Happiness is A Verb: Three Ways to Get Moving

Let’s stop beating around the bush here.  Let’s be really honest about why most of us consume self-development or motivational content.  I mean, look at that fabulous woman pictured right above.  She appears to be living her best life, yes?  It’s as if the hair/outfit/leg/weather/and backdrop gods were all conspiring together for good; for happiness perhaps?

Hmm, maybe?  She could be the happiest person in the world for all we know (I sure hope so!). She could also be totally crushing it as a model with a killer team of people helping to create the flawless look.  Who’s to say?  

My point is, we often confuse success with happiness.  It sneaks in so quietly, so subtly, I’m guilty of it as well.  Today, I want to revisit this boulder of a dream I believe we all carry with us, albeit under the radar.  I want to get back to the basics, discussing what it means to live with intention and create happiness in our lives instead of expecting it to show up at our doorstep every morning, complete with a piping hot coffee and our favorite almond croissant (sans the calories, of course.)

Happiness is, indeed, an inside job.  

The two things I tend to hear when I listen to others talk about what they want, both in and outside of therapy, is more peace of mind, security, and belonging.  Often, this comes in the way of more money, more love, and less body mass.  I get it!  Typically, we confuse successful people who are wealthy, popular, and thin, with really happy people.  

Don’t get me wrong: money, community, and physical health are three big factors in contributing to overall well-being.  However, these successful outcomes are never sustainable as it relates to daily happiness.  

Success simply means achieving a desired outcome.  

Happiness refers to a state of well-being and contentment.  

They have two totally different meanings, yet we buy into a currency of contentment that makes them virtually interchangeable.  

Two of my favorite books exploring the science of happiness are Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, and The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. Both are worth the read.  

For your time-sensitive enjoyment, however, I’ve boiled it down and come up with three regular activities that propel happiness: this feeling of well-being and contentment. 

(Yes, they all start with “G” to keep it simple!)

Gratitude
I’ve never met someone miserable who consistently practiced gratitude.  In fact, it is nearly impossible to be a curmudgeon and also be grateful.  Try it.  In my experience, gratitude is the single most powerful and accessible weapon to combat resentment, anxiety, and self-pity.  I believe practicing gratitude alone for even just one day can set a completely new mindset into motion.  

Try it on for size: every time you sit down for a meal, think to yourself or say out loud three things you are grateful for.  I KNOW you can find simple things that will shift your perspective away from the weight of what’s bringing you down.

Generosity
Before you get all huffy and assume I’m asking you to pull out the checkbook, think again.  While financial giving is one way to be generous, there are so many other ways to practice this happiness magnet.  

The world gets really small when we’re only thinking about our well-being.  While self-care and discovery are a requirement for optimal experience, the act of giving actually enhances this well-being in a massive way.  They go hand in hand.

Writing a thank-you note, dropping off a meal to a friend in need, sending a simple encouraging text, or buying the guy behind you a coffee unexpectedly at Starbucks are all beautiful ways of practicing generosity.    

Grounding in The Present
This is a biggie.  I’m not just talking about transcendental meditation, either.  I like to think of practicing grounding as anything that helps you fully engage in the moment at hand, which is the only sure thing we have.  People are most unhappy when they binge on toxic thoughts that have no tangible trace of truth.  It takes us out of our power and places us in a projected state of anxiety.  

Letting go of this thought-obsessed existence by practicing grounding is everything.  Think passion here!  I am always at my best when I’m pursuing my passion because I’m fully engaged in something that brings me meaning, purpose, and joy.  

What lights you up? Even just committing fifteen minutes each day writing, playing guitar, practicing yoga, networking with others in your tribe, or going for a run outside will jumpstart a feeling of connectedness and grounding.  

Do these seem impossibly simple?  If so, that is intentional because oftentimes the hardest things to put into practice are the things that seem basic or obvious.  Your challenge this week is to do just that, get back to basics by practicing these three happiness boosters every day for the next week (or more!)

We are Ph.D.’s at overcomplicating life.  Let’s get emotionally fit this week through gratitude, generosity, and staying grounded in the present.  It’s Spring after all, and time to don those svelte dispositions.

