Own the Competition: A Different Approach

Is your neck sore?  

I know, weird question.

But I mean it.  Is your neck sore from all that looking, turning, and straining from side to side?  Oh, I know you do it too.  I know you’re guilty of the occasional (or frequent) horizontal search for someone who’s doing it better, faster, and more creatively than you.  It’s that futile attempt to judge your own adequacy against another’s in every area from looks, career, creative success, parenting skills, material wealth, physical fitness, social life, and committed relationships.  

I’ve had a sore neck more times than I can count along the way.  If we’re being really honest, I often struggle with competing with other’s success in a way that leaves me feeling completely inadequate, if not frantic.  And the worst part of it is, often times they are women I know and love dearly!  What the ?

This soul-sucking behavior NEVER helps me get ahead. In fact, it leaves me feeling frustrated face-down in a dust pile, questioning who I really am in the first place.  

Can you relate?  

My hunch is, you can. 

I’ve spent the last ten years of my life listening.  Listening to the stories of incredibly brave people who want more for their lives.  What I’ve learned is part of their programming, just like mine, is to hold their worth and value up against the performances of those around them.  It tends to create this stuck loop, or broken record, of “not enough.”  This is old programming, folks.  

Why?  Because we go about it from a place of scarcity as opposed to abundance.  (If the word abundance feels a bit indulgent, use “enough” instead.)

Competition with others is not all bad.  I’ve always had people in my life I refer to as “pacers” whose work I admire and who motivate me to keep showing up no matter what.  We need a little healthy competition to keep us motivated and hungry.  However, when we compete with others from a place of lack instead of abundance, we forfeit the truth and power of who we are.  We start wearing shoes that don’t fit.  We start playing really small.  

If there were ever a day to take back the power of your essential self and quit playing this small, scared game, it is now.  

But how?

I believe there are two sacred steps to firmly ground us in the confidence of our own garden:

Know your “me.” 

We so often confuse our personality, ability, and the culture around us with our true, authentic self.  This is a huge reason we develop sore necks.  We look to various extensions of preference and perception to define the pure essence of who we were created to be.  

The self-discovery journey is the most valuable trip you will ever take because it directly affects each and every thought, feeling, and action that builds out the picture of your life.  

This is one of many reasons I adore the Enneagram.  

It’s a roadmap for self-discovery; for finding your “me.” 

The minute we start to look inward for answers, we can stop looking side to side for them.  What a relief!

Compete with your former self.

The reason competition with others can be debilitating is we will always be proven inadequate if that’s what we’re setting out to find.  Any time competition’s motivator is scarcity, we’re looking for proof that we’re not enough.  

A more abundant approach allows for healthy competition with our former selves.  Don’t confuse this with unhealthy striving.  Here’s a good litmus test, or indicative question to ask yourself, “How can I live into my best, most authentic self today?”  

If I actively decide to embody all that I’m created to be, day after day, I don’t need to look around for proof that I’m enough.  I get to bring to the world that which only I can bring and in doing so, celebrate the unique beauty in others without feeling threatened.  Boom. 

Perhaps it’s time to loosen the reigns of striving this week.  Get softer, more curious, as you sit with you.  Give that lovely neck of yours a rest and listen in to the conversation of your soul. What does she need to thrive?  What does she desire and dream about?  

There’s your ticket.  It’s what sets you apart. 

Love & Gratitude,
Katie
xoxo

P.S. (Stay tuned for Thursday’s TruthBite!  I’ve got a power tool for your tool belt that will help you connect to your most authentic self every single day.  Get excited!!)

Step into the Spotlight: How to Land the Role of a Lifetime

If there is one thing I’m well acquainted with, it’s this search for significance—a spotlight of sorts.  How can I show up authentically, adding value and beauty to the world around me?  How do I get there?  Well, as it were, I’m dreadfully stubborn, traipsing around for years down camouflaged detours of tangled roads leading to what I thought were final destinations.  

Interestingly, I’ve learned far more from my detours than my successes. 

Can you relate?

As a result, I’m still building out that journey, and plan to for the long haul.  Here’s the thing though, oftentimes we exhaust this search and desperately cling to false forms of stardom, significance, what have you. We try to shine in someone else’s spotlight, fit into their box, and therefore abandon the unique capacities and creativity dormant within.

Remember the movie The Holiday? I realize it’s a bit late for Christmas amusement; however, there is a scene in this movie that is worth noting all year long. 

