(Video) Connection: The Roadmap For Desire

Hello friends!

I hope you’re enjoying your Friday.  We’ve got a little something special for you today to mix things up a bit and invite you into and exciting new season.  Spring and change are both definitely in the air.

Connection

Today is all about going deeper into our desire: those beautiful heart longings that effect powerful change in our lives.  I’ve put together a super simple video (read: iPhone in the living room on my way out the door this morning!) that will hopefully tee up our journey ahead.  I look forward to connecting with you in new, dynamic ways that will enrich your process and build out even more confidence and consistency for whatever chapter you find yourself in!

Failure School: How to Succeed at Failing

99.99999% of your fears
live only in your imagination,
in anticipation, and in memory.

Even if the ‘worst’ happens,
you’ll find yourself dealing with it in the moment,
responding from a place of presence.

You don’t have to deal with it now.
You’ll handle it then.

And who knows:
The ‘worst’ thing may turn out
to be your greatest teacher,
your most profound call to awakening,
an invitation to the kind of courage
of which you’d never thought yourself capable.

Fear isn’t your enemy,
but a signpost.

Breathe into the moment.

– Jeff Foster

Benign

I just googled the definition of “failure.”  Here’s the most comprehensive and concise meaning I found: “the omission of expected or required action.”  Sounds pretty benign, right—so matter of fact?

The kind of fear of failure I’ve experienced along the way has been a far cry from this bland “omission” situation.  Quite the contrary; it’s been a crippling and immobilizing force that’s stunted growth, joy, and relationships.  From the anonymous surveys many of you were total champions for completing last week, I know I’m very much not alone.

I’m fascinated by this unruly expectation we place on ourselves to avoid failure. So much so that I’m developing some additional resources for us to dig into around this work on a deeper level.  For now though, I want to pepper your thoughts with some key insights that have become a lynchpin shift in my understanding and approach to failure.

Expectation Shift

The operative word in the above definition is certainly “expect” not “omission” as it relates to our study here.  Why?  Well, simply put, because it’s the subjective that we tend to personalize, not the objective facts.  I either deliver or I don’t and surely my life’s worth and value aren’t tied up in that slice of history.

Bomb

I’ve bombed so many performances it might lead you to wonder if I had a screw loose for continuing in my early music days.  For some ungodly reason, I kept going even though it felt like cruel and unusual self-harm.  Strangely, no one ever told me I sucked or bombed it or should definitely not quit my day job.  I only received encouragement and kindness.  I realize, we are in the South y’all.  Nonetheless, I’m a pretty good read and they seemed genuine.

Fall

We’re so tightly wound and attached to the narrow expectation of who we should be and how we should perform that we lose sight of the incredibly vast and curious horizons that come along with the fall.

Have you ever watched a toddler on the cusp of walking? First of all, it’s high and hilarious art.  Secondly, the ONLY way their tiny muscles are made stronger is by falling and getting up—over and over and over again.  And we “ooh” and “ahh” and gawk like grown chimpanzees about to be fed at the circus in response.  Go figure.

Imagination

So why is it so terrifying to fail?  I believe it’s because we are afraid of the way we will treat ourselves and as a result feel in response to our perceived failure–our missing the mark.  Like the poem states, nearly every shred of our fears live in the stories we make up about them, our imagination. Our fears are rarely tethered to reality and we drive the shame ship of our failure…we’re the culprit!  Sure, the outcome is humbling at first, but by elevating our belief about failure, we construct a new brain pathway or go-to storyline that facilitates self-compassion instead of self-flagellation.  We don’t evolve by playing it safe in a mole hole, but by staying present at the crossroads of failure and opportunity.

Know the Difference

Before you go poking holes in my sunshine, I’ll clarify an exception to the rule. There are two types of failure, and I refer to failure at this point as something necessary for growth and success.

There is all-in failure and half-ass failure.  All-in failure is when we’ve shown up,  given our all, and  fully engaged in the pursuit at hand, yet for whatever reason didn’t quite make the cut.  The passion and effort are there, yet the outcome is not—yet anyway.

Half-ass failure, as you might imagine, is missing the mark without giving it a fighting, bleeding-heart chance.  We’ve all been there, yet it’s not a  helpful pattern as it ultimately becomes self-fulling prophecy.  Oftentimes, this is simply a good indicator that we may not really want what we’re limping for and redirection is necessary.

