Confused About Your Enneagram Type? Let's Talk.

Do you go back and forth between Enneagram types? Perhaps you’ve taken a few online tests and they’ve given you different results. The first one pegged you as a seven. But it was neck and neck with type two. You waited a couple of months and took another one only to learn you’re now a nine? Wha? You’re confused and a little pissed off because you had to pay for that last version.

HELP!?

First off, don’t be discouraged! This is totally normal and you’re not alone!

The human personality is not static. It’s constantly vacillating between healthy, average, and unhealthy levels (hopefully not too unhealthy the more self-aware we are!) throughout our days, weeks, and months.

Online assessments can’t measure how tired, stressed, or emotionally aware you are. They also can’t determine your mood or how many cups of coffee (or glasses of wine) you’ve downed before taking them.

Sure, they’re a helpful jumping-off point. (Some more than others!) Yet fully knowing and understanding your Enneagram type requires a bit more digging. In fact, I believe it’s part of its effectiveness.

There are dozens of personality tests out there: MBTI, StrengthsFinder, DISC, to name a few. I love them all, too! However, the Enneagram is unique in that it goes deeper than surface, personality-driven behavior. Sure, that’s part of it, but the Enneagram also helps us understand the “why,” or story, behind our thoughts, feelings, and resulting behaviors.

Online tests simply can’t explain the sacred nuance of your story.

However, doing the deeper self-study required to fully know your Enneagram type can.

After all, we make choices, big and small, based on the story we’re living out of. If we’re suffering, we must change more than surface tactics or behaviors. In order to heal and transform, we’ve got to get to the root of the problem—we’ve got to understand our story. 

Self-discovery is a winding journey, not a mere moment in time. It’s about deepening knowledge and understanding. In fact, it’s really about self-befriending.

If you’re on the fence about your type, good! I believe it’s an invitation (and excuse) to deepen this beautiful self-friendship you’ve already started.

So how?

You’re already further along than you think!

I’ve got a helpful next step for you. Scheduling a typing interview is incredibly helpful in fully unpacking your story and discovering your type. It’s some of my favorite work to do with clients. Basically, it’s a detailed inquiry process steeped in the Narrative Enneagram tradition that provides your top 2-3 probable types. This allows some direction and margin for clients to then read up on those possibilities and live with them a bit before making a hard decision.

We do this in a creative, collaborative way with clear next steps mapped out. Best part? It’s really fun!

Spoiler alert: you are not a pure type. No one is! You lead with a primary type, yet you have a bit of all nine in you. We are complex and glorious creatures, remember? The Enneagram has the dynamic infrastructure to meet and guide this complexity into greater understanding and opportunity.

I’m convinced your story is far too stunning to be put in a box. Perhaps it’s time to take it out? 

Curious about an Enneagram typing interview? Sweet! Let’s talk.

3 Reasons You Should Be Meditating

There are volumes of scientific research boasting all the reasons meditation is a game-changer. I’m sure they are quite thorough and convincing, too.

However today, I want to share from my heart and experience how meditation has and continues to change my life for the better.

This post is for all you fellow perfectionists, control freaks, planners, cardio-lovers, results-oriented, make-it-happen folks who feel 20 minutes of meditation sounds like a large helping of time-suck.

Oh, I know you…

About five years ago, I began noticing an overarching intense physical discomfort out of nowhere (or so I thought). My throat and jaw locked up. My mid-back twisted in a knot. It became difficult to sing and speak, even in sessions with clients. Sleep became a distant wish.

As a health-conscious, avid exerciser who’d done her fair share of work in therapy throughout the years, I felt discouraged—and powerless.

After seeking out every alternative healing modality I could find, I noticed a subtle common theme emerge from accupunturist, chiropractor, voice coach, energy healer, and therapist alike. Quite simply, their sage voices all harmonized in a singular chord. It was in the key of...RELAX.

