Why Therapy Hasn't Worked for You

I hear it all the time. “Yeah, I spent five years in therapy with not much to show for it but a lot less time and money!”

This fires me up.  It also makes me sad for those unwilling to try a different approach.  

I believe psychotherapy is incredibly powerful for anyone wanting a deeper sense of wholeness and belonging. Yet oftentimes it serves more as a regurgitation of past trauma and dysfunction instead of a place to gain tools of empowerment for a new tomorrow.  That said, we tend to learn the wrong skill set in therapy: how to play the victim.  

Good therapists most definitely hold space to unpack the often brutal stories of our past.  In order to write a compelling story with you playing the hero instead of the victim, it’s necessary to unearth expired lies and lay them to rest.  However, good therapists won’t leave you back there.  

I’ve been a student of Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work as of late.  He explores this topic neurologically and absolutely nails it.  Check this out:

“The stronger the emotion that we feel from some external event in our life, the more altered we feel inside of us as a result of that condition outside of us and the more we pay attention to the cause.  The challenge is, every time we think about that trauma, we’re producing the same chemistry in the brain and body as if it was happening again.  What that does is it activates a survival gene.  And when you’re in survival, what you want to do is make sure that that doesn’t happen again. “

When we lock into this type of survival mode, we often forecast worst-case scenarios.  Guess what?  Our brain doesn’t know the difference between the imagined state we create and reality. Therefore we stay trapped in that old victim mentality and it tends to play out over and over again moving forward. 

Here’s my point: therapy often doesn’t work because we spend so much time talking about our past to the point we are literally reliving it.  Where focus goes, energy flows, therefore creating a habit of attention so strong and involuntary, it becomes nearly impossible to create new life-giving possibilities and successes in our lives.  How could we?  All our energy is being funneled into past emotions of survival long after the immediate threat is gone.  

My approach is different.  I’m convinced if we’re interested in creating lasting change, we need an experience to support us as a whole person, not just a cognitive one, from the neck up.  

Yes, we need a safe space to tell our stories—100%.  Yet we also need an experience of transformation as opposed to a conversation.  I believe this happens through daily practices and community, or the group process.  

If this peaks your interest, amazing.  You’re in the right place.  I’ll be bringing you a bit more on the specifics of this over the next few weeks.  

If you’re ready to dive right in, simply hit reply and drop me a line.  I always love hearing from you.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie 

My Gift to You - Perfect Timing

They say timing is everything.  I’ll agree with that.  However, when it comes to deepening self-awareness and overall quality of life, the perfect timing is always now.  I used to think I had to wait for a catastrophic event to explode on the scene in order to garner precious time and energy to “work on me” so to speak.  

What about you?  Do you tend to brush minor hurts, dashed hopes and dreams, and resentments under the rug only to deal with them “when the time is right?” And who’s to say when the time is right or wrong?

Obviously, we do have to compartmentalize painful stuff along the way in order to show up and meet the demands of work, parenting, and other projects we’re invested in.  The problem with waiting for the right time is we often put it off too long which in turn creates further unforeseen problems for ourselves and others.  It’s like driving your car without ever getting an oil change.  Eventually, manageable maintenance issues become harrowing expenses we could’ve easily avoided. 

My point is this: now is the time to invest in you and take back the power in your life.  This doesn’t have to look extreme or exhausting either.  

When we decide to show up for ourselves and work with what we’ve got where we’re at, we not only circumvent larger scale implosions down the road, we put into motion tiny two-degree shifts that over time, create massive upgrades in all areas of our lives. 

When you board a plane in Nashville headed for London, the pilot follows a detailed flight plan that takes into account all sorts of possible interruptions.  While you’re flying, you don't feel many noticeable deviations or sudden turns, unless turbulence becomes an issue.  In fact, if your pilot’s navigation is even one degree off, guess what happens?  You’ll end up in Morocco or something.  (Okay, geography isn’t my strong suit, but you get my point.) I imagine Morocco is magical, yet you bought a ticket to London.  

What I'm getting at is it doesn’t take much of a shift to create the dramatic results you’re looking for over time.  It does, however, require you to make the decision to start now, with what you’ve got.  

What holds you back from this courageous decision?  Don’t laugh at that word choice, either.  Oh, I know you…. 

Why is this courageous?  Because to be willing to look honestly and openly at the peaks and valleys of your story is a highly vulnerable process.  We don’t know what we’ll find.  We can’t predict how we’ll react.  To be vulnerable always requires courage.

