How to Beat the Winter Blues

Sure, the Fall is magical.  And it’s still one of my favorite seasons, all pumpkin spice jokes aside.  Yet, the older I get, the more I realize my need for light.  Copious amounts of delicious, warm, sunlight.  

I know it’s only October, and the days will continue to get shorter.   So I thought we could get ahead of this whole seasonal depression phenomenon by amping up the appropriate self-care.  

If we wait until January, chances are I’ll be bowing down to those cold grey stretches that make me want to hole up, listen to Bon Iver circa 2008, drink excessive amounts of coffee, and write for hours in my journal.

Bottom line:  The weather directly affects how we feel physically and emotionally and can wreak havoc on our overall experience in fall and winter months.  

I used to experience heightened levels of anxiety and depression every year when clocks fell back and the sun quit her day job at 4:30pm.  My motivation went on strike, healthy habits skipped town, and the feeling of loneliness was pervasive.  

Finally, I got desperate enough and took matters into my own hands.  I began advocating for my mental health because I knew no one else would.  Through personal research, therapy, and challenging my normal behavior each year, I landed on some powerful tools that supported a more hopeful experience when the winter blues started creeping in.  

For starters, Seasonal depression is slang for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD…aptly).  It’s not simply “depression light.”  It’s a subtype or specific kind of major depression that is symptomatic with the changing seasons, especially fall and winter months.  

There are obvious and not so obvious reasons for SAD.  The ones we all agree on are simple though: with less exposure to sunlight during the fall and winter months, our biological clock can often get pummeled, leaving depleted levels of serotonin, a brain chemical that helps govern and boost our mood, and melatonin, that gorgeous stuff of sleep.

If you experience a noticeable shift in mood, physical activity, patience for people, energy level, sleep, and desire to participate...keep reading.  Likewise, If you are a human being with a heartbeat...keep reading. I have a hunch someone in your life needs your grace and support because they suffer from SAD.

Here are 4 helpful tips I swear by:  

1) Routine

Structure is the sensitive soul’s best friend.  For me, this means intentionally planning out my days from week to week.  In fall and winter months, it’s starting a bit earlier so I can enjoy more sunlight, even just 30 minutes.  

When emotions whip us around, assuming their throne in the driver seat of life, it can be so easy to slip into a victim mentality, feeling powerless.  Having a set structure, or routine for our days helps us reclaim the steering wheel.   

My morning ritual is everything to me.  It allows me time and space to practice the things that ground me like meditation, writing, and reading.  In the coming days and months, experiment by putting some new structures into place to facilitate a more ordered interior landscape.

2) Move

Daily exercise has officially become my antidepressant of choice.  Hear me out, antidepressants can be a very helpful piece of the emotional puzzle when necessary. They definitely have for me along the way.  However, exercise is one of the most effective and proven ways to improve overall mood and stress levels. Getting a good sweat also helps us sleep more soundly.  

It’s tempting to let workouts trail off, but I say we fight for them.  Make it a daily routine if possible, like brushing your teeth. This isn’t about rigidity, it’s about shifting our norms to facilitate more energy and vitality.  Plus, there are tons of streaming workouts online when we simply don’t want to leave the house.  My personal favorite is Tracy Anderson’s Online Studio, a subscription-based method, and Yoga With Adriene, which is a free YouTube channel.

3) Avoid Numbing

I get it.  When depression sneaks in, we often lose a desire for the things we typically love to do.  We want to isolate, sleep, eat, drink, numb.  It’s so much easier, right?  

Numbing out may offer temporary relief for our pain, however, we forget that along with the negative feeling emotions, your numbing strategy of choice also dulls the positive ones as well.  Happiness, excitement, and gratitude are harder to come by and we get thrown right back into the tangled thicket of depression once again.

4) Support

Replace the numbing with support.  Identify “safe people” who know and accept you where you are.  Make a list of two or three and reach out to them to let them know you’re struggling. 

If you don’t have said 2-3 people, a good place to start is therapy.  While I’m a big believer in individual therapy, finding a group therapy opportunity may be even more effective.  I offer several options and would love to support you in this season.  There is absolutely no shame in seeking professional help.  It is a courageous act of self-compassion. 

Hang in there, friend.  We must try to show ourselves the kindness and compassion we would a dear friend when the going gets tough.  After all, Spring is simply the payoff for all the deep soul work done during fall and winter.  As Cheryl Strayed says, “The useless days will add up to something.  These things are your becoming.” 

