{VIDEO} Therapy Packages Are Here (so let’s crush the second half of 2017)

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” 

-Maya Angelou

Jumpstart

Here we are already in June. 2017 is bounding forth. In fact, we are already half way through the year. I’m a big fan of any reason to jumpstart newness, growth, and positive change, so naturally, June always presents with the opportunity to take inventory of where we’ve been and where we’re going. I love a good excuse to evolve.

Therapy

So many people have the wrong idea about therapy. Perhaps I was guilty of criticism at some point. However, I’d like to challenge some faulty ideas around therapy, what it is, and who needs it. I’d also love to invite you into some exciting new opportunities to thrive I’ve got cooking for you.

More

Thankfully, our culture is also evolving and warming up to the idea that in fact, psychotherapy isn’t for crazy, weak, and troubled souls. There are so many types and levels of therapy, however, in my book,therapy is for anyone who longs for more: more self-awareness, more success, more joy, more healing, more creativity, and more healthy relationships to name a few. It is also for anyone who simply feels stuck and needs a safe place to process and heal from life’s often bloody punches. Therapy is not for the weak, its very much for the strong; those willing to look in painful corners, unlikely places, and perhaps blocked spaces in time in order to create a vibrant and joy-filled path forward. Therapy requires a ton of courage.

Uplevel

Also keep in mind that there doesn’t necessarily need to be a lack or deficiency present to validate investing time and resources into therapy. I work with countless clients who really just want to take their whole life to the next level and need the support, accountability, and structure necessary for that upleveling.

Full

I like to see the glass half full, and with that in mind, we’ve got six full, promising months ahead in 2017. This month, I’m rolling out a new model of therapy I’ve been building for a while now. I’m offering highly personalized therapeutic packages lasting anywhere from three to twelve months, depending on the specific needs of the client.

Three Things

I’ve found that we thrive in tangible and systematic ways when three things are present: structure, ritual, and guidance. As a therapist, I like to see myself as a guide of sorts who doesn’t necessarily have advice or answers to dole out, but who carries a bright flashlight and a slew of tools as I walk alongside you, creating safety and drawing out insight that’s already locked deep inside.

Reach

If this type of partnership sounds intriguing or at all appetizing to you in this stage of your journey, I’d love to connect! Learn more about this new way of therapy by inquiring here. I’d love to empower and help you specialize a beautifully designed path forward. I believe your best life is very much in reach—I’d be honored to guide you deeper into the process.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie
xoxo

(VIDEO) Success vs. Happiness (and 3 things I learned from a rose bush)

“The useless days will add up to something. These things are your becoming.”

Cheryl Strayed

Wall

This past week I hit a wall. My body revolted to the hamster wheel of work and productivity I’d been on for most of 2017 and thought it would be funny, entertaining, or cruel at best to throw me a curveball. So last Saturday, down to the minute of finishing the third and last (hopefully) board exam I’m required to take, I felt my body begin to shut down.

“We’ve had enough Katie, you’ve done what you had to do and that’s fine. However, we refuse to live like this, so today consider us officially on strike. Rest up and we’ll see you in a couple of weeks.
Warmly,
Management.”

Ouch. Literally.

Sidelines

Today, by the time you read this, I’ll have finally gotten off all meds, have energy levels back to normal, and hopefully, two unclogged ears. I’m going to be very honest, it’s been rough. I don’t like being on the sidelines of life, waiting for re-entry into the game. I like to have about eight different projects and pots stirring at once, falling into bed at the close of each long day with faint levels of exhaustion, in a good way, you know? The kind that feels accomplished and meaningful.

Backseat

It also doesn’t help that I’ve not been sick to the point of derailment from all work and activity, yet steadily teetering on the edge of okay and flagging with massive dips vamping around 7 pm. I’m learning that extremes are much easier than balance and success and progress doesn’t equal happiness. Workouts, social engagements, and extracurricular work projects all took the backseat as I patiently partnered with my body to gain strength and energy. Booorrring.

Medicate

I sat—a lot. I don’t much like sitting. I journaled—a lot, taking the good advice I give to clients weekly. I also thought —a lot, thereby cancelling out any of that good advice I’d taken.

Here is one finding I observed: I medicate on purpose, doing, moving forward, and achieving BIG TIME. This is insidious and oh so subtle as none of the above are inherently bad things. Most things people get addicted to aren’t: food, booze, working out, money, gambling, sex, work, shopping, etc…However, when our daily success is propped up by these things, we can rest assure a rude awakening is coming for us someday soon. As the old saying goes, “Deal with your shit or your shit will deal with you.” Noted.

Presence

We can’t lead anyone to a place we’re not personally willing to go. Our words and actions will fall flat on deaf ears. I’m in the process of going deeper into this thing called presence, free from the buzz of a constant agenda and task list, or whatever the medicator may be.