Love & Gratitude,
Katie
xoxo

Get Out of Your Own Way by Setting Intentions

Question: Do you ever get frustrated because you’ve got a desired outcome in mind and can’t for the life of you make progress towards it?  

If your answer is a resounding “Yes!”  you are not alone, my Dear.

I struggle with this scenario far too often, so much so that it lands me in a cycle of self-doubt, discouragement, and often…shame.  

“If I were better or more disciplined, this wouldn’t be an issue.  If I were more like (insert the name of one of my rockstar friends currently crushing it) I’d be just fine.

Oh, man. Well, perhaps.  

But if that were the case and we were someone different, we may risk the biggest catastrophe of them all— If you were just like everyone else out there “crushing it,” you’d be living their dream, not your own.

I’m in the throes of prepping for a workshop called “Enneagram in Action” this Friday.  

While I’ve been a part of workshops and conferences leading up to this, I’ve never actually created my own, with fresh content, and registration promo, and all the itty bitty details that make an event like this roll out smoothly.  

Needless to say, I’ve been humbled as I’ve had to put other parts of my life on hold, parts I’m not used to missing…you know, like free time and Netflix (The CROWN though…!!!)

I digress.

Here’s what I’m learning and what I want to support you into as you embark on those burning dreams and desires brightly flickering in these young days and weeks of 2018.

In order to experience your desired outcome, a laser sharp focus must pave the way.  If this sounds obvious, stay with me.  

By the Grace of God Almighty and some act of Congress, I’ve managed to get to this point feeling highly ADD while pursuing a whole lot of strewn out interests.  I’ve always managed to have about ten pots stirring.  Quite honestly, I’ve been proud of it.  

Guess what? Year after year I end up in the same place, in that cycle we talked about earlier.  It’s not necessarily a bad place, just one that is a pale shade of the florid landscape I long for.  This is not me beating up on myself, this is me being entirely too scattered.    

My husband often (lovingly) calls me “a walking contradiction.”  He remarks, “You’ve got all these great ideas and beliefs in your head and somehow manage to fill your time up with, hmm, I’m not quite sure?”  I laugh out loud.

If you’ve ever felt like a walking contradiction, I’ve got some good news: setting intentions and applying a bit more focus might just change up your game, and at least, get you out of your own way.

As my motivational crush, Tony Robbins says, “Where energy flows, focus goes.”  

So if you and I are expending a certain amount of energy split four ways into different projects, guess what? The level of focus applied to each one will be pretty tepid, if not weak.  

Let’s do it differently:

1) Step back and decide which project or desire burns the brightest. What would most benefit you and those around you NOW?

2) Once you’ve identified that, it’s time to let the pressure and energy up from the other, less pressing ones, and move into some concentrated focus on just the one.

3) What are your intentions for this dream or desire?  

What do you want to create and why?  Setting intentions every day in a specific direction is clutch because it starts the flow of energy and focus into powerful motion.  Stop to set an intention as often as you need or whenever you feel yourself feeding distraction. ( i.e. “Today, I am building out the bones of my book proposal.  Write it down or speak it out loud. )

4) Visualize your desired outcome, often.  

Professional athletes do this; performers do it too.  Visualization is powerful because your brain doesn’t know the difference between these mental scenarios and reality.  As a result, brain pathways are created in favor of your desired outcome, making it more likely to recreate in real life.  Mic drop.  I know….

I really want to hear how all this sits with you.  What do you long to achieve?  Does letting go of other projects or goals in order to do so feel irresponsible?  Or weak?  I get it. 

I promise though; there will be time for other desires to take shape and the momentum you create as you arrive at your first desired outcome will likely carry you into a favorable pace for the next one on your list.  

As always, I’m here if you need a little extra nudge.  Bringing a guide on board - creating a team - is just another way of building out even more intention and focus.  

