(VIDEO) Success vs. Happiness (and 3 things I learned from a rose bush)

“The useless days will add up to something. These things are your becoming.”

Cheryl Strayed

Wall

This past week I hit a wall. My body revolted to the hamster wheel of work and productivity I’d been on for most of 2017 and thought it would be funny, entertaining, or cruel at best to throw me a curveball. So last Saturday, down to the minute of finishing the third and last (hopefully) board exam I’m required to take, I felt my body begin to shut down.

“We’ve had enough Katie, you’ve done what you had to do and that’s fine. However, we refuse to live like this, so today consider us officially on strike. Rest up and we’ll see you in a couple of weeks.
Warmly,
Management.”

Ouch. Literally.

Sidelines

Today, by the time you read this, I’ll have finally gotten off all meds, have energy levels back to normal, and hopefully, two unclogged ears. I’m going to be very honest, it’s been rough. I don’t like being on the sidelines of life, waiting for re-entry into the game. I like to have about eight different projects and pots stirring at once, falling into bed at the close of each long day with faint levels of exhaustion, in a good way, you know? The kind that feels accomplished and meaningful.

Backseat

It also doesn’t help that I’ve not been sick to the point of derailment from all work and activity, yet steadily teetering on the edge of okay and flagging with massive dips vamping around 7 pm. I’m learning that extremes are much easier than balance and success and progress doesn’t equal happiness. Workouts, social engagements, and extracurricular work projects all took the backseat as I patiently partnered with my body to gain strength and energy. Booorrring.

Medicate

I sat—a lot. I don’t much like sitting. I journaled—a lot, taking the good advice I give to clients weekly. I also thought —a lot, thereby cancelling out any of that good advice I’d taken.

Here is one finding I observed: I medicate on purpose, doing, moving forward, and achieving BIG TIME. This is insidious and oh so subtle as none of the above are inherently bad things. Most things people get addicted to aren’t: food, booze, working out, money, gambling, sex, work, shopping, etc…However, when our daily success is propped up by these things, we can rest assure a rude awakening is coming for us someday soon. As the old saying goes, “Deal with your shit or your shit will deal with you.” Noted.

Presence

We can’t lead anyone to a place we’re not personally willing to go. Our words and actions will fall flat on deaf ears. I’m in the process of going deeper into this thing called presence, free from the buzz of a constant agenda and task list, or whatever the medicator may be.

As a community, we are going deeper into this thing called identity and I must confess, I’ve only partially grasped it. I’ve smugly believed that we can “act as if” until the shoe fits, much like all those desperate if not well-meaning ladies stuffing their oversized feet into Cinderella’s tiny slipper. We can’t just “do” our way into identity. Sure action is important, yet slowing down to listen is a surer path to our authentic, essential selves.

Join me

I’ve got a short video for you today about this seemingly paradoxical notion and I’d love for you to check it out. I feel much more alive after stepping off that hamster wheel I spoke of earlier. It was a scary strike at first, however, worth it in every way. If you struggle like I do and clumsily identify success as happiness, this video is for you. If you need support getting off of your own vicious treadmill, let’s connect. Beautiful things spring out of unlikely places that often lie way outside our death grip of control. Ease up, gently. Its time to trust the process.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie xoxo 

(Video) Welcome to the Enneagram

It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
-Rumi

If you know me in this life you’re probably aware of how much I love the enneagram. Ten years ago, I discovered this incredible resource and have passionately been going deeper into its wisdom: reading, studying, and applying it in my own life as well as in our therapeutic journey.

More

The enneagram is more than a personality test, it’s more than a spiritual tool, and it’s more that a book. For this reason, I’ve been a bit hesitant to introduce it through a traditional blog post. No, this is far to dynamic and precious to simply slap on several hundred words, a pretty image, and call it a day.

Companion

For me, the enneagram has been a patient and wise companion gently revealing layers of insight into the truest, most essential parts of who I am as well as those I love. It has given me invaluable insight into relationships and explained the driving forces for why we do the things we do, both good and bad.

Interview

Today, I am still too intimidated to give you a 101 on the enneagram, however I want to tell you about a podcast interview I recently did with a man whose grasp and application of enneagram truth blows me away. Ian Cron has done many things well. He is an author, therapist, priest, award winning songwriter, and teacher. Last year, he co-authored The Road Back to You: Looking at Life through the Lens of the Enneagram, a clever, insightful, and applicable approach to the enneagram. We had the best time chatting about all things enneagram, and I can’t wait for you to hear that interview.

Identity

We talk so much about the power of identity on this platform. I firmly believe knowing who we truly are and likewise who we are not, is a massive step towards personal freedom. If you are into this, yet perhaps feel overwhelmed by the sound of it, you’re in the right place. I’d love to partner with you on that journey, diving deeper into this beautiful tool called the enneagram, as well as providing additional resources to help you unlock your highest, most authentic self.

Step One

Today is the first step of this new journey and I’m so glad you’re here. Stay tuned for my upcoming interview with Ian Cron in the coming weeks and get a head start by checking out his new book, The Road Back to You: Looking at Life through the Lens of the Enneagram.

Have a wonderful weekend! Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo