3 Ways the Enneagram Can Support You Through the Holidays

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…so why doesn’t it always feel that way?  For many, the holidays can feel more lonely and anxious than merry and bright.  When we put high expectations on anything, it tends to snuff out the pure joy and wonder of it.  I know you know this, and yet it still feels awfully difficult to move through the season with a realistic, unbothered approach.  

I firmly believe the Enneagram can help.  Here are a few ways how:

1. As you well know, the Enneagram helps illuminate the inner workings of our personalities.  In showing you the motivations behind why you do the things you do, for better or for worse, it invites you into greater self-awareness and self-knowledge.  This is crucial as we move through stressful experiences (last week’s awkward Thanksgiving meal with Uncle what’s his name and his new girlfriend???) This is important because we obviously can’t control others around us but we can have the space of self-awareness to observe how we respond to the season’s events.  And I do mean respond….not react!
   

2. In step with this, the Enneagram is a map.  It shows you when you’re on the right track and when you’ve taken a treacherous wrong turn south to the land of victim, people pleaser, avoidance, isolation, martyr—even control freak (who me?).  By giving you awareness as to where you go in times of stress and security in your type, the Enneagram gives us road signs, moment to moment, so as to keep us moving in the right direction.  It’s like your very own Waze app on the open roads of holiday chaos.

3. The Enneagram helps us stay curious and compassionate both to ourselves and the collection of friends and family we’re surrounded by this time of year.  Sure, the Enneagram is  all about self understanding, but that’s just the beginning.  As we are better able to understand  ourselves and others around us, we are more likely to move towards them—to have generosity of spirit instead of a critical mind.  We learn to have a kinder dialog towards ourselves and others by helping you have greater compassion for others and why they do the things they do.   And don’t forget…sometimes this compassion looks like saying no instead of yes to that umpteenth holiday gathering…or piece of pie…or that gift you really can’t afford.  Compassion combines love and limits.   

Don’t worry, I’ll be hanging out a bunch in your inbox this season…Cheers!

P.S. If you’re looking to stay tethered to some enneagram-based self-care  this holiday season, give yourself the gift of The Practice.  

Gratitude and Your Enneagram Type

In just a few days, many of us will gather around a table topped with a smattering of delectible turkey variations and some comfy, butter-laced sides—throw in a few pies, and give thanks for all the good things in this life.  We will do our best to keep the conversation above board, leaving family grievances and politics at the door.  We will go back for seconds, even though dessert looms large.  A food coma ensues. Is Thanksgiving the original “cheat day?”  Hmmm…perhaps.  Leave it to America to super size an otherwise satisfying Thursday lunch. 

After all, to every other country, Thanksgiving is just another Thursday.  Yet it’s my favorite.  A holiday built on the spirit of gratitude and a decadent meal?  Without the hassle of gifts? I’m in.  

In today’s furiously fast and heavy climate, we must not lose sight of gratitude, and not just on one particulary famous Thursday of the year.  We must make gratitude a practice. 

Gratitude is not just something we do to feel better about life.  It’s not denying reality or always finding the sliver lining.  It’s far more powerful than that.  

Over time, gratitude has the power to rewire your brain for more overall fulfilment in life and relationships.  As humans, we have what’s called a negativity bias.  We are biologically wired for survival.  Primal man relied on this negativity bias to wake up the next morning and live another day in a highly dangerous world.  However, in our modern day world, we don’t need this high alert survival bent as we once did.  Sure, it’s kept us alive as a species through the ages, however, thankfully most of us have are basic needs of food, shelter, and safety met.  

Gratitude is saying yes to what is good, true, and beautiful—it’s the practice of nurturing hope in our lives.  Sometimes it’s accepting the challenging parts of life that have helped us grow and heal.  It is an intentional practice that sees the often grim reality of life, acknowledges it, accepts it…AND chooses to see life from a higher, more spiritual perspective.  

Today, I want to run through the things that get in the way of a gratitude practice for each Enneagram type. 

Type 1: Perfectionism!!! What a sham! Type Ones have such a high standard for themselves and the world around them, they often miss out on what’s good and right in their lives.  

Type 2: Guilt often clouds gratitude for these nurturing souls.  The feeling that they aren’t doing enough for others or a tendency to carry the weight of the world can be all  consuming.

Type 3: Busyness can distract these success-oriented doers from gratitude.  The constant need to achieve and move things forward will take center stage for Threes if they aren’t consciously aware of their pattern.  

