How to Unlock Your Inner Picasso (Without Lifting a Brush)

I remember going to the Louvre in Paris about 15 years ago. It was surreal and magical all at once. I kept pinching myself to make sure A) I wasn’t dreaming and B) I was allowed to be in there. I didn’t feel worthy or something. I’m certain I looked like a total Parisian poser of sorts in all black and a bad beret. I probably had a pack of Parliaments in my purse just for kicks.  

Museums always stir up deep things inside me. Sure, the beauty and story behind every work of art opens up a whole new dimension waiting to be explored. Yet, perhaps the most moving layer of it all is the one behind the canvas; it’s the heartbeat of the artist I sense still speaking and desperate to be heard. It’s broken, tortured at times, misunderstood, and full of impossible dreams and starry ideas.  

There’s a world of vibrant story inside every masterpiece. The journey from each curious conception to its prestigious display has been a glorious and hellish one all at once. I suppose that makes every museum a universe of telling-tales—of palpable possibility.  

To be clear, I totally suck as a visual artist. I distinctly remember taking art class in elementary school and being highly aware of how inadequate I felt compared to classmates who seemed to draw perfect, concentric circles straight out of the womb. They also had pretty handwriting and non-frizzy hair. Go figure.  

As I have absolutely nothing to offer you in the way of painting stuff, I do have something you may deem worth trying on for size or at least reading. It’s less of a how-to and more of a concept I’ve been marinating in lately. I’m the middle man here to pass it along.  

I believe the reason we are stirred by anything at all be it a painting, a song, a Tedtalk, a book, or nature is that it strikes a chord within us. It speaks to truth we’ve already got living inside, just waiting to speak—to bloom.  

The reason I weep when I stand in front of Van Gogh’s “Irises” or Picasso’s “Women” is not because I particularly love irises or am drawn to Picasso’s color palette. I weep because I know a similar gravity of longing for self-expression and beauty that makes no sense and simply won’t be silenced. I must give it skin or voice or breath.  

Artists and laborers are similar in that they both use their hands, their skills, and the tools necessary to complete a project. However, an artist is vastly different than a laborer in that she creates with the entire language of her being: heart, mind, body, and soul. The laborer wants to finish the job. The artist is the job. She is fully present, wildly courageous, and draws from a deep well of emotional connection.

So what the heck does this have to do with you and me?  

It has everything to do with you and me.  

For starters, it’s a roadmap telling us the way we should go. Those things that move and stir you do so because like attracts like. They speak truth that resonates with insight and awareness planted deep within your heart. To creatively thrive (and yes, you ARE creative), you must be willing to listen to the cacophony of your emotions, the voice of your heart.  

If that sounds tough or esoteric, bear with me. Really, all you are doing is responding to the uniqueness and beauty that’s inside you. Sure, it’s often messy, uncertain, and highly imperfect and yet, no work of art was ever born out of perfectionism. Rather, the courage to listen…and simply respond.  

That being said, we have this incredible invitation to bring the totality of our being into the smallest, most mundane aspects of life.  

Artists must be awake to inspiration, wonder, and beauty in order to fuel the path they’ve chosen. Guess what? You and I must as well.  

The story of you is a masterpiece still being written. You get to write the next page. What will you create out of the depth of your desires?

I’ll leave you with two questions:

What moves you and speaks to you lately?  

How will you wake up and respond to that creative call to courage?

Love & Gratitude,

Katie
xoxo

P.S. Of course, I want to hear your answers!  Let’s keep this conversation going…

Happiness is A Verb: Three Ways to Get Moving

Let’s stop beating around the bush here.  Let’s be really honest about why most of us consume self-development or motivational content.  I mean, look at that fabulous woman pictured right above.  She appears to be living her best life, yes?  It’s as if the hair/outfit/leg/weather/and backdrop gods were all conspiring together for good; for happiness perhaps?

Hmm, maybe?  She could be the happiest person in the world for all we know (I sure hope so!). She could also be totally crushing it as a model with a killer team of people helping to create the flawless look.  Who’s to say?  

My point is, we often confuse success with happiness.  It sneaks in so quietly, so subtly, I’m guilty of it as well.  Today, I want to revisit this boulder of a dream I believe we all carry with us, albeit under the radar.  I want to get back to the basics, discussing what it means to live with intention and create happiness in our lives instead of expecting it to show up at our doorstep every morning, complete with a piping hot coffee and our favorite almond croissant (sans the calories, of course.)

Happiness is, indeed, an inside job.  

The two things I tend to hear when I listen to others talk about what they want, both in and outside of therapy, is more peace of mind, security, and belonging.  Often, this comes in the way of more money, more love, and less body mass.  I get it!  Typically, we confuse successful people who are wealthy, popular, and thin, with really happy people.  

