What piece of advice would you give your 25-year-old self? Sure, she may not have listened, but like any loving parent, you do what you can to steer your children in the right direction.  That head-strong seeker was only doing her best.  And yet today, you have matured into the expansive space  of perspective and more balance.  I know you have a lot to offer your younger, stubborn self.  

Me?  I would have a spirited come-to-Jesus about how to relax into the unknown, one brave and wobbly step at a time.  I’d tell her that having all the answers isn’t half as important as asking honest questions.  

Specifically, I’d love for her to understand what it means to have a growth mindset as opposed to a fixed one.  Less either-or and more both-and.  

As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve been all too familiar with what it means to have a fixed mindset.  You know, the way of thinking that is rigid and narrow.  It’s all about pass or fail, win or lose, good or bad, black and white.  It’s rooted in judgment rather than curiosity.  It’s refusing to take myself on a brisk 20-minute walk because I didn’t have enough time to do my hour-long high intensity workout.  

Here’s another example. You have your 6-month review at work.  Your boss gives you high marks in several areas but points out one specific necessary improvement in your performance on a big project.  A fixed mindset self-criticizes, labeling your performance as a failure.  A fixed mindset disregards the praise and zeros in on the area of improvement.   

A growth mindset celebrates the positive feedback and understands the value of constructive criticism for future success.  A growth mindset sees  life as a slew of peaks and valleys all leading to necessary learning and expansion.  It looks at life as an experiment, not a performance.

A growth mindset is the petri dish that breeds resilience.  A fixed approach creates inflexibility, closing us off from abundance and opportunity.  This  isn’t  about  glossing  over  reality.  It’s about softening your approach to  the inevitable ebbs and flow of life, and enjoying yourself a bit more along the way.

Spend some time this week pondering this:

What area of your life could you stand to soften into?  Is it your relationship  with food, your body, parenting, or work?  Is it your self-care?  Whatever it may be, I believe a great way to find out is to pay attention to our self-talk, that often nagging inner critic that rages on, involuntarily.   

Write it all down. 

I love what Tara Mohr says, “where we think we need more self-discipline,  we usually need more self-love.”