Holiday Grounding 2.0: Advent of the Soul

When you get to where you’re going, where will you be?  

I ask myself this question often as I easily confuse productivity with busyness.  I imagine you fall into a similar trap as well.  Consider this, how many times a week do you ask someone how they’re doing and they respond with a slight sigh, eye roll, and an arsenal of reasons there’s just not enough time in the day.  “Life is just so busy these days!” they respond.  I’m definitely guilty of it too.  I tend to wear exhaustion proudly like a badge of honor just so you don’t have any qualms or confusion  about my level of productivity, or worth I suppose.

Stella McCartney

It’s a curious thing because I do wear that badge around like it jumped right off the Stella McCartney 2017 Spring runway, yet get so offended when someone actually notices it and asks, “Katie, you look tired, everything okay?”  The nerve!  Don’t they know I’m bulletproof? (Ha!) There are then two options at this point: I’ll either abruptly excuse myself, go slap some extra concealer under my eyes, snort some strong peppermint essential oil, and blame it on allergies. Or, the flimsy Plan B is always , “Who, me?  Are you kidding?  I feel great!” with a fake toothy grin and high pitched laugh.

Compensation

I’m pretty sure there’s shame at the root of this.  I recently read Shauna Niequist’s book, Present Over Perfect, and was rocked to the core by her level of honestly regarding her own addiction to productivity and responsibility.  She shares, “We all have these complicated tangles of belief and identity and narrative, and one of the early stories I told about myself is that my ability to get it done is what kept me around.  I wasn’t beautiful, I didn’t have a special or delicate skill.  But I could get stuff done, and it seemed to me that ability was my entrance into the rooms into which I wanted to be invited.”  In my case, I find myself hustling for acceptance by constantly going, achieving, producing.  It feels really good, until the payoff  isn’t enough anymore.

Roadmap

We all do this to some degree.  There is a lack or perceived deficiency as well as a need for acceptance, so we buy into narratives of belief about ourselves that were validated by someone important to us along the way. Eventually, these beliefs build out a blueprint of identity, a roadmap for the future.  I believe discovering and aligning with our truest self, our unique identity, is absolutely crucial in order to thrive.  It facilitates a high road forward and  thankfully, we can ditch that low one.  One of the greatest gifts of my life is to journey alongside others in support of this process.

Christmas cards

We must make time and space to ask ourselves this vital question: where am I going?  Put your narrative of holiday busyness aside and stop addressing those Christmas cards just for a moment. Consider this, if they’re getting a card, chances are they also care about your overall well-being.  Stop and give ear to the still small voice inside that longs to be heard.

Light

According to the Western liturgical church calendar, the season of Advent is upon us.  I’m not bothered by whether or not you consider yourself a religious person or a church-goer. What I am interested in is your desire to stay grounded and committed to a vision for your life that’s evolving, flourishing.  What better time to do this than smack dab in the middle of all the season’s light, celebration, and chaos!?  This begs the question: how do we maintain this inward reflection and presence and also give ourselves fully to the thrill of the season? I’ve been pondering this a lot lately.

Ritual

Advent simply means ‘coming’.  It’s an anticipatory time of preparation for hopeful things yet seen.  In church tradition, this thing is the birth of Christ, a savior.  It includes all these beautiful, sacred practices enrolling candles, wreaths, songs, smells, and colors.  I attend an Episcopal church that’s super liturgical and relic-heavy.  They do ritual really well and I absolutely love it largely because I need all the reminders I can get. Ritual creates infrastructure and order within which to practice these life-giving reminders.

Woo Woo

This is highly applicable for you and I as we have the opportunity to apply these same seasonal rituals  to the interior spaces of our lives and daily experience.  I call it an Advent of the Soul.  That’s a really woo woo way of describing our own sacred processional of time and space leading up to the birth of unique dreams and desires for the coming year.  The community we want to build, the business we want to start, the relationships we want to attract, the songs we want to write, the cities we want to explore, the joy we long to cultivate, and on and on.

Bonus

We unlock so much power as we tap into it and access its truth.  Other bonuses include: you don’t have to dress up, fight the cold of Sunday morning, or traffic for that matter, and the doors are always flung wide open, ready to welcome you in.  This advent takes place in the most exquisite cathedral of your heart, and it’s offered all day and every day wherever you are.  Disclaimer: this largely depends on our decision to stay present and awake to the moment instead of checked out in Netflix land with a vat of Chex Mix and a tumbler of Chardonnay.

3 Questions

Rituals are meant to ground us and that’s exactly what I need this time of year: a strong tethering to hope and a steady guide into truth.  This ritual of advent locks into my favorite daily practice: writing.  Don’t worry, I’m not heaving more homework on your already crazy schedules.  This will only take ten minutes, (of course more if you’ve got it!)

Answer these three questions:

1. What have you gained in 2016?  I know it’s been a rough year for many, however, find the silver lining and tease that out a bit.  Obstacles are always our best teachers.
2. What is your word?  Pick one word that is meaningful and representative of this new season and write it down.  Take a minute to unpack the story behind that word.  For example, I spoke with a man the other day who described this heaviness he’d carried the past several months due to lots of family drama.  He desperately wanted to put that unnecessary extra baggage down and decided“Levity” was his word for 2017.
3. What narrative of belief are you willing to let go of that’s holding you back?  Write that sucker down and see what comes up.  Try not to judge it, just notice what’s there.