When All Else Fails, Try This...

When you and I have the luxury of perspective, we are able to see what is true and in alignment with the truth of who we are. It’s kind of like being 30,000 feet up, looking down below to a distant terrain with toy-like homes, buildings, and other signs of life. We can see life for what it is as opposed to feeling stuck in the middle...enmeshed with the sticky mess of our thoughts, feelings, and projections.

Every day we have the opportunity to choose alignment with our higher selves—our divinity. Interestingly, small children are incredibly in touch with their divinity. As we “grow up,” we lose touch with this inherent value and beauty. Some days we are able to access this virtue, aligning with the truth of who God made us. Other days this remembrance feels impossible.

The days when it feels difficult to connect to the greater story of our truth are the days we often fall victim to tidal wave-like depression, anxiety, and other all-consuming emotions. These days seem to defy our ability to make sense of the world. I’m no stranger to these days that often turn into seasons.

We know in our head what is true, but the conviction of our heart is weak.

In these seasons, the work is simply this: to learn to hold ourselves with care and compassion, minute to minute, day by day. This, and to reach out to a safe person who knows how to listen—not prescribe.

This is the passage of self-compassion through the dark night of the soul. Though it feels never-ending, it is not final—no feeling is.

As a therapist and client very familiar with these complex seasons, I can confidently stand in the gap as you or someone you love navigates these waters. If 2020 has given us a gift, it is the normalization of seeking help for mental health and emotional distress. It may be time to receive this gift, reaching out for extra support as you sit in a space of chaos and fear.

This post is for anyone who feels like putting one foot in front of the other is impossible. Take heart, dear one, this too shall pass.

As Mr. Rogers said, these are the times to “Look for the helpers.“

Please reach out if you need help connecting to extra support right now. 

Love & Gratiitude,

Katie

I Wish I Had Known This at Twenty-Five

What piece of advice would you give your 25-year-old self? Sure, she may not have listened, but like any loving parent, you do what you can to steer your children in the right direction. That head-strong seeker was only doing her best. And yet today, you have matured into the space of a bit more perspective and balance. You have a lot to offer your younger, stubborn self.

Me? I would have a spirited come-to-Jesus about how to relax into the unknown one brave and wobbly step at a time. I’d tell her that having all the answers isn’t half as important as asking honest questions.

Specifically, I’d love for her to understand what it means to have a growth mindset as opposed to a fixed one. Less either-or and more both-and.

As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve been all too familiar with what it means to have a fixed mindset. Let me explain. A fixed mindset is a way of thinking that is rigid and narrow. It’s all about pass or fail, win or lose, good or bad, black and white. It’s rooted in judgment rather than curiosity. It’s refusing to take myself on a brisk 20-minute walk because I didn’t have enough time to do my hour-plus high-intensity workout.

Here’s another example, you have your 6-month review at work. Your boss gives you high marks in several areas but points out one specific necessary improvement in your performance on a big project. 

A fixed mindset self-criticizes, labeling your performance as a failure. It disregards the praise and zeros in on the area of improvement. 

A growth mindset celebrates positive feedback and understands the value of constructive criticism for future success. It sees life as a slew of peaks and valleys all leading to personal evolution and expansion.

A growth mindset is the Petrie dish that breeds resilience. Whereas a fixed approach creates rigidity, closing us off from abundance and opportunity.

This isn’t about glossing over reality. It’s about softening your approach to the inevitable ebbs and flow of life.

Spend some time this week pondering this:

• What area of your life could you stand to soften into? 

• Is it your relationship with food, your body, parenting, or work? 

• Is it your self-care? 

Whatever it may be, I believe a great way to find out is to pay attention to our self-talk, that often nagging inner critic that rages on, involuntarily.

Write it all down.

I love what Tara Mohr says, “Where we think we need more self-discipline, we usually need more self-love.”

Love & Gratiitude,

Katie

Your Handbook for Navigating Seasonal Depression

For some, it’s the most wonderful time of the year.  We’ve been patiently waiting on the edge of our seats since Home Depot rolled out their Halloween decorations back mid-August.  The anticipation of fall weather, the slew of heavy-hitting holidays, the countless excuses to consume creative forms of sugary carbs at every turn, the invasion of busyness, what have you.

For others of us, this season is painfully sad—even frightful.  The days get shorter, precious sunlight is snuffed out hours earlier, physical energy is drained, and loneliness rolls in like dark, bulbous clouds before a hurricane.  

I have definitely experienced more of the latter.  Seasonal depression is slang for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD…aptly).  It’s not “depression light” and it shouldn’t be dumbed down to the “winter blues” either.  It is a subtype or specific kind of major depression that is symptomatic with the changing seasons, especially fall and winter months.  

There is so much pressure to be “merry and bright” leading up to the holidays, which can really leave those of us seasonally-challenged feeling misunderstood, if not pissed off.  

In my experience, I remember years when all I could think about was surviving the weeks and months of cold and dark—Thanksgiving and Christmas were simply another reminder that I felt so alone and afraid.  Afraid of what?  Perhaps afraid that there was something wrong with me or it would always be this way.  Or maybe I was scared of being untethered and insecure in life.  Whatever the reason, I just wanted to get through it all and land safely on the other side when the days would contract even just a minute or two each day.  

I’ve been pretty open about my experience with depression, so you might guess that those of us who deal with major depression also deal with SAD.  This can be true but doesn’t have to be.  Similar to Postpartum depression, existing depression doesn’t always set the stage.  Oftentimes, they do go hand-in-hand.

It was always so helpful for me to know that I wasn’t alone in my struggle with SAD, or ongoing depression for that matter.  That said, I want to open up the dialog here today and cut through all the fluffy expectations we fall prey to around this time of year as well as drop some helpful ways to readjust and navigate the season a bit differently.  

If you experience a noticeable shift in mood, physical activity, patience for people, energy level, sleep, and desire to participate...keep reading.  If you are a human being with a heartbeat...keep reading. I have a hunch someone in your life needs your grace and support because they suffer from SAD.  

There are obvious and not so obvious reasons for SAD.  The ones we all agree on are simple though: with less exposure to sunlight during the fall and winter months, our biological clock can often get pummeled, leaving depleted levels of serotonin (a brain chemical that helps govern and boost our mood) and melatonin...that gorgeous stuff of sleep.  

I’m hugely light-sensitive.  Visualize that bratty kid who screams at the top of her lungs when she stubs her big toe.  Yep, that’s about my pain tolerance to diminishing light. Even walking into a dark house at the end of the day can viscerally affect my mood.  Windows are also my best friend.  I’m a total extrovert when it comes to windows—the more the merrier. 

So, when the world goes dark around 4:30 pm, you better believe I’ve learned to emotionally rearrange my experience after 41 years. 

Here are some helpful tools I’ve come to rely on in the dim days ahead.

Routine

Structure is the sensitive soul’s best friend.  Oh, how I’ve come to love structure.  For me, this looks like intentionally planning out my days from week to week.  In the fall and winter months, it looks like starting a bit earlier so I can enjoy more sunlight, even just 30 minutes.  

When emotions whip us around, taking their throne in the driver seat of life, it can be so easy to slip into the victim mentality, feeling powerless.  Having a set structure, or routine for our days helps us reclaim the steering wheel.  

My morning ritual is everything to me.  It allows me time and space to practice the things that ground me like meditation, writing and reading.  In the coming days and months, experiment by putting some new structures into place to facilitate a more ordered interior landscape.

Exercise

Exercise has officially become my antidepressant of choice throughout my lifetime.  Hear me out, antidepressants can be a very helpful piece in the emotional puzzle when necessary, they most definitely have for me in dark places along the way.  However, exercise is one of the most effective and proven ways there is of improving overall mood and stress levels.  Getting a good sweat also helps us sleep more soundly.  

It’s tempting to let workouts trail off around the holidays, but I say we fight for them.  Make it a daily routine, like brushing your teeth. We owe it to ourselves.  Procrastinate that leftover apple crumb cake, it will still be there on the other side.  

Avoid Numbing

I get it.  When depression sneaks in, we often lose a desire for the things we typically love to do.  We want to isolate, sleep, numb.  It’s so much easier, right?  

Couple this with the fact that these coming months are like an open invitation to indulge whether that be with food, booze, online shopping, social media, you name it.  There may be a temporary relief to our pain, however, we're also numbing positive emotions as well.  Happiness, excitement, and gratitude are harder to come by and we get thrown right back into the tangled thicket of depression once again.

Support

So rather than numb, reach out.  This time of year can indeed be a wonderful time of year when we reach out for the support we need.  Identify “safe people” who know and accept you where you are.  Make a list of two or three and reach out to them and let them know your struggle with SAD.  