And yet there is nothing more vulnerable and uncertain in this life than to love.  

Take the first step today and say yes (with feeling) to the adventure.  I don’t make many promises in my line of work, but I assure you, you certainly won’t be bored.  

Love & Gratitude,

Katie 

Welcome to a New Way: Why Change doesn't have to Hurt

About two years ago, I took a dear friend’s advice and made an appointment with this magical English woman named Linda Penny when I was visiting LA.  I still don’t know her official title, but Linda is most certainly a healer.  She uses all types of modalities such as kinesiology, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and Reiki.  I’ve never seen so many oils, bells, and curious gadgets to sort someone out.  Without a doubt, Linda is off the charts intuitive.  

I’d been feeling incredibly stuck at the time and much of it was manifesting in my body.  Every night I’d wake up at around three a.m. with sharp back and neck pain that kept me up until around six when I’d doze back off only to jolt awake in 30 minutes thanks to my alarm.  

The body pain and lack of sleep created a depression cycle I simply couldn’t shake.  I knew the issue was emotional and at the same time felt like I had all the tools to work with.  So I called in the big guns, Linda Penny (whom I affectionately now call Money Penny), being one.  

That 90 minute session left an indelible mark on my life.  She said so many wise things to me that day, yet the one thing that really stuck was this: “You know, Katie, change doesn’t have to be painful and dramatic.  It’s really quite simple.”  

I don’t know if it was her charming British accent or the fact that I’d done so much emotional heavy lifting throughout my life to grow and heal the wounded places, but her words play on repeat when I fall prey to the grip of fear and discouragement.  

When we find ourselves in stuck seasons, we resort to what seems logical—we work harder.  We armor up, think harder, clinch our fist, and full of determination, walk straight into a bigger pile of problems oftentimes affecting our physical health.  

I’ve learned that Money Penny is spot on.  Change doesn’t have to be an exhausting uphill battle.  Rather, it’s more about getting back to the basics.  

Over the next 20 weeks, we will be doing just that here on the blog.  If you want to get emotionally, relationally, or physically unstuck and see lasting change take shape in your life, please join me on this journey.  We’ll start at the root and expand out, exploring your story, where you’ve been, and where you ultimately want to go.  

I’ve got some exciting opportunities for you along the way, so I do hope you’ll join me as we transform the back half of 2019 and unlock desired outcomes you’ve been working towards a long time.  I don’t think it has to be difficult.  I do think we need a new way forward though.  
I’ve got a roadmap…you’ve got the key. 

Let’s go.


Love & Gratitude,
Katie 

How to Write your Own Success Story

How do you define success?  Most people do with two usual suspects on the scene: wealth and power.  

If that’s your definition, guess what?  Great!  That is… if that's  how you’ve chosen to write your success story…

I’m struck by how few people call into question their personal version of success.  We do it all the time with our health, our relationships, and our political preferences.   For example, if something in your diet is causing a strange reaction or doesn’t taste good, chances are you steer clear of that something in the future.  Or if a relationship feels toxic or disrespectful, you’d likely address the issue at hand, or, even part ways after awhile if it gets bad enough.  

Hopefully, at some point along the way we call into question what no longer aligns with our values and ceases to work for us.  This is what showing up and advocating for ourselves looks like. 

After all, as humans, we have the distinct freedom and responsibility to write and revise our stories over time.  It’s what sets us apart from animals.  

So why do we hold so tightly to that narrow definition of success?  Besides, some of the most successful people I’ve ever known don’t measure theirs by a bank balance or a Kardashian-esque social media following.   Instead, they make waves in far more lasting, impactful ways.  

I believe the litmus test for success is based on character rather than clout. I also believe we get to define our own version of success based on the person we’re becoming.  When was the last time you took inventory of your definition? If it’s been awhile, perhaps it’s time to revisit.  After all, with age comes wisdom (we hope) and often shifting values.  If in your 20’s and 30’s success looked like that big job on Wall Street or a record deal with a major label, perhaps it  shifted to meaningful relationships or creative expression in your 40’s and 50’s.  Who knows?  Well, you do…

Here are a few pillars to build your new success story around.  Push them around.  Color them in a bit. 

1. Health: Our health is the foundation of all other functions in life.  Life is a much better place when we feel good.  I’m not only talking about physical health, but emotional as well as spiritual.  