Commit

Now commit—over and over and over again.  This is the stuff of that magical, sacred journey of rebirth; the Advent of our soul.  You will forget, stumble, and fall down into those dusty dark corners of old familiar voices time and time again.  That’s not the point.  The point is you keep daring, keep reaching, keep walking, one foot in front of the other, into what will come.  It’s a courageous path to forge and most settle for a lesser resistance.  You, my friend, are not most.

You’re also never alone on this journey… I’d love to hear your answers to these three questions this Advent season!

Love & Gratitude,

katie

Rio Gold: Words on Winning

Winning is showing up, staying present in our truth, and leaning into love every step of the way.

Did anyone besides me watch the Olympic Opening Ceremony last Friday night? Well, despite apparent low network ratings (38% down from 2012’s London Ceremony), and a self-proclaimed nervy and “slow” catwalk strut delivered by the ever leggy and lovely Brazilian bombshell, Gisele Bündchen, I was totally mesmerized.  The grand parade of nations proudly flying their flags, donning those thoughtfully designed and crafted costumes, one after another, oozed a colorful and unmasked joy that was completely contagious; that buzzy energy, palpable.

I think I even caught North Korea crack a smile or two!  After hours of sitting on the couch glued to NBC, I breathed a deep and victorious breath, finished my second dinner of popcorn and dark chocolate, and wiped off the mascara stained tears tattooed on my cheeks, calling it a day.  You would have thought I had just beat out Katie Ledecky in the 400 meter freestyle. Nope, swimming was never my thing… couldn’t get the breathing down.

WHAT’S THE DEAL?

I digress.  Suffice it to say, the Olympic games have been something of a teacher for me this past week.  Though I have not gotten to watch much of the actual games, I have been fascinated to hear about and read the highlights, perhaps even grabbing online recaps during breaks throughout the day.  Why on earth am I so obsessed?  I mean, I’ve been watching the Olympics since I was a kid!?  What makes this go-round so special?  What is it about a bunch of diverse people getting together to play sports that has our modern world in a state of, well, grace?

I am a total sucker for story and a big believer in the human spirit, against all odds.  Not only that, I was simply overwhelmed and moved to tears hearing the backstory and obstacles overcome by individuals and nations alike as I witnessed the globe pouring into Rio’s Olympic Stadium last Friday night.  Perhaps the constant barrage of global hate crimes and terrorism begs for a different voice; one of hope and generosity.  Or maybe I’m just getting old and sappy; more skin in the game, perhaps?  I don’t know…

A DIFFERENT VOICE

I hear a simple truth reverberate loud and clear within each and every athletes story as I follow the 2016 games. It’s clear as a bell.  I see it on hallowed risers as medals are placed on those well-deserving, chiseled bodies.  I see it when the tears flow steadily and uncontrollably down winners’ faces, exhausted and delirious, yet more present than ever.  I hear it perhaps the loudest when the bright and hopeful stars of tomorrow don’t make the cut for whatever reason, falling with devastation and disappointment into the arms of their lifetime advocates, coaches, and teammates.

WHAT BRINGS US TOGETHER

The journey of greatness is one of presence, engagement.  It is made up of thousands of weeks, hundreds of thousands of days and practices, millions of hours, and countless decisions; all kissed by unmistakeable failure, heartache, waiting, sometimes bliss.  The bleeding heart pushing it all forward, day after grueling day is quite simply…Belief.

Though separated by culture, creed, economy, language, religion, and politic, there is a universal force that unites us all: Belief.

Sure, you can hire the best coach money can buy and crystallize a flawless strategy, yet without a mindset of belief in our core value and worth, we are stymied by self-doubt, never leaving the gate.

Digging even deeper, I can guarantee most, if not every single Olympian, experiences seasons of total unbelief.  I imagine depression, loneliness, injury, and discouragement often taint this less than hopeful view.  You don’t have to be a world-class athlete to dance with those demons; we’ve all been there.  Those are times we lean heavily on the belief of others.  Whethercoaches, teammates, loved ones, and/or counselors; those steady and loving mirrors bolster the unwavering belief we need until we are able to embrace that reality for ourselves.   

WHO’S ON YOUR TEAM?

Who are the people in your court who know you, see you, and speak the same language of belief, no matter what? They use the same currency of hopes and dreams?  They live in the same state of vulnerability and presence, risky as it may feel?  Even on defeated days, they see the winner that becomes you.   If I have learned anything in this life, it is the incomparable value of trusted relationship and community that make bitter days a bit sweeter.   I’m a big believer in quality over quantity.  Having three to five fiercely committed teammates feels stronger and more sincere than 25.  It’s more difficult to intentionally nurture the masses, however, I suppose it can be done, especially by all you extroverts out there. 

I saw this quote on a friend’s Instagram yesterday: “Winners focus on winning.  Losers focus on winners.”  Wow. That’s it!  The picture displayed above accompanied the quote and paints a hauntingly true picture of that tragic dynamic.  Whatever the challenge, whatever the task at hand; I am learning the importance of presence, not perfection (Thank you Shauna Niequist!), and the pursuit of belief, not comparison. Winning goes far beyond a gold medal.  Winning is showing up, staying present in our truth, and leaning into love every step of the way.