Here’s the set up: Iris, played by Kate Winslet, is having dinner with Arthur Abbott, an older gentleman who’s a successful, retired Hollywood film director. They meet by chance while she’s in LA on holiday over Christmas in hopes of escaping the pain of a recent heartache back home in England. After Arthur expresses total perplexity as to why the gorgeous Brit is spending her holiday alone in a different country, he digs deeper. She eventually breaks down in tears as Arthur gently sizes up the situation with his spot-on insight. 

Arthur observes:
“This is not a hard one to figure out. Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies, and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you are behaving like the best friend.”

It was one of those “aha” moments for Iris, and for me the first time I watched it. After a sip of beer and a sigh of relief, she jokes about her incompetent therapist of three years withholding this core insight from her. 

In order to recuse myself from any such accusation (and because I wish my therapist would’ve asked me the same thing ten plus years ago), I’ll ask you a similar question today:

Are you starring as the lead in your own life? Or are you the best friend, constantly apologizing for your actions and taking cues from everyone else around you?

When we attempt to re-invent our wheel and jump on someone else’s bandwagon, we detach from ourselves, ignoring what’s burning beneath the surface.  Slowing down to grapple with this stuff isn't necessarily easy either.

In fact, for years I battled hard-core anxiety and self-doubt, feeling obligated to pursue music as a career.  With a natural bend towards it, loads of encouragement from outside sources, and unique opportunities in front of me, I traveled down that path for several years.  Sure, I loved the idea, and it felt really satisfying to walk down that brightly lit and hopeful path, but it fell short–something was missing.  

Music is a passion, but it was never enough for me to pursue solely.  When I woke up to the fact that I’m more than enough without a spotlight on a music stage, it strangely permitted me to enjoy it even more.  Funny how that works. 

It also allowed me to see boundless opportunity in those things that felt truly meaningful, exciting, and a more authentic fit for me career-wise.

Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you must pursue it.  You get to choose.

In light of all this, I’ve got a little assignment for you.  At the very least it’s food for thought or good dinner conversation... or both.

• Become laser aware of the things you effortlessly enjoy doing. What are the problems you get lost in solving?  This can look like drafting an email, planning a party, listening to a friend share a difficult experience, telling a story, picking out paint colors, practicing piano, writing a thank-you note, and so on.  Nothing is too small or insignificant.  What do you love about doing it?  How does it make you feel?

• What compliments do you receive often? Don’t be shy. (e.g., You’re great with people, you make a memorable first impression, you’re a gifted flower arranger, you’re hilarious.)

•  Finally, ask a trusted friend this question:
When do you observe me at my most engaged, alive, and contented self? What am I doing and what do you notice about me?

• Write it all down.  

We simply don’t realize how we lead in certain areas.  We assume “everyone does this as well!” 
It takes loving mirrors such as trusted friends, colleagues, coaches, and family members to reflect back on what they see.  I’ll never forget my 8th-grade cheerleading coach (laugh it up) giving me invaluable insight into what she saw in me back then.  One day she took me aside in her thoughtful and present way and told me I was a natural encourager and observer.  As an insecure, awkward 12-year-old in need of validation, I tucked her words away like a tiny family heirloom in my coat pocket.  I’ve treasured and trusted them ever since.  So many years later, much of my work is built around those two attributes. This stuff works.

Let’s cast you in the lead role of your life. It’s not selfish, or petty, or a waste of time. Quite the contrary! The minute you step into your unique calling or “spotlight,” a sense of relief wells up. An internal security and calm pervades, and you can stop hustling to compete, compare, and look for outward solutions to internal capacities that have been there all along. We love and live more fully from this place of knowing.  

So, you’ve landed the lead role… It gets really fun when we start writing the script. 

Love & Gratitude,
Katie
xoxo

The Enneagram Unveiled: An Interview with Ian Cron

Hi Friends!

Today is huge. I’m bringing you a podcast interview with the incomparable, Ian Cron. Ian is an award winning songwriter, author, priest, therapist, and teacher who recently co-authored a book called, The Road Back to You: Looking at Life through the Lens of the Enneagram. It’s the perfect companion for wherever you find yourself on the enneagram journey and I can’t wait for you to check it out.

Enneagram

If you are interested in learning more about the enneagram and other resources coming your way very soon, click here. It is such a powerful resource that helps unlock our truest, most essential selves and I’d love your company journeying deeper into its truth.

Online Quiz

For now, I know you will really enjoy this honest, intimate, (and funny!) conversation about all things enneagram. No matter what your current grasp of it is, this will be a delightful addition to your enneagram experience. Also, If you’d like to take Ian’s free online type indicator quiz, click here!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo

P.S. Mark your calendars for my very first Enneagram Workshop on Saturday, June 10th 1-5pm at BuzzPlant in lovely downtown Franklin.  Much more on that soon!