As a community, we are going deeper into this thing called identity and I must confess, I’ve only partially grasped it. I’ve smugly believed that we can “act as if” until the shoe fits, much like all those desperate if not well-meaning ladies stuffing their oversized feet into Cinderella’s tiny slipper. We can’t just “do” our way into identity. Sure action is important, yet slowing down to listen is a surer path to our authentic, essential selves.

Join me

I’ve got a short video for you today about this seemingly paradoxical notion and I’d love for you to check it out. I feel much more alive after stepping off that hamster wheel I spoke of earlier. It was a scary strike at first, however, worth it in every way. If you struggle like I do and clumsily identify success as happiness, this video is for you. If you need support getting off of your own vicious treadmill, let’s connect. Beautiful things spring out of unlikely places that often lie way outside our death grip of control. Ease up, gently. Its time to trust the process.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie xoxo 

(Video) Welcome to the Enneagram

It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
-Rumi

If you know me in this life you’re probably aware of how much I love the enneagram. Ten years ago, I discovered this incredible resource and have passionately been going deeper into its wisdom: reading, studying, and applying it in my own life as well as in our therapeutic journey.

More

The enneagram is more than a personality test, it’s more than a spiritual tool, and it’s more that a book. For this reason, I’ve been a bit hesitant to introduce it through a traditional blog post. No, this is far to dynamic and precious to simply slap on several hundred words, a pretty image, and call it a day.

Companion

For me, the enneagram has been a patient and wise companion gently revealing layers of insight into the truest, most essential parts of who I am as well as those I love. It has given me invaluable insight into relationships and explained the driving forces for why we do the things we do, both good and bad.

Interview

Today, I am still too intimidated to give you a 101 on the enneagram, however I want to tell you about a podcast interview I recently did with a man whose grasp and application of enneagram truth blows me away. Ian Cron has done many things well. He is an author, therapist, priest, award winning songwriter, and teacher. Last year, he co-authored The Road Back to You: Looking at Life through the Lens of the Enneagram, a clever, insightful, and applicable approach to the enneagram. We had the best time chatting about all things enneagram, and I can’t wait for you to hear that interview.

Identity

We talk so much about the power of identity on this platform. I firmly believe knowing who we truly are and likewise who we are not, is a massive step towards personal freedom. If you are into this, yet perhaps feel overwhelmed by the sound of it, you’re in the right place. I’d love to partner with you on that journey, diving deeper into this beautiful tool called the enneagram, as well as providing additional resources to help you unlock your highest, most authentic self.

Step One

Today is the first step of this new journey and I’m so glad you’re here. Stay tuned for my upcoming interview with Ian Cron in the coming weeks and get a head start by checking out his new book, The Road Back to You: Looking at Life through the Lens of the Enneagram.

Have a wonderful weekend! Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Failure School: How to Succeed at Failing

99.99999% of your fears
live only in your imagination,
in anticipation, and in memory.

Even if the ‘worst’ happens,
you’ll find yourself dealing with it in the moment,
responding from a place of presence.

You don’t have to deal with it now.
You’ll handle it then.

And who knows:
The ‘worst’ thing may turn out
to be your greatest teacher,
your most profound call to awakening,
an invitation to the kind of courage
of which you’d never thought yourself capable.

Fear isn’t your enemy,
but a signpost.

Breathe into the moment.

– Jeff Foster

Benign

I just googled the definition of “failure.”  Here’s the most comprehensive and concise meaning I found: “the omission of expected or required action.”  Sounds pretty benign, right—so matter of fact?

The kind of fear of failure I’ve experienced along the way has been a far cry from this bland “omission” situation.  Quite the contrary; it’s been a crippling and immobilizing force that’s stunted growth, joy, and relationships.  From the anonymous surveys many of you were total champions for completing last week, I know I’m very much not alone.

I’m fascinated by this unruly expectation we place on ourselves to avoid failure. So much so that I’m developing some additional resources for us to dig into around this work on a deeper level.  For now though, I want to pepper your thoughts with some key insights that have become a lynchpin shift in my understanding and approach to failure.

Expectation Shift

The operative word in the above definition is certainly “expect” not “omission” as it relates to our study here.  Why?  Well, simply put, because it’s the subjective that we tend to personalize, not the objective facts.  I either deliver or I don’t and surely my life’s worth and value aren’t tied up in that slice of history.

Bomb

I’ve bombed so many performances it might lead you to wonder if I had a screw loose for continuing in my early music days.  For some ungodly reason, I kept going even though it felt like cruel and unusual self-harm.  Strangely, no one ever told me I sucked or bombed it or should definitely not quit my day job.  I only received encouragement and kindness.  I realize, we are in the South y’all.  Nonetheless, I’m a pretty good read and they seemed genuine.