I wasn’t depressed or anything. In fact, I was quite content. Yet I’d been running so hard on a treadmill of survival mode that had become my norm. My body, brain, and emotions formed a strike, actively rebelling against the grueling pace I’d had them on for decades.

Meditation has been my vehicle into this new world of rest, yet interestingly enough, has also opened up my life in a new way, allowing for increased willingness and opportunities. Funny how that works. I firmly believe we all need to develop some type of mindfulness practice, now more than ever.

Here are the three big reasons I think we should all be meditating:

(1) We build more self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Self-awareness is the biggest indicator of success in life, relationships, and work. However, we’re so busy (and often stressed) we don’t carve out the time to practice the stillness required to grow that necessary muscle of self-awareness.

In my experience, I’d over-developed the muscle of self-criticism and judgment instead. Practicing meditation or other mindfulness exercises allows space to unlearn that harsh inner critic and grow the safe, neutral observer needed to bake-in healthy self-awareness, compassion, and positive sustained change.

(2) We release tension and toxins in our bodies that create long-term negative health effects. It was a lightbulb moment the day I made the connection between disease in our minds and bodies with literal “dis-ease” and tension we hold tightly within. This stress, or contraction, will eventually exacerbate, causing much bigger health concerns down the road unless we learn how to release it.

Practicing meditation trains our bodies and minds to slow down and release that arthritic grip we unconsciously develop over time. Added bonuses include better sleep, mood, energy, and creativity that crop up as a result.

(3) We begin to connect to our essence—or true self—as we become aware of our unconscious habits. As we move from the false self (or ego) to the true self (or essence), we experience deep spiritual transformation. It’s letting go of fear in order to embrace openness to something greater than ourselves. We simply can’t do that if we are living on autopilot out of our blind spots. 

Over time, as we commit to a meditation practice, a natural byproduct becomes this relaxation of old programming and an exploration of the love and curiosity that’s been there from day one. 

We were born loving, open beings. We learned fear to help us survive. Yet, lasting positive change is rarely built on fear. We must create the precious space in our days to excavate that little person inside that desperately longs to be seen and known. She’s honest and wise beyond her years, too. 

Some people swear practicing meditation over time slows down aging. I can’t speak to that, however, I believe connecting to the most loving and true parts of us inevitably lends a softer lens to whatever we may be facing in life. In this sense, we do recover that childlike part of us that sees more beauty in everything.

P.S. If you or someone you know is interested in developing a mindfulness practice, stay tuned for lots of tools to add to your toolkit!

When All Else Fails, Try This...

When you and I have the luxury of perspective, we are able to see what is true and in alignment with the truth of who we are. It’s kind of like being 30,000 feet up, looking down below to a distant terrain with toy-like homes, buildings, and other signs of life. We can see life for what it is as opposed to feeling stuck in the middle...enmeshed with the sticky mess of our thoughts, feelings, and projections.

Every day we have the opportunity to choose alignment with our higher selves—our divinity. Interestingly, small children are incredibly in touch with their divinity. As we “grow up,” we lose touch with this inherent value and beauty. Some days we are able to access this virtue, aligning with the truth of who God made us. Other days this remembrance feels impossible.

The days when it feels difficult to connect to the greater story of our truth are the days we often fall victim to tidal wave-like depression, anxiety, and other all-consuming emotions. These days seem to defy our ability to make sense of the world. I’m no stranger to these days that often turn into seasons.

We know in our head what is true, but the conviction of our heart is weak.

In these seasons, the work is simply this: to learn to hold ourselves with care and compassion, minute to minute, day by day. This, and to reach out to a safe person who knows how to listen—not prescribe.

This is the passage of self-compassion through the dark night of the soul. Though it feels never-ending, it is not final—no feeling is.

As a therapist and client very familiar with these complex seasons, I can confidently stand in the gap as you or someone you love navigates these waters. If 2020 has given us a gift, it is the normalization of seeking help for mental health and emotional distress. It may be time to receive this gift, reaching out for extra support as you sit in a space of chaos and fear.