Failure File

This homework might blow your mind and/or cause you to become extremely frustrated with me.  Both are fine, just keep me in the loop there. 

I’m convinced if we’re not wholeheartedly failing, we’re not stretching ourselves enough.

I recently heard a podcast interview with a man (whom I couldn’t catch his name for the life of me) talking about this very concept.  He’s a big wig coach who guides super successful executives into their highest potential.  He gave his clients strict homework to fail at least five times a month and record those failures in a specified file in their office, a failure file.  (Mic drop.) I nearly turned it off.

Momentum

I wrestled with this notion for a couple hours, and quickly became OBSESSED.  Fickle, yes.  I’ve started experimenting so as to really put myself out there in ways that seem uncomfortable and awkward.  You know what?  In the process, I’ve accomplished some pretty daunting goals I’ve had staring me down for months now and feel a noticeable momentum shift.  There’s something to this.

And so I dare you.  Start your own failure file this week and go for one “all-in fail” to add to it.  What comes up for you even thinking about this stuff?  Dig into to; dance with it.  It surely won’t kill you.  If nothing else, your world will be so much bigger for playing along.  Go ahead, give yourself total permission, or homework,  to fail.  There’s wide-open freedom and life in that movement.

A man we know and love called Winston Churchill said it well.  He’s a mixed bag of courage, successes, failure, bullheaded stubbornness, and legend all in one. His stories and words have a vibrant life of their own well after his last breath.  Now that’s gumption.

“Success is not final. Failure is not fatal.  It is the courage to continue that counts.”

-Winston Churchill

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

A Divine Detox

It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.
-Eckhart Tolle

Lent

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the day after Fat Tuesday, or Mardi Gras, and the first day of Lent, a religious observance for many liturgical church traditions.  People are always surprised to learn that Mardi Gras actually started in my hometown of Mobile, AL, not in the famed, bluesy streets of New Orleans.

Jester

Growing up, I had friends who were steeped in the Old South decorum of Mardi Gras. Their dads would dress up in these ridiculous jester costumes and their kitchens overflowed with King Cakes, trash bags full of cheap beaded necklaces and plastic loot for parades— oh and cocktails, there were cocktails for days, namely screwdrivers.

Barbies

I remember spending the night with one particular friend in fifth grade. We stayed up late with the babysitter until she was relieved of her duties by two staggering adults that smelled like booze and looked like tired, aging Barbies in very expensive ball attire.  It was the strangest thing in the world to me.

Our family never bought in.  We’d typically pile into a minivan and skip town, making a 32-hour trek to the magical Rocky Mountains of Colorado for a week of skiing.  (Yes, it was a jaunt. However we were mighty in number and flying got real expensive, real fast. Where’s the fun in that, anyway?)

Space

I always found this idea of Lent very curious.  Basically, like the season of Advent, Lent shares a focus on preparation— creating space in our hearts for what’s to come. Sure, people (often of the female variety) use Lent as an excuse to “give up” chocolate or carbs or what have you in an effort to de-bloat from the excess of the season.  To each his own.  In my observance though, this completely misses the mark and seems a bit self-serving.

Deeper

The tradition of “giving something up” for Lent is far more meaningful when the motive is connected to something greater than me or “I”.  It’s not a diet, it’s not a resolution, it’s not a contest.  I like to call it a Divine Detox; a spiritual cleansing of sorts. I desperately love rituals, and with each passing year,  my inner dork shines a bit brighter with all the bells and whistles I incorporate into my daily routine.  Lent presents this beautiful opportunity to tap into spiritually driven ritual and re-align with that which is unseen yet powerful beyond belief: Perfect Love.  I call that being God, some call it Universe, some call it “fishin’” as Brené Brown wryly recounts about her father.

Noise

Whatever your spiritual beliefs, I think we can all agree that we are far more than just physical beings.  I was reminded of this last week as I witnessed my niece’s grand entrance into this world.  We are spiritual beings through and through, (“spiritual” not “religious”) yet we spend most of our time on the surface, concerned with the physical, structural world.  I believe we do this because it’s the loudest, most overt part of life—the noise of it screams at us all day through portals of social media, consumerism, and materialistic pursuit.  There is obviously nothing wrong with the physical world…I’m in love with its beauty and energy.  However, if we aren’t tethered to something deeper, we dry up and lose touch with presence and purpose.