Don’t get me wrong: money, community, and physical health are three big factors in contributing to overall well-being.  However, these successful outcomes are never sustainable as it relates to daily happiness.  

Success simply means achieving a desired outcome.  

Happiness refers to a state of well-being and contentment.  

They have two totally different meanings, yet we buy into a currency of contentment that makes them virtually interchangeable.  

Two of my favorite books exploring the science of happiness are Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, and The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. Both are worth the read.  

For your time-sensitive enjoyment, however, I’ve boiled it down and come up with three regular activities that propel happiness: this feeling of well-being and contentment. 

(Yes, they all start with “G” to keep it simple!)

Gratitude
I’ve never met someone miserable who consistently practiced gratitude.  In fact, it is nearly impossible to be a curmudgeon and also be grateful.  Try it.  In my experience, gratitude is the single most powerful and accessible weapon to combat resentment, anxiety, and self-pity.  I believe practicing gratitude alone for even just one day can set a completely new mindset into motion.  

Try it on for size: every time you sit down for a meal, think to yourself or say out loud three things you are grateful for.  I KNOW you can find simple things that will shift your perspective away from the weight of what’s bringing you down.

Generosity
Before you get all huffy and assume I’m asking you to pull out the checkbook, think again.  While financial giving is one way to be generous, there are so many other ways to practice this happiness magnet.  

The world gets really small when we’re only thinking about our well-being.  While self-care and discovery are a requirement for optimal experience, the act of giving actually enhances this well-being in a massive way.  They go hand in hand.

Writing a thank-you note, dropping off a meal to a friend in need, sending a simple encouraging text, or buying the guy behind you a coffee unexpectedly at Starbucks are all beautiful ways of practicing generosity.    

Grounding in The Present
This is a biggie.  I’m not just talking about transcendental meditation, either.  I like to think of practicing grounding as anything that helps you fully engage in the moment at hand, which is the only sure thing we have.  People are most unhappy when they binge on toxic thoughts that have no tangible trace of truth.  It takes us out of our power and places us in a projected state of anxiety.  

Letting go of this thought-obsessed existence by practicing grounding is everything.  Think passion here!  I am always at my best when I’m pursuing my passion because I’m fully engaged in something that brings me meaning, purpose, and joy.  

What lights you up? Even just committing fifteen minutes each day writing, playing guitar, practicing yoga, networking with others in your tribe, or going for a run outside will jumpstart a feeling of connectedness and grounding.  

Do these seem impossibly simple?  If so, that is intentional because oftentimes the hardest things to put into practice are the things that seem basic or obvious.  Your challenge this week is to do just that, get back to basics by practicing these three happiness boosters every day for the next week (or more!)

We are Ph.D.’s at overcomplicating life.  Let’s get emotionally fit this week through gratitude, generosity, and staying grounded in the present.  It’s Spring after all, and time to don those svelte dispositions.

Love & Gratitude,
Katie
xoxo

A Confession, Some Exciting News & A Favor to Ask

Spring has officially sprung and we made it through to the end of daylight savings time, which in my book, is something glorious to celebrate.  Can I get an amen from any of you seasonally affected friends out there?  

Spring is typically a time symbolizing new beginnings.  We dial into more regular fitness routines, we edit our wardrobes, and we clean the dusty baseboards of our lives in order to create a bit of fresh forward momentum.  It’s exciting, right?

In my experience, it can also be a time to bite off too much.  A rush of energy kicks in and I feel like I can take on the world, so I over-commit and find myself sitting cross-legged and frustrated on the floor of my office wondering how I got there.  

Do you ever feel this way?

I did this last spring as I kicked off my podcast.  I freaking LOVE podcasts and find myself looking for any opportunity to be alone in the car or in between clients at work so I can listen to one of the hundreds I subscribe to.  If I didn’t text you back, it’s not because I didn’t want to.  

I probably was just in a podcast haze starting at the ceiling.  Sorry about that.

Well, I lined up some incredible first guests (Ian Cron, Matthew Perryman Jones, and Miles Adcox to name a few), got into the work, and after airing three episodes, quickly discovered I was in over my head.  My "Operation: Podcast" had failed.  

Or had it?  

I always try to see failures as opportunities.  Where was the opportunity here?  The opportunity was to get crystal clear on my vision.  I learned something highly important: without vision, action is only haphazard at best.

I’ve spent the last several months crystalizing a vision for the community I want us to build, and the exciting news is, along with the podcast, I’m bringing you some opportunities to connect to this lovely healing arts community by hosting some cool upcoming events starting in April! Whoop!