This stuff lights me up…you know where to find me.  :)

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

Four Crucial Questions for A Beautiful New Year

One of my favorite pockets of time throughout the entire year is upon us; the week between Christmas and New Years.  I try my damnedest to carve out some “deep work” time as I call it, in order to clear the space, reconnect to presence after all the going and indulging, and map out a vision for the coming new year.  My inner dreamer gets to dance around boldly and color outside the lines a bit.  If I’m lucky, I try to take a whole morning or afternoon to do so.

Today, as you let the turkey and toffee settle, perhaps still surrounded by family in from out of town or friends who stopped by to say hello, I want to leave you with some food for thought as we head into these final days of 2017.

I’m struck by the power of habit or ritual as a pre-emptive tool to greet each new day with, as opposed to drastic measures and knee-jerk reactions.  Over time, good habits create this soft light in our lives that accentuate our potential and undergirds our desires with balance as opposed to extremes. 

I know, it’s so tempting to let it all hang out the last several weeks of the year only to justify it January 1 with a brazen New Year’s Resolution that, in my experience, lasts about two weeks if I’m lucky. 

With each passing year, as I show up for myself and my community, I’m learning something invaluable: extreme, reactionary quick fixes are often just detours. Connection is always king.

If you have battled discouragement in the past because your desire for self-improvement took a sharp turn south when the diet and exercise plan you spent a fortune on went bust four days in, this is for you. 

If you rock resolutions, more power to you and I’d love to shake your hand.  In my experience, they always end like a hot and heavy, short-lived relationship.  I like to call them “whoosh” relationships: they promise the sun, moon, and stars, and then Bam! Like a cotton candy sugar rush, they crash and burn when the lights go up and the curtain falls.  It’s like the jerk of whip-lash—the “whoosh” of a cold whip of wind.  

Interestingly enough, I think humans find extremes far easier than balance.  We like to react out of fear instead of responding out of desire.  Marketing moguls exploit this behavior big time, and anyway you slice it, they’re clever.  They know that people go off the rails a bit over the holidays and wake up January 1 with a foggy head and a few extra pounds.  Swooping in, they save the day with their slashed gym membership prices and 30-day cleanse program promising a new you in just one month.

We’ve been hooked.  When those dollars are spent and the motivation trails off the next afternoon, we go looking for another option, or some leftover peppermint bark, whichever comes quicker.  

The shame cycle’s begun again.  

Perhaps I’m cynical, or perhaps I’ve had LOTS of practice reacting out of fear and manipulation rather than choosing what will truly satisfy me from a place of mindfulness and connection.

*If you jump on my website, you’ll see a logo and the story behind it on the home page.*  My approach to therapy and coaching is built on relationship, as I believe that when we begin to soften and mend our inner dialog and heal our relationship with self, external pieces of life follow suit and eventually thrive as well.  It’s not magic, it’s a journey and one I’m very much still on.

Today, I want to invite you into deeper connection with you by asking four questions that will lay some groundwork for the edits, goals, and habits you want to see take root in your life in 2018.  These are adapted from one of my favorite podcasts “The Accidental Creative” —so good I had to share!  Being mindful of desires, feelings, and curiosities will take us much further than stringent rules and regimens we place on ourselves.  Without the “why” the “how” is obsolete.

I hope you’ll join me and carve out some well-deserved time to journal around the picture you’d like to build for the coming year.  Come back to it over and over again.  Realign with its truth or tweak it if you need to deviate from the course.  The possibilities are endless.

Here we go:

• What do you want to feel more of in 2018? (e.g., energized, awake, confident, accepted)

• Where do you want to go in 2018?  (This can be figurative or literal. e.g., I want to explore a new city, yoga class, or I want to go from full-time to part-time at work so I can spend more time writing)

• What do you want to learn in 2018? (e.g., I want to learn to play drums or I want to learn to meditate)

• What do you want to change in 2018? (Reminder: this is desire driven, NOT fear driven!  Approach this from a place of “I’m enough” rather than insecurity.  e.g., I’d like to build in more margin for rest and play into my life.)

I can’t wait to hear your feedback on this exercise! When we give voice to this stuff, it crystalizes in our bones a bit more.  Let’s ease into 2018, listening, noticing, and responding to its inviting call to action.  If you’d like some extra light for the journey ahead, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Happy New Year!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo