Advent of the Soul: Get Ready for Your Brightest Year Yet

When you get to where you’re going, where will you be?  

I ask myself this question often as I easily confuse busyness with productivity.  I imagine you fall into the same trap as well.  Consider this, how many times a week do you ask someone how they’re doing and they respond with a slight sigh, eye roll, and an arsenal of reasons there’s just not enough time in the day.  “Life is just so busy these days!”  I’m definitely guilty of it.  I tend to wear exhaustion proudly like a badge of honor just so you don’t have any qualms or confusion in your mind about my level of productivity. 

I’m pretty sure shame is the culprit here. Last year, I read Shauna Niequist’s book, Present Over Perfect, and was rocked to the core by her level of honesty regarding her addiction to productivity and responsibility.  

She shares,

“We all have these complicated tangles of belief and identity and narrative, and one of the early stories I told about myself is that my ability to get it done is what kept me around.  I wasn’t beautiful, I didn’t have a special or delicate skill.  But I could get stuff done, and it seemed to me that ability was my entrance into the rooms into which I wanted to be invited.”  

In my case, I find myself hustling for acceptance by constantly going, achieving, producing.  It feels really good, until the payoff just isn’t enough anymore.

We all do this to some degree.  There is a lack of perceived deficiency as well as a need for acceptance, so we buy into narratives of belief about ourselves that were validated by someone important to us at some point along the way. Eventually, subconsciously, these beliefs build out a life blueprint of identity.  I believe discovering and aligning with our truest self is absolutely crucial in order to thrive and throw off the thin storylines we’ve bought into. They don’t hold up anymore.

We must take time and space to ask ourselves this vital question: Where am I going? 

There’s no better time than now to ask.  Stop addressing those Christmas cards, just for a minute. Chances are, if they’re getting a card, they also care about your overall well-being.  

According to the Western liturgical church calendar, the season of Advent is upon us.  I’m not concerned whether or not you consider yourself a religious person or church-goer, what I am interested in is your desire to stay grounded and committed to a vision for your life that’s evolving— flourishing. 

Advent simply means ‘coming'. It’s an anticipatory time of preparation for hopeful things yet seen.  In church tradition, this thing is the birth of Christ, a savior.  It includes all these beautiful, sacred practices enrolling candles, wreaths, songs, smells, and colors.  I often attend an Episcopal church that’s super liturgical and relic-heavy.  They do ritual really, really well and I absolutely love it, largely because I need all the reminders I can get. Rituals create infrastructure and order within to practice life-giving reminders.   

You and I have the opportunity to apply these same rituals this season to the interior spaces of our lives and daily experience.  I call it the Advent of the Soul.  That’s a really woo-woo way of describing our own sacred processional of time and space leading up to the birth of unique dreams and desires for the coming year. The community we want to build, the business we want to start, the relationships we want to attract, the cities we want to explore, the joy we long to cultivate, and on and on. 

The cool thing about this process is just how much power unlocks as we tap into it and access its truth.  Other bonuses include: you don’t have to dress up, leave the house, or fight the cold of Sunday morning.  Traffic’s never an issue, oh, and the doors are always flung wide open, ready to welcome you in.  

This advent takes place in the most exquisite cathedral—your very own heart and it’s offered all day and every day, wherever you are.  Disclaimer: this largely depends on our decision to stay present and awake instead of checked out with Netflix, a vat of Chex Mix, and a tumbler of Chardonnay.  

Rituals are meant to ground us, and that’s exactly what I need this time of year: a strong tethering to hope and a steady guide into truth.  This ritual of advent locks into my favorite daily practice: writing.  Don’t worry; I’m not heaving more homework on your already crazy schedules.  This will only take ten minutes, (of course more if you’ve got it!) 

Answer these three questions:

1) What have you gained in 2017?  

2) What is your word?  