Detox

Any excuse to solidify truth through ritual is a no-brainer in my book.  In light of this, I want to honor this deeper constancy of spirit in our lives this week in a tangible way.  Creativity springs out of a place of stillness and nothing.  I want to spend less time reacting to noise and more time grounded in presence and possibility.  In celebration of our sacred spiritual selves, I invite you to join me in a bit of a detox.

Kale

Don’t worry, there’s no kale or cayenne pepper involved. (If that’s your thing though, by all means rock it.)  This is a week-long observance of the soul—a cleansing away of unnecessary noise that distracts us from connecting to the awareness of a Loving Presence in all things: in people, in situations, in work, in us.  It’s setting harsh judgement and criticism on the back burner for a minute to explore the life that flows out of their absence.  Our ego, or fear-driven imposters, can take a much needed vacation, those little guys have earned it!

The How

Every day this week, set an alarm on your phone or watch for three different times, perhaps breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  These little breaks can be anywhere from 1-5 minutes.  Make these short so you won’t blow them off.  Take this time to simply connect to the present moment through gratitude.  Write down what you’re grateful for and respond by saying thank you.  Breathe into that gratitude; seal it in.  It’s often much easier to capitalize on the negative and overlook the positive just as we tend to glaringly see our flaws instead of our strengths.  This week, we are going to intentionally look for love in everything and observe what, if anything shifts inside.  I firmly believe it does and will when we declutter our future fears and past grievances.

Bonus

If you’re feeling ambitious and want a bonus, identify something that’s a distracting force and set it aside for a week.  It can be negative self-talk, social media, Netflix, the scale, or video games—whatever creates extra noise and blocks connection.  Don’t worry, you can pick it back up in a matter of days, we’re just experimenting here. 

I’m stoked to hear from you on this so please please email me with some feedback.

Happy Cleansing!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Rebirth: The Darkness & The Light

“There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”

-Leonard Cohen

New

This week has been over the top.  I experienced something incredible that will forever change me. In a world desperately craving hope and light, i’m reminded that everything pales in comparison to this: new life.  I became an aunt for the first time on Sunday.  Welcoming a new precious little baby girl into the world has halted life as I know it and spawned a rebirth of sorts inside me.

Drip

I’m coming to you this week from the storybook hills, winding roads, and sun-dappled redwoods of Northern California, Mendocino County to be specific.  That’s where my sister, brother, and new niece live.  It’s lovely—a little isolated for my taste, but a welcomed change from the steady drip of burgeoning Nashville congestion and my recent time in LA.

Camper

Life and busyness have stood still in these enchanted hills for the past week in some ways.  Torrential rains have flooded the area, throwing the roads and soil into whiplash on the heels of a five-year draught.  The main road down into town collapsed on Tuesday morning, leaving us with no clear way out.  No Target runs, no last-minute grocery store visits, no Netflix either.  Due to all the rain, the solar power has been low in the house so we’ve had to conserve energy.  Oh, so no hair tools either.  I’m convinced God has a very dry, very witty sense about him…I mean come on…have you met me?  I’m not exactly a “camper”.

Magic

In other ways, life has exploded everywhere in our hearts with the arrival of Estella West Brandon.  She’s purely exquisite, a gift of beauty so magical and true—I get it now.  She didn’t come easy though.  In fact, witnessing her mother’s pregnancy journey and all-natural birth was a soul crushing battle at times.  Lauren is stunning and strong beyond belief.  She and Mother Nature were both forces to be reckoned with this week.

MVP

If you’ve ever witnessed, or better, had a natural childbirth, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  If you’ve ever experienced complications in the midst of a natural childbirth like my sister did, you’re already a card-carrying MVP of the Badass Club.  My hat’s off to you.  There is darkness, hopelessness, exhaustion, and excruciating pain that comes before the light of life crosses its threshold into this world.  It’s scary…almost violent.

Metaphor

This struggle is beautifully metaphorical for the spiritual and emotional renewal and rebirth we long to experience.  I’m reminded of this as I observe all the changes and seeming inconveniences of motherhood.  Quite simply, if we want to see change, things must change, and that’s painful.  Here are some high-watt lightbulbs that went off for me this week.

Lean into the pain

Thirty-two hours of labor later, Lauren knew exactly just how much pain her body could endure.  What I beheld, (yes, she let me stay in the room throughout), was this stunning dance with the pain.  She didn’t run from it, avoid it, hell, she did’t even have drugs (???)—she leaned into the pain, leveraging its power.  Mic drop.

Friends, this is for you and me!  When we run from our pain whether through avoidance, busyness, or numbing, we actually prolong it.  The fastest way through our struggle is not around it; we must journey into its center in order to find freedom.  It’s a spiritual journey-one sacred beyond belief.

Teamwork is key

We’ve gotta build a team.  I use the word “build” intentionally.  This team doesn’t just appear overnight, we must seek it out.  In Lauren’s case, there was a doula, a midwife, nurses, her loving partner, Sky, family, and a community of friends who had traversed the rocky road right by her side.

Build

What does your team look like as you make the brave journey into the rebirth and newness you long for?  A coach, a therapist, a mentor, a community group, a trusted friend, all of the above?  If I’ve said anything on this platform worth repeating its this:  we grow in relationship, not in isolation.  Who’s on your dream team?  Build it.

Breathe

The thread of relief at every point along the way is our breath.  It’s not talking, it’s not thinking, it’s breathing.  This is so apparent in childbirth, it’s almost exaggerated.  Incidentally, it’s the one thing that connects us to the present moment, allowing us to lean into the pain and not run away.  Deep breathing is cleansing, calming, and healing.  Our bodies physically can’t stay in panic mode when we’re tethered by the breath.

Escape

We spend far too much time in our minds, analyzing and escaping the present moment.  If there is one practical tool that’s given me relief from anxiety and depression along the way, it is the gift of breath-mindfulness.  Simple?  Yes, of course—as are most things in life that really create lasting change.  You’re smart though, and smart people tend to overcomplicate things. 

Bright

I want to leave you with this thought: you are far stronger than you realize.  Courage shows up in discomfort and discomfort always signals opportunity, rebirth.  This week if you find yourself in a tight place, with waning hope and weary bones, take heart.  I’ve never seen a darker night loom before the brightest dawn of new life as I did Sunday, February 19, 2017 at 2:29 pm.  As my talented dear friend, Anna, always says, “You never know what a day will bring.”

You, my friend, are wildly strong and beautiful and I’m in your corner, cheering you on, big time!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Adele: Lessons from the Other Side

Before we get going, I thought it only fair to circle back around to my last post and cut all that paralyzing suspense regarding my test last Tuesday. Drumroll, please…. I passed!!!!! EEP! This is good news for us both I can assure you as I’ll move on, quit my moaning, and focus on far more interesting things for us to talk about here.  I didn’t realize how heavy a burden the whole process has been throughout the last 18 months.  The stress of it bled over into other cracks of life, sucking away energy, ease, and time I’d forgotten I had.  So, after taking a week off the blog for some much-needed self-care and rest, I feel massive relief and anticipation for more creative space to play around with other projects I’m ready to push forward.

Persevere

Despite feeling the gravity of this seeming detour, I learned an invaluable lesson through it all: Perseverance develops emotional muscles that will serve us well in every area of life, even when the task at hand seems unrelated and dispassionate to our calling. This post isn’t about perseverance in that respect though, it’s about Adele…so let’s get to it.

Date

I had the distinct pleasure of tagging along with my husband to the Grammy’s this past Sunday night in LA.  Despite his infinite cool,  he humors me as I show up each year with an arsenal of crazy shoes, dresses, and fake eye lashes like I’m nominated for an award or something.  I’ve never taken home one of those awards, however, I always leave the week with loads of shiny inspiration, new ideas, and an awakened dreamer inside.

YouTube

This year was no exception.  In fact, I was so moved by the raw combination of Adele’s truth-telling and talent, I felt the need to write what I saw, in hopes of somehow branding it into my being.  If you didn’t see her performance or acceptance speech(es), YouTube those babies.  They’ll warm your heart. Oh, and, forgive the spoiler for which you are about to receive.

Outlier

She’s always been an outlier in my mind: a seamless talent, a young-old-soul, and a powerful message well-balanced with a shock of mess.  She’s swooped in twice now for most pop music consumers, both times offering us heavy hitting albums five years apart quite simply titled “21” and “25.”   As that thick cockney accent cuts through the trough of tears shed, she cleans house, claiming most if not every Grammy she’s slated for.  I’d say those are pretty good odds.

Chocolate

On the flight home late Tuesday night between the spotty Southwest wi-fi and my fistful of Valentine’schocolate, I couldn’t get her out of my head, so I jotted down a few lessons she’s taught me over the years, especially this past Sunday night.

1.) Be You

Seems obvious, right?  I don’t think so.  Maybe it’s LA, or the entertainment industry, or my own ego that I can feel expand in order to compensate in a room full of über talented people.  Whatever it is, Adele seems to be immune to the insidious pressure to conform.  I’m sure she’s got her demons just like the best of them, however, she knows who she is and what she does well, and she does it– like a Boss. With steady opinions from all sides to be this and that, to look a certain way, and perhaps to diversify, she’s unapologetically steady in who she is.  It’s a breath of fresh air in an industry full of people hustling hard to show up in just the right light.  She just “is” and it’s simply stunning—magnetic.

Version

Do you ever feel like you’re hustling to live up to some unrealistic version of you?  I do.  Next time it happens, take a step back and remember this:  you’re in a league of your own—no one else in the world will do when it comes to being you.  Own it.  When I listen to Adele sing, I don’t want to hear Katy Perry, I want Adele!  (Though I do love me some KP).  Good news: there’s more than enough room at the table for the unique gifts we each bring and a scarcity mindset is totally unnecessary.

2.) Don’t Be Afraid to Start Over

I remember playing a gig in the mecca of downtown Franklin a couple of years back.  I hadn’t been practicing much and I didn’t really know one of the songs I was meant to play. Being the queen of wing it, I confidently, (read: blindly), walked right into a train wreck, having to start that song over halfway through.  It was awful.  I felt so much shame and embarrassment and desperately wantedto go hide under a rock for the next couple of months.  Umm, there were probably 25 people there, tops.  Really?

Hero

When Adele stopped her George Michael tribute on music’s biggest night in order to start the song over, I wanted to do back flips all the way up to the stage and hug her ever deserving neck.  It’s the same shame, yet on vastly different platforms.  She risked being rejected in order to do what she knew she needed to do.  Courage does not exclude fear, it embraces it and keeps going.  Heroes personify courage and we live in a culture desperately searching for heroes.  I believe this is a big reason Adele stole our hearts in the first place.

Pride

We must not let pride keep us from slowing down, re-assessing, and starting over when we need to be it in a creative endeavor, an unhealthy relationship,  or a work project we’ve been unsuccessfully pushing uphill.   If Adele can mess up and start over for all the world to see, I’m pretty sure you and I can in our own way as well.

3.) Lead with your Heart

As if it were even possible to love her more than I already did, she then managed to pull out that unforgettable and disarming final acceptance speech for Album of the Year.

It was a tough call.  She was up against Beyoncé’s fiercely creative “Lemonade”, and she literally didn’t want to accept it as she felt her competition had been robbed.  We didn’t get a tidy, calculated, speech thanking all the big wigs in the room.  Instead, we got an off-the-cuff love letter to her hero, complete with blubbering tears and that quintessential F-bomb we’ve become endearingly familiar with.  She could’ve used those valuable minutes to further her cause, or better yet, get political.  Instead, she led with her heart, honoring the influential genius of Beyoncé, who’s work and life highly impacted every facet of her experience, including the admittedly broken one of motherhood.

Ego

Constantly choosing to tap into love instead of fear helps us detach from ego and get out of our own way. Ego is always divisive.  It puffs up, separating us from our true self because we’re afraid our true self isn’t enough.  Vulnerably, Adele continues to model that, and a starving world devours every last crumb.

Model

Vulnerability is a scary thing, after all, as we inevitably risk rejection and abandonment.  What I’m seeing though, is it’s the only way to truly be known and loved.  This week, let’s follow Adele’s lead and see what happens.  You never know, we may give another caged soul the freedom to show up— messy, imperfect, and un-rehearsed.  I want to be apart of that revolution.

love & gratitude,

katie

xoxo