Fall

We’re so tightly wound and attached to the narrow expectation of who we should be and how we should perform that we lose sight of the incredibly vast and curious horizons that come along with the fall.

Have you ever watched a toddler on the cusp of walking? First of all, it’s high and hilarious art.  Secondly, the ONLY way their tiny muscles are made stronger is by falling and getting up—over and over and over again.  And we “ooh” and “ahh” and gawk like grown chimpanzees about to be fed at the circus in response.  Go figure.

Imagination

So why is it so terrifying to fail?  I believe it’s because we are afraid of the way we will treat ourselves and as a result feel in response to our perceived failure–our missing the mark.  Like the poem states, nearly every shred of our fears live in the stories we make up about them, our imagination. Our fears are rarely tethered to reality and we drive the shame ship of our failure…we’re the culprit!  Sure, the outcome is humbling at first, but by elevating our belief about failure, we construct a new brain pathway or go-to storyline that facilitates self-compassion instead of self-flagellation.  We don’t evolve by playing it safe in a mole hole, but by staying present at the crossroads of failure and opportunity.

Know the Difference

Before you go poking holes in my sunshine, I’ll clarify an exception to the rule. There are two types of failure, and I refer to failure at this point as something necessary for growth and success.

There is all-in failure and half-ass failure.  All-in failure is when we’ve shown up,  given our all, and  fully engaged in the pursuit at hand, yet for whatever reason didn’t quite make the cut.  The passion and effort are there, yet the outcome is not—yet anyway.

Half-ass failure, as you might imagine, is missing the mark without giving it a fighting, bleeding-heart chance.  We’ve all been there, yet it’s not a  helpful pattern as it ultimately becomes self-fulling prophecy.  Oftentimes, this is simply a good indicator that we may not really want what we’re limping for and redirection is necessary.

Failure File

This homework might blow your mind and/or cause you to become extremely frustrated with me.  Both are fine, just keep me in the loop there. 

I’m convinced if we’re not wholeheartedly failing, we’re not stretching ourselves enough.

I recently heard a podcast interview with a man (whom I couldn’t catch his name for the life of me) talking about this very concept.  He’s a big wig coach who guides super successful executives into their highest potential.  He gave his clients strict homework to fail at least five times a month and record those failures in a specified file in their office, a failure file.  (Mic drop.) I nearly turned it off.

Momentum

I wrestled with this notion for a couple hours, and quickly became OBSESSED.  Fickle, yes.  I’ve started experimenting so as to really put myself out there in ways that seem uncomfortable and awkward.  You know what?  In the process, I’ve accomplished some pretty daunting goals I’ve had staring me down for months now and feel a noticeable momentum shift.  There’s something to this.

And so I dare you.  Start your own failure file this week and go for one “all-in fail” to add to it.  What comes up for you even thinking about this stuff?  Dig into to; dance with it.  It surely won’t kill you.  If nothing else, your world will be so much bigger for playing along.  Go ahead, give yourself total permission, or homework,  to fail.  There’s wide-open freedom and life in that movement.

A man we know and love called Winston Churchill said it well.  He’s a mixed bag of courage, successes, failure, bullheaded stubbornness, and legend all in one. His stories and words have a vibrant life of their own well after his last breath.  Now that’s gumption.

“Success is not final. Failure is not fatal.  It is the courage to continue that counts.”

-Winston Churchill

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Adele: Lessons from the Other Side

Before we get going, I thought it only fair to circle back around to my last post and cut all that paralyzing suspense regarding my test last Tuesday. Drumroll, please…. I passed!!!!! EEP! This is good news for us both I can assure you as I’ll move on, quit my moaning, and focus on far more interesting things for us to talk about here.  I didn’t realize how heavy a burden the whole process has been throughout the last 18 months.  The stress of it bled over into other cracks of life, sucking away energy, ease, and time I’d forgotten I had.  So, after taking a week off the blog for some much-needed self-care and rest, I feel massive relief and anticipation for more creative space to play around with other projects I’m ready to push forward.

Persevere

Despite feeling the gravity of this seeming detour, I learned an invaluable lesson through it all: Perseverance develops emotional muscles that will serve us well in every area of life, even when the task at hand seems unrelated and dispassionate to our calling. This post isn’t about perseverance in that respect though, it’s about Adele…so let’s get to it.

Date

I had the distinct pleasure of tagging along with my husband to the Grammy’s this past Sunday night in LA.  Despite his infinite cool,  he humors me as I show up each year with an arsenal of crazy shoes, dresses, and fake eye lashes like I’m nominated for an award or something.  I’ve never taken home one of those awards, however, I always leave the week with loads of shiny inspiration, new ideas, and an awakened dreamer inside.