Pick one word that is meaningful and representative of this new season and write it down.  Take a minute to unpack the story behind that word.  For example, I spoke with a man the other day who described this heaviness he’d carried the past several months due to lots of family drama.  He desperately wanted to put that unnecessary extra baggage down and decided  “Levity” was his word for 2018.    

3) What narrative or belief are you willing to let go of that’s holding you back?

Write that sucker down and see what comes up.  Try not to judge it, just notice what’s there.  

Now commit to these truths, over and over and over again.  This is the stuff of that magical, sacred journey called rebirth— the Advent of our soul.  You will forget, stumble, and fall into those dusty dark corners of old familiar voices time and time again.  That’s not the point.  The point is you keep daring, keep reaching, keep walking, one foot in front of the other, into what will come.  It’s a courageous path to forge, and most settle for a lesser resistance.  

You, my dear, are not most.  

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

Your Grace: Practicing Abundance in Relationships

There’s something worth noting about relationships: when stress levels and daily busyness rise, patience and grace for those closest to us take a sharp nosedive.  It’s like a scientific law or something.

The holiday season is a double-edged sword: on one side, it’s lovely and ushers in ample opportunity for joy and celebration. On the other side, it can drain us of every last ounce of peace we thought we’d hoovered up during the “off months” leading up.

Let’s face it, if there is a time that relationships fall prey to resentment and conflict, it is surely now.  

We hemorrhage money, we play the comparison game, we over-plan, we tend to indulge a wee bit, and we flat out go go go.  

Do you relate?  I’m curious, do any of your relationships take a hit this time of year?  Perhaps you notice a slightly deflated reserve of patience for friends and family that otherwise wouldn’t phase you?  

I know I do.  

Perfect example:  Thanksgiving Dinner was at our house this past week.  As much as I adore hosting dinner parties, this was my inaugural Thanksgiving Dinner.  I was stoked, to say the least.  

Now, as a recovering perfectionist, I swing slightly towards the control freak side of the spectrum.  (Ok, maybe "slightly" is generous.)  I drive a tight ship when it comes to culinary experiences and ensuring those present thoroughly enjoy their time.  This past year, I finally embraced the motto: Go big or go home.

I’d timed everything out just right: arrival at four, sunset aperitif and hor d’oeuvres at four thirty-five, and dinner around six.  I’d stayed up until midnight the night before designing the table and brining those poor birds.  I was all in.

Well, as you can probably detect, my perfect little plan didn’t quite fly.  I mean, it did, but in a way I hadn’t engineered, naturally.  My siblings missed the sunset, the appetizers weren’t ready on time, and I developed a big fat attitude.  

“I mean, where are they? They’re missing the best part! How rude.” 

My very lovely and kind mother looked straight at me and said two words very sternly, “GRACE, Katie!”

Those tiny words shook me, resetting my entire outlook faster than a costume change on Broadway.  

Grace…

The rest of the evening was so special, not because of anything I did or didn’t execute, but because of each person there and the unique gift they brought to the space and conversation that could never have been orchestrated by me or Martha Stewart for that matter.  

Here is a question for us this season: how can we practice abundance in our relationships and in doing so, extend more grace?  

Sure, we think of the holiday season as full—abundant.  What if we could build that picture up to include the practice of abundance with people?  

Practicing abundance in relationships may look different for you and me, however, here are a few quick ways to beef up our game:

• Choose to believe the absolute best about people when they disappoint or hurt your feelings. Try not to make assumptions about them.
• Intentionally cultivate positive, life-giving thoughts about people throughout the day whether it be a spouse, parent, co-worker, or friend.
• Draw boundaries for yourself both physically and emotionally throughout the season so as not to grow tired and clumsy with those closest to you.  Clear, firm boundaries allow us to love from a far more authentic space in relationships.  
• Be generous and intentional with your words.  I have a friend who always says, “If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it out.”  Our words are powerful and carry gravity in this relational and energetic world we live in, let’s practice abundance instead of scarcity with them.

Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, got it right when he succinctly wrote,

“Be impeccable with your word.  Don’t take anything personally.  Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best.”  

