressed out? I Got You.

When was the last time someone asked you how you were doing in passing and you replied, “Calm, inspired, and totally energized!” In fact, have you ever responded like this besides that time you were fresh off your two week vacation in the Maldives? 

Me neither.

Typically, the response goes something like this, “Sooooo busy.”  If it’s a Friday afternoon before a holiday weekend, it could have a hopeful lilt, “Good! Soooo busy though.”  

As a culture, we tend to deify stress and busyness, wearing it like a badge of honor or something.  God forbid we have margins of time, energy, and rest laying around everywhere.

In my experience, running on fumes of stress and anxiety eventually left me immobilized—an insomniac bobble head at certain low points along the way.  However, over the last several years, I’ve made it a mission to fully understand what it means to live consciously and in soft balance, connected to myself as opposed to running like hell.  It’s not perfect, but I’ve had some incredible findings along the way.

One of the biggest lessons learned is this vital need to balance out my relationship with all three centers of intelligence: mind, body, and spirit.  So often, we either live “out there” in some future state, running ops on everything that could go wrong in our minds or we’re letting our emotions drive us around all day while we ride shotgun.  Both scenarios feel powerless.

Today, I want to briefly unpack why stress is so harmful to our overall neurobiology and physicality.  Hopefully, it will be a wakeup call for those of us proudly touting our epic workloads, deadlines, and lack of sleep around like we’ve just won a Nobel Peace Prize. 

First off, not all stress is bad, nor are the hormones stress creates in the body as a result.  They ebb and flow throughout the day in order to help us adjust to the stressors of normal, everyday life.  Moments like waking up (no joke!), getting to work on time, giving a presentation, getting a traffic ticket, and even being surprised on your birthday all require shifts in our internal ecosystem to stay regulated.  

More good news, stress is highly manageable.  We’ll look at ways to do so a bit later.  

Long-term stress left unchecked, however, is a different beast.  Our bodies and brains weren’t created to undergo this brand of stress and anxiety.  In fact, in as much as we think we’re being responsible and hardworking, we are directly inflicting ongoing toxic wounds on ourselves.  This eventually will show in the form of negative, noticeable emotional and physical symptoms. 

Neuroscientists at the University of California, Berkeley, have discovered that chronic stress produces long-term changes in brain structure and function.  This sheds light on the fact that youngsters exposed to ongoing stress early in life likely will develop mental illness and mood disorders such as anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even learning difficulties.  

As a natural line of defense, our adrenal glands produce a hormone called Cortisol when we’re met with stressful situations as part of the fight-or-flight mechanism.  With good stress (eustress) these levels balance out once the threat of danger has passed and the body and brain return to normal.  

However, in a state of chronic stress (distress), our friend Cortisol has no outlet to release and the body stays locked in this hyper fight-or-flight mechanism.  This survival mechanism must be released physically from the body and when it’s not, cortisol levels skyrocket in the blood, declaring war on our mind and body.  

The wreckage?  Lower immunity and bone density, weight gain, sleep problems, memory loss, learning disability, irritability (duh), increased blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease, and inflammation throughout the body.  

If that list doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will.  Bottom line my friend, we must be vigilant in listening to the needs of our bodies and emotions and practice actively getting them met.  

Here are a few helpful tips that will reduce the effects of chronic stress and resulting cortisol levels in the body:

1. Regular physical activity: I’m an exercise evangelist.  This blew past vanity a long time ago as I experienced the direct positive effect daily exercise has on my mood and overall experience.  It is my anti-depressant of choice.  We absolutely must move our bodies regularly to aid the release of cortisol from our bodies and support emotional processing.   

2. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation and deep breathing are vital in reducing stress and cortisol levels.  Why?  They engage the Vagus nerve which signals your nervous system to chill out, slow the heart rate as well as cortisol levels.  Next time you’re in the death grip of stress, take ten deep breaths.  Panic cannot co-exist with a relaxed state.  Click here for one of my favorite meditation resources. 

3. Community:  Social interaction is a powerful antidote for stress and anxiety.  In fact, human bonding also triggers that Vagus nerve mentioned earlier, relaxing the parasympathetic nervous system.  Not only that, social connectivity releases that yummy hormone called oxytocin, which directly lowers the fight-or-flight mechanism.  That whole eight hugs in a day thing is real!

4. Laughter and music: Both are game changers and have been proven to lower cortisol levels.  Not only that, but they invite us into the experience of the present moment, the most desirable real estate on the planet when it comes to experiencing more levity and joy.  

This list isn’t meant to overwhelm you, but to offer you several two-degree shifts you can bake into your everyday experience in order to manage stress a bit better.  Often times, community can be the toughest need to meet.  I get it, and that's why I have created a couple of upcoming opportunities for you to gain a greater sense of connection and support.  Click here for more on that.