YouTube

This year was no exception.  In fact, I was so moved by the raw combination of Adele’s truth-telling and talent, I felt the need to write what I saw, in hopes of somehow branding it into my being.  If you didn’t see her performance or acceptance speech(es), YouTube those babies.  They’ll warm your heart. Oh, and, forgive the spoiler for which you are about to receive.

Outlier

She’s always been an outlier in my mind: a seamless talent, a young-old-soul, and a powerful message well-balanced with a shock of mess.  She’s swooped in twice now for most pop music consumers, both times offering us heavy hitting albums five years apart quite simply titled “21” and “25.”   As that thick cockney accent cuts through the trough of tears shed, she cleans house, claiming most if not every Grammy she’s slated for.  I’d say those are pretty good odds.

Chocolate

On the flight home late Tuesday night between the spotty Southwest wi-fi and my fistful of Valentine’schocolate, I couldn’t get her out of my head, so I jotted down a few lessons she’s taught me over the years, especially this past Sunday night.

1.) Be You

Seems obvious, right?  I don’t think so.  Maybe it’s LA, or the entertainment industry, or my own ego that I can feel expand in order to compensate in a room full of über talented people.  Whatever it is, Adele seems to be immune to the insidious pressure to conform.  I’m sure she’s got her demons just like the best of them, however, she knows who she is and what she does well, and she does it– like a Boss. With steady opinions from all sides to be this and that, to look a certain way, and perhaps to diversify, she’s unapologetically steady in who she is.  It’s a breath of fresh air in an industry full of people hustling hard to show up in just the right light.  She just “is” and it’s simply stunning—magnetic.

Version

Do you ever feel like you’re hustling to live up to some unrealistic version of you?  I do.  Next time it happens, take a step back and remember this:  you’re in a league of your own—no one else in the world will do when it comes to being you.  Own it.  When I listen to Adele sing, I don’t want to hear Katy Perry, I want Adele!  (Though I do love me some KP).  Good news: there’s more than enough room at the table for the unique gifts we each bring and a scarcity mindset is totally unnecessary.

2.) Don’t Be Afraid to Start Over

I remember playing a gig in the mecca of downtown Franklin a couple of years back.  I hadn’t been practicing much and I didn’t really know one of the songs I was meant to play. Being the queen of wing it, I confidently, (read: blindly), walked right into a train wreck, having to start that song over halfway through.  It was awful.  I felt so much shame and embarrassment and desperately wantedto go hide under a rock for the next couple of months.  Umm, there were probably 25 people there, tops.  Really?

Hero

When Adele stopped her George Michael tribute on music’s biggest night in order to start the song over, I wanted to do back flips all the way up to the stage and hug her ever deserving neck.  It’s the same shame, yet on vastly different platforms.  She risked being rejected in order to do what she knew she needed to do.  Courage does not exclude fear, it embraces it and keeps going.  Heroes personify courage and we live in a culture desperately searching for heroes.  I believe this is a big reason Adele stole our hearts in the first place.

Pride

We must not let pride keep us from slowing down, re-assessing, and starting over when we need to be it in a creative endeavor, an unhealthy relationship,  or a work project we’ve been unsuccessfully pushing uphill.   If Adele can mess up and start over for all the world to see, I’m pretty sure you and I can in our own way as well.

3.) Lead with your Heart

As if it were even possible to love her more than I already did, she then managed to pull out that unforgettable and disarming final acceptance speech for Album of the Year.

It was a tough call.  She was up against Beyoncé’s fiercely creative “Lemonade”, and she literally didn’t want to accept it as she felt her competition had been robbed.  We didn’t get a tidy, calculated, speech thanking all the big wigs in the room.  Instead, we got an off-the-cuff love letter to her hero, complete with blubbering tears and that quintessential F-bomb we’ve become endearingly familiar with.  She could’ve used those valuable minutes to further her cause, or better yet, get political.  Instead, she led with her heart, honoring the influential genius of Beyoncé, who’s work and life highly impacted every facet of her experience, including the admittedly broken one of motherhood.

Ego

Constantly choosing to tap into love instead of fear helps us detach from ego and get out of our own way. Ego is always divisive.  It puffs up, separating us from our true self because we’re afraid our true self isn’t enough.  Vulnerably, Adele continues to model that, and a starving world devours every last crumb.

Model

Vulnerability is a scary thing, after all, as we inevitably risk rejection and abandonment.  What I’m seeing though, is it’s the only way to truly be known and loved.  This week, let’s follow Adele’s lead and see what happens.  You never know, we may give another caged soul the freedom to show up— messy, imperfect, and un-rehearsed.  I want to be apart of that revolution.

love & gratitude,

katie

xoxo