2. Contentment: The ability to cultivate contentment despite our circumstances is true badassery in my book.  The secret sauce in this recipe—gratitude.  

3. Self-Awareness: How you show up in the world affects everything and impacts overall success, especially work and relationships.  Cultivating greater self-awareness through therapy and self-development tools like the Enneagram creates a positive ripple effect. 

4. Generosity: Giving back through time and resources is intrinsically a selfish act if you think about it.  The practice of generosity gives an instant hit of purpose and joy if done from a place of honesty.  

5. Presence: There is no better way of fully showing up in the world than consciously awake in the present moment.  It’s the the most valuable real estate we’ll ever own.  When we practice mindful presence, we stave off anxiety (“out there” thinking) and forego nostalgia (idealizing the past).  

Bonus: Share your new success story and this exercise with a friend.  Relationships are where these beliefs are really hardwired-in!  

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

Bossa Nova, the Beatles, and the Problem with Perfection

I was driving the other day.  For some reason, I couldn’t get the bluetooth on my phone to connect with the car’s sound system, so I found myself listening to the Beatles station on XM radio.  I’ve been in a podcast haze for the last several months, and despite my affinity for them, was needing a bit of melody in my heart and body to balance out all that heightened cognitive consumption.  

I didn’t grow up on the Beatles mind you.  Sure, both my parents were musicians, yet they didn’t really grow up on the Beatles either.  It wasn’t their thing.  They (and as a result, I) grew up on jazz, namely, the Bossa Nova brand.  I’m not mad about it either.  

My Beatles education comes from my husband.  As a drummer, producer, and the biggest music nerd I’ve ever met, he’s constantly schooling me about the legendary imprint those fab four left on the world.  I’m grateful for this and always trying to listen for another layer of genius each time I hear one of their songs.  

Back to the other day...I had one of those “aha” moments in the car on my way back from Target.  You ready for this?  

We absolutely can’t entertain the creative process and perfectionism in the same room, let alone breathe.  They are distinct enemies and hate each other’s guts.  

Why?  Creativity is messy and takes loads of courage and curiosity.  Perfectionism depends on control and reeks of fear.   Creativity requires letting go in order to trust a higher, more vulnerable process.  Perfectionism is an excuse we give ourselves as to why we stay stuck in the need for certainty.  Really, it’s just a scared man’s game.  There’s nothing virtuous or noble about perfectionism.  It’s a total sham.  

If you listen back to some of Bossa Nova’s most magical moments, you’ll undoubtedly find two central characters, Astrud Gilberto & Antonio Carlos Jobim (well three…Stan Getz).  You know what you will not find?  Autotune, a thing they use in modern music production that can take your tone deaf 82-year-old grandmother and make her sound like Brandi Carlisle.  It’s like photoshopping a recording.  

Guess what?  There was no photoshopping the Beatle’s either.  Despite their masterful, tight sound, what makes it so good and authentic is the quirky, jangly, and quintessential English flavor we know and love.  It’s all them.  As I listened to In My Life, a total favorite, I was reminded of the simple wizardry hidden all throughout.  Likewise with Corcovado, a classic Getz/Gilberto tune.  Both, in my estimation, are iconic complete with endearing pitchiness, that yummy analog warmth, and an energy that’s palpable—breathable.  

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.  I’ve clung tightly to this mantra for years.  If you are waiting to write the perfect book, give a pristine presentation, release a musical masterpiece, or develop the fanciest website for your business before you ever put yourself out there, you’ve already missed a great opportunity.  It’s the opportunity to find your voice and begin using it despite the nervous, wobbly first couple hundred efforts.  Also, it’s the opportunity to be known.  

It’s true. You and I may never make jazz or rock n’ roll history.  However, as  human beings born to create (and yes, you are highly creative no matter what you think), we have a responsibility to live courageously in the direction of our dreams.  It’s what separates us from animals—this ability to make up stories and all sorts of other stuff.  It gives us meaning.  It gives us purpose.  Purpose, after all, is the opposite of depression, not happiness like we tend to assume.  

The world doesn’t want your perfection, it wants you.  Ask yourself what it is you would do, create, or be today if fear was not an option.  What’s that treasure hidden deep inside you? 

Got it?  Go write it down.  Every detail you can muster.  You know what?  You’re already one step closer.  I dare you to take one more.  Go fall flat on your face and get back up.  Take another. That’s called courage.  And that, my friend, is more than perfect…it’s everything.

Love & Gratitude,
Katie