You will be hearing more on that in the near future. However, I wanted to plant the seed as well as ask a favor.
 
You hear from me a LOT.  Yet you are the heartbeat of why I do what I do.  That said, I really need to hear from you to continue to build out this vision.  Would you pretty please take five minutes and fill out this survey?  There are seven questions that will seriously help me direct the next steps of the blog, events, the podcast, and more!  

Thank you, seriously.  Time is precious, and I value yours (as well as your feedback!). I can’t wait to hear what you have to say.

Love & Gratitude,
Katie
xoxo

Own the Competition: A Different Approach

Is your neck sore?  

I know, weird question.

But I mean it.  Is your neck sore from all that looking, turning, and straining from side to side?  Oh, I know you do it too.  I know you’re guilty of the occasional (or frequent) horizontal search for someone who’s doing it better, faster, and more creatively than you.  It’s that futile attempt to judge your own adequacy against another’s in every area from looks, career, creative success, parenting skills, material wealth, physical fitness, social life, and committed relationships.  

I’ve had a sore neck more times than I can count along the way.  If we’re being really honest, I often struggle with competing with other’s success in a way that leaves me feeling completely inadequate, if not frantic.  And the worst part of it is, often times they are women I know and love dearly!  What the ?

This soul-sucking behavior NEVER helps me get ahead. In fact, it leaves me feeling frustrated face-down in a dust pile, questioning who I really am in the first place.  

Can you relate?  

My hunch is, you can. 

I’ve spent the last ten years of my life listening.  Listening to the stories of incredibly brave people who want more for their lives.  What I’ve learned is part of their programming, just like mine, is to hold their worth and value up against the performances of those around them.  It tends to create this stuck loop, or broken record, of “not enough.”  This is old programming, folks.  

Why?  Because we go about it from a place of scarcity as opposed to abundance.  (If the word abundance feels a bit indulgent, use “enough” instead.)

Competition with others is not all bad.  I’ve always had people in my life I refer to as “pacers” whose work I admire and who motivate me to keep showing up no matter what.  We need a little healthy competition to keep us motivated and hungry.  However, when we compete with others from a place of lack instead of abundance, we forfeit the truth and power of who we are.  We start wearing shoes that don’t fit.  We start playing really small.  

If there were ever a day to take back the power of your essential self and quit playing this small, scared game, it is now.  

But how?

I believe there are two sacred steps to firmly ground us in the confidence of our own garden:

Know your “me.” 

We so often confuse our personality, ability, and the culture around us with our true, authentic self.  This is a huge reason we develop sore necks.  We look to various extensions of preference and perception to define the pure essence of who we were created to be.  

The self-discovery journey is the most valuable trip you will ever take because it directly affects each and every thought, feeling, and action that builds out the picture of your life.  

This is one of many reasons I adore the Enneagram.  

It’s a roadmap for self-discovery; for finding your “me.” 

The minute we start to look inward for answers, we can stop looking side to side for them.  What a relief!

Compete with your former self.

The reason competition with others can be debilitating is we will always be proven inadequate if that’s what we’re setting out to find.  Any time competition’s motivator is scarcity, we’re looking for proof that we’re not enough.  

A more abundant approach allows for healthy competition with our former selves.  Don’t confuse this with unhealthy striving.  Here’s a good litmus test, or indicative question to ask yourself, “How can I live into my best, most authentic self today?”  

If I actively decide to embody all that I’m created to be, day after day, I don’t need to look around for proof that I’m enough.  I get to bring to the world that which only I can bring and in doing so, celebrate the unique beauty in others without feeling threatened.  Boom. 

Perhaps it’s time to loosen the reigns of striving this week.  Get softer, more curious, as you sit with you.  Give that lovely neck of yours a rest and listen in to the conversation of your soul. What does she need to thrive?  What does she desire and dream about?  

There’s your ticket.  It’s what sets you apart. 

Love & Gratitude,
Katie
xoxo

P.S. (Stay tuned for Thursday’s TruthBite!  I’ve got a power tool for your tool belt that will help you connect to your most authentic self every single day.  Get excited!!)

Only the Lonely: Lessons From an Unlikely Teacher

If there is an emotion that feels truly hollow and hopeless, it has, in my experience, been loneliness.  It’s an ache that reaches for miles and miles and photoshops out any trace of perspective or existing motivation to grab hold of.

This is why, for me anyway, it’s necessary to stuff it, sweep it, and quickly look the other way before the bleakness of its stare can call my flimsy bluff.  The tears would be a storm.  The storm might never pass.  Keep it together, Katie… The show must go on.

