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In April, I bombed a keynote—45 minutes late, broken A/V, a room that wanted their drink tickets.
Here's what that failure taught me about participation, discernment, and why every Enneagram type has its own sophisticated reason to wait until it's "ready."
What if becoming someone was never the goal? A therapist and Enneagram facilitator on shedding the personas we mistake for our true selves.
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Thoughts on motherhood, breast cancer, and what attachment theory and the Enneagram taught me about being loved
In April, I bombed a keynote—45 minutes late, broken A/V, a room that wanted their drink tickets.
Here's what that failure taught me about participation, discernment, and why every Enneagram type has its own sophisticated reason to wait until it's "ready."
What if becoming someone was never the goal? A therapist and Enneagram facilitator on shedding the personas we mistake for our true selves.
Today you’re in for a treat! I’m bringing my pal Koula Callahan, master yoga instructor and speaker for the Self-Care Workshop, on the blog to share why movement, namely yoga, is incredibly powerful and important for us to practice as we move through our days. If you’ve always wondered what all the fuss is about —and yoga and why is really effective, today is the day—you’re going to get some answers.
Six months before my breast cancer diagnosis, I was quietly falling apart. This is my story and the heart behind why I created the Self Care Workshop.
Discover how each Enneagram type relates to structure—and why the right kind of rhythm can help you thrive. Learn how to create supportive routines without stifling growth.
When we hear the phrase self-care, most of us picture bubble baths, yoga classes, or carving out an hour to finally read that book on our nightstand. And while those things absolutely have their place, if we stop there, we miss the deeper, sustaining work that actually helps us thrive.
What I’ve learned in my own healing and in my work with clients is this: self-care without self-compassion can feel more like another to-do list item when it’s really a relationship to nurture.
There’s a moment, sometimes subtle and sometimes seismic, when you realize you have the chance to begin again. Maybe it’s the first crisp morning after a long summer. Maybe it’s a job change, a new relationship, or even the quiet decision to show up differently in the one you’re already in.
I’ve learned that beginnings—whether chosen or thrust upon us—are vulnerable places. They ask something of us: a willingness to step into what we don’t yet know. And if you’re anything like me, that’s both exciting and a little unnerving.
This is where curiosity comes in.
Are you ready to stop running on empty and start living from a place of wholeness?
Join me, alongside Ally Fallon (best selling author + writing coach) and Koula Callahan (yoga teacher + speaker), for an unforgettable day of enneagram insight, intentional writing, and embodied movement — what I call the trifecta of true self-care.
Somewhere between the smell of freshly sharpened pencils and the first rustle of fall leaves, we’re invited into a familiar rhythm—one that feels both nostalgic and energizing. Whether or not you have a backpack in your life anymore, the back-to-school season has a way of nudging us to recalibrate, recommit, and reset. It’s not just for students. It’s for all of us seeking a deeper sense of alignment and intention.
So, in the spirit of fresh starts and The Back-to-School Edit.
“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes…including you.”
— Anne Lamott
“The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”
Mitch Albom
“The Enneagram helps you discover who you were before the world told you who you were supposed to be.”
-Ian Cron
“Distractions are everywhere. Notice what takes your attention, acknowledge it, and then let it go.”
-Andy Puddicombe, Founder of Headspace
Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.
-Anne Lamott
“As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.”
Bessel van der Kolk
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
-Rumi
“Where we think we need more self-discipline, we usually need more self-love.”
- Tara Mohr
“The human body is a river of intelligence, energy, and information that is constantly renewing itself in every second of our existence.”
- Deepak Chopra
“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”
– Winston Churchill
“If we observe ourselves truthfully and non-judgmentally, seeing the mechanisms of our personality in action, we can wake up, and our lives can be a miraculous unfolding of beauty and joy.”
-Richard Rohr
“People will forget what you said, forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
-Maya Angelou
Failure (ish) – Beauty in the Breakdown Pt. 1
Last Monday I took the NCMHCE (National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam) for the second time. Last Monday I also failed it for the second time. Ouch. I know. Not only did I study literally daily for three months—a miracle in and of itself as I am a chronic procrastinator and rarely study for stuff—BUT; I shelled out some serious cash twice to take the rugged thing. If I were going into the counseling business to make money, I would surely have pursued the licensure/testing realm of it instead of the practitioner side of it. Those people must make serious bank.
Last Monday I took the NCMHCE (National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam) for the second time. Last Monday I also failed it for the second time. Ouch. I know. Not only did I study literallydaily for three months—a miracle in and of itself as I am a chronic procrastinator and rarely study for stuff—BUT; I shelled out some serious cash twice to take the rugged thing. If I were going into the counseling business to make money, I would surely have pursued the licensure/testing realm of it instead of the practitioner side of it. Those people must make serious bank.
SUCCESS IS WALKING FROM FAILURE TO FAILURE WITH NO LESS ENTHUSIASM.
– Winston Churchill
All of this aside, perhaps the most humiliating part of the experience is that people want to know how I did, friends and colleagues alike. These are people I admire, and who actually like me and are interested in me too—well, maybe. Talk about a tragic and shameful ego splattering all over the kitchen floor. Upon receiving the heartless print out reading “FAIL” across the top, I said some choice words loudly (sorry Mom), and bawled my eyes out all the way from that sterile, fluorescent-lit lobby in Brentwood to the dark side of the covers on my bed. Yep, I was going under. Even as I sit writing these words I realize God’s wry sense of humor, thinking back to my last blog that oozed of Self-Compassion. Self-What? Yeah, not that day. The screwtape sessions of my inner dialog sliced up any shred of kindness or understanding they could find.
If you sense a bit of drama here and immediately think of those infomercials where they take a minuscule rash or burn and blow it up like a blimp to show how well their magical product works for dramatic effect, well, you might be onto something. As I’ve gotten a bit of space from that fragile state, I realize perspective gently sheds light on what is really true and important. So, if you can in any way identify with my experience, I ask you to put yourself in my shoes and think about how a similar experience of your own might have felt.
What is failure anyway? And who holds the failure stick to determine if we pass go and proceed to Space Mountain or if we’re stuck with Grandma slowly getting dizzy on It’s a Small World? (Is it just me or was that ride strangely disturbing for anyone?). Seriously though, are we damned to failure every time we don’t meet a set of perceived expectations?
Perhaps, if we are curious enough, we’ll find an open window letting in the light to more truth and opportunity on the other side of the fall?
I know, I know, as my five-year-old behavior models, it is a far cry (no pun intended) to act out of a grounded self-awareness when we sit in the hot seat of our painful rejection. What I have learned is when we are triggered emotionally—just as I was after my test bomb—a fiery signal originates in the amygdala, the primal/survival part of our brain, and sends all kinds of emotions rushing through our bodies. Unfortunately, we hasten to make paralyzing self-judgments based on a surge of hormonal energy coursing through our bodies.
Without making this an anatomy lesson I am unqualified to give, I want to leave you with some homework. For now, I want you to consider one simple word as you go about your days. Don’t overthink it or analyze it…just consider it. Your word is curiosity.
What comes up for you when you notice that word? Intrigue, familiarity, enjoyment, frustration? Whatever it is…I believe it is important. Curiosity has been powerful for me this year in that it shifts me away from harsh judgment and nudges me toward empathy and openness.
Try it on for size and let me know how it fits…
Love,
Katie
Thoughts on motherhood, breast cancer, and what attachment theory and the Enneagram taught me about being loved