Grace is something curious—exquisite.  In my understanding, we don’t earn grace, yet we’ve all received it at some point along the way, without merit and without cause.  Perhaps you know someone who extends grace to you in a way that feels expansive and incredibly safe.  Draw from that light, create that welcoming space for a weary soul who needs a soft landing pad.  We simply don't know the struggles those around us face, especially when we're wrapped up in our own little world.

Practicing abundance with people isn’t just for them, it is for you and me as well.  Grace is a legacy never forgotten.  This season, let’s pay it forward and give the gift of grace,  just because.  

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Holiday Grounding 4.0: Love is Near

Breathe, O breathe Thy loving Spirit, Into every troubled breast!
Let us all in Thee inherit; Let us find that promised rest.
-Charles Wesley, Love Divine.

Anticipation

We’re closing in on Christmas. Whether you celebrate the holidays or not, I imagine you will agree with me here: anticipation is in the air. This anticipation is not just for the gifts and festivities of the season’s climax; this anticipation is for a new year, a fresh start. 2016 has been quite an interesting one to say the least. Whatever your experience is, I want to applaud you for showing up and staying courageous and committed to the process.  It’s that feeling of finishing a long  book (preferably a hard copy), placing it ever so gingerly on the book shelf next to the host of other old companions you’ve learned from, and then standing back with a deep sigh of prideful relief as you admire your handiwork.

Homestretch

I feel the same surge of prideful relief as I round the corner and lock into that last stretch of a year lived fully. It’s almost like adrenaline kicks in and my feet seem to carry themselves over the finish line: the hard work’s been done and now what’s left is Christmas shopping. (Nope, still haven’t finished.)

We’ve been on a journey of Holiday Grounding this month. I know I’ve needed it, just like I need lots of reminders. With that said, I want to quickly point out those high level road posts—where we’ve been and where we’re going.  More importantly, I’d then like to talk about movies and the Beatles.  Here goes…

Comparison sucks

Comparison steals not only joy, but opportunity, creativity, and focus. “Winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.” Remember that quote? I don’t know who said it, but they nailed it. The next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else this week, get grounded in gratitude. Pull out the old gratitude journal and immediately jot down a couple things you are thankful for. Game changer. Let go of that scarcity mindset and lean into this phrase: “I am more than enough, right this minute.”

Advent creates space

Advent is traditionally recognized as a religious observance, but I believe it’s a pathway of hope and anticipation for anyone who longs to create space for new, powerful gifts and opportunities. What are those unique dreams and desires you long to see become reality in 2017? Create space today for them by letting go of old stuffy attachments that no longer serve you then write down a better fit for the season you’re in. Give it a word, one word, and cling to it; let it feed your soul.

Generosity releases fear

It’s true. As we give out of our need, we align with the truth of something bigger and more powerful than fear: love. I’m not saying we ditch our boundaries and overlook needs; far from it. I’m saying acknowledge the feeling attached to whatever it is you need, risk uncertainty, and knowing that God is good and the universe is working in our favor, create that feeling in your life by paying it forward for someone around you in need. I’ve come to believe human frailty and suffering is one of the most elemental, binding forces.  Generosity opens up so much connection.

All you need is Love? Really?

I love the movie Love Actually. It’s my favorite modern Christmas classic. I love it for so many reasons, namely the dry British humor (I’m a frustrated Anglophile at heart), rockstar cast (Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, and Collin Firth, anyone?), and the collection of messy, real life stories all strewn together throughout the film. It’s a little raunchy, a little sad, quite comical, and very clumsy all at once. I watched this the other night with my sister, Lauren over a trough full of Pad Thai for probably the 27th time. It never gets old.