Type 4: Longing for what’s missing tends to derail these sensitive, idealistic people from gratitude.  The melancholy that feels so comfortable becomes a real hinderance as a result. 

Type 5: Scarcity can easily get in the way of Fives as they live out of a place of hyper self-sufficiency that can border on stinginess. 

Type 6: Fear and doubt go neck and neck with gratitude for Sixes.  As great problem solvers, they can often be problem seekers.  

Type 7: Toxic positivity can keep Sevens in a constant state of avoidance of reality.  Though they can seem like the most grateful, they often bypass the whole of true gratitude which is appreciating the light and dark parts of life. 

Type 8: Control and impact can often leave softer concepts like gratitude feeling weak or besides the point.  Their constant forward momentum distracts a grateful heart.  

Type 9: Laziness or numbing when it comes to their own process and development can distract Nines from developing their own gratitude practice (or any practice).  Their constant focus on other people can be a real roadblock.

As we move through the season, consider the things that might get in the way of something so beautiful—so simple—and so powerful…gratitude.  

I Saw the Light (thanks to my mentor)

“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.”
-Steven Spielberg

Hub

This month, we’ll be diving into relationship deeper than we’ve done before. At the root of it all, I believe we have this fiery desire to be seen, known, and accepted as the colorful birds we truly are. Relationship is the hub of this wheel called life and out of it, the spokes of our experience are filtered, tethered, and redeemed.

Heaven

There are countless types of relationships that create meaning and safety in life. This week, we focus on mentoring, the beautiful and life-shaping relationship that has proven invaluable for me. I must also note that I write this from a place of loss and heartache upon just hearing of the unexpected death of a remarkable woman who I had the privilege of working for several years ago, and who has been a beacon of light, joy, and encouragement for countless lives she’s touched. Robin Holland will be remembered in the Mentor’s Hall of Fame, as she surely mastered this selfless role all along the way. Heaven is a much brighter place with her sweet smile and song, embellishing its general splendor.

Align

One of the best words of advice I ever got early on was this: identify the people who inspire you and are doing the work you love and believe in, and then go align with them in some way, directly or indirectly. This has proven so valuable for me in everything I’ve put my mind to, whether music, business, therapy, or writing.

King

Connection is King when thriving is our focus, therefore strategically aligning with mentors who have stood in our footsteps and made it out on the other side victoriously is everything. We talk a lot about “finding our voice” here. I’m so passionate about facilitating this process for others not because I have anything remarkable to say, but because I’ve found my wobbly way by walking in the steady footsteps of mentors who’ve graciously given me courage to spread my wings.

Cover Songs

I like to think of it this way: when we first start to learn an instrument, we typically do so by learning the well-known, beloved songs of others, not by expecting ourselves to create genius out of nothing. I suppose Mozart and a few others were exceptions to the rule, yet I’m pretty aware of my need to stand on the shoulders of giants in order to one day improvise. Singing cover songs gives us confidence and phrasing that mold and eventually nudge us off the ledge, flapping and flailing our wings of authenticity. A good mentor will always stretch us beyond those comfortable, familiar scales and into the original songs we’re meant to sing.

Holes

No matter where we are in our career path or vocation, there is ample opportunity to lean into this beautiful brand of relationship. So what exactly is a mentor? I like Oprah’s simple definition: “A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.” We all need loving mirrors of hope at different times along the way; those who’ve earned the right to poke holes in our story and offer a flashlight in times of darkness. We also tend to get so weighed down by the narrative of our own scarcity and frustration, we forget about the constant opportunity to lighten our load by sowing into someone desperately in need of hope.

Angela

Perhaps John Donne said it best: “No man is an island.” Pride-fueled isolationism is futile. We create and live most fully from a supported, safe place. I make no bones about the fact that I’d be completely lost and in the fetal position of a cold, dark room without the skill, patience, teaching, and opportunities given freely by my mentor, Angela. I’m humbled by her belief in me and beyond grateful for her wisdom and gifting.

Run

Who is your mentor? Are you in a place of transition or confusion as to where you are and where you are going? I’ve been there so many times along the way and know the bleakness of those corners. If today’s post sparked some desire in you for this type of connection, I’d love to help you find this if possible. Also, if you have ideas and insight into this process, please comment below. Loneliness is epidemic in this fast-paced, sprawling world of ours. I deeply desire for this to be a place we discover connection, feed on hope, and run with resilience.

Love & Gratitude,

Katie
xoxo

A Divine Detox

It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.
-Eckhart Tolle

Lent

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the day after Fat Tuesday, or Mardi Gras, and the first day of Lent, a religious observance for many liturgical church traditions.  People are always surprised to learn that Mardi Gras actually started in my hometown of Mobile, AL, not in the famed, bluesy streets of New Orleans.

Jester

Growing up, I had friends who were steeped in the Old South decorum of Mardi Gras. Their dads would dress up in these ridiculous jester costumes and their kitchens overflowed with King Cakes, trash bags full of cheap beaded necklaces and plastic loot for parades— oh and cocktails, there were cocktails for days, namely screwdrivers.

Barbies

I remember spending the night with one particular friend in fifth grade. We stayed up late with the babysitter until she was relieved of her duties by two staggering adults that smelled like booze and looked like tired, aging Barbies in very expensive ball attire.  It was the strangest thing in the world to me.

Our family never bought in.  We’d typically pile into a minivan and skip town, making a 32-hour trek to the magical Rocky Mountains of Colorado for a week of skiing.  (Yes, it was a jaunt. However we were mighty in number and flying got real expensive, real fast. Where’s the fun in that, anyway?)

Space

I always found this idea of Lent very curious.  Basically, like the season of Advent, Lent shares a focus on preparation— creating space in our hearts for what’s to come. Sure, people (often of the female variety) use Lent as an excuse to “give up” chocolate or carbs or what have you in an effort to de-bloat from the excess of the season.  To each his own.  In my observance though, this completely misses the mark and seems a bit self-serving.

Deeper

The tradition of “giving something up” for Lent is far more meaningful when the motive is connected to something greater than me or “I”.  It’s not a diet, it’s not a resolution, it’s not a contest.  I like to call it a Divine Detox; a spiritual cleansing of sorts. I desperately love rituals, and with each passing year,  my inner dork shines a bit brighter with all the bells and whistles I incorporate into my daily routine.  Lent presents this beautiful opportunity to tap into spiritually driven ritual and re-align with that which is unseen yet powerful beyond belief: Perfect Love.  I call that being God, some call it Universe, some call it “fishin’” as Brené Brown wryly recounts about her father.

Noise

Whatever your spiritual beliefs, I think we can all agree that we are far more than just physical beings.  I was reminded of this last week as I witnessed my niece’s grand entrance into this world.  We are spiritual beings through and through, (“spiritual” not “religious”) yet we spend most of our time on the surface, concerned with the physical, structural world.  I believe we do this because it’s the loudest, most overt part of life—the noise of it screams at us all day through portals of social media, consumerism, and materialistic pursuit.  There is obviously nothing wrong with the physical world…I’m in love with its beauty and energy.  However, if we aren’t tethered to something deeper, we dry up and lose touch with presence and purpose.

Detox

Any excuse to solidify truth through ritual is a no-brainer in my book.  In light of this, I want to honor this deeper constancy of spirit in our lives this week in a tangible way.  Creativity springs out of a place of stillness and nothing.  I want to spend less time reacting to noise and more time grounded in presence and possibility.  In celebration of our sacred spiritual selves, I invite you to join me in a bit of a detox.

Kale

Don’t worry, there’s no kale or cayenne pepper involved. (If that’s your thing though, by all means rock it.)  This is a week-long observance of the soul—a cleansing away of unnecessary noise that distracts us from connecting to the awareness of a Loving Presence in all things: in people, in situations, in work, in us.  It’s setting harsh judgement and criticism on the back burner for a minute to explore the life that flows out of their absence.  Our ego, or fear-driven imposters, can take a much needed vacation, those little guys have earned it!

The How

Every day this week, set an alarm on your phone or watch for three different times, perhaps breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  These little breaks can be anywhere from 1-5 minutes.  Make these short so you won’t blow them off.  Take this time to simply connect to the present moment through gratitude.  Write down what you’re grateful for and respond by saying thank you.  Breathe into that gratitude; seal it in.  It’s often much easier to capitalize on the negative and overlook the positive just as we tend to glaringly see our flaws instead of our strengths.  This week, we are going to intentionally look for love in everything and observe what, if anything shifts inside.  I firmly believe it does and will when we declutter our future fears and past grievances.

Bonus

If you’re feeling ambitious and want a bonus, identify something that’s a distracting force and set it aside for a week.  It can be negative self-talk, social media, Netflix, the scale, or video games—whatever creates extra noise and blocks connection.  Don’t worry, you can pick it back up in a matter of days, we’re just experimenting here. 

I’m stoked to hear from you on this so please please email me with some feedback.

Happy Cleansing!

Love & Gratitude,

Katie

xoxo