This is also why loneliness is currently proven a more dangerous health epidemic than obesity and smoking.  No joke.  On the surface, it’s asymptomatic.  We can hide it famously.  Yet right beneath the surface, its death grip is suffocating.  

Whereas I believe loneliness is not something to mess around with over time, I do believe, like anything, it can create spaces in life to dig deeper into an otherwise hidden ecosystem of awareness and insight.  

Very curiously, loneliness became one of the wisest and most prolific teachers I’ve ever had.  Come to think of it though, she used very few words, if any.  Just like most memorable teachers, she was a real hard ass at first.  Over time though, she softened.  

Today, if you sit in a scary room of loneliness, I want to reach you.  Not to fix you, Lord knows I can’t.  I want to simply say “I see you,” and perhaps in doing so, lessen the penetrating sting of that thick and clumsy needle.  I want to validate your pain, take it out of its dark and shadowy corner, and give it some breathing room.  Loneliness shouldn’t bear the weight of such baggage.  Yes, she’s strong, but not that powerful.  

Plus, the pain of our emotions lifts a bit when we bathe them in light and curiosity.

My loneliness taught me layers of truth and gave me space to dig into the real, unseen meat of my needs and desires.  I hated and resisted her for so long until I held that resistance up against the light.  

Here are the most stunning realizations she gave me:

Loneliness is the human condition.

I remember sitting in my therapist's office one crisp February afternoon.  I was at the bottom of the bottom.  It was not a good look.  My anxiety was so deafening; I couldn’t separate out my words and thoughts from her loud yell.  She beat frantically on the drum of my chest without reprieve.  

I was anxious because of this profound sense of loneliness laced with depression I felt and from which I couldn’t escape.  It doesn’t make much sense looking back now, but man did it feel like fact then.  It put me in the hospital, literally.  

Gail looked at me with her wise and nurturing eyes that day and said,

“Katie, loneliness is the human condition. We all go there.”  

Whereas I wanted a pill or a promise, she gave me that weighty nugget.  I’ve carried it since.  
To know that my loneliness is not unique or special, and is, in fact, a pre-requisite for being human felt like a heavy wave of relief.  

Your loneliness is part of what connects you to the frayed fabric of humanity.

Loneliness is very different than being alone.  

Some of the loneliest people I know are married, have a couple of kids, are well-connected in the community, or have big jobs.  I’ve got a friend who lives in New York City and tells me it can be the loneliest place in the world. 

Despite being surrounded by people, we can still be deeply lonely.  Solitude, even for all you extroverts out there, is a gift worth tearing open.  

I was confusing a season of not having loads of friends and support—being forced to befriend solitude—with loneliness.  I had been so dependent on people to tell me who I was and what I should do that this unfamiliar place of open-ended quiet felt terrifying.  Ironically, this was the season I started to hear the sound of my voice.

We create out of silence.  We can only truly listen in the stillness.  This requires getting alone yet looks nothing like loneliness.  Quiet passages of solitude invite the most valuable connection possible: you and you.  This is when we learn to belong to us.

My fear of loneliness was really about shame.

What I notice in seasons of loneliness, and yes, they still exist, is that I’m really grappling with the shame of inadequacy.  I’m afraid I’ll be rejected or misunderstood or simply won’t have what it takes.  This fear always leads me down the path of trying to fit in or people-please.  I’ve had to call BS on so many of my attempts at being liked instead of being true.  

This is when loneliness tells us we’re on the right path.  I was reminded of that this past Thursday night when I went to hear Brené Brown speak.  Once I got past being totally star struck, I settled into the gravity of what she shared.  

Her research has proven that to truly belong we must often stand alone and risk being highly vulnerable.  Courage and comfort are not synonymous.  

To belong, we must be willing to talk about (and in doing so, reveal) those areas that we are most shameful of.

This process feels incredibly lonely.  Yet, it’s far better to take this risk and own your truth than to fake it on the surface and disconnect from self.  That’s an exhausting detour.

Being truly alive means getting dirty in the arena, not sitting all zipped up in the nosebleeds.

Does the shame of your loneliness (whether that looks like singleness, creative frustration, personal rejection, transition or grief) keep you hustling to keep it together or fit in?  

I can assure you; you are not alone.  

This may be a season to slow down, exhale, and listen to what it’s trying to say.  It tells me I’m alive and on the right track more times than not.  It tells me to lean into the resistance because pain typically signals opportunity.  It tells me I belong, if to no one else, to myself. The most creative and courageous giants stood alone more times than not.  Oh, they got dirty alright.  

Yes, I see you.  Yes, I hear you.  Only the lonely days taught me to reach out and risk the comfort of what’s known for the beautiful mess of what’s to come.

Love & Gratitude,
Katie