If you don’t have said 2-3 people, a good place to start is therapy.  I can count several times I relied heavily on my therapist for support during these crucial months when all of the “stuff” listed above seemed impossible.  There is absolutely no shame in seeking professional help.  It is a courageous act of self-compassion.  

I’m here for you on this journey.  Again, you’re not alone.  This is all part of learning to trust the process, even when hope feels distant and the light grows dim.  There is a bold light within you, this may be the perfect opportunity to find its glow. 

Love & Grace,

Katie

When It Rains It Pours: How to Manage the Eye of the Storm

Saturday morning I woke up to…a lot of rain, as I did more days than not in the last week.

If you live in the Nashville area, chances are you’re a little water-logged too.  

I’m all for a couple of cozy, rainy days.  In fact, those melancholic, if not romantic, parts of me love a good excuse to hole up, drink loads of coffee, and read and write to my heart's content.  

Aaaand after a non-stop week of it, I’m officially done.  No mas.  Vitamin D por favor.

My house has tons of big windows.  This past Saturday morning, I got lost just staring out at bucket after bucket of rain, dumping against a foggy, silver day.  It reminded me of the big 2010 flood.  

I remember so clearly how helpless I felt during that flood.  People were losing everything: their houses, cars, and sentimental belongings, while I just sat hearing about it all on the news.  

Do you ever feel so helpless amidst the flood of your own emotions?  Do the water levels of your own powerlessness feel so high, you just want to hide behind the covers and completely opt out?

I have felt this way more times than I can count.  The waves of depression and anxiety were so crushing, every exit door to safety I knew of in my head seemed entirely too far away.  My ability to cope was non-existent and I clung to the few safe people around me because I knew I didn’t have the where-with-all to weather the storm alone.  

Let’s face it; there are those times in life that the pain of circumstance is more than we can bear.  We can’t self-help or positive-self talk our way out of it.  The gravitational pull of that pain is the only thing that seems true.  

In light of this, I want to share with you three pillars of truth that have kept me afloat.  

1) Reach out

This may seem ridiculously simple, yet I’m convinced most of us don’t do simple very well.  We love to over-complicate things.  My tendency in the eye of an emotional storm is to isolate.  I don’t want anyone seeing me weak, ugly crying, or God forbid, without a plan.  So, I retreat.  

What I’ve wised up to throughout the years is that any act of courage REQUIRES vulnerability and this vulnerability takes bags of strength.  What used to seem weak about this now seems powerful and expansive.  To reach out when you’re all out of answers and the inner critic rages inside is one hell of an act of courage.  

Who are your people?  Have two or three people you trust and start this buoyant conversation with them now or when you’re not in crisis.  Let them know that you consider them as safe and want to be able to reach out when you’re in need and vice-versa.  Pre-empting this brand of connection and conversation is everything.  

2) Life’s work

Reb, a brilliant therapist friend of mine, likes to say, “Don’t feel ashamed if you keep stumbling over the same problems.  Consider yourself lucky!  You’ve found your life’s work.  Many people spend their life wandering around never quite sure what it is they should be doing.” 

What is the emotion that tends to feel the most overwhelming?  What is the lie that feels so heavy and relentless, you can’t seem to catch a break?  

Is it depression? Anxiety or worry?  Insecurity and self-doubt?  Good news, this is the life’s work you must show up to do on a daily basis.  What is it trying to tell you?  My depression would always say, “You simply don’t have what it takes.  You’ll never get there.”  

Now I like to say back, “Where? I’m right where I need to be.”  It’s taken me quite some time to build these muscles, and they still get sore from time to time, but I know this is part of my life’s work and the emotional fitness I must pursue.  

Listen to voices amidst the unruly storms.  They will be the roadmap for the internal healing journey that needs to take place. 

3) This too

Finally, know this: no emotion is final.  Just as storm clouds pass and the sun eventually makes her long-anticipated appearance, those feelings of hopelessness and powerless will too.  

When words aren’t enough, and it seems absolutely nothing brings relief, take heart.  It will inevitably pass.  Sometimes the only thing we can do is watch the storm unfold, observe its strength, and touch its darkness.  Don’t make up stories, or fake news about your emotions.  Tip your hat and let them pass.  I promise, they will.  

You’ve been brought too far to simply be left here.  Love is far too clever for that, my Dear… 

Love & Gratitude,
Katie
xoxo