Tiny Changes, Massive Impact

You’ve heard the saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” So why have these crazy unrealistic expectations of ourselves? I have thoughts on this.

For most people, extremes are easier than balance. Unless we’ve already arrived in the vibrant land of Growth Mindset, we tend to get stuck in the purgatory of all or nothing. Black and white, dualistic belief systems keep us stuck in the rigidity of a fixed mindset.

Here’s an example most of us can relate to. You’ve indulged in way too much of Jeni’s Salted Caramel ice cream. I mean, holy dairy that stuff is like crack. You’re feeling the sugar coma set in along with a delayed wave of shame and a stomach ache.

So you beat yourself up and swear you won’t touch it again for the foreseeable future. In fact, You’ve been flirting with the idea of going Keto so this is your shining opportunity.

Sound familiar? Or am I the only one who loses all self-control in the face of temptation?

That type of all-or-nothing behavior is baked into our DNA as humans. Opening up to a growth, or responsive mindset rather than a reactionary one typically must be learned.

And yet when do we actually learn this mature approach to self-development? It’s something that has been a powerful exploration in my life as I’m a total perfectionist in recovery.

A growth mind-set is all about both/and.  

A fixed mind-set is all about either/or.

A growth mindset says,”I ate too much ice cream, I’ll choose something healthy for dinner.”

A fixed mindset says, “I ate too much ice cream. I’m going to go run six miles to burn it off and skip dinner.”

One feels kinder, more spacious...and more balanced. Unless you really just love running 6 miles with a belly ache.

A growth mindset is also built on the firm foundation of consistent, small changes, over time. It allows for doable goal setting and implementation rather than extreme makeovers in less than a week. Why? Because that kind of hustle can’t ultimately be sustained. It will likely throw us back into a yo-yo approach to relationship with self and others.

Just like when you board a plane to L.A., if the pilot is just two degrees off in navigation, you’ll likely end up in Seattle. Tiny shifts, over time, create big results.

What are some desired outcomes you’d like to see in your life right now? Give yourself plenty of time to get there and break it down into bite-size changes that will help you get there.

As always, I’m here for you if you need a little extra support on the journey.

Something you may not know about the Enneagram

In my self-care Enneagram subscription program, The Practice, I teach people to use the Enneagram as a holistic tool for self-care—one that cares for the whole person: mind, body, and heart.

This may take you by surprise. If so, you’re not alone. The ancient wisdom of the Enneagram suggests that we are three-brained beings. In fact, modern neuroscience is finally catching up to the wisdom of the Enneagram that suggests we have neural cells in our brains as well as the lining of our stomachs and hearts. That said, we have three centers of intelligence.

Why is this important to us as we practice self-care? I thought you’d never ask.

There are two big reasons this is important.

First of all, it’s necessary to bust the myth that our most important intelligence is our thinking mind. Whereas your brain is literally a genius and a highly elevated source of intellect and functioning, we must understand that living from the neck up, as we do so often, isn’t the only way.

In fact, we overemphasize this capacity and as a result, experience an imbalance as it pertains to our other centers of intelligence, equally as powerful: the body and heart.

I believe self-care is bringing balance where there is imbalance in our experience. And so, part of the invitation as we learn to apply the Enneagram for self-care is to balance out our relationships to all three centers. Essentially, to integrate into more wholeness.

Secondly, the nine types are housed in three triads that correlate to these three centers of intelligence. As a type four, I experience the world most readily through the lens of emotional intelligence. Why? Because Two’s, Three’s, and Four’s are in the heart, or feeling triad.

This helps me cultivate a more specific self-care regimen because it tells me I need to dial up my relationship with my body center—learning to drop deeper into my instinctual capacity as well as being mindful to create structure and analysis where feelings tend to run the show.

In a way, understanding the Enneagram as a holistic tool is necessary for building out a more whole and compassionate relationship with self.

P.S. Want to do a loving thing for you and go deeper into your very own self-care prescription? Sign up for the Practice today.