This post is for anyone who feels like putting one foot in front of the other is impossible. Take heart, dear one, this too shall pass.

As Mr. Rogers said, these are the times to “Look for the helpers.“

Please reach out if you need help connecting to extra support right now. 

Love & Gratiitude,

Katie

I Wish I Had Known This at Twenty-Five

What piece of advice would you give your 25-year-old self? Sure, she may not have listened, but like any loving parent, you do what you can to steer your children in the right direction. That head-strong seeker was only doing her best. And yet today, you have matured into the space of a bit more perspective and balance. You have a lot to offer your younger, stubborn self.

Me? I would have a spirited come-to-Jesus about how to relax into the unknown one brave and wobbly step at a time. I’d tell her that having all the answers isn’t half as important as asking honest questions.

Specifically, I’d love for her to understand what it means to have a growth mindset as opposed to a fixed one. Less either-or and more both-and.

As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve been all too familiar with what it means to have a fixed mindset. Let me explain. A fixed mindset is a way of thinking that is rigid and narrow. It’s all about pass or fail, win or lose, good or bad, black and white. It’s rooted in judgment rather than curiosity. It’s refusing to take myself on a brisk 20-minute walk because I didn’t have enough time to do my hour-plus high-intensity workout.

Here’s another example, you have your 6-month review at work. Your boss gives you high marks in several areas but points out one specific necessary improvement in your performance on a big project. 

A fixed mindset self-criticizes, labeling your performance as a failure. It disregards the praise and zeros in on the area of improvement. 

A growth mindset celebrates positive feedback and understands the value of constructive criticism for future success. It sees life as a slew of peaks and valleys all leading to personal evolution and expansion.

A growth mindset is the Petrie dish that breeds resilience. Whereas a fixed approach creates rigidity, closing us off from abundance and opportunity.

This isn’t about glossing over reality. It’s about softening your approach to the inevitable ebbs and flow of life.

Spend some time this week pondering this:

• What area of your life could you stand to soften into? 

• Is it your relationship with food, your body, parenting, or work? 

• Is it your self-care? 

Whatever it may be, I believe a great way to find out is to pay attention to our self-talk, that often nagging inner critic that rages on, involuntarily.

Write it all down.

I love what Tara Mohr says, “Where we think we need more self-discipline, we usually need more self-love.”

Love & Gratiitude,

Katie

Your Handbook for Navigating Seasonal Depression

For some, it’s the most wonderful time of the year.  We’ve been patiently waiting on the edge of our seats since Home Depot rolled out their Halloween decorations back mid-August.  The anticipation of fall weather, the slew of heavy-hitting holidays, the countless excuses to consume creative forms of sugary carbs at every turn, the invasion of busyness, what have you.

For others of us, this season is painfully sad—even frightful.  The days get shorter, precious sunlight is snuffed out hours earlier, physical energy is drained, and loneliness rolls in like dark, bulbous clouds before a hurricane.  

I have definitely experienced more of the latter.  Seasonal depression is slang for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD…aptly).  It’s not “depression light” and it shouldn’t be dumbed down to the “winter blues” either.  It is a subtype or specific kind of major depression that is symptomatic with the changing seasons, especially fall and winter months.  

There is so much pressure to be “merry and bright” leading up to the holidays, which can really leave those of us seasonally-challenged feeling misunderstood, if not pissed off.  

In my experience, I remember years when all I could think about was surviving the weeks and months of cold and dark—Thanksgiving and Christmas were simply another reminder that I felt so alone and afraid.  Afraid of what?  Perhaps afraid that there was something wrong with me or it would always be this way.  Or maybe I was scared of being untethered and insecure in life.  Whatever the reason, I just wanted to get through it all and land safely on the other side when the days would contract even just a minute or two each day.  