Lennon & McCartney

Why is this? Beyond obvious reasons aforementioned, my hunch is it tells a story of Love, perfectly imperfect, just like you and me. In the recesses of each storyline, we see a common thread, a choice, albeit rickety and awkward at times, to open up to a love that feels uncertain, risky.  I think Lennon and McCartney had it all wrong. Sure, All you Need is Love is a masterful, catchy tune…one of my favorites, however, if love is indeed all around us, and we choose not to see it, embrace it, and lean into it, we might as well just Let it be and take that Long and Winding Road back home— we’re going Nowhere Man. (See what I did there?)

Get Still

We’ve been on a journey this year and it’s all coming to a head in the next several days. One of my most valuable gifts of 2016 has been sharing a bit more of that journey with you through this blog. I swear most weeks I’m writing because I need to hear every word of what I’m saying. Taking our own advice is often the hardest thing to do.

Choose

Today, as you wrap up any preparations, cooking, and shopping, please join me as I get still and choose Love. Love is right where we are, deep inside our hearts, and no one can take that away. It might get messy and it might get lonely- that’s okay. The choice is still ours to make.
We have amazing things ahead on this journey.  For now, I pray the season’s beauty overtakes you: the lights, the laughter, the complexity, all of it. I pray you will find peace in the fact that you’re not alone, ever. Lean into love, friend, it’s there, waiting for you, and it will not disappoint.  Have a very Merry Christmas!

Love & Gratitude,

katie

xoxo

Holiday Grounding 3.0: Generosity of Spirit

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou

I never start Christmas shopping until the week (or day) before Christmas.  I know, ludicrous.  I literally have an emotional and mental block against starting any earlier.  Call it procrastination, call it laziness, call it stupid, call it whatever you want— I’m cool with it.  I love a hard deadline and have always been drawn to excitement and adventure with a heavy dash of adrenalin.  Practical and organized are not typically words people use to describe me, quite the contrary actually.   Lead with vulnerability, right?  I’m also very cool with that.

Liturgy

That said, if you’re looking for a holiday gift guide, keep looking, this will surely dissappoint.  If you’re looking for a strong shot of reality to take the edge off all the holiday frenzy, I’m your girl.  I want to look beneath the liturgy of commerce, all the glitter and lights, and recover a far more beautiful and valuable thing.  Your friends and pocket books will thank you.   Let’s get grounded in generosity of spirit.

Gifting

This week, we continue building out the Holiday Grounding series and I’m super excited to explore the practice of cultivating an inner generosity, which sometimes manifests in the form of a pretty package.  Gifts are a significant aspect of the season, and there are two sides of that coin, like most things in life.  If the stuff of gifts sits on the throne of this Advent season, the giver and relationship become obsolete.

Have you ever received a gift and thought to yourself, “hmm, this is so random, I have a feeling this is an unwanted trinket of old excavated from the back corner of a misfit toy closet and i’m now the lucky recipient.“ It sounds bad, right?  Ungrateful, cynical, and well, totally fair game because we’ve all done it!  Chances are, the giver of that gifted object wanted you to feel special, valued, so they scrounged up something quickly to wrap, give, and communicate that thoughtfulness.

Love Language

In those instances, I feel so much love because there is no ego behind the gift.  It’s simply about the act of generosity, the heartbeat of that exchange—that is the gain.  What about you?  What do you love about receiving a gift?  Is it the wrapping job, the contents, the monetary value, or perhaps the intention behind the gift?  We are all so unique and there are no wrong answers. Gift giving is a love language in and of itself and how many of us communicate feelings.  There is nothing selfish or surface about speaking this language as your mother tongue.

Song

I love receiving gifts with a story behind them that were meant just for me.  Perhaps my most treasured gift I’ve ever received is a song my husband wrote and recorded for me last year.  Besides being a brilliant work of art, truth and vulnerability bleed through the lyrics, instrumentation, and production.  It cost him nothing, yet is worth its weight in heartfelt gold—it reminds me I’m treasured and deeply loved.  Leave it to a song to paint passions and cut to the core of our emotions.