Last thing I’ll say before I land this plane: you are created to thrive, not merely survive.  If you find yourself needing to upgrade some self-defeating beliefs, please reach out.  I’m here to support you in any way I can.  Often times it takes just a small tweak in direction to course-correct and bring you safely home where you belong: Love.  

Love & Gratitude,
Katie 

The Moment We've Been Waiting For...

Do you spend most of your days living from the neck up?  You know, all cozy and comfy in the confines of that overworked thinking-mind of yours?  If you answered yes, you’re not alone my friend.  In fact, from what I’ve learned as a therapist and recovering everything, I’m convinced the top two challenges we face today are anxiety and loneliness.  

Anxiety is an epidemic in our current cultural overdrive of striving and control.  It takes one to know one, so you should know I’ve got some certifiable experience in this illusory realm.  Not only that, but I’ve experienced tremendous healing through what I believe to be the answer to this cry for help.  

I’ve been studying brain science a lot lately.  I’m far from expert, but at the turtle pace I’ve been going in this general direction, I know enough to scratch the surface of the powerful mind-body connection I’ve come to live (and literally breathe) by.  

I’m learning one of the most detrimental side effects of stress and anxiety on the brain and body is literal disease (dis-ease), eventually leading to numbing strategies, isolation, and loneliness.  There’s that big “L” word.  

What I’m also learning is one of the key remedies for a stressed out world is not a pill or even an hour of therapy, though this can be helpful.  

You know what it is?  Community.  

Dr. Mark Hyman, Medical Director at the Cleveland Clinic’s Center for Functional Medicine and #1 New York Times Bestselling Author says, “The power of community to create health is far greater than any physician, clinic or hospital.”  I’d go on to add psychotherapist to his list.  

I wholeheartedly believe in individual therapy.  It’s been a lifeline for me at times along the way.  However, I’m convinced we need more.  We simply must experience the power of healing in the context of community.  

For this reason, my approach to therapy is three-pronged: Individual therapy supported by both group therapy and an ongoing daily regimen prescribed specifically to meet your unique needs.  Conscious self-awareness glues it all together.   

In light of this, I’m thrilled to invite you deeper into this transformational work.  Over the past several years, I’ve been designing a 6-month experiential group that will launch in March!  This design is built on my own group work and training at Onsite Workshops, The Narrative Enneagram, personal research and feedback from clients throughout the last decade-plus.  

If you’re in Nashville and looking for a different approach to therapy, a break from individual therapy, or a supportive cushion for the successful work you’re already doing, Bloom Groups are for you.  

On Thursday, March 14th at 6:30pm, I’ll be hosting a Bloom Group kick-off at the stunning White Avenue Studio for anyone interested in learning more about this opportunity.  You'll  get a taste of what you can expect in group by exploring the power of community, experiential therapy, and the mind-body-spirit connection.  (There may even be yoga and delicious treats involved.) 

You’ll meet others, like yourself, who are committed to this journey of self-exploration and transformation.   

I’m beyond excited to go deeper into your story this year as well as offer a safe, fun space to thrive and truly be seen and known.  

Click HERE to learn more about and sign up for The Bloom Groups Kick-off. 

Love & Gratitude,
Katie

Bossa Nova, the Beatles, and the Problem with Perfection

I was driving the other day.  For some reason, I couldn’t get the bluetooth on my phone to connect with the car’s sound system, so I found myself listening to the Beatles station on XM radio.  I’ve been in a podcast haze for the last several months, and despite my affinity for them, was needing a bit of melody in my heart and body to balance out all that heightened cognitive consumption.  

I didn’t grow up on the Beatles mind you.  Sure, both my parents were musicians, yet they didn’t really grow up on the Beatles either.  It wasn’t their thing.  They (and as a result, I) grew up on jazz, namely, the Bossa Nova brand.  I’m not mad about it either.  

My Beatles education comes from my husband.  As a drummer, producer, and the biggest music nerd I’ve ever met, he’s constantly schooling me about the legendary imprint those fab four left on the world.  I’m grateful for this and always trying to listen for another layer of genius each time I hear one of their songs.  

Back to the other day...I had one of those “aha” moments in the car on my way back from Target.  You ready for this?  

We absolutely can’t entertain the creative process and perfectionism in the same room, let alone breathe.  They are distinct enemies and hate each other’s guts.  

Why?  Creativity is messy and takes loads of courage and curiosity.  Perfectionism depends on control and reeks of fear.   Creativity requires letting go in order to trust a higher, more vulnerable process.  Perfectionism is an excuse we give ourselves as to why we stay stuck in the need for certainty.  Really, it’s just a scared man’s game.  There’s nothing virtuous or noble about perfectionism.  It’s a total sham.  

If you listen back to some of Bossa Nova’s most magical moments, you’ll undoubtedly find two central characters, Astrud Gilberto & Antonio Carlos Jobim (well three…Stan Getz).  You know what you will not find?  Autotune, a thing they use in modern music production that can take your tone deaf 82-year-old grandmother and make her sound like Brandi Carlisle.  It’s like photoshopping a recording.  

Guess what?  There was no photoshopping the Beatle’s either.  Despite their masterful, tight sound, what makes it so good and authentic is the quirky, jangly, and quintessential English flavor we know and love.  It’s all them.  As I listened to In My Life, a total favorite, I was reminded of the simple wizardry hidden all throughout.  Likewise with Corcovado, a classic Getz/Gilberto tune.  Both, in my estimation, are iconic complete with endearing pitchiness, that yummy analog warmth, and an energy that’s palpable—breathable.  

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.  I’ve clung tightly to this mantra for years.  If you are waiting to write the perfect book, give a pristine presentation, release a musical masterpiece, or develop the fanciest website for your business before you ever put yourself out there, you’ve already missed a great opportunity.  It’s the opportunity to find your voice and begin using it despite the nervous, wobbly first couple hundred efforts.  Also, it’s the opportunity to be known.  

It’s true. You and I may never make jazz or rock n’ roll history.  However, as  human beings born to create (and yes, you are highly creative no matter what you think), we have a responsibility to live courageously in the direction of our dreams.  It’s what separates us from animals—this ability to make up stories and all sorts of other stuff.  It gives us meaning.  It gives us purpose.  Purpose, after all, is the opposite of depression, not happiness like we tend to assume.  

The world doesn’t want your perfection, it wants you.  Ask yourself what it is you would do, create, or be today if fear was not an option.  What’s that treasure hidden deep inside you? 

Got it?  Go write it down.  Every detail you can muster.  You know what?  You’re already one step closer.  I dare you to take one more.  Go fall flat on your face and get back up.  Take another. That’s called courage.  And that, my friend, is more than perfect…it’s everything.

Love & Gratitude,
Katie  

Want Love? Meet Forgiveness....

If we are shaped by anything in life, it is surely by the pang of painful past experiences. You know this pain all too well. The ones in life who were supposed to protect, provide, and nurture instead inflicted deep and sorrowful hurt, abandonment, and abuse. Expectations were dashed, self-expression wasn’t allowed, eggshells were everywhere.

In therapy, I hear the broken, brutal stories of courageous people who have somehow made it through.  They look for greater freedom and joy. They refuse to let their past define their present and future. I often find myself angry as I hold space for these stories to live and breathe, sometimes for the very first time. It’s never fair.

And this is the truth.  Injustice isn’t fair.  Yet I am learning it’s part of life.  How we deal with that injustice is truly our making.  The trauma of our past breaks us in a way that often feels irreparable...futile.  This trauma doesn’t just dissipate either.  It’s stored in the tissues and neural pathways of our bodies.  For this reason, a holistic, mind-body-spirit approach to healing is vitally important.  

The voluntary and visceral reactions to a past experience are so significant it gets branded into your body.  My hunch is you’ve experience the effect of painful past experiences manifesting in your body.  If  so, lean in.  The wisdom of your body is trying to get your attention.

In fact, your body is brilliant and tends to literally block out old trauma, having no memory of it until physically exposed to stimuli. We learn to detach, shut down, and numb. 

Bessel van der Kolk, psychiatrist and author of The Body Keeps the Score, explains:
“Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies; The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.”

This insight fascinates me as it’s helped me understand that we can’t talk our way out of healing from this “gnawing interior discomfort.” We must learn two things: how to feel safe in our bodies and how to forgive. I love using Brainspotting with clients to begin unlocking the process of re-attachment and develop a sense of safety in our bodies. It has been a game changer for me and many.

I’ve noticed the more difficult of the two is often the forgiveness piece, which isn’t a surprise to me. We think of forgiveness much like we do vulnerability: as weakness. Thus we choose to carry the perpetrators of our pain around, heaping tons of power on them. Oftentimes the one we need to forgive the most is ourself, which can feel nearly impossible.

When we choose unforgiveness, we not only stay connected to the pain and its source, we allow our past to define us. Isn’t it time we put down that heavy burden? Isn’t it time we take back our power and re-focus that wasted energy on giving and receiving new, hopeful opportunities and love?

This week, I encourage you to do some inventory and see if there might be any lingering unforgiveness that weighs you down and holds you back from your highest self. Support throughout this process is key, so know that I am here if you need a safe place to process and land along the way.

Remember, you are not the crumbs of your past. You’re invited to a grand, exquisite table of the present moment to feast on freedom and be satisfied by love.  It’s a wide open space to explore and move around in.  You are always welcome here.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie
xoxo