I’ve been pretty open about my experience with depression, so you might guess that those of us who deal with major depression also deal with SAD.  This can be true but doesn’t have to be.  Similar to Postpartum depression, existing depression doesn’t always set the stage.  Oftentimes, they do go hand-in-hand.

It was always so helpful for me to know that I wasn’t alone in my struggle with SAD, or ongoing depression for that matter.  That said, I want to open up the dialog here today and cut through all the fluffy expectations we fall prey to around this time of year as well as drop some helpful ways to readjust and navigate the season a bit differently.  

If you experience a noticeable shift in mood, physical activity, patience for people, energy level, sleep, and desire to participate...keep reading.  If you are a human being with a heartbeat...keep reading. I have a hunch someone in your life needs your grace and support because they suffer from SAD.  

There are obvious and not so obvious reasons for SAD.  The ones we all agree on are simple though: with less exposure to sunlight during the fall and winter months, our biological clock can often get pummeled, leaving depleted levels of serotonin (a brain chemical that helps govern and boost our mood) and melatonin...that gorgeous stuff of sleep.  

I’m hugely light-sensitive.  Visualize that bratty kid who screams at the top of her lungs when she stubs her big toe.  Yep, that’s about my pain tolerance to diminishing light. Even walking into a dark house at the end of the day can viscerally affect my mood.  Windows are also my best friend.  I’m a total extrovert when it comes to windows—the more the merrier. 

So, when the world goes dark around 4:30 pm, you better believe I’ve learned to emotionally rearrange my experience after 41 years. 

Here are some helpful tools I’ve come to rely on in the dim days ahead.

Routine

Structure is the sensitive soul’s best friend.  Oh, how I’ve come to love structure.  For me, this looks like intentionally planning out my days from week to week.  In the fall and winter months, it looks like starting a bit earlier so I can enjoy more sunlight, even just 30 minutes.  

When emotions whip us around, taking their throne in the driver seat of life, it can be so easy to slip into the victim mentality, feeling powerless.  Having a set structure, or routine for our days helps us reclaim the steering wheel.  

My morning ritual is everything to me.  It allows me time and space to practice the things that ground me like meditation, writing and reading.  In the coming days and months, experiment by putting some new structures into place to facilitate a more ordered interior landscape.

Exercise

Exercise has officially become my antidepressant of choice throughout my lifetime.  Hear me out, antidepressants can be a very helpful piece in the emotional puzzle when necessary, they most definitely have for me in dark places along the way.  However, exercise is one of the most effective and proven ways there is of improving overall mood and stress levels.  Getting a good sweat also helps us sleep more soundly.  

It’s tempting to let workouts trail off around the holidays, but I say we fight for them.  Make it a daily routine, like brushing your teeth. We owe it to ourselves.  Procrastinate that leftover apple crumb cake, it will still be there on the other side.  

Avoid Numbing

I get it.  When depression sneaks in, we often lose a desire for the things we typically love to do.  We want to isolate, sleep, numb.  It’s so much easier, right?  

Couple this with the fact that these coming months are like an open invitation to indulge whether that be with food, booze, online shopping, social media, you name it.  There may be a temporary relief to our pain, however, we're also numbing positive emotions as well.  Happiness, excitement, and gratitude are harder to come by and we get thrown right back into the tangled thicket of depression once again.

Support

So rather than numb, reach out.  This time of year can indeed be a wonderful time of year when we reach out for the support we need.  Identify “safe people” who know and accept you where you are.  Make a list of two or three and reach out to them and let them know your struggle with SAD.  

If you don’t have said 2-3 people, a good place to start is therapy.  I can count several times I relied heavily on my therapist for support during these crucial months when all of the “stuff” listed above seemed impossible.  There is absolutely no shame in seeking professional help.  It is a courageous act of self-compassion.  

I’m here for you on this journey.  Again, you’re not alone.  This is all part of learning to trust the process, even when hope feels distant and the light grows dim.  There is a bold light within you, this may be the perfect opportunity to find its glow. 

Love & Grace,

Katie