Reality Check

That’s lovely and sweet for sure and I’m grateful beyond measure.  Here’s the deal though: for most of my adult life, the holidays have been incredibly painful as I’ve walked through loads of dark, chronic depression and anxiety, only heightened by the unrealistic expectations of all that is “merry and bright.”

Rat Pack

Gift-giving felt vapid, rote, even obligatory.  Sure, I still enjoyed the hustle and bustle of shopping and wrapping all to the velvety soundtrack of Frank, Bing, and Nat, yet my weak and wounded voice couldn’t fully join in.  None of it really mattered, though it was a welcomed distraction.  I’ve shared bits of that journey in previous posts, yet I feel it extremely important for you to know that this whole idea of holiday grounding, generosity, what have you, comes from a very sensitive and real place of pain—bleak days seen through a  hopeless tear-filled stare.

Certainty

Generosity transforms need into plenty.  I saw this growing up in my own family as we experienced some stark financial stretches.  It never mattered, my parents always gave out of their place of need, without hesitation.  I saw miraculous provision appear time and time again due to this lifestyle of faith.  Mom constantly delivered to neighbors, offered prayers for hurting friends, and they gave resources freely, whether in plenty or in want.  Though there may have been financial lack at times, there was always abundance and generosity of spirit—a certainty that faithful giving always manifests a healthy return.

Ruthie

Many of you are staring felt needs down these days: need for connection, community, belonging, health, acceptance, provision, peace, perhaps even hope to get through the day.  I know that feeling all too well, especially this time of year.  You may have finished your shopping back in August, but you don’t care, all you can see is your pain.  A couple of months back, my beautiful friend Ruthie Lindsey shared her inspiring journey through immeasurable physical pain and relationship losswith us on the blog.  Her poignant words bear repeating:

“If we lead from a place of brokenness, insecurity or bitterness, that is exactly who they will think we are.  But, if we lead from a place of love and wholeness, with compassion and strength, they are able to see us for who we really are.  I started to speak out loud the beautiful things I saw in people, places and experiences I was having.  I was looking for it and I was speaking it, and what’s so amazing is that as I was looking for beauty all around me, I was reconnecting with my community.  

The more I made myself get out of my bed and connect and love people, the less I was noticing how much I was hurting.  The very nature of pain is selfish and pulls our focus inward.  When I focused my energy outward, when I was doing things that were life-giving, things that I loved, I wasn’t thinking about my pain.”

Clarity

What do you desperately need to receive this season?  Clarity as it relates to our needs and desires is clutch.  I need healing in a few places of my life that feel very broken and unsettled.  I don’t know what that healing will look like and what form it will come in, yet I’m committing to a simple practice of generosity that sees the world around me through the lens of beauty and possibility rather than hurt and unresolve.

Name the feeling

This practice starts with intention.  What feeling is at the root of that which I long for and need?  Is it healing, or love, or worthiness?  Is it confidence, or chosenness, or validation?  In my case, it is relational healing, so that is exactly what I will give away in whatever capacity I can.  I’ll step into those shoes of empathy and see the gorgeous potential in everyone I encounter.   Like attracts like and that healing will come, I believe that.

Oil & Canvas

Maya Angelou rocked my world with this one so I’ll leave you with it today as a reminder for us to dig down deep into our unique brand of generosity.  She reveals, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  Without a word or a deed, we have the power to be the reason someone smiles today.   Your essential self, your brand of generosity, is so special and the world needs to feel it.  That’s the most valuable gift the season.

Sure, that swoon-worthy oversized abstract oil painting I stumbled upon last week in Ed Nash’sBelmont gallery blows my mind.  However,  oil and canvas don’t exactly do it for me when what I’m really needing is a hug and to know I’m enough.  Slow down, simplify, and give freely from your place of need—it’s a most courageous act of faith and a magnet for the rich favor awaiting you in 2017.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

P.S (I haven’t forgotten about last week’s homework! How’d you do??  The suspense is killing me… please email me, I want to hear all about it.)

xoxo